Chapter 14

My body dropped numb on the couch where Jackson had put me down. He sat beside me, rubbing my hand with the tips of his fingers, keeping a certain distance away from me. I had stopped crying, because I hated doing it for longer than I needed to. My eyes were hidden by strands of hair that fell across my face. We sat for a while, the silence taking over for a good five minutes. After a while, I managed to sit up straight, forcing myself to hold my body strong and hide all signs of weakness.

“I’m tired,” I simply let out, not able to think of anything else to say. Jackson slouched down his seat and leaned his head against the back of the chair.

“I feel like an …” he stated, closing his eyes in shame. Biting my bottom lip, I crossed my left arm across my chest and held my right elbow.

I then played with the fabric of my pants, avoiding eye contact at all cost.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you. And I have no excuse for coming here and forcing you into something. But, I guess I did it because I’m tired too,” he began to speak again. “I’m tired of pretending that I don’t like you. I’m tired of putting Mark first and pretending like my feelings don’t matter. Sometimes I just wish that Mark wasn’t my best friend, that I didn’t care about him as much as I do. I just wish that we didn’t end up liking the same girl.”

There was a crack in his voice that made me feel guilty like hell for not having anything to say in return.

“Do you know why I didn’t keep my promise and I didn’t come visit you a year ago?” he asked, looking at me now. I could feel his gaze beat on the skin of my face. “Because I knew that I wouldn’t be able to control myself. I knew that what I did to you today would’ve happened if I came. I didn’t want to hurt you, especially because I knew that you were already scared by what happened to you before,” he continued, referring to the day Rylynn was conceived. “But the more I didn’t see you, the more I became obsessed with the idea. It was stupid of me.”

I sat there, helpless; overwhelmed with everything that was going on. I shut my eyes for a second, trying to clear my head from all the feelings that drove me crazy.

“Jackson, no matter how much we wish for it to work out, it just won’t. It didn’t before, it won’t now, and it never will.”

My tone was sour. I struggled as those words came out my mouth, as if I were forcing them out. Jackson leaned forward, pressing his elbows on his knees.

“I know… You don’t need to rub it in. It was already hard enough that I had to watch you and Mark flirt over dinner,” he mumbled, seemingly irritated now.

“And how about you and Nayeon? Do you think that makes things easy on me?” I threw back, leaning my head back against the sofa. Jackson rubbed the side of his face with his sweaty hands and pushed his hair back.

“This whole thing isn’t supposed to be easy to begin with…” Jackson pushed his hair back and put his cap back on his head. “You just shouldn’t have come back here.” He stood up and made his way to the entrance where he left his shoes. As he began putting them back on, I dragged my feet to where he was and leaned against the wall. Once his shoes tied, we both stood in silence, trying to look everywhere but at each other.

What he said hurt, but I did everything in my power not to show it. In reality, I knew that he was right. I shouldn’t have come back and mess things up, but at the same time, they were the ones that made my life so difficult to begin with.

“Do you know why I came back to Korea?” I asked, pushing my weight off the wall and moving my hair out of my face. I let out a bitter chuckle and nodded, fighting my tears. “It wasn’t because I wanted to. It wasn’t because PD-nim invited me. It wasn’t even because I missed you and Mark. I came back because Rylynn begged me to meet her father.”

I had taken one step closer and invaded his eyes. Jackson moved back, avoiding my move towards him.

 “I’m gonna go before I do something stupid again,” he muttered quickly, twisting the doorknob and walking out the room, ignoring anything I said. Before he could walk off, I caught his hand.

“Thank you for stopping. Ever since I got , my one biggest fear was having to go through that again. So I’m really thankful that you didn’t keep going even if you could’ve,” I managed to utter as his gaze beamed on me like a morning ray.  I could tell that he was out of things to say. Jackson his lip, almost teasing me now. Then, I shut the door before he was able to draw me into one of his long eye traps. I stopped the tears from gushing out of my eyes. I didn’t want to cry anymore. I really didn’t.

***

“Thanks for looking after Rylynn, JinYoung oppa,” I told him, as I came running in their dressing room. I had went across the entire building to get some paper and crayons to distract Rylynn throughout GOT7’s stage performance so she wouldn’t act restless.

“No problem,” he answered. “It wasn’t any trouble at all. Rylynn is really fun to play with.”

“Hey! Easy for you to say…You weren’t the one who got a hair makeover!” shouted Jackson, his hair tied up in all sorts of pig tails and clips. He sat on the chair with Rylynn and Jr. playing with his hair as if he were a doll.

Jr. giggled, his arm around circling around Rylynn’s waist as he patted Jackson’s head flat.

“Excuse me, but where is my thank you?” demanded Jackson, his eyes growing at me, waiting for his praises. I laughed and sat on the chair across from him.

“No need! My daughter is doing you a favor by fixing that bland hair of yours! You better be thankful.”

Jackson scanned me from head to toe, and finally meeting me eyes. I bit my lip, feeling the awkwardness between both of us finally take over. Rylynn broke the tension and kissed Jackson on the cheek, causing him to beam like crazy. His initial engrossed expression due to his makeover suddenly turned into a bright and cheerful one after the sudden kiss.

It was funny seeing Jackson with that stupid grin he wore whenever he got excited.

It had been a week since the hotel incident and Jackson and I went about life as if it hadn’t happened. Rylynn and I were going back home soon and I told myself to endure it a little longer. For Mark’s sake, Jackson and I just had to keep on trying to stop liking each other, even if it took our entire lives.

“Okay Rylynn that’s enough!” stated JinYoung and finally picking up Rylynn in his arms. I stood up, opening my hands to take her.

