The time I let the news like I have never read it, my mind play play the scence happened last night at NB club. I was so drunk, and Youngbae came, asked me to go home. But I refused to follow him, instead I punched him on his face. Sh!t.. I did what???

                “OH MY GOD BAE-AH! Are you okay?” I look at his face, make sure he is okay. There I see right at the left corner of his mouth there’s  a wound. Thank my clenched fist for that.

                He smirks at me, judging me by his sight. “You’re asking me just now, so I thought you’ve sober enough. Let’s get dressed, we will go to meet Hyunsuk hyung..” he gets up from the couch. I follow him walking to the kitchen. And he continues talking, “We should do something to take care of the mess you have made. Should we post one or two photos on instagram?”

                Like hell we would. My hangover stil can be traced right now and he wants us to take a shot? NO! What if Chaerin-as$ opened her instagram account and lurking on my page then found me with my hangover there?! NO! I WILL NOT DO THAT! She knows me the best to know I drank so many martini last night, probably just by looking at my photos in a second.

                “I’d better take a shower first before we take some selca together?” okay this sounds weird I know Youngbae feels the same because now he looks at me strangely. “You know some considerations that maybe.. maybe… it will worse if all fans see me in this hangover condition…”

                What a pathetic exception.

                “Up to you.. I will be waiting for you here,” and by Youngbae’s words I go to the bathroom inside my bedroom.

                I am showering myself with the waters. It’s cold. I need all things cold to freeze my brain. Let me say I have become so stupid because of Chaerin. That girl doesn’t even think about me and yet I am a mess without her. How can I be more dumb than this?

                The cold water keep showering me with tons of colds. I take the soap and there I find Chaerin’s favorite soap is there. She didn’t come here to take it before she left? Oh.. I put my soap back and then take Chaerin’s soap from its place. It smells like Chaerin. I miss her. GOSH. Again I am a witness of my own stupidity, there I use Chaerin’s soap instead of mine and obsessed with the smell. I’m thinking about her, imagining her, visualizing her, smelling her, but I can’t have her.

                This is the feeling of being abandoned. Chaerin disposed me like I’m a little of .

                BANG…….

                I have my right hand bloody. I hit the mirror in front of me. DAMN YOU CHAERIN!

***

Youngbae comes into the bathroom and got panic when he sees me bleeding and the mirror is broken into pieces under my foot. He throws a towel to me and scream asking me to wear it. He helps me move from bathroom to the bedroom and places me on my bed. He then phones someone whom I have no idea. In fact my brain is really been freezed. I don’t know what I’m doing. This problem takes over my mind.

                “Are you insane or what?” Youngbae says coldly at me after he finished with all business he has been doing since he found me bleeding.

                “I can’t leave you like this. I have phoned Harry and he is on his way here. We will take you to the hospital and make sure your hand is okay…” Youngbae keeps talking and I am not listening. I’m busy with my own thought.

                Chaerin flew to France, right? To meet her parents and her family. Although France is so far and it takes hours to fly there, but it’s not impossible to go after her. YEAH! THIS IS IT! Why don’t I think about this idea since yesterday? Oh come on! Korea to France is still close compares to Korea to the moon for example. I have spent my times for non sense sadness after all.

                I will take my days off overriding my schedules. This is the only way out I can do. If Chaerin wants to play hide and seek with me, I have to follow and find her. This is no longer her only games, I will show her who is the one dominate this games. She can’t do this to me and leave me like I am nobody in her life. I AM SOMEBODY TO HER. I WILL PROOF THAT!

                “Ji, you okay right?” Youngbae asks , “Why are you smilling like that..”

                “Youngbae-ah.. can you help me booking a tickect to France?”

                “WHAT?” he shocks, I know. I don’t care. I take my phone on the nightstand and directly message Chaerin. I smile even wider when the notification on my phone pops out showing the message has been delivered to Chaerin’s.

                TO : Chaerin-ah

                You wanna play the games? Okay. I will be following you. I will find you. See you soon in France on your thousand. Start counting, Chae!

***

Harry arrives at my apartment and frustrating me with his grouse. “Do you think it’s funny Jiyong. You know what you have made so far? It’s all mess! Just so you know, YG has received thousand callings from media and fans about you incident with Taeyang, as well as your out of the blue shouts to your fans. What’s wrong with you, Jiyong?”

                Yeah. What’s wrong with me. Ask Chaerin then, hyung!

                “I have to go..” Youngbae says. He has just hangs up a phone call. “I should go to the studio because Tablo hyung needs me. I see you there, soon Ji? Sorry I can’t accompany you to the hospital..”

