I am that close to Jeoun when Chaerin suddenly shouts in anger,  “Joeun.. listen to eomma.. go back to your room. Okay?” I refrain myself not to growling around. Chaerin is truly sick. She is sick with her own fear. It’s not like I will hurt Joeun or take him away from Chaerin. She supposed to know that.

                Joeun does as what Chaerin told him to. That cute little boy walks back into his room, leaving me in an empty. So sudden emptiness like all the oxygent was taken from me. It’s difficult to explain. There’s something with Joeun that remains me of my childhood.

                “Oppa.. please leave now. I don’t want to meet you. At least now..” Chaerin says right after Joeun is unseen.

                “No Chaerin. No before you tell me who they are. Are they your children? My children?” my questions seems disturbing Chaerin. She acts like she’s ready to hit me with the table lamp near her.

                “NO! THEY ARE NOT YOUR CHILDREN OPPA... PLEASE GO NOW OR I WILL CALL THE SECURITY!”

                I try to look at her eyes but she refuses to see my eyes. Is she lying? How can she lies to me? “Chaerin.. you don’t have to scream at me like that.. you can tell what was wrong without shouting like that...”

                “There’s nothing wrong, Oppa. So please leave me. Leave me..” when she said that she realy means it. I know her orders is not just leaving her home now but also leaving her world. I can’t.

                “If you don’t want to talk now, then I will look for my own proofs. They will be my children if they are...”

                “You will never find any proof, Oppa. It will be useless. You have to believe me. Please just go away from me. Stay away...”

                I CANNOT. HOLY GOD CHAERIN. “I will not leave you, Chaerin. Not again...” that’s what I say before I leave her house, but not her life. Like hell she asked me to.

***

I can’t think straight after I went away from Chaerin’s apartment.  Dami noona was once my choice to go after but then somehow I drove my car into my apartment. Maybe my mind really needs its me-time far away from others.

                I have to process it. Chaerin is here. And she brought not just herself, but also her children. GOD DAMN TWIN CHILDREN. They’re two adorable twins. Joeun.. and... Naeun? Joeun is my blueprint. His eyes looks like mine, as well as his lips. WHAT SHOULD I DO?! Are they my children? But Chaerin said they’re not. The next question is.. can Chaerin lie to me?

                Beep.. my phone is vibrated, a call from Bom noona.

                “It’s Jiyong..”

                “Jiyong, where are you? I thought you said yesterday you would help me with my kiddos in the studio today. It’s been 2 o’clock. I hope to see you soon in YG building, okay?”

                “Bommie Noona.. actually... I don’t think I can help you now..”

                “What’s wrong?”

                “It’s Chaerin....”

                “Hold on I will be there, wait for me, okay?”

                Bom noona is going to be here, Jiyong. At least you have someone to talk with. GOD CHAERIN. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU TWO YEARS AGO THAT I HAVE NO DAMN IDEA. WHAT WAS IT, CHAERIN???

***

Bom noona arrives in 15 minutes, and directly meet me in my secret studio in this apartment.

                She made me a hot chocolate. Sounds melancholic, but the hot chocolate remains the peaceful and serenity in my mind. After short of times arranging myself from the shock, Bom noona starts questioning me.

                “What was that, Jiyong?” she asks.

                “I met Chaerin this noon... and....” OH GOSH HOW CAN I SAY THIS.. “I saw her children...”

                “Her children? She has children? Is it plural? Not just a child?” Bom noona looks as shock as me. So, she doesn’t know about Chaerin’s children as well. OH MY GOD CHAERIN.. you covered it from all of us for so long?

                I nod. “Yes, noona. She has twins children. A boy and a girl, Joeun and Naeun...”

                “GOSH, how old are they?”

                “I don’t know maybe one year or two..”

                “Could it be.....”

                “My children? I guess so, noona. But Chaerin said they were not. I.. I don’t know. But Joeun looks a lot like me when I was at that age. If you put our photograps together, you will not find any meaningful differences..”

                “Jesus.. Ji. And, what will you do?”

                “.............” I don’t know.

                “I guess you are still in shock. I can imagine that. Now look at me..” she takes my shoulder and put a point at my eyes, “I will help yo as much as I could. I will talk to Chaerin, perhaps she will talk more to me. Okay?”

                “How?”

                “She is back to YG, don’t you know? I will ask her a favor to do with my kiddos, the new boyband I will debuting, there I will start to talk heart to heart with her. I promise you, I will provide you as much informations as possible. During that time I  need you not to make any movement that will cause Chaerin get her defense. Understand?”

                “Noona...”

                “Jiyong. Maybe it sounds ridiculous, but just say yes, okay? I will help you. Trust me?” she pouts like usual, ah.. maybe this can be one of the way to figure what Chaerin is covering from me.

                I agree.

***

Smoke. Here I come smooking again. I choose smooking over drinking because I will never known what will hapen if I get drunk. I can be showed up so sudden in front of Chaerin’s door, kiss her, hug her tight, twist her tongue, and can’t get enough. That will scares her, and emberassing for me.

                Youngbae sits next to me on the chouch, we are on the balcony watching the night skies from my apartment. He tells me he met Chaerin today and finally drop the bomb about his getting on army.

                “Jiyong, I hope you will finish everything you had with her and let us be fixed eachother again..”

                You have no idea, dude. “I want the same thing, Bae-ah. She just won’t let me come into her world this time. How can I fix something that I don’t know where the broken spot is. I have been thinking about this like hundreds second of my life...”

                “You just overthinking, maybe?”

                “Am I?” I laugh in sadness, “All I know is the fact that maybe outside there someone named after Lee are possibly my children but their mother doesn’t want me to know. I am so stressful, Bae-ah. My whole day was a mess since yesterday...”

                “Ji, it’s a new thing you should learn...” he looks at me in pity, “not all you want is what you get. Not all you see is the fact...”

                I take a deep breath, “Then, the only fact I know is I am madly in love with this girl. I have a one-sided love. How bad is that, Youngbae?”

***

 Today is ‘D-DAY’. Bom noona takes Chaerin to studio for giving her some advise on her upcoming boyband. After that Bom noona will try to talk in deep with Chaerin. I hope she will get any information I needed.

                I am so frustated waiting for Bom noona’s progress report. She repoted to me that Chaerin had arrived about twenty minutes ago. I AM SO CRAZY OVER THIS. I can do nothing, though all I want is come after Chaerin in the YG building. To see her is my cravings.

                I can’t do things. I sit on the couch with the television on but I don’t watch it nor hear it. I go blank with everything. Chaerin... Chaerin... I feel something bad about this idea. Maybe Bom noona will never got something from Chaerin. Maybe Chaerin told me the truth that those kids are not mine and I will be slapped with the fact that she has another man with her all over the time who is not me.

                DAMN IT!

                Beep...

                My phone vibrated. Bom noona calls me.

                “It’s Jiyong...”

                “Ji.. Chaerin.. she.. she is.. fainted. We are in the Incheon hospital now. Jiyong, she is in unhealthy condition even before she was here. Whe I brought her to the Maryland hospital not so far from YG building, they told me to bring Chaerin to Incheon hospital where her doctor works at. Ji...”

                “.....”

                “Ji are you there?”

                “I will be there as soon as possible, noona. Thankyou..”

                Chaerin, what happened to you? Why don’t you tell me everything so I will fixing everything unfix on you. OH MY GOSH CHAERIN. You torture me. I can’t lose you. NO.

***

author's note : don't expect anything *^^*