A/N: Anyonghaseyo!!

I think i need to sing this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qfiDiTT-D2k to all of you.

I'm really sorry for taking so longgg to update.

I had planned to update everyother day after my exams ended. but it turned out exams weren't the most stressfull thing in my life recently.

I'm moving to a new city and to a new house for a few months to do my internship and the searching for a house, buying the things i need, getting to know a completely strange city and preparing for the internship it self as been a full time job.

It has been really hard to find time to write and i'm sorry i'm not doing a double update after such a long time without updating.

I will try to write and finish this story before i move away because once I'm there I won't have much free time.

I know how frustrating it can be to wait for updates but at this point i cant say if i will update tomorrow or in two weeks.

I hope you guys like this story enough to wait for the updates.

I will do my best guys. sorry =(

               Yunho paced back and forward in front of Jae’s and Yoochun’s apartment door wanting to ring the doorbell but at the same time wanting to delay telling the truth to Jaejoong for as long as possible.

                He was still in this indecision when the door opened from the inside the house and he was face to face with Jae:

                “What are you doing?” Jaejoong asked sounding the least interested possible.

                “I… I wasn’t sure if you’d be home. I thought you would be at work…” Yunho mumbled.

                “You know, a good way to check if somebody is home is by knocking at the door.” Jae replied in a dry, mean tone that only made Yunho chuckle. “What’s so funny?”

                “Oh, nothing.” He bit the side of his mouth to stop laughing.

                “I’m heading out and Yoochun isn’t home. So tell me what do you want?” Jaejoong tried to sound even meaner.

                “You’re adorable.” Yunho blurted out before he could stop himself. The look of surprise on Jae’s face only made him want to laugh again.

                “And you’re being weird.” Jaejoong was starting to get irritated because his cold treatment wasn’t having the expected effect on Yunho. “Are you gonna tell me what you want?? I don’t have all day.”

                “I came to see if you weren’t working and if perhaps you had a bit of free time you could go shopping with me. It was recently pointed to me that my wardrobe makes me look like a middle school p.e teacher.” He tried to be funny but Jaejoong kept eyeing him like he had gone crazy.

                “Weren’t you busy today? Something about a date?” Jaejoong spat out and half rolled his eyes.

                “Oh… that…” guilt was written all over his face and he knew 9 years ago Jaejoong would have seen right through him.

                “You. Jerk! There was never a date, was there?” he asked, now angry and with a good reason. It seemed even now he could read Yunho easily. Jae ignored Yunho and rushed downstairs to the street.

                “WAIT. Don’t get mad. Someone did invite me but I ended up saying no. I just wanted to tease you a bit and see how you would react. It’s pretty hard to understand what’s going through your mind these days…” Yunho ran after him while he spoke.

                “Oh… You just wanted to tease me? It’s alright then, I’m not mad.” Jae’s tone was full of sarcasm. “Screw you Yunho. You wanted to see how I would react? Here’s my reaction: I’m pissed as hell.”

                “I figured you would be but it’s kinda worth it because at least I got to know that you care too. After all, you spanked a pillow because of me.” Yunho was still trying to be playful but Jaejoong had just realized something that only made him get angrier:

                “Yoochun told you??? What the hell is this? Some sort of stratagem you two plotted against me to see how long it would take to make me angry?... You know what? Get out of my face before I break yours.” Jaejoong roared, attracting attention from the people who passed by them on the street but not caring at all. He passed through Yunho, bumping his shoulder very aggressively, and started walking away again.

                Yunho stood there looking at him walking away for a minute. Jae had changed in a way that Yunho could never look at him like someone who needed constant care and protection again. He smiled to himself, he liked how Jae turned out to be someone secure and who could defend himself.

                When he woke up from his daydreams Jae was already quite far away and he had to run to catch up.

                Jaejoong was walking without seeing where he was going, just concentrating on how furious he was. He didn’t notice Yunho approaching and was caught by surprise when Yunho grabbed him by the arm and pulled him into a more deserted street.

                “You have some nerve…” he started saying and fighting to free his arm to walk away but Yunho was having none of that. He pinned Jae’s arms against his body and trapped him against a wall. His brain didn’t process how close they were until a moment later, and by then it was too late to back away.