                “No worry. Go, don’t make Tablo hyung waiting..” I say and Youngbae nods. He goes after finish helping Harry take out the broken mirror from my bathroom.

                “Jiyong.. Sajangnim wants to meet you after we done with hospital. Is it okay?” Harry tells me.

                Hyunsuk hyung? Didn’t he say he has enough of me being near to him? Okay..

                “It’s okay, hyung. I also have something to talk with him…” yeah.. I have to ask permission from him before I follow Chaerin to France.

***

Harry doesn’t come with me inside Hyunsuk hyung’s office. He says he want to talk eye to eye with me. Nobody wants to hear such words from him actually. Yeah, you can name me as his favorite but it doesn’t guarantee me from his madness.

                “Hyung.. I have something to say..”

                “I will talk first and you have to listen carefully…” he cuts me. No doubt, I am on trouble. “You made big mistakes by screaming and swearing in front of your fans, then you punched Youngbae. You in a hot issue is one thing but become double hot issues in a same time is another thing. Youngbae has uploaded a photo from your kitchen and saying you are not in a good health on his instagram. People reacts the way we want…”

                He stops a while make sure I’m listening carefully like his order and I do.. “Personally I don’t want to do this yet but we have to. I have numerous people working under my company now and also some shareholders whom I pay my obligations. So, I think the best way to take back your reputation is by sending you to the army…”

                SENDING ME WHAT?

                “Jiyong, you will be going to the army the day after tomorrow..”

                “NO! Hyung! I have my own plan. Look..” I try to explain everything, “I’m so sorry to bring this company into troubles. I was lost. But now I’m better now and I have planned to follow Chaerin to France. I need to meet her, and finishing everything that we left behind. It’s not over on me and Chaerin..”

                “You don’t even have anything with Chaerin, Ji. I think the girl you have to send your explanation is Kiko not Chaerin. Talk to Kiko today, I will send you and Harry to Japan. You are under my supervision, Jiyong. Keep that in your mind..”

                “But hyung…” I can’t believe Hyunsuk hyung also do this to me.

                “Jiyong. Trust me this is for your best…”

                FOR MY BEST MY AS$!!! ING PEOPLE.

***

I can do nothing against Hyunsuk hyung. So here I am in front of Kiko’s agency where we planning to talk. She said that she had no much time today and so she will be just stopping by her agency and meet me.

                “Jiyong…” she hugs me when I arrive. “What’s going on? I saw the news, what happened to you?”

                “Kiko.. I am going to the army the day after tomorrow. I flew to Japan and meet you because Hyunsuk hyung wants me to explain everything to you…”

                “How long?” Kiko looks shocked. “How long will you be at the army?”

                “Two years.. until 2016…”

                “Jiyong.. this.. this is so shocking. Why is it so sudden?”

                “I don’t know..” OH COME ON! CAN WE JUST TALK ABOUT YOUR FEELING KIKO. MY PROBLEM IS SOMETHING I CAN’T SHARE WITH YOU RIGHT NOW AND YET YOU MAKE MORE PROBLEMS TO ME WITH YOUR QUESTIONS.

                “Jiyong.. two years are so long. I… I don’t think I can manage everything..”

                WHAT?! “You want to break up?” GOD! AGAIN A WOMAN LEAVE ME LIKE THIS.

                “Yeah…” she nods, “This will not be good for us. Having long distance relationship is hard and by you in army it will become harder. I don’t think I can pass everything well..”

                GOOD REASON. JUST SAY I AM NO LONGER HELP YOU IN THIS STUP!D ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY IF I WERE IN ARMY RIGHT!? GODAMNIT.

                “Okay..” I hide my emotion inside me. Though it’s hard. She doesn’t even look like want to cry. Sh!t. This relieve in my heart makes sure I have no feeling towards her. And so does she. AISH JIYONG. “Thankyou for years you have spent with me. Goodbye kiko…”

                “Goodbye Jiyong. Take a good care…”

                “I will…” not. I will not survive from this, Kiko. I want to meet Chaerin and the devil painting my path to go to the army. I will be dying on longing even before I can meet Chaerin again. I will die. I will die in 48 hours.

***

author's note : all.. sorry for taking so long from one chapter to another. To be honest it's hard to draw how pathetic Jiyong was without Chaerin and how hurt he is. This is my best I can serve. Thankyou all for reading *^^* (p/s : Gabby I saw you there! Fighting for exams!!!!!)