The words I wanted to say in front of you,
the words I couldn’t say,
Without the chance to say them,
you left me alone in this place,
All I can do is watch, all I can do is hold on,
and wait for you here,
You’ve gotten farther away leaving only regrets,
say it with both eyes closed.

I call out without sound,
I call out remembering you,
I try forgetting you,
knowing you don’t share my feelings.

The words I couldn’t say to you…I love you,
The words I couldn’t bring myself to say,
Without the chance to say them,
you’re leaving me alone here,
and going farther away.

All I can do is wait, all I can do is close my eyes,
and I’m stopped here,
You’ve gotten farther away leaving only regrets,
say it with both your hands together.

I call out without sound,
I call out remembering you,
I try to empty myself of you,
knowing your mind isn’t here.

I say it with my mind,
thinking that maybe you’ll come back to me,
You don’t share my feelings,
but if you came back I might run into you.

I yell out again today,
knowing that my voice won’t be heard,
You won’t hear me, but I keep calling,
Our story, written on an empty notebook,
I’ve become alone after you ripped it apart,
In a house without you, there’s nothing to do,
I know that you’ll already have forgotten about me,
I try to erase traces of you in my room.

I say it with my mind,
thinking that maybe you’ll come back to me,
You don’t share my feelings,
but if you came back I might run into you,
I wait…
I wait thinking that I may run into you..

~Voice of my heart- Infinite

Warning: Extreme Angst (I kind of got carried away with it)

A/N: Recommended to hear this song when you read this one shot. 

One Shot (9): Voice of my heart

"So what are you trying to say?....." 



My mind goes blank for a moment. Run.... My brain screamed angrily and ordered my legs. My heart clenched tightly as my legs listened to brain and started running. Faster.... Breathing heavily, my legs moved forward and sprint even harder. My lungs were tightening so painfully by the sudden increase of speed. Nothing beats how much my heart was hurting. Was I so stupid?



"Our love....." 



My legs brought me to the familiar house. I banged the wooden door, calling out his name desperately. However, there was not a single sound produced- just the deafening silence that mocked my desperate screams. Clutching my heart tightly, I shouted in agony for him to come out. But, deep down in my heart- I knew he was gone, he had left. 



"Was it just a lie?....."



I knocked a few people who had failed to sense of urgency I had as I rushed towards the road. I earned many dirty glares from those people who thought I was rude because I didn't apologize. My feet never seemed to stop moving as I continued to run towards the main road. I finally stopped at the side of the road as I swung my arms up and down, trying to hail a cab while catching my breath. 



"Tell me...."



I groaned in frustration when I saw the empty road, no cab in sight. I ran my hands through my black unkempt hair as I continued waving my hands. There seemed to be no point- waving my arms when there's no cab in sight. Perhaps, I thought that it was just a movement that could calm my heart down. 



"Am I the only one who thought this was all real?...." 



Tears brimmed my eyes as the stupid thoughts continued to play in my mind. Please, wait for me.... I stopped waving my hands. Feeling absolutely helpless, I dropped my knees onto the ground and started praying. The sudden flash of lights and engine next to me caused me to turn my head sharply. It was a delivery van next to me. My heart seems to yell in happiness when someone stopped their vehicle for me. The driver was middle aged man, probably about 50 years old. "Do you need a ride?" The man asked as I nodded my head eagerly. Smiling, he beckoned me to take the seat next to him. He must have seen how desperate I was. 



"Answer me! Why are you staying silent?!....." 



Like a nightmare that haunted me, the thoughts of what had happened that day, continued taunting my mind. "Young man, don't lose hope," The man said as he patted my shoulders. Receiving comfort from a stranger, feels like an assurance that I would be able to reach to him. I nodded my head as wet droplets of tears continued to fall. "We've reached. I hope you managed to find the person you're looking for. That person must be very important to you, seeing how worried you are," The man pulled the brakes and stop right in front of the airport. 



"I get it, Nam Woohyun....." 



Sunggyu, where are you? I searched the airport frantically. However, the place looked so foreign to me all of a sudden. My head was in an absolute mess, unable to calm down to think properly. I don't even have a single clue where Sunggyu was heading to. I shut my eyes for a moment, feeling the cooling sensation that lingers on my cheeks. Memories went through my head as I thought of the moments we had. Europe! He always wanted to go Europe! 



"You said forever....." 



My eyes quickly scanned through the flight timing monitor screen. BA7407- Status: Departed. Departed, that single word killed me instantly. My heart constricted tightly as I can feel the stinging pain in my eyes. I felt suffocated; I couldn't breathe- like someone was strangling me.  It was so horrible that I started wheezing at a point of time. I wished he would have told me that he was leaving. I wished I had managed to stop him. I wished I had told him, how much I actually love him. It was all my fault- my stupidity. My knees sink down onto the floor automatically, as I cried bitterly. 



"I guess I was just stupid...." 



