It was almost six o´clock, Friday evening, and I still didn´t have any idea why the hell did I invite Hyukjae over. To tell the truth, it wasn´t my intention at first. I went to sit with him during the lunch break because I wanted to show him that I´m not intimidated by him. I wanted to make sure I was still the top dog, you know. It might have been childish but I simply went to annoy him. I wanted to steal his lunch but I came late. He had already left the food but I had to proceed with my plan. Hyukjae powerlessly watched me inhale his meal. The problem came when I realised that he had eaten too little and overall he looked kind of bad. His face was white, even whiter than usual, he had terrible dark circles and it seemed as if he was hurt because he moved very carefully. I don´t really understand why but I got worried. I saw the dessert and wondered how should I force him to at least eat that, but to my surprise he reacted to my stare. It was the first time I saw him acting like this. He grabbed the pudding and stuffed his mouth and then blushed so hard that I thought he would catch on fire. Cute. And since then I don´t really remember much. I asked him to meet up and ran away. But he accepted! And what am I supposed to do now?!

As I was still in the panicked mode, the bell rang signalling Hyukjae´s arrival. I heard many footsteps rushing to the door and welcoming the guest. I should go down and help him out. Hyukjae is a bit on the introverted side and having to interact with my noisy family must be pretty hard on him. Well, it´s his problem, he wanted to come! My stubborn nature kicked in to help me out of this stressing situation. I felt angry and annoyed and I was pretty sure that Hyukjae would instantly become the target of my bad mood the second he arrives. Weak knocking on my door.

"Come in!" I grumbled but the doors stayed closed. I was about to yell again, my bad temper taking the best out of me, when the handle slowly clicked. Long fingers then appeared in the small crack and after them bloody red mop of hair. After some more hesitating and eating up my patience, Hyukjae finally decided to step in.

He kept looking at his socks clad feet so I couldn´t really see his face. But I noticed that he was yet again shaking from the cold. He left his house only in a huge sweater, which made him look cute but definitely wasn´t warm. Simple black jeans were hugging his long and slim legs and he was nervously clutching his backpack in his hands. If only he could put it on his back, so he would arrive in better state. I sighed, my anger long forgotten.

"Don´t stand there like a pole. Sit down and I´ll bring you something warm to drink," I told him dejected. This guy is so unpredictable.

I went past him and disappeared in the hallway. When I arrived to the kitchen, I was suddenly captured by my sisters. Both trying to get some information about Hyukjae. Seem like the guy is pretty popular among girls because Amber isn´t the type to get easily interested. I was answering half-heartedly to their questions. First, I was focusing on my task to make something warm quickly before that icicle upstairs faints or something. And second, I honestly didn´t know anything about Hyukjae. That´s why I was so confused when I invited him for the second time, the red head isn´t really friendly or more so socialising. I decided to put a bit more sugar to Hyukjae´s cup of hot chocolate and kicking my sisters out of the way, I went back upstairs.

When I arrived, Hyukjae was seated on my bed his back against the wall. His long fingers were knitted together on his lap and he was leaning backwards, revealing his long white neck. His eyes were covered by the red bangs but I could still tell that he had them closed. His mouth was slightly open and a deep sigh escaped his blue lips. I wondered what was bothering his mind so much but those blue lips made me remember the hot drinks in my hand. I closed the door behind me and Hyukjae finally noticed my presence. His almond eyes focused first on me but then fell on the mug full of hot chocolate. Here we go again, that face!

"You like chocolate?" I asked although I knew the answer already.

"Um, yeah," Hyukjae answered but his eyes never left the sugary treat. I laughed and handed him his mug. His cold fingers brushed against mine and I almost dropped the cup. How can someone be so cold and still alive?!

I sat on the chair opposite to the bed and sipped a bit from my own drink. It was still too hot so I opted for studying the alien sitting on my bed. Hyukjae seemed happy but as always his expression didn´t show anything. I was very disappointed by that fact. I should have put some whipped cream and topping on the chocolate and then I would maybe get the same reaction as yesterday.

