Warning: Extreme Angst

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I want you so much closer than this,
But we are so much better,
When we are not together.

~Grey Zone- Nell

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One Shot (5): Pain

"Do you know how painful I feel? 
When you didn't bother about me?
When you ignored me?
When you didn't even notice that I'm hurt? 


Do you know it kills me?
The way you treated me?
The way you didn't cared?
Like how I was nothing to you?


Do you know it hurts?
When I put in so much effort, to receive nothing in return?
When I wish one day, you will appreciate me?
When I feel like nothing but a burden to you? 


Do you know why I gave up? 
Because I'm no longer in love,
When it's scary,
When it feels so foreign,
When it turned out to be one sided.


But this time I've learned,
to be stronger than this,
I have endure the pain long enough,
it's time I walk away. 


It was my fault after all,
Since you sacrifice your wealth for me,
Losing everything.


I know this isn't enough,
But, take the money I have,
The money I earned, 
The money you need, 
Take it all.


I'm sorry I wasn't able to help you,
When times were tough, 
When I was clearly the burden, 
I do admit.


Maybe one day you will miss me,
And noticed how much I actually care.


But, I don't think I will be around, 
I will be somewhere beyond earth, 
Where I can't be found.


If it hurts you, 
If it pains you, 
If it kills you, 
I must have done it right.


By then, you would have understood how I felt,
How much I love you. 


But, I know how much you have done, 
How much you endured, 
How much you have lost.


Now that the love is lost, 
I'm letting you go,
You have to live better and happier,
You have to smile more,
Like how you used to. 


Maybe the next time you see me,
You won't be so angry,
You will be smiling brightly back at me."





The dark haired man sobbed sorrowfully after reading the letter. Beside the letter on the table, was a huge stack of money. He pushed the money off the table angrily. The stack of notes separated into many small pieces and floated slightly in the air for a moment, before landing on the ground. 



Wet tears flowed out from his eyes continuously, staining the letter, making the dark pen ink smudge. NO! He yelled bitterly, as one of his hands clutched onto his aching chest. He was enraged at how the older had misunderstood him. The other hand was balled into a fist as he punched against the hard wall in agony. He regretted his actions. He remembered how he threw his boyfriend aside- how he took him for granted. 



The dark haired man couldn’t recall how long he cried. He only remembered how much it hurts and the numbing pain in his chest. He would have never expected the caramel haired man to leave him- he was always there no matter how harsh he was towards him. 





"Hyun, I made dinner for you, it's-" 

"I ate already!" 

"But, you said that you were coming home for dinner today!"

"So now I can't even have my own dinner?!" 

"No, I...Errr....I just thought..."

"THOUGHT WHAT?! QUIT STUMBLING WITH YOUR WORDS!" 

"I thought you will be home for dinner today because it's our anniversary," 

"Come on, let's be practical, you want to celebrate our anniversary every single time? We don’t have money for that, so stop spending money on useless stuff! You barely earn enough to pay for the rent!" 




After he said that line, the caramel haired man bit his lips and his eyes became teary. However, he didn't said anything else, just nodded his head dejectedly, agreeing with his sentence. Without Woohyun's knowing, the caramel haired man wept silently as he ate the food he prepared alone. The next day Woohyun woke up, the caramel haired man was curled up at the sofa with dried tear stains on his cheeks. 





"Hyun! I managed to sell one of the books I wrote today!" 

".....Finally?....I almost wanted to tell you how useless you are if you failed this time," 
 

"But....I succeeded! Are you happy?" 
 

"Sunggyu, I'll only be happy when you bring the money home and stop burdening me," 




Sunggyu tried his best to hold back the tears. After Woohyun slammed his room door, he dropped onto the floor with a light thud. He didn't understand why things have gone so bad. It was as if Woohyun wasn't the same person he used to be. Woohyun wasn't the same kind, loving and caring he had dated. The caramel haired man doesn't know when Woohyun had changed- it happened too suddenly and quickly. 



Woohyun just became someone he knew. With the ill treatments and Insults Sunggyu had received, he was emotionally hurt and scarred. However, he refuses to give up on Woohyun, with a tiny hope that he would return back to his old self. Maybe it was too hard on Woohyun, supporting the both of them and the house when the duo barely had a stable income.



