I watched Hyukjae empty the last content of his stomach. Seems like he isn´t used to eating this much, that´s why he feels bad, right? Maybe I should have given him just the cupcake and not force him to eat the rest of the food. It wasn´t very palatable anyway. But when I came to the cafeteria today I had to find the red head because I was very worried. He left my house in a hurry on Saturday and not in a very good shape, and I didn´t know where he lived nor his number so I couldn´t make sure he was alright. And then, when I noticed him sitting in the corner looking like a zombie, wondering whether he should eat the food or not, I decided to act. I went and stole a strawberry cupcake from a random girl. I needed to feed the guy. What I didn´t expect was that he would vomit right away. I felt somehow guilty about that.

"I´m sorry," Hyukjae then forced out a few words. I realised that he was crying and that he felt even sadder about the fact that he lost the precious cupcake. He looked like a mess and people started gathering around, curious about the situation. I decided to take him somewhere calmer.

"C´mon, stand up. Let´s wash you up a bit," I pulled him on his legs and pushed him towards the sink. But then Hyukjae froze and didn´t want to go near it. What the hell? He needs to clean himself a bit. The red head was looking down on his feet, the pose kind of familiar already. And then something hit me. It was the mirror, wasn´t it? Hyukjae seems to be avoiding mirrors. I wasn´t sure about this idea but I had no time to wonder now. The doors to the bathroom were already full of nosey students.

  "Close your eyes, I´ll guide you," I said quietly. And to my surprise Hyukjae just nodded, probably embarrassed that I guessed the problem already. So I pulled him towards the sink and started the water. Hyukjae blindly washed himself and rinsed his mouth thoroughly. Then he brought out his hand for me to guide him back again. The whole situation would seem funny or even comical, if the matter wasn´t this serious. I learnt that the read head had some really great issues going on with him. I didn´t know what to think about my new discovery and decided to postpone thinking about it until we are out of here.

When we were finally out of the bathroom, Hyukjae decided it was enough for today and wanted to leave. There was no way I would let him go though.

"Where are you going, idiot?" I said a bit angry. Hyukjae turned around and, for the first time since we were sitting in the cafeteria, looked me in the eyes. There was this threatening and frightening darkness. I had goose bumps just from his cold stare and hearing his voice didn´t help a bit.

"Home, apparently," he answered annoyed in a low voice but still his face was showing only a huge exhaustion. Then he closed his eyes and sighed a bit. He relaxed his muscles, as if he was fighting back the urge to say something nasty to me. I waited. "Look, I don´t want to be rude because you were nothing but kind towards me," he slowly opened his eyes again with an expression much gentler than before, "but right now it will be better, if you leave me alone, Donghae."

"If you meet me in the park at seven, I´ll let you go now," I answered firmly, using the opportunity when he didn´t look so scary. Hyukjae interrupted the contact and looked to the side. But he sighed again afterwards and nodded his head. Then he turned around and disappeared in the crowds who parted for him just like the Red sea.

Why did I ask him to meet me later? I told you that I decided to find the answers to my questions, right? I´m not letting Lee Hyukjae go, until I find everything about him. The boy is a total mystery to the whole school including the teachers. No one knows where he lives, what are his hobbies or anything about his family. Some people say that he´s an orphan, some even say that he killed his parents himself. Sounds like nonsense to me. It´s true, that Hyukjae has this dark aura surrounding him but for a serial killer he looks too cute and eats too many sweets. And well, if he didn´t have any parents, why would he run away from home almost every day? I bet they simply fight often. I´ll make sure to find out tonight, hehe.

______________________

The time on my phone was showing seven thirty but Hyukjae was still nowhere to be seen. I was sitting on the bench near the entrance of the park where I met Hyukjae for the first time. I made sure he would be able to see me easily and sat under the lamp. It was becoming cold and I tightened the scarf around my neck. My cold fingers were holding a small white box. Yes, I bought him another cupcake. All this time I kept thinking why the hell do I behave like an idiot these days? I´m freezing here just to give a dessert to a skinny freak. When I´m finished with this ing mystery, I´m going to find again my top dog image.

I was about to leave when I noticed someone entering the park. The person had only thin long sleeved shirt and tight jeans which made him look even skinnier than he already was. I waved at him so he would hurry and Hyukjae surprisingly increased his pace.

