I just came back from America, from a long awaited vacation with my family there. I wish I could've stayed longer but I couldn't. We still had to do training. And I honestly missed Korea. Especially Team B but they won't be back untilSaturday. And the person I missed most? LIM CHANHEE.!

*rrrriiiiiinnnnnnnnngggggggg*

The door opened instantly and out came Lim Chanhee! I hugged her tight and I think I was too heavy. We fell down.

"Oh. Sorry noona," I said helping her stand up.

"Aish. This kid," she said.

 When she was already steady on her feet. I hugged her again. "I missed you noona!"

"I missed you, too. So, how was America?" she asked walking to the living room.

"Cold. I never really liked it there during winter. Winter in Korea is much more fun," I said removing my jacket.

"How was aunt and uncle?" she asked taking my jacket and hanging it on one wall.

"They're good. I cried when I arrived at home. I really missed them," I said.

"I miss them, too. Did you talk about me?" she asked.

"You already know the answer to that," I said pouting. "Everyone's still hoping you're alive. I really wanted to tell eomma about you being here. But, I just couldn't. I know she'll tell everyone if I do."

"Thank you," she said. "So, have you seen Hanbin and the others yet?"

"Nah. I called Jinhwannie hyung. They weren't going back to training till Monday," I explained. I sat on the sofa and made myself comfy.

"Oh. So, they're gonna spend the New Year at their homes, eh?" she said sitting beside me.

"Yup. They are," I said burying my head on the pillows.

Chanhee noona is my cousin. Our mothers are sisters. We spent most of our childhood in America. Not until I left to go to Korea to be a singer. I've been in Korea for 2 years when I saw her in a convenience store near Jongno-gu. That was one of the happiest moments I had ever since I stepped in Korea.

I saw this very familiar pretty girl in the store. Hanbin has been staring at her, too. Even Jinhwannie hyung. "She's pretty," they both said. We followed her to the counter and she started to speak in English. The teller obviously didn't understand her. Hanbin pushed me to help her. I sometimes hate the fact I'm the only one who really knows how to speak in English in this group. But I helped her out.

"Uhm.. I don't think the teller understood you," I said.

"Yeah. Seems so," she said not looking at me.

"Do you know how to speak in Hangul?" I asked.

"I actually do. Thank you," she said pushing the items to the teller to scan.

"Oh. I'm sorry. I thought.." I said lowering my head watching her pay for her items.

"It's okay. But it's nice to finally talk to someone who's good in English," she said. "I'm in my most natural state if I speak in English."

"Nice. You sound like my cousin," I said. I looked at her.

"Really? That's nice. What's her........Jiwon?!" she said in full shock, eyes almost sticking out. And I gotta hand it to her. I was shocked, too.

"Lim Chanhee.?!"

Yup. That day was most precious. I finally saw her again after 2 years! I always spent time with her. I would fetch her during training and wait for her before going back to our dorms. That's if I don't have to stay longer than her. The hyungs would ask me what relationship we really had. I couldn't say she was my cousin. If I did and it reached our trainers, the news would definitely reach our family back in America and they'll see noona. But in the back of my mind, somehow, I wished I just didn't saw her there. Everything just went all wrong. I had to lie to my family that I knew nothing. I had to pretend I was sad whenever my cousin would be brought up as a topic.

"Noona, what are we gonna do on New Year?" I asked looking at her like a puppy.

"Let's celebrate together! We can use the rooftop. We can cook our own food, stare at the sky and hopefully catch some fireworks. We can stay up all night while playing loud music," she said looking outside the window. Snow was lightly falling.

"I wish we were at home noona," I said. "I miss them already."

"I wish, too. I miss everyone already. It's been a year since I last saw mom & dad," she said.

"You should come home already. Or just talk to them," I said. I think I'm almost gonna cry. "This will not stop unless you go and talk to them. Personally."

"I'm sorry dongsaeng. I didn't mean to put you into this, too. I didn't expect to see you when I got here," she said patting my back.

"You know, I don't know why you had to leave America. You could've just done what I did. I told everyone my dream. I let them see I was serious," I said. "I didn't care if your dad almost disowned me and acts as if he didn't know me."

"I'm sorry dongsaeng. I wasn't as brave as you were before. And you know how much I feared my dad," she said looking away.

"And look what happened now. Because of you running away, you can't even call them. Do you know they've all been looking for you? Fear? What are you so scared of? Are you scared to go back to America?," I said sternly. Sometimes, she needs a little beating.

"Yes. I don't want to go back. That is my fear," she said. She stood up and went to her room.

I was left in the living room. I went too far again. Me and my mouth. It's these times that I hate, when we talk about why and how she left America.

My cousin is a very talented girl, much more talented than me. We both sing and dance. I learned how to rap because of her and my brother. We always dreamed of becoming stars. We just knew we had it in each other. But you know when you're kids and you do stupid things. We did that. Me and brother did. We're guys. We go to places girls don't go to. We practice our rapping and dancing there. And sometimes, well, sometimes we get in trouble. And noona normally gets into it, too. She goes to clubs with us, dance battles, jams, gigs. We were all cool with it. Not until her dad caught us coming home late after a night of jamming. And we came home with a guy we barely knew. I already forgot his name though. Let's just say noona's dad isn't the one you would want to be catching you breaking the rules. As far as I know, noona's dad had a bad experience in his childhood that he didn't want to happen to his daughter. I call him crazy.

Noona seldom visited me after that day. She was grounded from EVERYTHING.! Everything, I tell you. She would always be fetched from school. She can't be heard singing anything that has beats in it. She was forced to memorize every Beethoven, Lizst and Chopin piece, too! Well, that was something good but classics just weren't noona's style. She was even forbidden to talk to me and I always saw how sad she was. And that was the hardest part. Talk about fatherly love, right? He's crazy.

Then, the day came when I finally told everyone in our family about me being accepted at YG. Except for my uncle, all of them were happy for me, especially noona. YG entertainment was our dream workplace. We were fans of everyone there. That was the only day I saw her smile again. She even cried for me. When I left for America, she wasn't allowed to see me go.

I left America and lived in Korea like a new guy. I always chatted with noona while I was starting, telling her how happy I was and how I've met some artists already. But as time went by, she chatted seldomly. Until one day when Hanbin was on the computer where my account was still logged in, a message popped in. She told me everything that happened and that she was going to Korea to follow me, to follow her dreams, to be who she was. I replied instantly. I told her she shouldn't do it. She was already in bad terms with uncle and the move she's doing wouldn't help her at all. She didn't answer anymore and went offline. The next day, my mother called me crying. Noona was nowhere to be found and everyone's worried. She lied to me. She left without anyone knowing.

I want to cry right now. I left.