"Are you in a good mood, Hyukjae?" I asked. I was too tired of guessing already. He raised his head and looked somehow puzzled, as if it was obvious. But it wasn´t!

"Yeah, I am. Honestly I´m happy right now. The chocolate is awesome too," he answered. But why doesn´t it show? It´s as if he was afraid to be happy or something but that´s nonsense, isn´t it?

"Would you mind smiling then? It´s a bit creepy, you know," I laughed a bit. Hyukjae looked embarrassed because he turned his head away and started playing with the hair falling over his neck. Got you!

"S-Sorry, I didn´t know. It´s not like I see myself," he mumbled and brought the mug back to his lips.

"That´s no problem! Here´s a big mirror...uh? Why is it covered?" The mirror was hidden behind my jacket. Strange, I don´t remember putting it there. I wouldn´t place my jacket into the wardrobe, I´m too lazy for that, I would rather drop it on the floor. I stood up to uncover the mirror so I could show Hyukjae his funny expressionless face. But suddenly he grabbed my arm.

"It was me. I covered it," he said and his face suddenly wasn´t blank anymore. I wasn´t happy about that even a little bit. Hyukjae´s eyes were lost, showing the signs of fear so rare for the boy.

"Please, could you let it be like that until I leave?" He bit his lip and I was pulled into those dark eyes. I decided not to ask him anything. The boy that seemed so fearless and strong was hiding something big. I knew it. But I wasn´t sure, if I wanted to find out or not. For now I would try to lift up his mood since he said he felt happy, I shouldn´t ruin this probably rare moment.

"Yeah, no problem! What should we do now? It´s still too early for a movie and I don´t want you to fall asleep again, haha!"

"Yah, that´s because I was tired! I don´t always fall asleep during films," the redhead fired back offended. No scratch that, he was just playing along to restore the atmosphere. That´s good.

"Fine. Is there anything you want to do?" I asked him. I felt a bit stupid because I was the one who invited him over and now I didn´t even know what to do. Thankfully Hyukjae came to my rescue.

"Last time when I cleaned your room, which by the way looks like a haunted house again, I found an old pack of cards. We could play with them," the already melted icicle suggested. I decided to ignore his statement about my room since it was the truth and went to look for the cards.

"Um, here," Hyukjae was faster. I should call him, if I can´t find something because it looks like he´s the one more orientated in this room.

We sat on my bed and I pulled the cards out of its pack. We decided to play something simple since none of us quite remembered the actual rules of most of the card games. A bit later my mom brought us sandwiches and lots of snacks. I watched Hyukjae scan them with his eyes as if he wasn´t sure, if he was allowed to eat them. I really can´t understand this boy.

"Aren´t you hungry?" I decided to push him a little into eating.

"Um, well. I´m sorry," he then answered, focusing back on the game to shoo away the topic of eating.

"Sorry for what? You don´t like it? I will bring something else then because you need to eat something. And don´t tell me you aren´t hungry because I heard that desperate grumbling of your poor stomach, you know," I frowned not satisfied with his stupid answer. Hyukjae bit his lip and he might have been embarrassed but I couldn´t see his face through his bangs to be sure about it.

"It´s just that I don´t usually have an appetite," he whispered under his breath but I still caught it.

"Nonsense! Last time you ate pretty well here!" The game was cancelled until I manage to feed the red haired baby in front of me.

"I was surprised myself back then but I don´t feel like eating anymore today, Donghae," Hyukjae´s voice became deeper and I shivered a bit. His dark aura resurfaced again. Why is it so hard to get some food into the guy? This time I won´t go down without fighting!

"Fine!" I announced loudly and Hyukjae looked up to me surprised. But what must have surprised him even more was my next move. I put one hand behind his neck and pulled him harshly towards me. The cards went flying, some of them falling down from the bed.

"W-What?!" He still managed to stutter, even though I was holding him with arm against my chest. With my free hand I grabbed the nearest food, which happened to be a strawberry from the fruit salad, and brought it to his lips.

"Open!" I ordered and tightened my hold to make him realise I wasn´t joking.

