A/N: Hello ^^

New chapter. Have I already said that i love sassy and meanie Changmin? xD 

Nice to see jaejoong taking the initiative but sad to see him so broken. You will understand when you read. ^^

Hope you like it. Thank you thank you thank you ^^

<3

Chapter 6: Big Mouth

               “If you don’t stop shooting questions I will hang up!” Yunho threatened his friend on the other end of the line, Junsu.

               “But I am sooooo curious. It’s so strange to be with Jaejoong after so long. Is he had different from before as Changmin said?” Junsu’s question made Yunho think.

                “Yes and no.” was his answer.

                “Oh, come on. What kind of an answer is that?” Junsu whined.

                “I’ll explain to you later. A customer is coming.”

                “Okay, okay. But do call me later. Yoochun got a job near your place and I want to tell you about it.” Yunho assured his friend he would call him back before he hanged up to take care of the customer.

                A couple of days had passed since the night he had had dinner with Jaejoong. He wanted to be patient and wait for Jaejoong to contact him. He knew he was busy with school and work and he must be tired. Yunho wanted him to have some proper rest and was decided to let Jaejoong do things at his pace.

                But all that resolution dissipated in a short time and that morning before he left for work he asked Changmin to tell him Jaejoong’s number.

                “Hyung doesn’t have a cellphone.” Was all the information Min gave him. It made sense then that Jae had asked him to write his number instead of just saving it in his cellphone.

                Thankfully that was the last customer of the day. Yunho was cranky. He wanted to give Jaejoong space but at the same time he wanted Jaejoong to come look for him right away. Internal conflicts. He was super cranky and he knew he wasn’t serving the customers as well as he should and as they were used to.

                His mood only lit up a bit when he entered his place and saw a huge pizza box in the kitchen table. When he opened it there was only one slice left.

                “Shim Changmin, couldn’t you have left a bit more for me?” he whined loudly so Changmin could hear him from whatever part of the house he was in.

                “Don’t blame me. Kyuhyun was here a while ago and he ate whatever was left for you. You should be glad there is at least one slice left.” Min said as he entered the open space of the living room+kitchen. He was putting some books and notebooks in a backpack.

                “Fine. I’ll just order one for myself.” Yunho mumbled and dialed the number to the pizzeria.

                “If you’re ordering a new one I’ll just finish this, then.” Changmin chirped happily has he bit into the last slice of pizza.

                2 minutes after Yunho made his order someone rang their doorbell.

                “Wow, are they that fast?” he questioned, surprised.

                Jaejoong had just finished an exhausting day of classes. He felt so tired he called to his work and said he was sick. He didn’t have the energy to stand up and attend to customers for the next five hours.

                He was walking lazily, almost dragging his body, so tired and distracted that he let a notebook fell from his arms. When he went to pick it up he remembered that was where he had written down Yunho’s number. Suddenly he didn’t feel that tired anymore.

                Looking around to find a phone booth he noticed how close he was to Min’s and Yunho’s place.

                ‘Should I?’ he questioned himself but his feet were already taking him in that direction.

                Already walking up the buildings stairs he felt a bit nervous. Maybe Yunho wasn’t even home? Maybe he was being to forward and that would give Yunho the wrong impression.

                ‘To hell with it, the Jaejoong who overthinks stuff is long gone…’ he decided and rang the doorbell.

                A very, very surprised Yunho opened the door.

                “Jae…Jaejoong?” Yunho mumbled. “I thought you were the pizza guy!” that didn’t make much sentence to Jaejoong, he just found it funny.

                “I work at a coffee shop and we don’t do home delivery.” He joked.

                “Hyung? HYUNG! Come in.” Changmin squealed when he saw who was at the door and he shoved Yunho away so he could pull Jaejoong in.

                ‘You should have invited him in sooner, stupid!’ Yunho cursed to himself.

                “Don’t mind Yunho-hyung. He was expecting pizza and you came instead. You can understand his disappointment.” Changmin said as he sat beside Jaejoong on the couch.

                “YAHHH, I’m not disappointed at all.” Yunho complained and instantly felt ashamed. Maybe he shouldn’t have added that ‘at all’ in the end. Jaejoong smiled.

                “You just got out of classes right? Shouldn’t you be at work by now?” Changmin asked after checking his watch to see it was a bit past 8pm. Yunho, observing the whole scene from the kitchen, was extremely jealous of everything Min knew about Jaejoong. He made a mental note to lock Changmin in a room and not let him come out until he had spilled every bit of information he had on Jaejoong.

                “I had a long day at school and I am feeling very tired. I called in sick.” Jae explained.

                “You should be at home resting then…” Min gave his opinion. His concern with Jaejoong seemed pretty genuine. Yunho liked that Jae had people in his life that cared for him.

