When Seungho opened the door he felt his stomach clench, he didn’t know what to expect. His hand reached for the knob with a trembling motion and as his eyes fell on the man outside his door he examined him with an unsure gaze. He reacted instinctively when he noticed the red and puffy eyes on the other and hugged him.
“Byunghee” He whispered as he used his arms to create the only protection he could offer at this time. There was no need for words. Jung Byunghee held onto him almost convulsively while his body shook.
At first he cried quietly until a few weak words formed on his lips.
“I am horrible” Seungho heard the words that were less than a whisper. It was only an exhale that happened to bring a thought out with it.
Seungho shook his head a little as he his hand lovingly across his back, the back that was starting to shake more and more and his sobs were starting to change to something that reminded him of a feeling of panic.
“How can I be so cruel? I am horrible, I can’t be human” Byunghee was almost screaming as all the emotions of his heart were throwing themselves out of him in one second and his legs gave in and he was sitting on the floor crying violently. His body was aching, it was an overwhelming feeling of his chest being contracted so tight it almost felt like he was being punched. Seungho followed him down on the floor as he watched him shaking. His crying sounded like screams worse than any nightmare. Byunghee was breathing way to fast and the other reached for his face who he had hid in his own hands as tears were flooding down his cheeks.
“hey” He tried with his most calm voice “Don’t say that, calm down” He didn’t want to stop him from letting his emotion out because he thought he couldn’t keep carrying all that along with him but he was hyperventilating. “Here, breath, like this” He said and showed him how he took deep breaths; in and out.
“And again” He said while removing some of the tears on his cheeks. As he was starting to catch a calmer breath he moved closer to him and held him tight against his body, again trying to protect him with his arms.
Byunghee said something that Seungho didn’t catch because his words were muffled from him burying his face into the comfort of the older’s shoulder.
“Let it all out, I’m here” He whispered as he the back of his head, feeling the soft hair against his palm.
They sat on the floor for a long time while Byunghee calmed down but didn’t break the embrace.
“I heard him crying through the door, I hurt him so much” Byunghee recalled with a low voice. “And I hurt you now don’t I?” He clenched his fist while he hated himself intensely.
“No you don’t. I’m here for you Byunghee” Seungho declared with a determined but sweet voice. “Want to tell me what happened?”
“There’s not much to say” He sounded dejected and exhausted as he spoke so Seungho protectively his shoulder to show his support. “I hurted him in the worst way possible and he told me to leave then..” He suddenly paused and took a breath before continuing “I heard his pain though the door, I could hear how he cried and exactly how cruel I am” He sobbed.
Seungho didn’t know what to replied, he guessed the pain he heard through the door sounded somewhat like the pain he had just heard Byunghee release on the floor a few minutes ago and imagined the experience very vividly.
“You’re not horrible Byunghee” He said and not insisted to look at him.
“He hates me with all his heart and I deserve it”
Seungho quickly shook his head. ”He is probably sad, hurt.. But he will understand one day that this was the best even if he can’t now. That you weren’t staying with him and lying even if that doesn’t makes sense to him at the moment”
“I’ve been convincing myself that I haven’t cheated on him with you because we haven’t done anything like that, you and me”