Playing…playing…playing… As my right hand was getting every string , my left hand was gripping onto the light bow as it swung back and forth in different strings. I was rather pressing hard on the string with the bow so the song I was playing sounded very profound. I was too concentrated in the song I didn’t hear a knock on my door. I knew exactly who it was and I did not want to let them in. I ignored the constant knocking and continued playing rather harshly. My eyes instantly darted from the strings on my violin to my door opening; my mother’s expression full of angriness and irritation. I halted my song playing before setting the bow down to my side as well as my violin. 

     “Yes, mother?”

     “I kept knocking and knocking! Why wouldn’t you open?” As she was telling me this, her arms were flying everywhere, almost as if she wanted to slap me. I looked into her eyes before looking down at my bow.

     “Well, I was practicing,” I said, looking up at her once again,”don’t you want me to win the competition?” With that, my mother didn’t say anything and continued looking at me sternly.

     “That is right, Youngjae-ah…but that doesn’t mean you should ignore your mother,” she said before shaking her head in disbelief and shutting the door as she walked out. I rolled my eyes at the door before sighing heavily and setting the violin back under my jaw. I picked up my bow before setting it on one of the strings and beginning to play another song. A more deeper song…one that would be played in those tragic stories or when someone would get killed. I knew so many of those types of songs; I don’t think I knew a lot of happy songs, to be honest. It started off really slow and as I was playing, I closed my eyes, feeling the sound go through me. I soon began to play a little bit more faster on some notes. It was on and off when I would play this song; it would be fast on some parts then slow in the next. My eyes were still closed, and all I could see was pure black. I never really did try to imagine images or anything of that because I just didn’t want to. But when I would, it would always lead to something frightening and I always would open my eyes quickly before halting my playing. You could say I was trying very hard not to imagine anything when playing any song. I continued playing the saddening song with my eyes still closed. My bow was moving so swiftly from one string to another as if I wasn’t even moving it. The same thing went to my right hand which sometimes made me amazed at how I was able to do this…to play this…when I didn’t even want to…

     “I don’t want to learn the violin!”

     “You are going to listen to me! You WILL learn it and that is final!”

     “I don’t want to learn it!” SLAP! The little boy had his eyes widened as he looked up at his mother…his cruel mother. She was breathing heavily and as she looked from her hand to her one and only son, she shook her head.

     “You better stop this, Youngjae-ah. You are not a little baby anymore. You’re a grown boy now,” the mother said as she sternly looked at the teary-eyed boy. He placed his small little palm onto the red patch on his cheek, feeling a small sting which got him to jump a little. The mother only looked at him before walking passed him. She shut his room door and as he heard the lock sound, he began to sob softly. He went down on his knees before cupping his face on his hands. He continued sobbing and sobbing until the moon had begun to show. And as the moon was slowly emerging from its sleep, the boy looked up at it. He looked at it for a good few minutes before wiping the tears away. He stood up from the hard floor before making his way to the window. As he continued looking up at the moon, the boy began to draw little imaginary pictures on the sky. 

     “I don’t want to learn the violin…” he continued making random images,”…I don’t like you…mom…”

     I quickly opened my eyes before stopping the song I was playing. All I could feel at the moment was my own sweat beginning to form on my forehead and I didn’t like it. I took in a deep breath before setting my violin along with the bow on my bed and sitting right next to it. I rubbed both of my eyes with my hands before shaking my head a few times. This is why I didn’t like imagining stuff when playing the violin with my eyes closed; it always led to remembering my horrid past. Reminiscing on the disgusting memories that, sadly, I was in. Most of my images were with my mother. Since my father was always busy with his stupid job, I was always with my mother. I would do everything for her and what she would tell me. I still do that. I rubbed my eyes again before looking over at my violin. “You stupid piece of ,” I said as I suddenly grabbed it and glared at it. “I ing hate you.” I tightly gripped onto the neck, as if I was going to choke it to death. “I ing hate everything about you.” At that moment, I wanted to break the violin. I wanted to break it so much and just scream at it until my chest would begin to hurt. “My life is a living hell because of you,” I said as I soon grabbed the bow. I looked at the two items held by my hands. I continued glaring at them both. “You guys ruin everything.” 

     Dinner was prepared and I slowly headed down to the kitchen to find my mother and father waiting at the table. As I entered and sat on my chair silently, my mother began to serve my plate. I looked over to my father who was too busy serving himself. When I heard a small clatter of the plate touching the table, I looked at my mother before thanking her. She didn’t say anything and just continued to serve herself right after. We did our prayers before beginning to eat. As soon as we finished, I grabbed my metal chopsticks and began to slowly eat my dinner. It was quiet…very quiet…as always. These family dinners were never the greatest at all; I preferred to eat alone or with Yoona noona rather than with my parents.

