Chapter 2

“Are you even listening? I asked you if you would go out with him or not.” Jackson sounded frustrated and impatient.

My lips quivered as he took a step closer. I moved back to avoid the awkward space that was closing in between us. But Jackson didn’t stop, his head leaning forward, looking down on me with a blank expression. Our noses didn’t quite touch, but they were unreasonably close. I eventually hit to a dead end, bumping into a wall as Jackson leaned forward, his hand supporting his weight behind me.

I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t find the words. My heart rate began to pick up pace. We remained in that position for a while, staring into the back of each other’s eyes, Jackson’s hand still near my head. Finally, I managed to construct what I wanted to say.

“There’s someone else.”

It’s you, you .

It was so tempting to say. Jackson bent down even lower to my level, making me close my eyes. I could feel him breathing heavily.

“I don’t care who the boy is. If you even dare hurt my best friend, I will…” He paused for a second, glaring at me harshly. “I won’t ever forgive you for it.”

Finally pulling away, my guard dropped out of guilt. We parted. I no longer felt his body heat on my chest, yet I missed it already. Jackson walked out of the room, going back to his familiar self, keeping it cool and composed. It confused me to see his sudden shift from a vulnerable Jackson back to an over-confident one.

***

Preparing for monthly evaluations was always a pain that caused me a huge amount of stress. It was tomorrow and I wasn’t even fully prepared. Though my vocals were down set, my dancing wasn’t quite up to par. It was always the part I needed to work on the most, and today was no different.

I struggled to get the fluidity of my movements properly, even after a good four hours on front of the mirror. Everyone had already gone to bed an hour before, and the light that automatically turned off a 2:30am had switched off a while ago. My frustration for not being able to accomplish the dance moves to perfection bothered me to a certain degree, but I refused to get mad.

Sweat was pouring down my brow, my clothes smelled like I hadn’t washed myself in days. I continued trying, even if my eyes were closing on their own.

From the reflection of the mirror, I could see someone standing at the door, watching me. I turned my head to the side and saw Mark leaning on the doorframe. He had a mocking smirk from the side of his lip.

“Your shoulders are too tense,” he said calmly, almost mocking me.

“Huh?”

I turned my head only to find him coming towards me, his hands in his pockets. He grabbed my shoulders and pinched a few times.

“Don’t put too much pressure on your muscles just relax. You’ll get it,” he said, his voice soothing to the ear. That was part of Mark’s charm. He always looked out for me.

His hands trailed down to my hips, making me flinch away from his grip.

“YAH!! What do you think you’re doing, Mark Tuan! Watch what you do with those naughty hands.”

“I’m just trying to help you out here.”

I eyed him suspiciously, and punched him playfully on the arm.

“What are you doing here?” I asked him eyeing the clock quickly, and shifting my focus back on him. “It’s late. Aren’t you auditioning for the boy group that PD-nim is planning on debuting? You need you’re energy tomorrow”

“You need some rest too. It’s your evaluation tomorrow. Yet you’re always practicing so late at night and never get some rest,” he remarked, copying the dance moves I was doing as we spoke. “Why didn’t I see you at all today by the way? You’re rebelling or what?”

“Yeah, actually. I decided to go out with a few boys today,” I joked. I didn’t actually want to tell him that I was in the other practice room with Jackson, discussing ‘plan Mark’ for the most part of the day.

Mark seemed amused by my declaration, yet disgusted all at once. I observed him for a second, his red scruffy hair, his typical swagfag clothing. Thinking about what Jackson said a few days ago made me wonder what it would be like if I do go out with Mark. And how could I complain?

After all, Mark was essentially the definition of perfection. He was so loveable, pleasant to the eye and kindhearted. His worrisome mood swings when he didn’t take his medication was probably his only flaw. He would be the perfect boyfriend, yet it was hard for me to ever see him like that. It was probably because he was so perfect that I felt so undeserving of him. To me, he was always like an older brother. The thought of being more than a friend never really crossed my mind.

“Why don’t you ever take me out on dates like that?” he asked boldly, staring at himself in the mirror. I turned my focus off him and back onto my own reflection. I knew that somehow, Mark would find a way to go into this subject.

“I only go on dates when I like the guy and vice-versa,” I said carelessly in panic to break the uneasy silence.