                “Will you listen?” he said in a low volume but in a tone that made Jaejoong stop fighting right away. “I didn’t mean to make you angry. It’s true I lied, I never intended to accept that date invitation…”

                “Jerk.” Jaejoong mumbled under his breath. He was looking over Yunho’s shoulder to nothing in particular, just avoiding Yunho’s gaze. Like the day before this ‘in control’ and confident Yunho was making his knees go weak. The closeness wasn’t helping at all.

                “… I only said that because I was jealous. I was jealous of you and that friend of yours and you know I was never one to deal well with jealousy.” Yunho confessed. Him being so forward and honest about that surprised Jae who finally looked into Yunho’s eyes, trying to read his expression. “Don’t give me that look, Jaejoong. You know pretty well how I fell. I knew since the moment I met you in that bar that I wanted you like I did 9 years ago. I just needed to know that you cared too…” Jaejoong was now quiet and listening intently to Yunho’s every word. Yunho let go of his arms. “… and I’m glad you do.” he said in a barely audible voice and stoked the side of Jae’s face feeling the familiar tingling sensation.

                Jaejoong swallowed hard and looked away. Yunho chuckled at his reaction and took a step back, giving Jaejoong some space.

                The older one needed a minute to recompose himself and settle his erratic beating heart:

                “I’m gonna sing in that cafe with live music near my house tonight. Come if you want. Bring Changmin. I have things to do so…” and just like that he walked away leaving a Yunho with a goofy smile on his face behind.

                Jaejoong was quite sure Yunho would go see him that night and that was making him a bit nervous. Yunho was the first person who heard him sing, he didn’t want to disappoint him. And there was something he needed to do: change the songs he would sing.

                Yunho let Jaejoong go away, as always without saying goodbye, but he felt that Jae inviting him to see him singing was a small victory. He could no longer deny that he had longed for Jaejoong all those years, even though he pretended to have forgotten him. He wanted him and Jaejoong to be together, he wanted to tell Jae that he loved him…

                But first things first: he needed to find something appropriated to wear that night.

                “Junsu-ah, are you free?” ‘I must be really desperate to ask Junsu of all people to help me buy new clothes.’ He thought to himself and chuckled when Junsu answered the phone.

                “Where are we going again?” Changmin asked for the third time while he watched Yunho freaking out because he didn’t have shoes that fitted his new outfit.

                “Jaejoong is singing in a cafe and he invited us to go watch him.”

                “I see. But if Yoochun and Junsu are going too why do I have to go? I had other plans hyung and I saw Jae-hyung sing plenty of times.” Changmin complained.

                “You were so lucky and you are complaining little brat…” Yunho mumbled to himself as he kicked another pair of shoes to the other side of the room. “Will you borrow me something or what?”

                “Pff, try asking nicely.” Min said, always loving to make his hyungs beg him for something. Yunho glared at him, definitely not in the mood to play Changmin’s games, and the younger ran to his room. It was hard to make Yunho angry, but when he was angry he was scary. “Here, wear this. And next time don’t buy fancy clothes without buying shoes too when you know very well you only have sneakers at home.”

                “Thanks. Well? How do I look?” Yunho asked after putting the shoes on. Changmin replied with a simple thumbs’ up. “I’m nervous.”

                “You’re pathetic!” Changmin rolled his eyes.

                “Yah! Don’t treat me like that…” Yunho complained but Changmin was already out of the room to go open the front door after the bell had just ringed. Junsu and Yoochun entered wearing attire much less fancy than Yunho’s.

                “Great, now I’m going to stand out.” He whined.

                “Oh, don’t be silly. You look very good, don’t worry.” Junsu said.

                “Yeah, Jaejoong will definitely like this outfit.” Yoochun tried to encourage him too.

                “Can we go now or do you need to put on your make up?” Changmin said making the other three chuckle as they left the house.

                The place where Jaejoong was gonna perform was a medium size café that had a space for exhibits being it the art of a local painter or, like that night, live music.

                It was the first time Yunho had been there. It was a nice place but mostly filled with college students. He felt old all of a sudden, especially when Changmin knew 80% of the people there and he was just the overdressed stranger.

                “Will you relax? You look like your about to vomit any time soon.” Yoochun whispered to him.