Sunggyu doesn't blame Woohyun- really, he doesn't. Woohyun was from a well off family. But, when his parents found out he was gay, they were extremely against his son's uality and of course- their relationship. One day Woohyun had a big fight with his parents and he left his house in a fit of anger.



Woohyun chose love over money- he didn't mind losing all his wealth if the person he loves was with him. He only changed when he realized how tough it was to support both of them with a pathetic low pay. Sunggyu understands his anger and annoyance; he will endure the pain and hurt- if Woohyun feels better. 

"WHY ARE YOU SUCH A BURDEN?!"

"Woohyun...Hyun...Please," 

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" 

"H-Hyun, you're drunk, please let me help you," 

"I TOLD YOU TO REMOVE YOUR HANDS OFF ME!" 




There was a loud crash when Woohyun shoved Sunggyu onto the floor, his head hitting against the table leg. Sunggyu felt a sharp splitting pain on the top of his head as dark red blood started flowing out from his head. He rubbed his head softly as he stared blankly at the drunken man in front of him. Sunggyu was afraid, he sat up and started moving backwards to the wall behind him. Woohyun's face was dark red with anger, his sharp and fierce eyes piercing into Sunggyu’s eyes. 



Sunggyu trembled slightly as he duck his head into his folded arms and started praying that this was just a nightmare. He was relieved when the dark haired man just went back to his room instead of glaring at him. Sunggyu couldn't believe what had just happened. 



Something inside him seemed to have broken- when he was hit on his head. He can't be scared of the one he loved. When you feel too much pain- it wasn't love anymore. He couldn't continue to burden Woohyun and he didn't want to live with someone he had feared. 



Unknown to Sunggyu, in the dark room was a vulnerable Woohyun, who was curled up into a ball, muttering 'sorry' repeatedly as he shook harshly- unable to forget the fear in Sunggyu's eyes. He felt horrible when he saw the older scared and bleeding, he just didn’t know what to do.



Woohyun didn't understand himself- why he kept on hurting the one he loves. He can't help it; it was too tough on him- when he gave up everything for the older. Looking at Sunggyu only reminded him of what he could have. But, he can't let go of Sunggyu, no, he can't..... 





"Woohyun!" 

"What? Will you stop wasting my time?! I'm rushing to work, I'm late!" 

"I...Errrmmm...."

"Will you hurry?!"

"Goodbye, Woohyun!"





The older smiled happily, his small eyes forming small crescents as waved his hands adorably. Woohyun grunted before slamming the door and rushed for work. Woohyun returned back to his usual self the next day because he was extremely pissed- he didn't have a good sleep and he was late for work.



His boss would definitely deduct his pay- making it even lower. He knew he was rude, but he decided to make everything right and apologize to the caramel haired man when he came back from work. He decided to treat the older nicer- he wanted to pay for the mistakes he had done. 



But, what Woohyun didn't know was that, he didn't have the chance to apologize- it was too late. He couldn't find the caramel haired man anywhere in his house- just a letter with a stack of money. The caramel haired man left silently, with all his belongings. That day, Sunggyu left and was nowhere to be found- Woohyun's heart broke.



He knew that something wasn’t right when he saw how the older acted strangely- especially the way he said goodbye to him in the morning. However, he never had suspected this to happen. It was perfectly true what people always said- you don't know what you had until you lose them.

But, Gyu, do you know how painful it is for me whenever I hurt you? I wanted to make things right, how could you have gone away just like that? You may think you got everything right, but you're wrong. 

END

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A/N: Yes, this chapter is Extremely Angst!!! (I have warned you all!!) Okay, here, I have some spare tissues if you need some! :P I wrote this yesterday night when i was quite upset(which explains the angst feels). But, I'm fine now. Sometimes, we think we know someone so well, in fact, we may be surprise by how much we don't understand the other. In this story, I wanted to show how much Sunggyu actually thought he was the only one suffering but in fact, Woohyun was also hurting. 

AND YES, ONE OF MY FAV SONG FROM NELL'S NEW ALBUM!!! GREY ZONE!! (PLUS BONUS POINTS BECAUSE THE SONG IS IN ENGLISH!) 

And yes, please check out my other fics if you all haven't done so:
 

Walking Down The Memory Lane (Completed- Woogyu/Myungyeol (Angst))

Angels and Demons (Ongoing- Woogyu (Angst(?))) 

Don't forget to leave a comment on how you think of this oneshot! :D 

*Waves* Byeeeee!