I remember that night in Sung Jin when I first met a wonderful and perfect person like you, that time when you did not just take my breath away but took my heart as well. You were such the ice princess that I got slightly intimidated but I was willing to try and get to know you. However, before I could make a move, my bestfriend was already a step ahead and started hitting on you. It was the first time in my life that I felt envious of Minho for unknown reason. And before that night ended, I realized what the true reason was. You. I fell in love at first sight with you.

I remember that time when I ditched our ‘movie date’ because I felt guilty for Minho. You showed up at Sung Jin the next day with puffy red eyes. You cried; I made you cry. But those tears made us realize what we truly felt for each other. That same day, we had our first official date, a simple yet romantic candlelight lunch in my dorm room. That same day, we shared our first kiss and so was the third, fourth and fifth. That same day, we exchanged our first ‘I love you’s’ and from then on was a rollercoaster ride for the two of us.

Thank you for the beautiful memories, Krystal. It’s unfortunate that you don’t remember any of them but I’m glad you were the person I shared those wonderful experiences with. I don’t regret a single thing. And I still don’t regret that I asked you to marry me. You were the only person I wanted to spend my life with, babe.

But they say that when one chapter in life fails, we have to move on to the next. We have to know when something’s over and learn to accept it.

Krystal, you taught me how beautiful it is to love unconditionally, how fruitful it is to be patient and how fulfilling it is to forgive. I forgive you for being the not so perfect girlfriend. I forgive you for those times when you denied me in front of your friends. I forgive you for hitting me nonstop when you’re jealous. I forgive you for rejecting my marriage proposal. I forgive you for breaking my heart into atomic pieces over and over again.

Why? Because I don’t hate you anymore. You’re the greatest thing that has ever happened to me and yes, the greatest heartbreak too. But amidst the pain and disappointment you have caused me, I learned a lot. I learned to value myself more. I learned to have boundaries. I learned to let go of the past and love again.

I’m probably married to Suzy when you read this. She may not be you but she takes care of me well. Maybe you’re happily married with my bestfriend too. But no matter what happens, a part of me will always love the Krystal Jung that totally captured my heart back then. It’s basically like that, right? I can’t take back what’s given away already.

If one day your memory comes back and you start to remember me, please forgive yourself for the part you’ve done on how we ended up like this. It’s not your entire fault, I also messed up and this thing called destiny being cruel to us made it even worse. Maybe we’re really meant to fall in love, but not with each other.

I’m letting you go, Krystal. But I will always love you.

–Amber