                “I can’t help it. I’m really nervous… the fact that this place is filled with teenagers is only contributing to make me feel out of place.”

                “Oh, buhh uhh… will you stop being dramatic? This café as a partnership with the university, lots of students perform. It gives them practice in front of a crowd. It’s only natural that there are many college students here tonight.” Yoochun explained.

                “I didn’t know that…”

                “Perks of living with a college student.” Yoochun said with a wink.

                ‘That’s right. Jae is still in college.’ Yunho thought, feeling a little better that there was a college student there who didn’t seem to be 15 years old.

                They found an empty table after a few minutes of struggling to get through the crowd that filled the café. It was crammed. Yunho was sure that lots of safety rules were being violate, there were probably twice as much people than it should be allowed in that small space.

                “It looks like this is a popular place, I can´t move without hitting two or three people…” Yunho said over the loud noise of people chatting everywhere. Changmin chuckled knowingly:

                “It’s not the place that’s popular, it’s the performer.”

                Yunho was gonna further question Changmin on that but the room suddenly went silent and everyone turned to the small stage where 4 people where now standing: Jaejoong, a guy and a young girl he didn’t know and Junhyung.  

                “What’s he doing here?” Yunho asked Changmin who just shushed him. It was Yoochun who patiently answered him:

                “Jae and he are working on some songs together. Junhyung is a rapper. He is a guest of Jaejoong for this performance.”

                Yunho nodded in understanding, still not liking the fact that Jae’s ‘date’ was there. But at the moment he was gonna start whining about it, Jae, on the stage, saw Yunho and his friends sitting a few tables away and started waving like crazy.

                ‘Will you stop acting that cute in front of so many people?’ Yunho thought though a huge smile was plastered in his face.

                “He doesn’t seem to be mad anymore…” Junsu whispered to him and he answered with a simple nod.

                “Hello everyone! Thank you for being here tonight. I’m gonna be singing a few original songs. I hope you like it.” Jae said.

                Yunho noticed how he would flash a smile or wink at someone from time to time. Changmin was right, Jaejoong was popular and he knew how to use in his favor.

                The guy Yunho didn’t know started playing the piano and Yunho started trembling with excitement. Just a few weeks before he never thought he would here Jaejoong sing again.

                Gently and effortlessly Jae started singing and the room burst into applauses. Yunho shushed them, though over the loud noise no one heard him but his friends who laughed at him. He didn’t care; he wasn’t even paying attention to them. His gaze never leaving the stage and the beautiful Jaejoong who made singing look like as natural as breathing.

                The young girl started singing along with Jaejoong and thought their voices sounded good together, Yunho wished he could here only Jaejoong.

                When the song finished applauses filled the room again. Jae searched for Yunho in the middle and the crowd and found the other staring at him wearing a pleased smile. He smiled back before someone stood up and broke his line of sight to Yunho.

                It was funny how though he was in a crowded café and he could barely see Yunho, just knowing that he was there watching him sing made Jaejoong feel like he was in that familiar lawn of the abandoned house where they used to secretly meet when they were younger.

                Those memories still hurt, after all they were memories of happiness interrupted and for years Jae had trained himself to forget them or else the longing to have all that back would drive him crazy. But now that Yunho was back, those memories also made him feel warm inside and brought a smile to his face.

                Jaejoong sang a few more songs, including a duet with Junhyung, and nearing the end of the show he sang alone in the middle of the stage with only a guitar or the piano to accompany him. Yunho was totally pleased with that.

                “The last song I’ll sing was written by me in a time where no matter who was around me I felt terribly lonely because I was missing only one person.” Jaejoong announced and glanced quickly at his friends table. This time he was not smiling.

                Yunho felt his heart clench. Was the song about him?

                Junsu squeezed his leg under the table and Yoochun looked at him with a worried expression. “What do you guys know that I don’t?” he asked but Jae started singing and the room fell into absolute silence.

                The lights on the stage were now lowered with only a bright light focused on Jaejoong. He was sitting, a microphone resting on its stand in front of him, his eyes closed.

Give me one last hug

Give me one last kiss 

Give me one last hug

Give me one last kiss 

                Jaejoong started, his voice low and husky and deep and making Yunho shiver and his heart start racing.

