Chapter 18

The glare in my father’s eyes was sharper than two edged sword. All that transpired was anger; cold blooded, hard stone, pure gold anger. I felt like I should’ve tried to calm him down, but my heart was too fed up and weak to do anything at this point.

“Dad, not today…” I muttered helplessly, tired of having to stop people from killing each other. “Save it for another time.”

Sensing the irritation in my voice, my sister broke out of her daze from earlier and got a hold of my dad’s arm, pulling him to the front of the hall in order to get him away from Mark. My mom on the other hand, couldn’t get her eyes off him for even a second. In contrast to my dad, however, her expression wasn’t dark or filled with resent. It was blank and soft.

“Mrs. Hwang, would you like me to take your sweater?” asked Jackson in order to break the tension, seeing that Mark was clearly flustered at my mom’s glare. She accepted, handing over her thick sweater she had brought, thinking that she’d be freezing in Korea without the hot beating sun of LA. “Allow me to walk you to the front,” he suggested politely, pulling her away from the two of us.

Watching my mother being dragged away, I suddenly began to feel weak in the knees.

I slumped down on the floor, landing on front of the tables, on top of a cushion. My elbows hit the wooden table with a loud thump as I was barely even caring about anything at the moment. Mark slowly fell on my right hand side and quietly grumbled behind his sleeve.

“Sorry about my parents,” I apologized regretfully. I held in my tears with all my might. My urge to cry was stronger than ever, but I didn’t want to do it anymore. It weakened me.

Mark extended his arm and reached for my shoulder, holding it gently.

“You don’t have to act strong all the time. I think that it’s safe to say that you’re allowed to cry today,” he said, sniffing a bit.

“I’m tired of crying. I won’t do it.”

“You look more tired trying to hold it in,” he inquired, coming closer to me.

“If I have to hold it, I will.” My index came across my face and rubbed the skin under my nose. Mark swiped my hand away and pressed it against his lip; making me sense shivers down my spine.

“I feel terrible,” began Mark with lament filling his idiom. “I can’t even look your parents in the eye. I’m not even man enough to tell them how much I’m a jerk and I regret everything.”

“Mark…”

“Lina, no matter how much you deny it, I know that you haven’t forgiven me, and you probably never will. If you can’t, how will your parents even look at me? I’m a , Lina!” he exclaimed, his eyes becoming watery.

“You’re not,” I let out hopelessly, feeling bad about all the things I had said these past few weeks just to guilt him into thinking that he was the worse person ever.

“I am.”

I cut him off before he could go any further.

“Mark, yes you’re a jerk. Yes, what you did completely traumatized me and will for the rest of my life. Yes, our friendship will never be the same as it once was. Yes, I admit, I wish Rylynn had a different father that would’ve been able to take care of her for the short time she was alive,” I numbered my reasons, frowning. “But what I told you before is still true until now; you’re still important to me. You’re still the same Mark that I cared about when we were teenagers; the one that cheered me up, that kept me company and that I loved.”

I squeezed his trembling fingers.

“I know I’ve been rude to you as of late. But honestly, I never mean what I say.”

“Stop trying to make me feel better about myself.”

He placed his elbow on the wooden table, leaning over closer.

“Mark, if I didn’t love you, I would’ve never put to waste all the sweat and blood I shed to become a singer. I would’ve never kept Rylynn and hide her from everyone. I wouldn’t have done any of that if I didn’t care about you.”

I gave him a softer look as I was weakening. Suddenly feeling a bit awkward having him so near, I dropped my head on the table and sighed, pressing my hair against my arm for a cushion. Mark’s eyes didn’t leave me for a second, making me feel beyond my comfort zone.

“So…” I tried to change the direction of the conversation. “I wanted to know about something. I don’t know if it was meant to be kept secret between the two of you, but what exactly did you tell Rylynn? I’m curious.”

Mark mirrored my actions and rested his head on the table, bringing us face-to-face. His tired eyes remained glued to mine, soaking up the silence for a few minutes before mumbling his explanation.

“When we were in the broadcasting station, Rylynn asked me what would happen when both of you were to go back to LA.”

I pushed the strand of hair covering my face as he proceeded.

“I told her that I would bring her to school everyday,” he began to name out with a slight grin creeping up at the corner of his lip. “And that I would make her breakfast in the morning.”

Slightly confused, I raised an eyebrow and gave him a weird look.

“Ummm. I’m not sure what that’s even supposed to mean.”

“Don’t you get it? I was planning on following you to LA.”

