Chapter 3

It's Not Enough That I Know

“Pretty romantic of Jongin!” Lay exclaimed.

“Yeah, it was like it happened yesterday,” Kyungsoo responded.

“So, you became boyfriends, and what happened next?”

“Well, the news of Jongin having a boyfriend spread throughout campus and honestly many were disappointed. There was even an article in our school publication about me being a , an and Mr. I-Seduced-Jongin. I never thought that having a relationship with a famous guy in school would create such hysteria,” Kyungsoo said. “But, Jongin will always comfort me and make me get stronger for our relationship and for him which I would always do!” He added.

“And then, when did you have your first fight as a couple?”

“Our first fight, wait………..”

“Ah! Our first fight ….?” Kyungsoo laughed. “It was because of my insecurities… really,”

“Tell me more,” Lay requested.

“I was going to see him in his dance studio after my class, well it was really like a routine for me, but on that particular day, I saw him with other girls, he was smiling and I felt that he was really happy, so my mind began thinking all the negativities. I never proceeded to get nearer and I hurriedly turned back and walked away to our dorm,”

~~~~~

“I’m here!” Jongin announced and went to their room where Kyungsoo was watching television and kissed him.

“Hyung, I had a great day, our dance instructor said that I really did well and if I will continue to strive hard, I will be one of the students that will be …” Jongin stopped as he felt Kyungsoo’s arms embracing him from behind.

“Jongin, do you really love me?” Kyungsoo asked.

“Why did you ask that? Do you not know…?  I love you hyung! I really do,” Jongin let out a little chuckle but when he looked at Soo’s face he knew something was off. “Hyung, what’s the problem?”

“Are you happy with me?” Kyungsoo asked again.

“Like yes! What’s with you?”

“Jongin, are you still mine?

“Hyung, what’s wrong?” Jongin then felt the wetness of his shirt. Jongin turned about and saw a weeping Kyungsoo.

“I said it before hyung, I really love you, I am yours and yours only!” Jongin then kissed Kyungsoo affirming his statement.

~~~~~

“That’s not a fight! I mean a fight, you cried, he cried, he shouted at you and you shouted at him or worse you stayed out for days,”

“Well, I thought that counted?” Kyungsoo shrugged.

Nope that did not count! It was simply your corny insecurities,” Lay laughed.

“Okay, okay…”

“So we had our first real fight, I guess it was two weeks after that incident with me,” Kyungsoo said.

“The Dance club of the school, which Jongin is a member, joined in an inter-school competition, I was there of course to show my support to Jongin and to the school and apparently his ex-girlfriend was there too, Jongin and the rest of the Dance Company was declared the winner at the end and at the awarding ceremony, Jongin gave a Thank You speech, then his former girlfriend went up in the stage and kissed him in front of the crowd, then I saw him kiss her back,”

“Kiss her back? I mean couldn’t it be that you are really, really jealous at that time?” Lay asked.

“I don’t know, my eyes were out of control, it burst with tears immediately, my heart stopped beating, really for real! I was in a state of shock and pain and more pain at that time. I was not hurt when his former girlfriend kissed him; I was hurt when I saw Jongin kissed her back the way he kissed me. I walked away, crying and not minding the people, I practically felt that I was the only one in the world, or is there a world, no one really noticed me and I also did not notice them. Not even Jongin noticed my pain, he was busy being a star and being in the limelight that he forgot about me who stands in the dark for him.” Kyungsoo narrated.

“I came home crying, the taxi driver that brought me home fortunately did not interview me for the reason. I was really in pain at that moment. I felt knives stabbing my heart. I went to our room then sat in a corner and cried and cried and cried till my heart was all out,” Kyungsoo continued.

~~~~~

 “Hyung, I’m home! Why did you leave so early hyung? We had a victory party after, you should have come,” Jongin declared as he got in their dorm they share. “Hyung?” Jongin went to the room and saw a crying Kyungsoo.

“Tell me honestly Jongin, do you still love me? Let me rephrase it, did you ever love me?”

“Hyung, we’re already through about this, I love you hyung and it’s for real, it’s really true,” Jongin explained.

“Tell me the truth Jongin! I only want the truth Jongin,” Kyungsoo shouted.

“Is this about her kiss, it was really nothing hyung!”

“It was not about her kiss, it was about your kiss! It was about how you kissed her!” Kyungsoo lowered his tone. “So….. now Jongin, tell me it’s nothing, tell me!” Kyungsoo raised his voice once again!

“Hyung, it’s not what you’re thinking,” Jongin held Kyungsoo’s shoulders but Kyungsoo quickly shunned it away.

“So what is it Jongin? Just tell if I’m not enough, please tell me now,”

“Hyung, I love you, you are more than enough, and it’s not what you’re thinking. It was just a stage kiss! I can’t shun her away in front of those people, I’ll looked the bad guy,”

“Jongin? That means……. so you sacrificed my feelings for your image?”

“No, it’s not like that hyung,”

“Everything points to that Jongin, maybe I am not good enough for a famous campus guy, and maybe Do Kyungsoo isn’t just for Kim Jongin,”

“Hyung, you know that you are more than enough for me, you know that, you know that my love for you is greater than anything!”

“It’s not enough that I know, you were showing me things but now you’re all telling me that your being famous and all is more important.” Kyung said. “Thank you for being honest with me Jongin.”

“Fine! If you think that you’re not for me then think about that way! Here we go again with your insecurities and your distrust!” Jongin raised his tone!

“I hope this is just about my insecurities, I saw it Jongin, with my two eyes, I saw the way you kissed back, and that made my heart broke to shards!”Kyungsoo walked out, opened the door and ran away as fast as he can, he went to the park near the dormitory to think and refresh his mind!

~~~~~

“Then, how did the two of you make up with that fight?” Yixing asked.

“I was sitting and crying in one of the park’s benches, it was really cold and I forgot to even bring my jacket. Apparently, he knew where I would go, so he followed me there,” Kyungsoo answered.

“Jongin really is a heck of a guy!”

“Yeah! I bet he really is,” Kyungsoo said with a smile grin.

~~~~~

Kyungsoo sees Jongin and quickly changed the direction of his vision, he intends to give Jongin a silent treatment, he just needs time to think and be alone for a while. But still Jongin, approaches with a saddened look in his eyes which Kyungsoo noticed.

“Hyung, look at me!” Jongin knelt in front of Kyungsoo and holding Kyungsoo’s hands. “All of the things that happened there are not real, you know what’s real, this is real,” Jongin held Kyungsoo’s hands firmly and made it touch his chest. “This is the real thing hyung, nothing else. I love you more than anyone and I hope you still love me as much,”

“I’m so sorry hyung, if I made you cry. I am sorry if I made you feel that you are second important and sorry if I yelled at you,” Jongin added.

“I am sorry for my childish behavior, I should’ve been more considerate,” Kyungsoo apologized.

“Are we okay? Please come back home with me! It gets very lonely when you are not there and my heart is not at ease when I know you’re angry with me. Come home with me?” Jongin pleaded.

Kyungsoo nods, “Let’s go, it’s quite cold out here,” Kyungsoo stood; Jongin wrapped his left arm in Kyungsoo’s shoulders and let Kyungsoo’s head rest in his broad shoulders.

~~~~~

“Jongin really loves you!” Lay said.

“I should say, he really loves me, he really is in love with me!” Kyungsoo affirmed Yixing’s statement with a teary eye.