“Here, let’s take you to the washroom to get cleaned up,” I told my daughter, but Jr. had already started moving towards the door.

“Don’t worry about it, Lina. I’ll take her to get cleaned up. You can get that stuff off Jackson if you want.”

“You’re leaving me with the more difficult job?”

Jr. wore a mischievous grin on his face, pointing at Jackson’s terrible hair. Once both left the room, I sighed, pulled my chair closer to Jackson’s, and tugged on the clips that stuck on his head like slugs.

“You didn’t have to let Rylynn mess your hair up before your stage performance,” I whispered, slipping my fingers between his fluffy hair, managing it with a little aggressively.

“It’s alright,” he assured with a playful smirk. Although his face was but inches away from mine, I pretended like it didn’t affect me and merely focused on getting his hair untangled. “You’ve gotten prettier,” he stated out of the blue, giving me one of those gazes that made my heart flutter out of my chest.

“Well, you’ve gotten uglier…” I threw back, laughing. Jackson began to help me with what I was doing. I couldn’t believe him… We were supposed to be dismissing our feelings, not fueling the fire. His flirtatious pick up lines weren’t helping.

“You don’t mean that,” he teased, poking the side of my chest. Once I managed to get all the elastics out of his hair, I flattened it out with my fingers, combing it to bring it back in place. I noticed that his expression changed into one that seemed a hurt by my insult.

“You do realize that you’re not helping by insulting me all the time?” he asked, raising his eyebrows.

“What do you mean? What am I not helping?” I questioned, sort of confused as to what he was talking about. He leaned forward, his lips floating above my ear.

“I think that the rude and obnoxious Lina is the most attractive. If you want me to stop liking you, be more polite. You’re much more boring that way.”

I glared at Jackson, pulling one strand of his hair and getting him to shriek.

“That’s the last time I’ll do something mean, I promise.”

I smirked lightheartedly and leaned back on my chair, my hands holding onto the back of my neck.

“Mark!” shouted Jackson, dropping his attention on me and driving it on his friend who had just entered the room. “Where have you been?” The smile that Jackson wore was so bright, as it displayed every speck of his love for Mark. Their natural bond hadn’t died since the first time I met them.

Mark moved on the seat between us as Jackson put an arm around his neck. I watched as Jackson playfully knuckled the top of Mark’s head and as Mark punched Jackson’s chest with great force. It was as if I wasn’t even there. That was how much they loved each other.

“Uncle Mark, there you are!” I turned around only to find Rylynn running towards her father and jumping on his lap. Jr. followed from behind, throwing himself on the sofa across the room and dropping dead to sleep. He must’ve been exhausted from running around with a kid all morning

.

“Hey beautiful!” greeted Mark at his daughter, gazing at her affectionately, one arm wrapped around her waist and the other patting her head. “What have you been doing while I was gone?”

“I gave Uncle Jackson a makeover with uncle JinYoung,” she answered giggling and pointing at Jackson’s head. I couldn’t move. My wrists began to tremble looking at both of them.

“Sounds like fun…” said Mark rubbing her shoulder. “I’d like to play with you next time.”

“Mommy said that we’re going back home in two days. You can come play at my house. We can play with my dolls and you can meet all my friends,” she proposed tugging on Jackson’s sleeve, indicating that he was invited too.

Both Mark and Jackson eyed me as if to figure out what they were allowed to say. My face flustered and began to heat up like crazy as I searched for words to say. Rylynn began to cling onto Mark, resting her head on his broad chest and holding onto his shirt.

“I’d love to come do that with you,” Mark finally responded with a grin, patting her head. My eyes grew at his unrealistic promise.

“I can finally tell my friends that my daddy is coming!” exclaimed Rylynn before covering with her small hands as if she had spilled the biggest secret ever. Daddy? I was taken aback, trying to remember the time I had ever revealed her father’s identity, only to realize that I never did. Then it must’ve been Mark… Mark…

He was staring directly into my soul now, with a half nervous grin plastered on his face. I gave him an aggressive nudge to the leg, wanting him to explain to me right away what was going on and why Rylynn called him her daddy.

I looked over to Jackson who seemed to have taken the comment lightly, thankfully, getting a hold of Rylynn’s arm and nagging.

“Rylynn I can be a good daddy too. Why don’t you call me daddy?” insisted Jackson like his usual jealous self would do. Rylynn giggled all the more seeing that Jackson didn’t let her go.

Mark nudged me back to get my attention again and motioned towards the door, showing that he was calling me outside. I took Rylynn away from Mark and handed her over to Jackson, who still hadn’t stopped jokingly distressing about the whole daddy thing. Rylynn happily sat on Jackson’s lap and poked at his cheek playfully.

“I’m going to go get some food,” I stated, walking out the room on my own to not make such a big scene on front of everyone. A few seconds later, Mark came following out, a soft gaze showing on his gentle face.

I wore a skeptical expression, demanding for an explanation.

“What was that about?” I asked, not angry, but not very pleased either. In reality, my body was shaking in anxiety. Mark got a hold of my trembling arms and held me up properly. I fixed his mouth, watching his teeth bite his bottom lip.

“Promise that you won’t freak out!” he said with his soothing bass voice. I glared at him, wanting him to just spit it out already. “I spoke to Rylynn this morning while you were with PD-nim.”

“What the hell did you tell her?” I inquired, trying to remain composed, but I was fuming.

Hey!! Hope you've all been well.

Any of you Bambam and Youngjae fans? It would mean a lot if you read and  subscibed to my sister's story: More than Two.

Seriously it would. Hope you enjoyed this chapter.

I also wrote a Jackson oneshot if any of you are interested. Go check it out!

God Bless You!