I rolled my eyes, giving the impression that I wasn’t taking him seriously.

“Ya. You’d give up your career as GOT7’s most popular hottie. Ok,” I commented sarcastically.

Mark didn’t flinch. He blinked a couple of times and continued to guilt me with his insanely attractive stare.

“You gave up your career for me, didn’t you? Can’t I do the same?” he insisted, pointing out the one fact that I had always tried to forget. I didn’t like remembering how I threw away all the hard work and suffering I endured for so long and preferred pretending like it never happened. But the truth was, although I loved performing, the reason I even considered entering JYP was to impress my parents.

But ever since Rylynn came in, in contrast to what I would have predicted, my parents surprisingly accepted me back and treated me with so much love. I didn’t feel that I lived in my older sister’s shadow anymore. Rylynn was that one ingredient in my life that always forced me to reconcile with people, whether it was with my parents, or with Mark and Jackson.

And now she was gone. Gone.

The one source of pain that actually made me smile was gone. God must’ve hated me. But I didn’t know what I did to deserve having her taken away so early.

In the midst of the exchange with Mark, my sister jumped on the seat across from me, making both our heads shoot up from our already comfortable positions. She sighed heavily, her face red, sweat draining down her forehead.

“How’s mom?” I asked, my puffy eyes struggling to stay open.

“Not good,” my sister stated fixing her blouse and getting a better grip on the pillow she sat on. “Anyway, don’t think about it too much. You already don’t look so good yourself.”

Her eyes moved over to Mark, who sat quietly, like he always did when other people were around. My sister gave him a rude smile, suggesting her irritation for his very presence.

“You look a lot more like Rylynn than I thought,” she attempted to select her words carefully. “Too bad you’re a rapi-.” I interrupted her with a cough before she could finish the word I knew she had in mind this whole time. Her expression softened seeing Mark’s guard fall. “Ok, I’ll stop guilt tripping you for no reason.”

Mark shot up a gentle look, not really sure how to respond to my sister’s confusing behavior.

“I guess I should treat you better,” continued my sister, sighing and releasing all the tension in her muscles. “You still are Rylynn’s. And let’s be honest, Rylynn’s the only person who’s ever made Lina seem human. I’ll give you that. But this doesn’t mean that I like you!”

Mark sat up properly and leaned forward, his hair slightly covering his swollen face.  

“Can I talk to you alone?” requested Mark, addressing himself to my sister with urgency. He turned towards me and signaled me to step away, his idiom suggesting a strong sense of exigency.

"What? You want me to leave?"

I gave him a puzzled look and finally gave in, pushing my body away from the table and walking backwards towards the entrance. After a couple of steps stuck in a daze, trying to figure out what Mark was so determined to tell my sister, I felt my body hit a dead end, only to find Jackson holding onto my shoulders.

“Sorry,” I apologized before realizing that Jackson wasn’t standing by himself.

“Lina,” called out Nayeon with a different tone than she usually used. It wasn’t one full of disgust and resent. The aura it transpired was one of pity. “You look terrible.”

I stood peeking over my shoulder, my back facing both Jackson and Nayeon.

“I’m not in the mood to fight with you today, Nayeon,” I rolled my eyes, not exactly wanting to be pitied at the moment. Jackson pulled me over to face Nayeon and held on to both my arms to keep me from escaping.

“I wish you would stop treating me like an evil all the time. I’m not that bad of a person.”

I brushed Jackson’s grip away and let myself free in order to address myself to her properly.

“Then why are you here? Do you pity me? I don’t need your sympathy.”

Although I felt bad for treating her so harshly, I couldn’t help but feel irritated and uncomfortable in her presence, especially because Jackson was with her. I didn’t have any space in my heart to get jealous today.

“I still have a heart. Even if I don’t like you, it doesn’t mean that I’m going to laugh every time something bad happens to you.” She let out a cough and tucked the strand of hair that covered her eye behind her ear.

“Your point…”

“My point is that I’m here to help out. I’m getting tired of fighting with you over this guy,” she confessed while pointing at Jackson, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning on one leg.

“This guy?” I turned towards Jackson, tired as I rubbed my humid face. “I thought you won him over a long time ago.”

Jackson glared at me as I returned the favor. Turning my gaze towards my daughter at the front of the hall where my parents were still heavily mourning, my air turned serious once again.