I don’t want you to go

 Please

 neo-man iss-eu-myeon dwae (I just need you)

                By then Yunho knew: this song was Jae’s plead for Yunho not to leave him. A plead he had never heard.

Not feeling.

No pain, no fear.

Mu-seob-ji anh-a, anh-a (There is no fear)

Loot at my eyes Look at my eyes

cheon-guk-i bo-yeo bo-yeo (You can see heaven)

Let me show you what’s you’re missin’ 

Let me show you what’s you’re missin’ 

I’m your I’m your Paradise

When Jaejoong sang that he opened his eyes and easily found the person he was looking for in the middle of the crowd.

His heart was pounding so heard he could almost hear it over the sound of his own voice.

         Yunho felt like there was no one else in the room and that the distance between him and Jaejoong was much smaller than it truly was. Over the years Yunho knew very well what and who he was missing. The frustration of knowing that if he hadn’t given up so soon, if he had only read those letters, if he hadn’t focused on his pain alone and fail to think of how Jaejoong was feeling, they could have been together all along.

The rhythm of the music changed slightly. Jaejoong’s voice became deeper, raspier as he started to sing:

Sa-rang-hae. Sa-rang-hae.

Neol sa-rang-hae (neol sa-rang-hae),

Neol sa-rang-hae!

         Yunho didn’t notice the concerned looks his friends were giving him. Changmin was starting to learn and understand that the relationship between his two older friends was something taking out of movies. But Yoochun and Junsu knew that from long ago and they knew that Jae was Yunho’s ultimate strength and weakness and understood that hearing those words was making Yunho go through a wave of feelings too strong for one person to handle in such short time. Because of that both of them had a hand on top of Yunho’s knee, keeping him in place and waiting for his reaction, that could very well be running to the stage, grab Jaejoong and run away from there with him.

            Yunho was oblivious to all that and to the girls in the room, along with some guys, melting at the sound of Jae’s voice and ready to fall at his feet.

            There was only Jaejoong, there was only his voice and the painful confession he was singing. Yunho wanted to cry about the past, wanted to close his eyes and sway at the sound of Jae’s beautiful voice, wanted to get angry and scream about everything that could have been, wanted to embrace Jaejoong and ask him to sing only for him…

           Jaejoong kept singing while looking straight into Yunho’s eyes. The rest of the people in the room could never understand how that was one very intimate moment between the two of them, even in the middle of a crowd.

           He hadn’t sing that song many times after he wrote it. It was admitting he was hurting and he had to deny that to survive the pain.

           But now, singing it to the person who was meant to hear it, it surprised Jaejoong how he felt more relief than pain. He was facing the past and he thought it would hurt but it turned out that putting that all behind was giving him a chance to start anew with no one else but Yunho. A heavy burden that he didn’t even realize he was carrying was lifted from his shoulders. He thought he was doing ok, that he had put his past behind and had a new and fulfilling life. But what he felt while singing that song made him realize what his heart always knew: he could only truly live with Yunho by his side.

I’m your I’m your paradise

Jaejoong sang the last line of the song but didn’t break eye contact with Yunho, not even when the room was filled with applauses.

         Yunho stared back at Jaejoong with the same intensity. He kept thinking of how he would make him the happiest person in the world. There would be no need to apologize for the past or make up for it. The best thing they could do now was to live the present like they would have done if time hadn’t separated them. Yunho hopped the soft smile on Jae’s lips as he stared at him meant he was thinking the same thing.

         Yoochun, Junsu and Changmin kept looking from Yunho to Jaejoong. People were starting to exit the shop and a lot of noise was heard, but those two kept looking at each other and having a conversation without words.

        Only when people went up to the stage to congratulate Jaejoong and even ask for an autograph or to take a picture did Yunho’s expression changed. That intimate moment was suddenly interrupted by a bunch of hysterical girls and he didn’t like it a bit.

          “See what I mean when I say hyung is like a rock star?” Changmin said smiling, proud of his friend who was now hugging ‘fans’ and taking pictures with everyone.

“Shut up.” Junsu scolded him and kicked the younger under the table.

          “Outch! What did I do?” he complained and Junsu pointed at Yunho. The later was still staring at the stage but now he seemed kind of angry. Changmin looked back at the stage and saw Jae hugging a guy he knew from college.