My chest seemed to have been set on fire, burning my heart painfully. Every memory that ran through my mind was a pierce through my heart- it was a reminder of hurt, regret and guilt. I wish I could take back those harsh and cruel words that I have said to him. Now he was gone and nowhere to be found. I can no longer see his adorable smiles and feel his soft brown curls. The feeling was so horrible- it was as if I had been given a huge slap across my face. It made me realized how much I needed him- and only him. 



"How could I believe in what you said...." 



Why didn't you tell me that you were leaving? So that I could tell you how much you really mean to me..... I shouldn't have shouted to you those mean words on our last meeting. I wish I had the chance to tell you that our love wasn't a lie. You are my everything- my light, soul and happiness. I was stupid to think that I would be fine without you. Now it's too late- you're gone. Sometimes, when I see the bright shining stars in the dark skies, I still wish for your return. Thinking that maybe, one day, the stars will lead you home- back to me. Please come back to me Sunggyu.... I don't care if you scold me or hate me. But, don't disappear off to somewhere away from me- out of my sight where I can't reach you. 



"But, Woohyun....." 



Why does a month without you feel like years? I guess the pain is here to stay. It is a reminder that everything that had happened was real- you had really left. Every day, I wait for you at our favorite place. Like an idiot, I stand on the grass patch, surrounded by the cold and loneliness. I look up to the dark skies. I see the sparkling small twinkles hanging high above the skies. Those pretty stars you love dearly- shinned even brighter than it ever did. It was so far away and unreachable- just like you. 



"Doesn't the stars look extremely bright today?" 



Looking at the stars every night, I felt even lonelier- if possible. Slowly, months had turned to a year. It feels as if I have lost my soul- I felt like I have lost my direction, with an empty heart and mind. Those memories that we had just keep coming back to me. Tired of feeling the numb pain in my chest, seeing my red and swollen eyes reflecting against the mirror- I decided to move on. Tonight, I am back to the familiar vast green field. Breathing in deeply, I looked up to the skies. A sudden loud roar of thunder echoed through the silence. I could see the quick flash of lightning across the skies. Wet droplets of rain started pouring down like small diamonds. 



"I guess it's the end huh......" 



The small drizzle started to become a huge downpour as I stood there silently, enjoying the soft thud sound created by the small rain drops. Not shifting my eyes away from the skies, I continued staring at the bright golden stars. It doesn't seem possible but, the stars shinned even brighter. I didn't know when tears started rolling down my face. It doesn't matter- not when it was raining heavily. I laughed humorlessly, I felt like I was mocked by the stars. Don't even try- I could even imagine the stars telling that to me. How do I give up and move on when all my thoughts bring me back to you? 



"Bye, Woohyun....." 



My eyes were clouded by the wet rain or tears- it doesn't matter. I didn't bother to wipe off whatever that was blurring my vision. I must have gone crazy. Now, I'm imagining a person standing at the end of the vast green field. That person had brown and soft curls, small eyes, thin lips and a cute nose. That person looked exactly like you, Sunggyu. I didn't have a second thought as I raced towards the person- shadow or even my imagination. I desperately ran towards that person that looked like you. I must have looked extremely silly, but I couldn't care less. It might be my last chance to see you. Drenched in the rain and panting, I pulled you into a tight hug. Your skin feels cold- you must have been out here for a while.



"Sunggyu....Gyu" I sobbed bitterly as I held you close to my chest. I could feel the tightening of my chest. You returned my hug as you my back gently. "Woohyun" you answered and I looked up to see your familiar face. Even though you are drenched from head to toe, just like me, you still looked flawless, as beautiful as ever. "I'm sorry," My voice quivered as I tightened my arms around your waist, leaning my head against the crook of your neck. "I miss you," I breathed in deeply, trying to stabilize my erratic breathing. 



"I know....I know," You replied softly, continuing to pat my back- trying to calm me down. "I.....I" when I tried to explain everything, you just put your finger on my lips, silencing me off. I clung onto your shirt and never stopped crying. Like a pitiful child, I wanted to feel your touch, your warm embrace. The rain continued to pour down heavily. We stood in the rain for hours. You tried to pull apart, but I refused to let you go. You captured my lips- giving me a bittersweet feeling in my chest. The loud thumping of my heart was as loud as the thunder roaring in the skies. 



"Woohyun," Your melodious voice called out to me. I looked at you and you smiled so prettily. My heart slammed hard against my chest. "Doesn’t the stars look extremely bright today?" You asked, staring into my eyes, making me drown in your brown orbs. At that moment, I finally understood what you were trying to say. All along, you weren't saying the stars in the skies- it was me. 

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A/N: Yes, the amount of Angst here is no joke. I wanted to upload this for Sunggyu's birthday but seriously.... the angst just ain't suitable man.  I don't know if i can write another one shot by next mon. (see if inspiration comes to me :P)

Please leave a comment of what you think of this one shot. 

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Check out my other fics: Walking down the memory lane, Angels and Demons and The Survivors

I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE THIS GUY IS TURNING 25 (SERIOUSLY HE NEED TO STOP IT, LIKE RIGHT NOW).

AND YEAP INFINITE COMEBACK THIS MONTH- LIKE WOAH ALL THE PROMOS!

OKAY BYE.