“If you manage to get my parents away from the front and have them eat something, I might consider,” I suggested with a blank expression. Nayeon, without a second thought, walked towards the kitchen and got bowls of soup ready. I watched her, sort of taken aback by her sudden kind actions and willingness to help. It was odd, but heartwarming nonetheless.

“She’s a weird girl, that one,” I commented before realizing that Jackson was staring at me that entire time. I raised my eyebrow.

“Do you want me to take you to the front where Rylynn is?” asked Jackson while bringing his arm out to point towards her immobile body.

“No, I can handle it on my own,” I let out boldly, making him let out an air of disappointment. “But I do need you to stop by at the hotel before I go back to LA. I have something urgent to tell you.” Jackson let out a quiet sigh and smirked oh so dimly.

“I’ll be there at 1a.m later. I’ll stay as long as you need,” he whispered with a sweet smile before I pushed him away by the chest.

I took a few steps past him and began to march towards my dead daughter. It was time for me to give her my last goodbyes. The pain in every step became more and more apparent. Staring at the Rylynn lying on the white sheets made my legs lose all strength to withhold my body. My girl was as white as the sheet she was lying on.

It hurt to think that this was the last time I was going to see her. The last time…

Looking at her frail fingers, her white lips and her petite body, I couldn’t hold it in anymore.

Despite my attempt to keep it in, I cried a river.

***

I heard a gentle knock on the door of the hotel room at exactly 1a.m. Jackson wasn’t joking when he said that he’d be there on the dot. Still not feeling in any sort of mood to do anything, let alone sleep, I dragged myself towards the sound and twisted the doorknob, only to find the very person I was expecting.

He held a bag of midnight snacks in his hand and wore a dark shirt and shades, which I assumed were to go unnoticed outside. He tried to smile, but I could tell that it was hard for him to do.

“Give me a sec,” I pleaded, slipping into my shoes and quietly shutting the door behind me to keep my family from waking up. They were all crammed near the sofas in a room where any noise resonated throughout the entire space.

We both made our way down to the lobby and out, in a nearby park bench where the atmosphere was just right. The slightly cold breeze got cut off by my blue hoodie, making me feel warm. As soon as we sat down on the metal, I leaned my head on his broad shoulders without shame. I didn’t care about anything anymore. All I needed was a shoulder, and Jackson’s was the only one that could make me feel better, even to the slightest.

“Did you want to talk about something?” he asked, his deep voice even making his shoulder vibrate. I reached out for his hand and rubbed it gently as his pounding heart was felt all the more.

He reached for the plastic bag and slipped a piece of chip in my mouth without my consent. The way he took care of me bothered every bit of me. It seemed that no matter what Jackson did, I couldn’t help but feel butterflies in my stomach.

I knew that whether I treated him like an enemy or a friend, I would still be in love with him for as long as he was there.

That needed to be stopped. We both knew that. Even if it meant pretending like were strangers all over again.

“Jackson, how do I tell you that we can’t be friends anymore?” I asked rhetorically, with no emotions in my tone whatsoever.

No answer. He didn’t even flinch a little bit.

“Who am I kidding? We shouldn’t even be talking anymore if we want all this to stop.”

I paused to catch my breath.

“I’m just not able to talk with you without feeling a bunch of other things. Hell, I can’t even insult you without feeling all queasy and softhearted.”

My grip on his hand tightened as my fingers began to stick on his skin.

“Let’s just go back to that time when we just didn’t care about each other’s existence,” I suggested my head still on his shoulder.

“If that’s what you want, why are you still holding onto my hand like that?” he asked, tightening the lock between us himself.

“I’m not done with you.”

I pushed my head off where I was leaning and turned his neck in order for our noses to touch. My lips then roamed around to his left cheek, pressed near his jaw line and worked my way down to his neck. Once I reached mid way, I began to bite and the sweet spot of his skin.

“What are you doing?” he questioned, stunned, yet he didn’t back away.

“Just shut up,” I shushed him before going back to what I was doing. The skin I was playing with began to darken into a dark brown, and that’s when I decided that it was enough. Moving my lips away, I found his fingers brushing through my hair, his eyes closed.

“Listen idiot,” I called him out so he could open his eyes. “I want to make a deal.”

I sat up straight and pushed my body away from his.

“By the time this mark disappears from your neck, all your anger for Mark would have to have disappeared as well.”

“What? No! Why should I?” he protested.

“Because I already marked you. And if you don’t do as I say I’ll kick your ,” I blackmailed pointlessly before reaching for the chip bag and eating some more of the snacks.

One more chapter. Might be a double ending, might not. I'll surprise you.
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