Chapter 1

I saw a tear roll down his cheek, making my eyes grow in surprise. I was taken aback by the fact that a guy was crying right before my very own eyes.

“Jackson, what’s wrong?” I asked bending down beside him, his hand still over his eyes. I put my hand on his knee for slight assurance that I was ready to listen. He was giving off a completely different vibe from when I first met him.  His tears displayed vulnerability in contrast to the toughness mixed with laughter he normally displayed. In that moment, I realized that it was impossible to hate him, no matter how much I told myself I should.

Deep down, I knew that I’ve always liked him a lot.

3 years back…

When I first was accepted as a JYPE trainee, I came to Korea not exactly knowing what to expect. I arrived at JYP headquarter in complete awe at how many talented people I was competing against. I was a 16 year old, going out in the wilderness of South Korea. It had always been my dream to become a singer one day and coming to Korea was the best opportunity I could get. On my first training day, my head was swirling nervously, not knowing how the other trainees would treat me.

I entered the dance practice room in my baggy sweat pants and my black hoodie. As I past the doorframe, everyone in the room turned their focus on me. It was as if I were an alien to all the trainees. I could spot a fair-skinned girl sitting on the sofa, glaring at me in disgust along with all her other friends.

Not too far away, I found a boy eying me from head to toe. His gaze was extremely sharp and charismatic. He was pretty good looking, even when covered with sweat. Beside him was a pretty-faced boy with red hair. Out of all the people in the room, he was the only one smiling at me, even if it was only a little.

“Gather around people! Let’s start,” shouted the dance instructor standing in the middle of the room. I walked over, my legs trembling. I wasn’t the best dancer to begin with. I was a better singer if anything. “Today, we’ll be working on the tango, just like we did last week. So team up with your partners from last session.”  Tango seemed to be a mandatory in JYP, it seemed. I didn’t know the first thing about dancing the tango, and the thought of trying it left me bitter.

Of course, since this was my first day, I was on my own. Feeling kind of uncomfortable, I sat down on the couch, watching everyone warm up before getting started. The teacher noticed my confused expression and called out my name.

“Li Na!! I almost forgot about you,” she exclaimed in English. She looked around for a second and spotted the boy with the obsessive glare from earlier. “Jackson!! If you don’t mind, will you be willing to help Li Na out for today? Show her the basics, that’s all…”

So that was his name: Jackson, I told myself.

 “Hey!” he greet with a slight vibration in his voice, no smile, just leaking with charisma. I was relieved that he could speak English.

I stood there, awkwardly staring at him mindlessly.

“Yo! Are you okay? You look kinda…” he asked me with a light smile. I almost wanted him to stay like that, just smiling.

“Lost? Yeah, I guess I kind of am.” I looked away and slapped myself internally for making things awkward.

“I’m Jackson by the way,” he said adjusting this socks, one leg leaning against the sofa. His gaze was so strong, it almost pierced a hole through my face.

“LiNa.” I pronounced, my lips curling up into a smile. I looked around, observing the others practicing in pairs, as instructed. “Hey, question: are we supposed to do that?” I questioned, referring to the couple dancing nearby with excellent flow and technique.

“What did you think we were going to do? Sing along to Justin Bieber songs all morning?” he said playfully. I could already tell that he was the joker type.

“No, actually, I thought we were just gonna sit around and smell each other’s farts all day,” I threw back sarcastically, making him smirk.

“No thanks, I’ll stick with the Justin Beiber songs, thanks,” he teased, before tilting his head, pointing at the dance floor. He tapped me on the shoulder, indicating that we had to start practicing. I stood next to him, facing the mirror. Jackson placed his right hand around my waist, leaning in, his nose inches from my face, catching me by surprise.

“What the hell?” I shouted and pushed him away as a reflex.

“Relax, I’m just showing you the first move,” he said, making me feel even more uncomfortable.

Realizing that I had just misunderstood his actions, I bit my lip out of embarrassment.

“You can’t expect me to teach you the tango if you don’t even let me touch you?” Jackson came back to his initial position and proceeded to show me what to do. He was an excellent dancer; his technique near perfect, his ability to teach them almost flawless.

We spent the next few hours learning the long and extensive choreography. I still had trouble catching up and remembering the moves. Jackson, although was sarcastic and four dimensional, managed to take away the anxious part of me. The more practice went by, the more I adjusted to the new atmosphere. It helped that Jackson’s personality and mine clashed in a weird, sort of, different way. I felt like I already knew him enough to openly insult him, knowing for certain that he wouldn’t get offended, yet I barely knew anything about him at all.

Towards the end of practice session, at last, he got me to twirl, with him still holding my hand gently. After a spin, he pulled me towards his chest for the final position. He told me to put my cheek against his shoulder, looking away, as his chin remained slightly above mine. I could feel his tired breaths blowing on my neck and his hand gripping my back.

I felt this weird sensation go down my spine as we stood there for a few seconds. We were way too close to my liking.

“Can you let go now? You smell weird” I finally made fun of him, as my knees were going numb. He released his grip, scoffing at my unnecessary remark.

“Are you sure that you aren’t smelling yourself?” he attacked back. I gave out a good laugh.

“Why do I have a feeling that we aren’t going to get along?” I remarked casually. Jackson picked up his water bottle and took a sip.

“Getting along? That’s no fun.”

He smiled mischievously. That smile… I became obsessed with it.

“Jackson, you’re scaring me!” I cried panicked. His unusual behavior was getting me worried. He finally took his face out of his arms, his eyes red, his expression tired. His eyes were trailing off to the side, not wanting to meet mine.

“It’s Mark. His medication to regulate his emotions isn’t as effective as it was before… He’s seen a doctor, and things seem to be getting worse… He got really angry the other day.” Jackson paused for a second and swallowed. His voice trembled. “His fists were bloody just yesterday.”

