Chapter 5

Walking to the lake with Nayeon observing closely was the most awkward thing of life. Although I tried to ignore her altogether, I knew that she was glaring at me, like she always did. I could feel Jackson walk by me a few times with an unusual silence. I could’ve sworn that he would make some stupid remark about my clothing or about my short height. But he didn’t. Not a word. I was beginning to feel like this new Jackson that was presented to me these last couple of days was a bluff.

Once we got to the lake, I immediately threw myself on the fishing rods that Mark was holding to avoid such an uncomfortable situation. Mark followed me with a smile, the other two staying behind doing who-knows-what.

I set myself up right away, putting on the water proof boots and taking a few steps in the water. Mark did the same and tagged along.

Jackson was right, when I was around, Mark seemed almost normal. It was as if the bipolar disorder weren’t an issue anymore. I remembered the times he would be drunk happy to the point where it became worrisome, whereas other times, he would hit his head hard against the wall to the point of bleeding. Those situations rarely occured as of late. Jackson wasn’t lying when he said that I kept Mark well grounded.

Mark stood right behind as I waited stupidly with the fishing rob between my fingers. I felt his arm creep to my side as he got a grip of the fishing rob I was using as well. His arms were warm, contrasting to the cold of our surroundings. His breath brushed against the side of my ear, his head above my right shoulder.

“Do you need help?” asked Mark, his chin still parked to the side of my head. His deep and smooth voice made me shiver.

“N-no. I g-got this,” I stuttered nervously, my hands shaking despite his warmth.

He chuckled a bit, seeing that I was trembling. It was the smile that killed.

“Am I making you feel uncomfortable?” he asked, his hands sliding on top of mine. I coughed, not wanting to answer his question. He laughed again. “I’m really glad that I get to spend time with you like this.”

I still didn’t understand what we were exactly. Although he acted like a boyfriend, he never explicitly mentioned it. Though now, it seemed like he was slowly confirming my assumptions.

“Mark, if you keep acting like this, the company will become suspicious that we’re in a relationship of some kind.”

I turned my head to the side to face him. Mark’s smirk had dropped, his hands still rubbed on top of mine. Every time I disapproved of any thing going on between us, he always seemed to die down. And I hated it.

“Mark, that’s not what I meant. It’s not that I don’t like you. I really do. I just think that we should wait a bit. I want you to focus on your new group and all. Maybe after you settle down with your debut, we can… You know. Be together and whatnot.”

There was a moment of silence. Mark blinked a few times and bit his lip.

“Do you really mean that?” he made sure, searching deep into my eyes. I tried looking away, not wanting him to see the insincerity in my answer.

“Are you kidding me? Of course!” I exclaimed with a forced energy in my voice. I punched the side of his arm mischievously, though it overwhelmed me to force the situation to this extent. Mark released the grip on my hand.

“Alright then.” He bit his lip again. “I’ll wait. I’ll wait,” he repeated, giving out a faint smile. Feeling a bit terrible for making him upset, I threw an arm around his neck and ruffled his hair. Having him as a friend was truly what I wanted. But rejecting him wouldn’t make me such a good friend.

As Mark tried to fight through my tight grip, a strong splash was heard in the back. We both turned to see who it was, only to find Jackson seemingly so upset that he threw a rock violently in the water. Further away, Nayeon stood at shore almost as upset as Jackson seeing he wasn’t in the best of moods.

It was quite the shift of temper, in contrast to his calm and collective self from earlier.

“Jackson, dude, what’s going on?” asked Mark with concern. Jackson stared blankly at the lake, without a responds for the first few seconds.

“Nothing. It’s nothing,” he stated and stood there for a while, empty. Empty. As everyone stared at him in wonder, Jackson moved away from the scene and back into the forest where we had walked in from. Out of worry, I dropped the fishing rob in my hands, my eyes following his every move.

“Nayeon! What happened? What did you do?” asked Mark with a gentleness like no other despite the slight aggressiveness in his tone.

“I didn’t do anything…” assured Nayeon, looking helpless. “When we got here, he just stood there for a few minutes, not even listening to anything I was saying, and out of the blue, started raging out like that. I don’t understand!”

Mark took a few steps away from me and out of the water.

“I’ll go make sure he’s alright,” declared Mark with his deep and concerned voice. I did likewise and grabbed his wrist to stop him from going any further.