"I knew you would do this," I said first thing when he came closer. He looked at me questioningly before I started pulling out the sweater I tied around my hips. Hyukjae didn´t get any chance to retort when my black sweater was pushed over his head. I prepared the sweater especially for this baby that never wears enough clothing. Hyukjae decided to not fight back and quietly sat down next to me, warmly wrapped in my clothes.

We sat there in silence for a few minutes when I remembered the cupcake. I handed it to the redhead who took the box and slowly opened it. Here we go again, that unforgettable face of a child during Christmas present unwrapping. Hyukjae bit his lip and stared at the strawberry cupcake with a delighted expression. I expected him to inhale the dessert in a lighting speed as always but something absolutely unexpected happened instead. Hyukjae began sobbing, small salted tears escaping his beautiful almond eyes. I was startled by his reaction and didn´t know what to do. Did I offend him by any chance?

"Donghae, you´re such an idiot, really," Hyukjae sniffled. Idiot? He called me idiot? This jerk, I buy him a cupcake and he instead of thanking insults me! I looked at him to start swearing but stopped immediately. The red head was holding the pink dessert in one hand and wiping his tears with his other hand. His eyes were closed but his mouth was crooked into a little smile. No scratch that, compared to his usual poor excuse of a happy face it was a big smile. So he was simply happy? Alright then, I´m okay with being an idiot for a while.

"Okay, what do you want?" Hyukjae breathed out and started tasting the cupcake.

"I want to know everything," I went straight to the issue.

"Everything about what?" Hyukjae asked with his mouth full of the cake and cheeks looking like squirrel´s.

"You of course, the biggest mystery ever! I want to be the first and the only one to know about you! I want to know why you are so scared of mirrors and why you never seem to eat, sleep or talk to anyone. Where do you live and what do you like to do. I have to know," I told him seriously. Hyukjae only sighed finishing the rest of the pink stuff.

"Why do you have to know? And also why do you think I would allow you to know? I´m not an idol or even someone special for you to go and dig out every single information about me. There are many things I don´t want people to know, and especially I don´t want to tell my secrets to you so you could merely brag about them. Don´t take me for a fool. I´m disappointed, Donghae," Hyukjae told me in a quiet voice.

He didn´t sound rude or annoyed, it was as if he simply wanted me to understand. To let him live his pitiful live by himself. But Hyukjae was totally right in one thing. I only thought of myself and how great it would be to be the only one befriending the school´s freak. I would be the only one that´s not scared of him because I would know the truth about him. The truth that surely isn´t frightening in reality. But I´ve never tried to look at it from Hyukjae´s point of view. It makes sense that he wouldn´t want anyone to know his true self for such a selfish reason. Also Hyukjae doesn´t have any friends and I´m trying to use his loneliness for my own profit. Oh, how ashamed I feel. Ugh! I hid my face in my hands.

"But you see, I´m very thankful for what you´ve done for me," Hyukjae added, aware of my apparent embarrassment. I bit my lip a bit happy by the fact that he finally thanked me. Wait, he doesn´t think I cared for him only to get the information out of him, does he?

"Just so you know, I didn´t help you out to make you tell me. I really felt like doing something nice for you," I hurried to say so he wouldn´t misunderstand. Hyukjae blushed and turned his head away but it was too late, I already caught him blushing. He must not be used to hearing praises because when I say something like that, he always loses his footing. Interesting, I won´t forget this fact.

Well, looks like it´s possible to collect knowledge about Hyukjae personally and it´s more fun anyway. There´s no need to force him, I can sneak it out little by little, hmm? Okay, new mission! I´ll find out everything myself but I won´t tell anyone. If I did, I would disappoint the red head even more and for some strange reason, this is the last thing I would want to do.

"I´ll manage by myself from now on so you don´t have to care anymore, okay? I´m going back home, it´s already dark," Hyukjae stood up after his blunt statement. Trying to destroy my new resolution, Lee Hyukjae? No way! I fished a small piece of paper from my pocket I too prepared beforehand.

"You have no say in this matter. If I want to help you, I´ll just do it. And here´s my number, when you get home, call me so I have yours. Don´t even think of not doing it or I´m going to make a big fuss at school tomorr-"

"Fine! I´ll call you!" Hyukjae couldn´t take it anymore. He grabbed the small paper with my number and jogged out of the park. He didn´t say goodbye nor turned around.