“So you don’t like me then?” he asked suddenly quitting on the dance moves and bending over to do pushups instead. I turned my back away from the mirrors so he wouldn’t be able to get a glimpse of my blushing face.

“Of course I like you. In fact, I love you so so much!” I pronounced quietly so that nobody but Mark could hear. “You’re the one who doesn’t like me.”

He stopped midway through his pushup, and balanced his body away from the floor.

“What makes you think that?”

He didn’t lift up his head yet, keeping it face to the ground to avoid eye contact. I swallowed, clearing my throat. Words had to be picked wisely in this situation.

“Why would Mark, like anyone like me?”

There was silence as I continued to practice and Mark finishing up his pushups. After a while, he dropped down to the floor in exhaustion, lying on his back, his head rested on his arm, his eyes shut tight. I gazed at him, waiting for a reaction.

“LiNa,” he called with his deep and pretty voice. “Stop pretending like you don’t know. You’re not stupid.”

“Don’t know what?” Darn it, it was coming. I almost hit myself for encouraging him to continue.

“We both know how I feel about you.”

Despite it not being much of surprise, I still managed to freeze on the spot. Though I knew this all, having it confirmed by Mark’s own mouth made me feel an odd sensation. My heart began to hurt for him. I could feel the pain in his voice, the sincerity in his intentions.

I got out of the evaluation room, not all that satisfied with myself. I made a few mistakes even if I managed to get the flow. Somehow, it didn’t seem to matter at this point. I was way too tired to think about any getting a perfect evaluation.

I marched through the hallway, my eyes half closed. My body felt burnt out completely. For some reason, I could only think about Mark all morning and what he said last night.

Suddenly, I felt a push to the side, making my body almost fly sideways. I opened my eyes, only to find Jackson glaring at me harshly for having touched him.

“Paying attention to where you’re going much?” he said with a harsh tone. I felt like smacking him across the face for being so annoying.

“Excuse you. Is the hallway too narrow for you? Because it seems like you need to take up all the room, just like you always take up all the attention,” I insulted, angry that he was messing with me so early in the morning.

“Look, I don’t need you to make fun of me right now. I’m not in the mood.”

“When it comes to insulting you, the time of day does not matter. It’s a full time job of mine.” I gave him a sarcastic smile, and rolled my eyes away.

“I swear sometimes, I just want to strangle you. Lucky for you, you’re a girl.”

I scoffed and came closer, even more aggravated then I already was.

“What’s stopping you? Just hurt me now! I never said that you couldn’t.” Causing him to go insane brought me joy, even amidst this terrible morning.  Jackson let out a heavy sigh, seemingly trying not to explode. I hit the limit to his patience. His fists trembled in fury, wanting to hit me so bad, I could almost feel it.

“Yeah! That’s right, hit me. I bet you’re parents never taught you what is wrong or right anyway. By the looks of it, they didn’t seem like they raised you all that well.”

I went too far. Way too far. I actually bit my lip out of regret. Jackson came closer and dragged me outside the building from the back door. His touch was aggressive. He slammed by back against the brick wall and punched the bricks close to a point of my head. My eyes shut tight as I heard that crumble of rocks near my ear.

I opened my eyes, terrified of Jackson’s aggressively.

“Sometimes I wonder why I ever liked you. How could’ve I ever liked someone so careless, so stupid! Now I understand why nobody in the company wants to befriend you. You’re so irritating to be with, all you do is hurt everyone around you! And nobody likes you!” he shouted in pure anger. I couldn’t look at him at this point. “Do you know why? Because you’re a pest, a waste of space in the company. Just get out of our lives, LiNa. Things were fine when you weren’t here!”

Those words pierced through me like a sharp edged sword. It was like the truth was given to me on a golden platter. My dad used to tell me the exact same words. Before I came to Korea, he would say it all the time, that nobody wanted me. Hearing it from Jackson too brought back some terrible memories. It was as if I was hated from all faces of the earth.

A tear fell down my cheek. It was the first tear I had shed since I came to Korea. I had promised myself that I would never cry, but I couldn’t handle it any longer. Jackson stared at me intently. It was obvious that he wanted to say something, but he was too distracted by my crying. Before I knew it, I was covered in my salty tears.

“LiNa, I-I didn't mean…”

I sunk down the wall and fell on my knees.

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