                “Well, I told Yunho I would be in touch…” Jaejoong said and glanced at Yunho, who was looking at the two sitting on the sofa from the kitchen counter that separated the two areas, elbows resting on the counter and his head being supported by his hands.

                At those words Yunho started getting all nervous and excited. Jaejoong was there especially to see him.

                “Oh, right. The long lost lovers thing.” Changmin said and the other two swallowed hard. “Do you know why I never knew you used to be his neighbor? Because he almost only talked about you when he was drunk and he called you ‘blond angel’.”

                Yunho literally face palmed and hide his face in his hands. Changmin’s big mouth could be sooo dangerous.

                “If he knew you like I do, he would definitely not call you an angel. Hell, hyung I have seen you make straight guys confess to you in…” Changmin would have continued but Jaejoong covered his mouth with his hand and glared at him. What a pity, Yunho was very interested in what Changmin was saying. Jaejoong thought Changmin had understood the warning implicit in his glare but apparently he was wrong because as soon as he uncovered the maknae’s mouth he kept blabbing:

                “What was that for? I was only gonna say that I fell for you in a matter of days and I don’t even like guys. But I gave it up when I realized you were too much for me to handle… You didn’t seem to reject me though…” Changmin smirked and wriggled his eyebrows in a meaningful way.

                Jaejoong glanced nervously at Yunho and Min caught that.

                “Oh, you’re worried what Yun-hyung might think? Don’t be. I found out he was gay because he came onto me one time when he had a bit too much to drink.” Changmin said and Yunho wanted to slap his grin out of his face.

                Thankfully the doorbell rang again interrupting the very awkward conversation.

                “Pizza!” Changmin cheered and went to open the door. “Oh crap, I’m late. Buy guys, have fun.” He picked up his backpack and a slice of pizza and left the apartment.

                He was running to the college’s building when his phone rang.

                “Su-ah.” He greeted.

                “Min, are you at home? Yunho said he would call me back but he hasn’t. I tried calling him but he isn’t picking up.” Junsu explained.

                “Do. Not. Interrupt. Them.”

                “What? What do you mean?”

                “Jae-hyung is at my place alone with Yunho and a delicious pizza. I just threw some conversation topics in the air. Let them be.” Changmin said with a wicked smiled plastered on his face.

                “Uhh, I see! Will do.” Was all Junsu said before hanging up.

                “Let’s see what the chaos I created will bring…” Changmin chuckled too himself before entering his class.

                “You haven’t eaten yet, right?” Yunho was the first to talk after the exit of the trouble maker.

                “I haven’t…” Jae mumbled, still a bit shocked by Changmin’s act. He normally was quiet and not very into socializing. But when he opened his mouth the maknae was merciless.

                Yunho put the pizza in the small coffee table in the living room and went to get some plates and something to drink.

                They sat on the floor, eating quietly, lots of tension still in the air.

                Jae didn’t seem eager to start the conversation so Yunho did it.

                “So, you and Changmin, hum?” he didn’t really want to hear what had happened between the two of them but at the same time he couldn’t let it go. He smiled playfully, trying to act cool about it and make Jaejoong comfortable to talk.

                “There’s really nothing to tell. He was a bit infatuated with the idea he had of me and, well, he is a handsome guy. I didn’t exactly reject him at first. But after some time we just became good friends. He is a loyal dongsaeng.” Jae answered in a matter that, to Yunho, looked cool and casual. But in fact Jaejoong was a bit nervous talking about that cause he didn’t want to somehow make Yunho dislike Changmin.

                “And what idea did he had of you?” Yunho asked, trying to ignore the fact that Jaejoong had just said that his roommate was attractive.

                “Well, that you will have to ask Changmin. But it was something along the lines of a college student with the life of a rock star at night but who has a sensitive side and works during day to support himself.” Jaejoong chuckled.

                “Life of a rock star?” Yunho asked, he was having a hard time imagining the Jae he knew fitting that life style. He used to be so shy.

                “You know how it is: at night people, especially college students, just let go and act a bit excessively. And I happen to be a person and a college student.” Jaejoong tried to joke Yunho wasn’t finding it funny. He was having a hard time picturing a Jaejoong who blended well with the night life and all the excesses that come with it.

                Although, recalling that night he went to meet Jaejoong at the club he could see what Changmin meant. Jaejoong was beautiful and popular but at the same time cold and he somehow looked a bit dangerous in the dark clothes and metallic accessories, which only increased the fascination he awakened in people. He was constantly surrounded by a crowd of friends or at least of people who wanted his attention. And Jaejoong gave them just enough attention to keep them hooked.  One dance with Jaejoong with keep them thinking about him for a week. But Yunho definitely didn’t want to remember Jae swaying his body at the same rhythm and in the same motions as some stranger’s.

                “What are you thinking about?” Jaejoong asked as Yunho was too quiet and lost in his own thoughts.