“You’re about to see jealous Yunho. Be prepared for some damage control.” Junsu explained.

         This was definitely a side of Yunho that Changmin didn’t know. He was used to the relaxed guy who wore the same kind of outfit every day and who was happy enough with his boring job; never angry but never too happy either. It was like Yunho wasn’t capable of strong emotions. Now seeing how intense his hyung was when it came to Jaejoong he wondered how Yunho was when he was younger and if it was Jaejoong who had marked him so strongly to turn him into the resigned person he was now.

“Relax, people want to congratulate him. It’s only normal.” Yoochun said, trying to help Yunho calm down.

        “I’m pretty relaxed, thank you.” The later responded in a tone that made sure he was everything but relaxed. Yoochun just chuckled and shrugged. “I’m going home. Bye.” Yunho said out of the blue, stood up and walked to the exit.

“Hyung, wait. Let’s go together.” Changmin called.

         “Maknae, sit. He isn’t going home.” Yoochun said with a knowing smile. Changmin was confused but didn’t ask for an explanation. The dynamics of Jaejoong’s and Yunho’s relationship were just weird and he accepted that.

          After almost forty minutes the crowd that previously surrounded Jaejoong started to dissipate and his friend, who patiently waited for him, had their opportunity to congratulate him on a great performance.

“Hyung, that was awesome. You have so many fans.” Changmin said.

“This was just a school assignment. I don’t have fans Minnie-ah, don’t be silly.”

“Well, you have me.” Min said with his best cute look making the others roll their eyes and laugh.

“It was really great hyung. You were born for this.” Came Junsu. Jae gave him a half hug in return.

“I didn’t knew you were gonna sing that song. It had some impact.” Yoochun said, referring to the last song. He was one of the few people who had read the lyrics before but had never heard it.

“Impact?” Jae asked and raised a brow.

“You know very well who I’m talking about. And he said he was going home by the way.” Yoochun said with a grin.

        “Home? Why? What the hell… that guy, seriously…” Jae kept mumbling. Changmin was the only one who seemed kind of worried, the other two were just grinning, very much used to the push and pull between Jae and Yunho. “I’ll be going to, then. Bye guys.”

         “Wait, I’ll walk with…” Changmin started but Junsu covered his mouth until Jae exited the shop and Yoochun said: “His not going home.”

          “Aishhh. I give up. Those two are too complicated for me to handle. If no one else is going home I am!” The younger grumbled as he walked away leaving his friend laughing.

“If I had a cellphone I would so call that stupid baboon and tell him some things…” Jae mumbled to himself on his way to his place.

“You’re the stupid baboon.” A voice sounded behind him and he turned to see no one else but the person he wanted to scold.

       Yunho was leaning against a wall, a few meters away from the coffee shop and in the way to Jaejoong’s house. Yoochun’s predictions were spot on.

“So childish, Jung Yunho. And weren’t you going home?” Jae said with his best ‘I couldn’t care less’ look.

“I thought it would be polite to greet the artist before I leave.”

“Well, great job you’re doing, lurking in the corners in the middle of the night…” Jae said and rolled his eyes.

“You sang beautifully. I missed hearing you!” Yunho changed the subject so quickly Jaejoong was taken aback. He smiled:

“Thank you.” He said shyly.

         “No need to thank me. You know you are good at it. All those people kissing your are proof of it.” Yunho changed his tone to a colder one yet again.

“What…what the hell are you saying?” Jae said, starting to get angry, just like Yunho was too.

         “Go home. You must be tired after so many hugs and kisses and photographys. You should rest.” Yunho said, still leaning against the wall, looking as casual as possible though inside he was boiling in jealousy.

“You must be kidding me… you could have gone up there and congratulate me too. Why didn’t you???”

“You had enough people around you. A lot of guys too. Anyone caught your eye?”

          “Are you ing stupid? Can you hear what you’re saying?” Jaejoong was now really angry and Yunho was starting to regret what he said. He was jealous, so damn jealous, and he didn’t knew how to deal with it. He always said the wrong things at those times, and asking Jaejoong if he liked some of the guys in the same day he had confessed was a really, reaaaly stupid move. “Go home, Yunho, before you say something even worse and I punch your pretty face.” Jae said after calming down a bit. Now he sounded disappointed and that made Yunho feel like an idiot who couldn’t even express his feelings well.

