Chapter 4

A couple of days later, I finished practice a lot later than usual and found myself leaving the JYP building at 1 in the morning. Although I didn’t have a showcase, I wanted to practice really hard after the disappointing monthly evaluation.

I made my way to the exit of the building in a fairly quick pace to get to a bed as soon as possible. It had been a long day and I really wanted to crash on my bed for at least three hours.

Suddenly, I felt a push forward, almost making me stumble on my face. I turned around only to find Jackson grinning like an idiot.

“Excuse me… Is the main hall to narrow for your fat body?” I glared heavily.

Jackson remained silent and stared at me intently. It seemed very unlike him not making a comeback or turning the situation into a battle of the words. Very unusual. I tried to turn my focus away to avoid the awkward eye contact and went past the door, covering my face with my arm in discomfort.

I marched away at a regular pace until I realize the person whom I was trying to escape from was following me. I quickened my tempo.

“Dude, if you’re trying to run away from me, it’s not working,” he remarked with wit, following carefully from behind. I made a halt to my tracks and shifted my gaze to the side to where he was now standing.

“Are you intending on following me home?” I teased jokingly. But apparently he wasn’t.

“ So what if I am?” he said with his usual confidence. It struck me that he was so bold despite admitting into doing something totally odd.

“What are you? Some sort of stalker?” I fought back again, but he didn’t say anything in return. It felt like I was throwing a ball of insults at him but not getting it thrown back in return. I noticed that things were like lately, and it began to feel somewhat unnatural.  

His hands were in his pocket, his head down as we walked in silence for a couple of minutes. Cars could be herad in the distance, our shuffling feet resonating below us. Then, he finally broke the emptiness.

“I wanted to ask you something actually.”

I bit my lip, curious, but worried all at once.

“What is it?”

He scratched the back of his head and turned slightly red.

“About your parents…”

“It’s okay,” I cut him off before he could go any further in a topic that I didn’t want to dive in to. The silence invaded the atmosphere between us once again. I shouldn’t have made it that awkward. “It’s not that interesting anyway. Nothing that anyone wants to hear.”

“I want to hear it, if you don’t mind.” He still didn’t look at me. We paced slowly down the street, restaurants on either side of the small neighborhood we were passing through. I swallowed the lump in my throat.

“What is there to say?” I gazed at him and he returned it with a charming expression. He was so very gentle, very different from the aggressiveness he usually handled me with. I finally gave in. “Isn’t it unfair? When no matter what you do, no matter how perfect try to be, your parents only see your mistakes.”

Jackson remained attentive.

“But when my sister messes up, all my parents ever do is protect her.” I bit my lip again.

“I’m sure that they protect you too, in their own little way. Maybe your parents just don’t know how to express it properly,.”

“Are you kidding me?  They threw me away. Why do you think that I’m here in spite of all those female trainees bashing me every single practice? Or despite you crushing my confidence every damn day? Apart from here, I have nowhere to go! Even if I want to go home so bad, I can’t.” I fought back calmly. I tried not to have another outburst of emotion to avoid any exposure of weakness. “I want to stand up on stage one day and prove them wrong, prove that I’m actually worth something.”

Jackson stared at me again. His charismatic eyes were a dark brown like no other despite their generic color.

Before I knew it, I felt a sudden surge of heat near my lip. I soon realized that Jackson had planted a light peck on the lip. His forehead leaned on mine, our nose touching, our eyes deep into one another.

I pushed him away abruptly, forcing him to jerk back. I turned my gaze in all directions beside his and pushed my short hair out of my face. 

“Did I make it weird?” he asked scratching his head.

“Ya think?” I tilted my head and finally gave him a glare. I could tell he was trying to erase the awkwardness by inserting his humorous self once again.

“Admit that you liked it though.”

Making me angry, I left him standing there, trying to fast track to my dorm. I didn’t understand what Jackson was trying to do at all. That kiss… it was like a tease.

“Come on, I was just kidding,” he tried to assure without success as he continued to follow me around. I scoffed sarcastically, keeping my area of vision straight ahead.

“Go tell that to Mark and tell me if he finds that funny!” I shouted loudly as I was way ahead of him now. “You’re the one who told me to go out with Mark and now you’re freely kissing me in public,” I mumbled too low for him to hear, getting a glimpse of how far behind he was away now. “Why did you follow me until here anyway?”

“I was bored,” he spoke loudly as he ran a bit to catch up, his hand not leaving his pockets. Nearing the dorm, I was relieved that this conversation would finally be put to an end. I took out my keys, ready to go in as fast as I could. Unfortunately for me, Jackson caught up quicker than I expected.

“Can I come in?” he joked with his fraudulent smile.