                “About how different you are…” Yunho confessed and he noticed how Jae tensed up a bit.

                “For better or for worse?” the older asked before taking a bite on his slice of pizza, anything to avoid looking at Yunho when he answered.

                “I’m still deciding.” was Yunho’s honest response. Jaejoong clenched his jaw but hide it by keeping on biting on his pizza. He wasn’t the same person he was 9 years before and he wanted Yunho to realized and accept that. He still feared that Yunho would be disappointed and walk away but he wasn’t fear of rejection. Not anymore. He wasn’t going to back out from having Yunho back in his life from fear of him just leaving again. If Yunho did it would be his loss. Jaejoong was going to see it to the end.

                “What about you? What’s your story with Changmin?” he asked with a smile, driving the conversation to safer places.

                “No, no. There’s no story there. I got drunk once and for brief moments I forgot Changmin was part devil and suddenly found him attractive. I came to my senses when I became sober. Beer goggles, definitely.” Yunho explained even though his thoughts were still wondering about this new facet of the guy sitting in front of him: the rockstar Jaejoong, as Changmin had called it.

             Of Course his mind went balnk and all those things he had been thinking and wondering vanished without a trace when Jaejoong started laughing. How could laughter sound so much like music.

                “Part devil? You two have weird ways of showing your affection for each other.” Jae stated, still chuckling.

               “One gets used to it. Changmin is in fact a very good friend. The only bad side to him is that he eats as much as a family of four.” Yunho shrugged, like it was the most normal thing in the world, making Jaejoong laugh some more and cover his mouth with the back of his hand in that adorable mannerism that made Yunho think Jae could never be the person Changmin described him to be.

                Without thinking much of what he was about to do and in a dare move, Yunho crossed the distance that the table kept between the two of them and gently pulled Jae’s hand away from his face. A tingle of electricity went up his arm by the mere contact.

                Jaejoong was surprised and feeling a bit silly for being so surprised when Yunho had only touched his hand. He could do nothing else but blink quickly and repeatedly.

                “I… don’t hide your smile…” Yunho mumbled feeling, as he did so, that he was crossing some boundaries.

                Jae let both his hands fall on his lap and didn’t hide a small smile that formed on his lips due to Yunho’s words. He remembered a class he had had where they studied facial expressions and the ways of transmitting emotion. His teacher had told him that a performer needs to know how to convey feelings but needs to know how to keep his private emotions private. ‘Have you noticed that you only cover your mouth when your smile is genuine? When you smirk or when you smile without really wanting to, you don’t do it. You cover your mouth like that because, even without realizing, you don’t want to show your true smile to just anyone. That’s a mechanism of defense and the people who are worthy of your uncovered smile should consider themselves lucky.”

                At the time Jaejoong felt to exposed and too analyzed but now, a table away from Yunho, his teacher's words were all he could think of.

                “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” Yunho apologized.

              “Oh, it’s okay.”  Jae assured him but he didn’t really know what else to say. Wow, a speechless Jaejoong was something rare in those days.

                His phone came in his rescue as it started ringing in his pocket. He threw Yunho and apologetic look but Yunho told him to answer it.

                “Hi. …. Don’t worry, I’m having dinner right now. …. You already found a place? That was quick! …. Paying the rent by myself will be a bit more difficult but I’m certain I will find someone to fill your room very quickly. There are always college students looking for a place to rent. …. Yah, Hyunjoong stop worrying. I’ll be fine. I expect you to move out by the end of the week.” Jaejoong joked, immersed in his conversation. He failed to notice the change in Yunho’s expression when he heard the name Hyunjoong.

                The call was short and Jaejoong apologized for the interruption:

                “Sorry for that. He is moving out and is worried that I will have trouble keeping the apartment.”

               Yunho only nodded. He didn’t know if he should say what was on his mind or not. Finally his tongue was quicker than his brain in making a decision:

                “Am I allowed to not like the idea of you living with Hyunjoong?”

                Jae stopped eating and concentrated all his attention on Yunho. He didn’t even noticed Hyunjoong’s name escaping his lips.

              “First it could be a different Hyunjoong. It isn’t but it could be, you. And second: no, you are not allowed. Absolutely not.” He said sternly.

               Yunho just looked down, like a kid who had just been reprehended. Jaejoong actually found it cute but no matter how cute he looked Jae wouldn’t let that petty feeling Yunho had always have against Hyunjoong come back after so many years.

                “Wait, Changmin said you didn’t have a phone…” Yunho suddenly recalled.

                “Oh that. Remember the night I came to return Min’s wallet? Don’t you remember me getting a call?” Jaejoong explained. “This is a different phone. I change numbers pretty often. Only Hyunjoong and my boss have my number. I change them so often I don’t bother giving my number to people and just say I don’t have a phone.” Yunho noticed how it was a different phone.