     “I heard you secretly left home,” my father suddenly bursted out. I widened my eyes before looking up at him, gulping the food I was chewing, and staying silent. How did he find out? I mean, no one had a clue! Noona was supposed to keep it a secret! Did she accidentally tell them? I mean, right after I had came through the window that night, nothing had happened and my mother acted as if she didn’t notice I was gone! My father was in his study room, too! “Answer me, Youngjae.” I was scared. I didn’t know what to tell my father. Should I lie? What would I say, though? I picked at my food a little while still looking at my father. I could tell he was beginning to get ready to yell at me. “I’m going to say this one more time…you better answer me, Youngjae-ah.” I wanted to run away at that moment. I wanted to just get up and leave right out the door. I blinked my eyes for a few seconds before breathing in slowly.

     “Where did…you hear that?”

     “Don’t play dumb with me, Youngjae-ah. Did you really leave home?” I shook my head slowly. 

     Then…everything went bizarre. My father slammed his utensils down on the table before pointing a finger at me.

     “Don’t ing lie to me,” he cried. I just continued looking at him. “Answer me!”

     “I didn’t leave home!” At that point, I was standing up and breathing rather heavily. My father soon began to glare at me before shaking his head.

     “You’re lying.”

     “I’m not lying,” I said nonchalantly. “I didn’t leave home.” Soon enough, my mother stood up and grabbed me by the shoulders to turn me. I looked into her eyes and all I could see at that moment was pure enragement.

     “Youngjae-ah…you’re lying,” she said. I shook my head.

     “I di-“

     “Stop it! I was home all day and throughout the day, you never came down to eat or anything! So I decided to bring you something, but when I went into your room…you weren’t there!” I just wanted to yell at them both because they were making such a big deal out of this. Of course, though, I was too scared to do that. “You have disappointed me and your father,” my mother said as she shook her head in disbelief. “You should be ashamed of yourself.” I didn’t say anything after she had said that. Soon after, my mother made me sit back down to continue eating as if nothing had happened a few seconds ago. Not only did it feel quiet, but…bitter as well. 

     “What the hell are we going to do with you,” my father questioned as he ate angrily. “It must have been that boy you hang out with that made you into this…this state of being right now.” I gritted my teeth and tightened my hold on my chopsticks. “We might have to switch you to another school.” I didn’t say anything. “Answer me, Youngjae-ah.”

     “I don’t want to switch schools.”

     “You’re going to have to if you keep acting like this.”

     “Then if I stop, can I stay?”

     “I don’t know. Can we trust you?”

     “I’ll stop if you let me stay,” I concluded and gazed at my father. My mother had decided to keep quiet during this whole conversation and continued eating. My father stopped eating and had set his utensils down before interlocking his hands. 

     “You’ll stop being with that boy?” 

     “Yes.” I don’t want to.

     “What is that boy’s name?” My mother had finally decided to barge into the conversation. I averted my gaze at her, but kept silent. Her facial expression was filled with annoyance and anger. “What’s his name, Youngjae-ah?” I didn’t want to tell them; I honestly didn’t want to bring Daehyun into this, but I think I had already done that. “Why won’t you tell us his name? Are you trying to hide him or something?” Now, both of my parents were looking at me as if I had done something very wrong.

     “No, but…”

     “Then why can’t you tell us?”

     “Because I know you’re going to do something to him!” I had finally let it out. Both of my parents looked at each other in bewilderment before they turned back to look at me. My mother furrowed her eyebrows and leaned a little forward to me. I could tell she was analyzing me from top to bottom from the way her eyes were moving.

     “Youngjae-ah…” I just knew what she was going to ask me. “Are you…?” I had let out a sigh before shaking my head.

     “I’m not gay! Why are you assuming that? Just because I don’t want to tell you his name? God, everything I do and say makes you think I’m gay, right? Do you not ever listen when I state that I’m not gay. I’m not gay, mom! I’m not so stop assuming that I am! It’s so annoying and pretty sad that you would keep thinking that about me!” 

     “I’m just scared, okay? I’m scared you will become gay! I don’t want you to be gay because then everyone will start looking down on you and us! They will think we’re weak and I don’t want that to happen!”

     “Honey, calm down,” my father said, standing up and grabbing my mother’s arm gently. “Youngjae just said he wasn’t…gay…so you don’t need to worry.” At that moment, my mother began to cry and I wanted to roll my eyes at her condition. My father then looked over at me before saying, “Youngjae, just go back to your room. I’ll take care of your mother.” I hadn’t said anything and instantly walked out of the dining room. 

     That night, I practiced on my violin…trying to let out all the anger that was inside me. 

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A pretty short chapter OTL I'm currently working on chapter 17 and I 100% know that it will be longer than this chapter. But, besides that, here's some drama? Tbh idk what to state this as XD Just a serious conversation, you know~ Okay! Bye-bye! ^^