I didn´t find out what I wanted and the whole meeting didn´t really go well today. I felt bad for many things and also sad. Hyukjae doesn´t want me in his world. He doesn´t want anyone there and I was scared than he would start avoiding me from now on. A small hope appeared later that night, though.

Unknown number: I´ll return the sweater tomorrow.

______________

The next few days were about me following Hyukjae and Hyukjae doing his best ignoring me. It was to the extent that rumours started going around our school that I´m courting Hyukjae. The idea was pretty funny to me but the red head thought otherwise. I was amazed how the boy manages to keep that cold poker face all the time. The only way to destroy that still expression was to embarrass him, or more precisely compliment him. Then he would blush like a teenage girl or hide his face from me. It was cute and I did my best to see him like that as often as possible. However those were still rare occasions. I haven´t seen him smile since the night in the park and taking out two times I caught him crying again, he was perfectly unreadable.

Our online communication was even worse. The first text he sent me was the last too. Our chat was clearly just my monologue created by the messages I sent him. But I was persistent and didn´t want to give up. I kept sending him ´good morning´s and ´good night´s or just random things I had on my mind. He read them all, usually not long after I sent them, but never replied. It was like that for a long time before another text from Hyukjae came on one Saturday evening. A message that changed our fates forever.

Sugar addicted weirdo: Are you free? Need help. I´ll send you my address. H.

It took me three minutes to take in that Hyukjae send me a text, a minute to gain a bad feeling and twenty seconds to prepare and leave in the direction of Hyukjae´s house.

When I arrived on the address, I opened my mouth wide. The house, rather villa, was impossibly huge and modern. Everything looked luxurious and when I came to the main door I hesitated. What should I do? What if his parents open the door or even their butler? I didn´t know what to say to them but my troubles were solved when I leaned on the doors. They were opened! Hyukjae must have left them open for me. I slowly came inside and closed the entrance door behind me. The inside of the house looked as expensive and luxurious as outside. I wanted to study the place a bit more when I heard some screaming. And not just any but Hyukjae´s screams. I didn´t wait anymore and ran after the voice.

"Shut up, shut up, shut up! Eunhyuk ing shut up already!" ... "No, I´m not! You are the here, stop it!" ... "I said stop it, Eunhyuk!"

I kept hearing Hyukjae fight with this Eunhyuk guy while I was getting near. I opened the door of something I believed was Hyukjae´s room and then I froze. Here he was, sitting on the ground crouched into a small ball. He was crying and it looked as if he was cursing somebody but there was no one in the room! Nobody except for me and the red head. But then I noticed something else, something that made me feel almost nauseous. There was blood on the ground and when I looked for the source of it, the clues went to Hyukjae.

"Hyukjae?!" I yelled and he finally noticed me. He turned to me and wiped his teary face. That´s how I found where exactly he was bleeding. His hands were full of blood and he held them in the air in a pretty awkward position.

"Oh, you´re really h-here? I´m sorry, i-it´s just that I hurt myself and can´t do some things by myself," he looked at me apologetically and I was stunned by his sudden calmness. I ran to him and carefully brought his hurt hands into mine.

"It´s not as bad as it looks like. I cut myself when I fell on a broken glass but my parents aren´t at home and I didn´t know whom else to call, I´m really sorry," Hyukjae whispered and hissed a bit when I touched one of the wounds.

"Don´t apologise, of course I would help you, idiot. But Hyukjae, who is Eunhyuk?" I asked him and pulled him up and into the bathroom. Hyukjae looked shocked by that and I was almost one hundred percent sure that he wouldn´t answer. But Hyukjae just had to be this unpredictable.

"Monster. He´s a monster, Donghae."

______________________

The secret is out! :) Now what will Donghae think? I´m not in a very good mood these days so I´m a bit harsh on Hyukjae for that. If I don´t manage to save myself, I don´t know what will happen to Hyukkie. :F

Congrats SJ-M for the first Chinese music program award! Random SJ stuff:

WHO IS YOUR FAVOURITE BOY GROUP?
Nichkhun: Super Junior
Host: Why?
Nichkhun: Because they are funny, nice & kind. In general they are great sunbae!
(Minho of SHINee nod & say)
Minho: Among the sunbaes they are my favourite, they are not like other sunbaes that intimidate & bully hoobaes. They are like real hyungs who will support & teach you the right entertainment. (full smile)
Nichkhun & Minho: They are our mentor & inspirations.