                “But why?” he asked, very curious.

                “To avoid my parents. When they find my number I change it. I tried registering my phone under some friend’s name but they always manage to find my number.” Jae’s face turned a bit darker as he talked about that.

                “Why do you want to avoid them?” Yunho asked though he thought he knew the reason. Jaejoong looked at him:

                “Nothing changed after I left, Yunho. They didn’t change.” It was the first time Jaejoong actually spoke about the past and all Yunho could feel was an immense guilt. “I moved out as soon as I graduated from high school and moved to somewhere far away from them. Now they are on the other side of the country and coming looking for me in person is too much of a trouble. I would like they just quit trying to call me. It’s not like they have anything nice to say…”

                Yunho was being consumed by guilt. Jae was on his own since he was 19.

                “Oh, don’t look at me like that. I’ve had enough time to learn to not be bothered by it…” Jae said when he noticed Yunho’s gloomy and worried expression. At that time another phone call came. This time it was Yunho’s phone that rang.

                “Speaking of parents…” Yunho said when he saw the ID caller. Jaejoong tensed up a bit. Did Yunho’s parents know about he and Yunho meeting? He remembered how they were always so nice to them and he remembered how his last contact with them was a through a card, almost 6 years before. He felt sorry for being so ungrateful and he definitely didn’t want to deal with that just yet.

                “Omma!” Yunho greeted, his mood getting better. “I have already eaten, yes. … Changmin is in class. …. No, I…I’m actually not alone.” Yunho glanced at Jaejoong but the latter’s expression was impenetrable. “Yes… I’m with him.” ‘So his parents know?’ Jae thought and felt like running from there, almost guessing what Yunho’s words would be. He was right. “Omma, do… do you wanna talk with him?” Jaejoong nodded his head frantically, trying to make Yunho understand he didn’t want to pick up the phone but the later just whispered “She just wants to say hi.” and handed Jae the phone.

                Jaejoong looked at it for a moment, panicking without even knowing why. Bad memories from the past were pouring over him, things he wanted to block because he just couldn’t deal with them.

                The fear of having all those bad feelings coming back was too strong. He got up, ignoring the cellphone, and half run in the direction of the door.

                “Mom, I’ll call you back.” Yunho saw all the emotions Jaejoong was feeling being reflected on his face and he instantly regretted passing him the phone. He quickly got up and caught Jaejoong when he was about to exit the apartment. He grabbed his wrist and made him turn around:

                “Jaejoong, wait. I’m sorry.”

                “Let me go.” Jaejoong growled and freed his wrist just to have it caught again by Yunho.

                “Please wait. I was stupid to do that. She… she actually misses you and is glad to know you are all right…”

                “Stop talking, just stop talking!” Jaejoong was trying hard not to scream at Yunho. All that he was saying was only making Jaejoong feel worse. He was being transported to a time where Mrs. Jung was just next door always ready to give him a piece of pie, a friendly hug and a good advice. All the warmth and care he lacked at home. He missed all that so much it made him crazy and the only way to stay sane was to block it away from his mind. “Let me go…” he demanded again, not even realizing how he was shacking until his legs lost the strength to support his body. He had to bend his knees and rest his forehead on top of them. Everything was spinning and it was getting hard to breath.

                “Jaejoong, please calm down…” Yunho was begging, feeling impotent, not knowing what to do, just knowing that it was his entire fault. He pulled Jaejoong up by his arm and helped him walk to the couch were the older lied on his side, trying to hug his body into a ball.

                Yunho searched in the kitchen for a paper bag. It was the only thing he could think of that could help with Jae’s anxiety attack. He found it and run back to Jaejoong, telling him to breath into the bag. He kept Jae’s back soothingly.

                Jaejoong was looking at Yunho right in the eyes and Yunho did the same.

                Jaejoong couldn’t explain how he felt so scared to face the past where Yunho belonged when he knew it was the best time of his life. He had lost it, that was what he was afraid of: loss. So afraid to the point his body would react that way and feel tired and completely drained of energy afterwards.

                Many times through those 9 years he wished he hadn’t known what it was to have someone like Yun’s parents caring for him or having loyal friends and someone to depend on. Especially he wished he had never knew what it was like to love with the intensity he had loved Yunho because that way he wouldn’t hurt so much when he looked back and thought about what he lost.

                  But now, looking at Yunho’s eyes as he slowly became sleepy after having no more energy to stay conscious, he could only wish that he had had the opportunity to experience all that for more than a few months. He wished that he had watched the previous nine years come and go with Yunho by his side.

                 Yunho saw Jaejoong fall asleep and felt relieved that he had somewhat calmed down.

                 Not caring about boundaries at that moment, Yunho Jae’s hair remembering how it used to be longer and golden blond.