“What? How?” I began to feel worried for Mark. He was normally calm, nice and friendly. But whenever he failed to take his medication for his bipolar disorder, everything about him would change to all extremes.

“I think that he was angry at me,” announced Jackson in a low voice. My eyes grew.

“Did he hit you?” I sat down on my knees in a comfortable position to speak.

“Mark would never hit me, even when he was out of control. Actually, it turns out that he punched the bathroom walls a few times.”

“What did you do for him to react that way?” I sounded frustrated. Mark was very important to me, and hearing that he was in that condition stung my heart.

“I feel like he thinks that I’m in love with you. He got jealous, I guess.” Jackson’s voice was dying down, as if he didn’t want to finish the rest of it. I didn’t bother asking about how Jackson felt about me, or in other words whether or not Mark’s assumptions were right and Jackson was, in fact, in love with me. But I didn’t feel like it was the right time to ask. In the end, I think I knew what the answer to that question was, but it was best to ignore it for the best.

 “LiNa, he loves you so much, you know that?” whispered Jackson between breaths.

2 & a half years back...

A few months had passed after my first days in JYP Entertainment, and I still had close to no friends. They were mostly acquaintances who helped me out when I needed it, yet looked at me weirdly whenever I turned my back. My Korean was still pretty terrible, but I adjusted slightly. As for Jackson… We were friends for a while, or so I thought we were. We would jokingly tease each other in the halls, or hang out together at lunch. He even helped me with my dancing, in which I was clearly deficient.

This constant exposure to Jackson allowed me to become closer to his best friend, the young dashing Mark. He was the polar opposite of Jackson; kindhearted, quiet for the most part, polite. Though at times, because of his disorder, he had drastic shifts of mood, but was an all around nice guy nonetheless.

The more I grew fond of Mark, the more he did of me. We eventually became really close, and I considered him as an older brother practically. Strangely, the closer I got to Mark, the more distant Jackson became towards me. After some time, for some reason, Jackson no longer hung out with me, nor did he help me with my dancing. Furthermore, his teasing became more aggressive, more hurtful. I didn’t understand how that shift of attitude happened so drastically or why he decided to treat me that way so suddenly.

It just happened.

Our relationship essentially became an ensemble of hurtful insults and a battle of words on a regular basis.

I sat in the restaurant where all trainees ate for lunch on a Tuesday, bowls covering every inch of the table on front of me. I was all alone, with half of the other trainees sitting with Jackson further away.

“Do you want me to order some more food for you?” shouted Jackson from the other end of the small restaurant. “Better watch it, you look kinda bloated. You don’t want to eat too much.”

I rolled my eyes. Some of his friends at his table scoffed at me with a look of superiority. As best as I tried to ignore it all, it was hard to avoid 15 pair of eyes glaring at you in the middle of the restaurant. I turned red hot. Even if the public humiliation happened almost everyday when Jackson was around, it still embarrassed me to be criticized in public until now.

I finally looked up to search for Mark on Jackson’s table where he usually was, only to find him taking a seat on front of mine instead. I raised my eyebrow in bewilderment, wondering why he was sitting with me, the loner.

“Why aren’t you sitting over there, with Jackson?”

Mark beamed gently, blinking a few times, but didn’t answer.

“Mark, what are you doing over there?” asked Nayeon, Jackson’s friend who was sitting at his left. She had an annoying smirk painted on her perfect little irritating face. “Why don’t you come sit with us?”

Mark turned around, his arm leaning on the back of the chair. He smiled, facing all the other trainees.

“No thanks,” he answered with simplicity. “I’d rather sit with a very special person,” he finished, obviously referring to me. I was in utter shock. Mark was known for being shy, and his revelation was unexpected. I froze, not knowing how to react, whereas Mark turned around, and continued to eat as if nothing had happened

I looked at the group of trainees whispering amongst themselves. I could sense the hatred they had for me. It was a cold blooded hatred that was forced upon me for no apparent reason. My gaze fell on Jackson, who was staring directly at me with a different aurora from the rest. His smile had gone, replaced by an intense look from me to Mark, back and forth. It was a look filled with anger, jealousy, and pain. And then it hit me. I came to the realization, that very day, that Mark was not the only one who liked me…

I broke our locked eyes and focused back on Mark, who was grinning with his infamous soft expression. Although I really loved Mark, even more so after this revelation, I couldn’t stop thinking about Jackson. My mind was obsessed with him.

Though, I knew I couldn’t hurt Mark. I didn’t want to. But the image of Jackson’s stare that day made it clear, I was in love with him, not Mark.

The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to hate Jackson. I tried… I tried…

“I know that he does,” I answered, my head down. “That he likes me, I mean.” Jackson sat up to his knees and finally tried to make eye contact with me.

“Do you like him? Do you like Mark, I mean?” questioned Jackson with a sorrowful glow in his eyes, demanding for my answer.

“Of course I do. I love Mark. He’s always been so good to me.”

“Then why don’t you go out with him? You would make Mark so happy by doing that. And…”

“No!” I cut him off abruptly. Jackson’s gaze remained on me attentively, waiting for my reasoning.

“Mark hasn’t even asked me out. How can I go out with him if he hasn’t even asked me to be his girlfriend?” I argued, though I knew that was a terrible reason. Jackson bit his lip and persisted.

“If he asked you, would you go out with him?” asked Jackson with desperation in his eyes. I knew that he wanted to help Mark so bad. But the look on his face contradicted it. The look of anger, jealousy, and pain. The same one from two years ago, at the restaurant. The same one that I couldn’t seem to erase from my memory.

Hope you enjoyed that!! Gyaaaaa I just can't with GOT7 anymore... Please leave feedback. :) <3