Jaejoong started to walk away before Yunho could gather his thoughts and say exactly what he wanted too:

         “I want to have you all for me!” he half screamed so Jaejoong could hear him and face palmed right after. Why did his brain always have to fail him when he was with Jaejoong?

Jaejoong turned around a bit surprise and saw Yunho waling to him.

        “I just don’t understand why would you sing that song, something that is so personal, and then ignore me… argh…”  Yunho explained and sighed in frustration.

 “I wasn’t ignoring you, don’t be stupid…” Jaejoong said, still mad.

          “I wished you would have come to me. Do you know what that song meant to me? How it made me feel? Do you think it’s fair to say all that and then just play around with your fans while I’m… I’m feelling so many things I can’t even explain it?”

         “Yunho will you stop? You’re making it sound like I made something on purpose. That café was full, do you think if I had just left the stage and went to you we would have space to talk? I greeted some people, yeah. So what?? I thought you would wait so we could talk quietly. After waiting 9 years what’s some more minutes, hum? But you know what? Now I don’t even wanna talk, I’m so done with these nonsense arguments…”

         “Stop getting mad. I’m trying to tell you how I feel, why I was kind of angry and behaving like a jerk right now. I am jealous. Freaking jealous, can’t you see? Everyone having your attention while I was the one who should have it because I have so much to say made me pissed and jealous. So stop getting angry and trying to walk away and understand me a bit.” Yunho said without making pauses, leaving him short of air when he finished. Both of them were kind of yelling at that point.

           “Then why the hell didn’t you come on stage and take me away from there? Do you think I wanted to be surrounded by strangers after singing something like that? I poured my heart out on that stage and then had to put on a smile because I didn’t know how to say no to those people. So you have no right to get pissed and then ask me not to get angry when I’m a bit lost here too, ok?” Jae yelled back.

            Silence settled as they stared at each other. Being so honest and saying exactly what they were feeling to the other was knew for them. After a few minutes:

         “I wanted to take you out of that stage. I just… I thought you might get mad.” Yunho said in a lower voice, more calm and going with the honesty. If those two silly men spoke their minds more often half of their arguments wouldn’t exist.

Jaejoong rolled his eyes:

“You thought, you thought. I’m tired of overthinking things, aren’t you?”

Yunho smiled at those words, a wicked smile that Jaejoong didn’t understand at first:

“You know? You’re absolutely right…” Yunho said before pulling Jaejoong closer by his arm and waist and kissing him.

         That tingling sensation that spread through Jae’s body when Yunho touched him was stronger than ever when Yunho kissed him like that, gently but needy. A sweet lock of lips, tasting, softly grazing in each other’s but at the same time demanding more, eager.

          Yunho was cautious, waiting for Jae’s reaction, expecting to be pushed away. He knew he was probably moving too fast but he was following Jae’s words and not overthinking things so he just did what he felt like doing.

         To his surprise, after the initial choke, Jae placed a hand on the back of his neck pulling him impossibly closer and deepening the kiss. Their bodies were pressed together and they were pulling each other closer with no intention of letting go anytime soon.

The kiss became rougher, sloppier, and needier. It was as if they were showing how much they missed each other with that kiss.

        Jaejoong buried his hand in Yunho’s hair, tugging on it and pulling him down to meet his height.  Yunho wrapped his arms around Jaejoong, keeping him close and not letting him getting a centimeter away.

Neither of them knew exactly for how long that kiss went but they only broke it when they felt short of air.

Yunho kept hugging Jaejoong, his back as both of them recovered their breath.

“I bet you’re tired. You should go home and rest.” Yunho whispered into Jae’s ear. Jaejoong broke the hug to look at Yunho.

        “You’re right. I’m going home now. Do. Not. Follow. Me.” He said the last sentence in a teasing tone as he started to walk away. Yunho chuckled:

“Who said I wanted to?”

         They started walking in different directions. Both of them feeling like so much had changed in one day. Both of them not wanting the other to go. Both of them wanting to be together and not be afraid of the past or anyones’ judgments any longer.