I looked down into his eyes, which of course didn´t show any fear, just simple amazement. As if he couldn´t believe why was his stomach so important to me. I kept watching him with as threatening stare as possible. But it couldn´t work because I was totally sure that he could see right through me. The truth is that I felt once again worried about him. .

But at the end Hyukjae decided to make it easier for me. He sighed and slowly opened his mouth. I didn´t hesitate even for a second and pushed the strawberry through his red lips. When I felt him bite into it, I released him from my grasp and made him fall on the bed. Hyukjae ate the red fruit and then let out a sound I´ve never heard before. Was that laugh? I wasn´t sure, it was too quiet and unbelievable to be true. Hyukjae never smiles so laugh is impossible.

"Why did you do that?" The redhead asked getting back into the sitting position. He wasn´t angry and his long fingers went to pick out another strawberry from the bowl.

"I hate it when you´re stubborn. And when I tell you something, you should listen and do as I say," closing my eyes tightly I grumbled and folded my arms on my chest. I even made a big pout and let out a protesting ´hmpf´, so he would get the message that he made me pretty annoyed.

But then I heard it again! It was still very quiet but much clearer this time so I snapped my eyes open to catch Lee Hyukjae laughing. I wasn´t successful, though, but at least I saw him smile. I didn´t see much because he covered it with his hand but some of the white teeth and pink gums showed from between his fingers. I blinked twice and the smile was gone but it made a huge impact on me nevertheless. I´ll surely make him smile again!

"Okay, let´s continue the game," Hyukjae then said and started collecting the cards again. We restarted the game, sometimes quarrelling about the rules. We had a good time and Hyukjae ate one whole sandwich and at least seven strawberries. Actually he picked out all of them from the salad. It was okay, I could eat the rest of the fruits and next time I´ll make sure to buy more strawberries. Hmm, next time? Yes, I´ll invite Hyukjae again soon.

When we got tired, we lied down and I put my laptop on the chair so we both could watch it, me from my bed and Hyukjae from the mattress on the ground. After a while I was about to fall asleep when I heard a thud. Seems like the jacket fell from the mirror. Strange, the window is closed. Maybe it wasn´t just tacked well, I shrugged it off and focused back on the movie.

I was once again dozing off but somehow something didn´t feel right. I pulled myself on my elbows and glanced at Hyukjae. Suddenly I felt a huge lump in my stomach. The redhead was crouched like a shrimp and almost completely covered by the blanket. He was pulling on his hair, his face pained with tears in his closed eyes. Hyukjae was biting his lip so hard it started bleeding, just to make sure I didn´t hear him cry.

I panicked. What should I do? Maybe he´s hurt? No, if I try to think clearly, this is not the first time I see him like this. When we met in the forest for the first time, he looked just like now. The same tormented expression and the pulling of his hair looked pretty familiar. I got this crazy idea, which seemed like the only right thing I was able to do right now. Hesitating a bit I climbed down from my bed and slipped under Hyukjae´s duvet. There I realised that the boy was either sleeping or completely out of it because he didn´t seem to react to my bold move.

I looked at him for the last time before I pulled him against myself. I rounded my arms around his overly thin body and hugged him securely. Hyukjae kept shaking for some time but eventually relaxed in my hold. He heaved a big sigh and unconsciously brought his head closer to my chest. Like that he finally went to his dreamland peacefully. It took me a little longer to fall asleep and I couldn´t get out some disturbing thoughts from my head. I had so many unanswered questions but I made an important decision. I want to know the answers!

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I didn´t have much time to update and no one was hurrying me so it comes kind of late. :D Hope it´s at least good enough, heh. It keeps getting deleted, I´m pretty annoyed by that already.

I can´t stop listening to the Swing album. Eunhyuk´s rap in "Strong" is so y, don´t you think so too? Random SJ stuff:

LT: Eunhyuk, recently what book are you reading?
EH: (don´t remember the title)
LT: What´s it about?
EH: I´ve only read five pages. When I was reading I gave myself a little test, to see how many pages I can read before falling asleep. In the end I read five pages & fell asleep.
LT: You´re really a fool.
EH: I still hold the belief that I should finish this book. I´ll continue to read.