Reappearing doubts were troubling Yongguk’s mind. Maybe it had been the wrong decision to become an idol in the first place. Maybe he had made the wrong decision all along. The last thing he had wanted was for it all to end this way. Maybe if he had noticed earlier that something was wrong, maybe if he had approached them sooner, it wouldn’t have come this far. But know there was no turning back. They had made their choice to leave and at least he knew that this had been the right one. There was no way that it could go on like this and they all were when different in personality similar when it came to their way of thinking. They could not be a band that tried to get a message to their fans and live against that message. It was not their way of doing thinks, so when it came to making their choice, it had been made rapidly and without much discord between them.  But despite that constant fears and worries seemed to haunt him. He tried to keep them out of his mind by meeting up with everyone he had neglected during his busy time being an idol but on a day like that when he was alone and only surrounded by music and white papers waiting for him to be filled with lyrics he just couldn’t keep them away. He had never been an optimist, but rather a person who saw the world as a dark and cruel place and he had often do deal with his mind that was telling him he could have done better, he could be a better person for this world and it had been Himchan who had changed him from a scary perfectionist to a leader who could just watched his younger members and smile at whatever they were doing. It had always been Himchan who was reassuring him that he made the right choices. When he was together with the members he had always hoped for some time alone and on his own and now that he had some he actually felt lonely. He wanted Himchan to bark into the room and tell him how late it was and that he should rather go to bet. He could imagine it in every detail in his mind. His frown, the way he squished his eyes to see him in the dimly illuminated room, the nagging tone in his voice. He grabbed his phone because he wanted to hear his voice but then he remembered how late it was and that Himchan would probably be asleep and he did not want to wake him up.

They had a group chat that they all used together and Yongguk played with the thought to write something in there but as he opened the chat he had no idea what to type and closed it again. It was mostly used by Daehyun and Youngjae with some input of Himchan and all he ever did was reading their senseless conversation and always find himself smiling but he just answered questions that were directly addressed to him and even that mostly hours later because he had not paid attention to what was written in there on time.

He had been starring at his phone thinking for such a long time that he startled up as it started to ring and vibrate in his hand. It was Himchan’s name that appeared on the display and Yongguk wondered for a moment if he had somehow known that Yongguk wanted to talk to him, if something as soulmates really existed before actually answering the phone.

“Hey, Bang! What are you doing?” he heard Himchan asking as soon as he put the phone to his ear.

“Nothing much,” he told him.

“Boring,” Himchan commented.

“I wanted to call you, too but I thought you would be sleeping and did not want to wake you up,” he told him.

“You’re wrong Bang, you can always call. Yes I love to sleep. I won’t deny that, but I totally understand that there are things that are more important than that,” he said his tone lively and hyper. Yongguk wondered if he had anything to drink. He was on vacation in Japan and it was the middle of the night after all.

“Thanks,” he answered.

“It’s nice to know that you got my back,” he told him wondering if Himchan would even remember what they had talked about the next morning since couldn’t handle alcohol well and just rarely drank at all.

“You’re wrong again, Bang,” Himchan told him.

“Why?” he asked.

“You got five persons that got your back.” It was always Himchan that could make all his doubts disappear with something he said and Yongguk just hoped that no matter what hardship they would face in their career that was the one thing that would never change.

Author’s note: This is the last story of this drabble collection. With BAP nullifying their contract there is just not much inspiration to keep this up. If BAP start anew I’m probably going to start something else quite like this again but I don’t want you to wait for an update that is not going to come. Thank you for all the nice and motivating comments so far. And thank you for reading.  JusticeforBAP