“No. I’ll go. I might’ve done something to upset him again.”

“Really? Like what?”

I turned my head towards Jackson walking out and into the woods on his own.

“I’m not sure, actually.” And I walked away, leaving both Nayeon and Mark behind. I followed Jackson’s quick steps on the narrow path. He was so quick that I needed to catch my breath a few times.

“Hey ! Slow down will you?” I shouted without success in making him stop. As my words had no effect on him, I picked up a rock and threw it, aiming precisely at his back. I got him right on, exactly where I wanted it. Jackson finally halted and turned around, his glare piercing right through me. He came closer, forcing me to back up.

I had made him royally angry.

He cornered me to a bunch of clustered trees. I closed my eyes, expecting him to hit me or something of that sort. But he didn’t, stopping on front of me, about a feet away.

I peaked through the crack of my eyelids.

“Jackson,” I said his actual name for once. “Why are you so mad?”

“I’m not!” he shouted right away, his bass-like voice exposing his toughness.

“Well you clearly have issues if you don’t call this being angry. One would think that you’re the bipolar one,” I expressed, openly teasing him at the same time. But Jackson didn’t seem to find it all that funny.

“Will you quit it? Every time I try to be serious, you turn everything into a joke. Is it that hard to take me seriously?” he fought back, just as angry as he was the other day in the practice room. I stood silent, afraid that I’d make things worse. “Do you think it’s easy for me; watching you with my best friend like that?”

I sighed, a bit annoyed and aggravated.

“I don’t understand you. You’re the one who said that you wanted me to go out with Mark because it makes him happy. Don’t you like seeing him like that? How about seeing his mood swings go away? Doesn’t that make you at least slightly grateful for what I’m doing?”

Jackson stood there, his fist clutching tightly together.

“I know… I know I said that.” He sighed and shut his eyes for a while.

“This is hard for me too. I love Mark. He’s really important to me, just as important as he is to you. And making sure he gets better from his sickness is all I want at this point. But…” I swallowed hard before proceeding. “It’s hard. It’s because I like you, idiot. Even if I’m not supposed to.”

Jackson lifted his chin and covered his face with his hands. After a heavy sigh, he moved them away and looked to the side.

“Stupid. You’re not supposed to tell me that,” he complained, tapping his foot to the ground in anxiety.

“I didn’t have to. We both knew that already.”

Jackson grabbed my shoulder, his grip a lot more aggressive than usual to say the least. I jolted a bit in surprise at his abrupt actions.

“Tell me that you hate me. It’s the only way that this will stop. It’s the only way that I’ll stop obsessing over you.”

As he commanded, I did. I told him that I hated him, although insincere, I tried my best to make it sound like I meant it. His grasp on my shoulder finally loosened when I finally did as he asked.

“Good girl,” he pronounced with a softer voice, his hand dropping to my elbow. He played with it for a second, before coming closer.

Although I wanted to move away, my body refused to budge. Subconsciously maybe, Jackson leaned forward to my height and rested his nose next to mine. We were so close, yet we didn’t touch. It was as if there was something blocking us from going any further.

“What the hell?” I heard to our left. Nayeon stood there in disgust, frowning in bitterness, her voice at a higher pitched than the usual. And what we feared most stood only but a meter away from her.

Mark remained in shock, horrified at this sight. Jackson dropped my arm that he was holding and ran towards his friend who was trembling now.

“Mark, this isn’t what you think. I promise,” assured Jackson, scrambling to get past the fallen trees in his path. I couldn’t find a way to move. They stood in place for a while and finally Mark took action, pushing his friend away violently. Jackson, although not falling, was shocked.

Mark shut his eyes and opened them moments later only to look at me. I felt the surge of anger rise, the calmness he had previously had vanished almost instantly. The fury that he transpired was huge. What more if he hadn’t taken his medication.

“So Jackson is the reason you don’t want to be in a relationship. So all that crap about the company catching us was nothing,” began Mark, trying his best to contain himself.

“N-No. I wasn’t… We weren’t…”

And he left, without even sparing me a moment. Although he seemed in rage, he marched calmly back to the campsite. Nayeon, who had witnessed the whole thing, was now in tears, probably out of jealousy.

My focus turned to Jackson, who did likewise. I was disappointed at myself. We were disappointed in ourselves. We had ruined Mark.

I cursed myself for breaking his heart.