“In your dreams!” I threw out, shoving the key into the keyhole. Jackson lifted his shoulders and made out a laugh.

“Ok. I’ll see you tomorrow then.” He chuckle annoyingly, making me frown at his very peculiar behavior. Starting to walk away, he stopped once more and gave out his last words. “Just so you know, even if you think that nobody wants you around, there are people who do. Mark does. I do.”

My heart softened, my hands freezing from twisting the key. I hated when he did this. I hated whenever he admitted that he liked me. Sometimes, I just wished that we could just hate each other for real.

***

Finally, I had the whole weekend off. JYPE had given all the trainees a break by organizing a camping trip. This was a rare occasion because we were normally to spend most of our time practicing. Not today. It was meant for us to have some fun, I wasn’t particularly excited. Spending a couple of days in the wilderness with a bunch of people who didn’t like me wasn’t exactly my idea of ‘having fun’.

Luckily Mark was there to keep me company. He never left me for anyone else, making me feel grateful for having him by me most of the time. Even if I got glares from all the other girls in the process. We drove to the campsite in a bus, the ride being long and tedious. I slept for the most part, Mark drawing beside me for most of the trip. As much as I could, I wanted to avoid Jackson, who in his part acted like nothing had happened between us the other night.

Once we got out, we arrived on the campsite past the mountains and into the forest. We walked a bit on a trail to get to the destination of the camping grounds. It was mildly windy outside, making me feel slightly colder than it actually was. Mark took off the hat on his head and put in over my head, covering my ears.

He offered to put my hand in his pocket for warmth like a true gentleman, but I nodded.

“No it’s okay,” I assured him. “I’ll be fine. Besides, we won’t want anyone to get the wrong idea.”

Mark frowned, tilting his head a bit, showing his disappointment. His gaze dropped, having me feel bad about myself. I tried to shift subject quickly to avoid having to comfort him.

“Hey, did you take your medicine?” I asked, with him still staring at the rocks and leaves he was stepping on.

“Ya, I did,” answered Mark in a low voice.

I glanced above his shoulder and found Jackson walking nearby. His eyes were fixed on a point straight on front of him. I came to the realization that he was looking ahead as the campsite was right on front of us. Jackson dropped his bags near the ready made tent that the company labeled with his name on along with Mark’s.

Why did I keep catching myself going head over heels on Jackson? I shifted my gaze away and made my way to my tent, shaking my head to get my head off that obsessive bastard. I was sharing my tent with Nayeon. Joy! The person who hated me the most. Just my luck.

Nayeon was a very pretty girl, smart, talented, basically what you would define as perfection. She was the girl photocopy of Jackson, essentially. They hung out frequently, which fed her hate for me in some way. She was one of those people who wouldn’t shut up when it came to insulting me. It wasn’t a rare occasion to see her with Jackson, and it didn’t surprise me that she was over at his tent right now. I placed my bag inside the tent as fast as possible to avoid setting up at the same time as Nayeon.

“Lina!” I turned around a bit frazzled, Mark calling my name gently. “You wanna go to the lake or something? We can just walk around.”

“I will if we go fishing,” I said with a smile, struggling to get my sleeping bag open. Mark knelt down and unknotted the strings to unfold the sleeping bag. He smiled, the way he always did whenever I needed help. There was no wonder why he was very popular with girls.

“Sweet!” He was glowing with charm. I stared at him for a good minute as he helped me get back up on my feet. He took care of me like nobody ever has before. The more I thought about it, the more I felt bad about myself for only liking Jackson this whole time.

Why couldn’t I like Mark the same way?

It baffled me.

“Mark, are you coming or what?” called Jackson from behind, standing impatiently with Nayeon nearby. She wore her usual glare full of hatred that annoyed the hell out of me every single time she was around.

“Yeah, I am,” answered Mark as he dusted the dirt off my pants.

Jackson, on his part, looked from Mark to me. Unlike his usual reflex of ignoring my presence when I was with Mark, he gave me a smile. A genuine one. I nearly forgot that people were around for a second.

“Lina, are you coming too?” asked Jackson as he walked over to stand beside his best friend.

I was held aback for a moment, not believing my ears.

“You should.”

Nayeon’s eyes grew, and so did Mark’s. Jackson never treated me nicely in public ever, let alone want me to hang out with them. I blinked a few times, not believing what was happening.

“Her? With us? Jackson, are you serious?” asked Nayeon in bewilderment. Jacksons eyes didn’t leave mine. It was as if they were glued together.

“I need someone to argue with on the way,” he simply gave as an excuse.

Hello! Thank you everyone for all your support. So grateful and blessed.

And to answer a question I got about Mark being able to debut with a bipolar disorder. YES! It is possible. Lee Joon of MBLAQ.suffers from the same condition. God Bless you all!!