Apgujeong, Studio, 2014

“Why did you ask me back?”

                “Just answer it, oppa! Did you ever love me?”

                “I don’t know…” he is now standing up and start taking one by one, his piece of clothes.

                He re-wear his clothes and after finish with it he says so cool like nothing ever happened, “the only thing I know is I need you, and you need me. I will not let you go…”

                This stupid man and his ego. “You have to realize the fact that this year my dating ban is over and I assure you I will find someone well enough to make you let me go…”

                Suddenly he grabs my right arm, “Do not ever try to, Chae. Not until the date I have decided for you to leave my life..”

                “Selfish..”

                He is now placing both his hands in my cheeks. He looks straight into my eyes. “You are mine, Chaerin. ..” his hands are moving, “here…”  his hands stop in my chest, my heart.. “and there…” and his eyes look down into my lower body. DAMN! HOLLY COW MY CHEEK MUST BE TURNED RED NOW. GOD DAMN IT JIYONG OPPA.

                “Now let’s get back to your music. I want to hear it. Sing it for me..”

                HOW CAN I!?!?!?! ajlfiuahegjbag;agr

***

Seoul , 2016

I can’t believe Yang sajangnim leave me with this burden. He told me yesterday that he wanted to release a single for my comeback after Minji finishes her promotion activities. I don’t understand all the circumstances now. Yang sajangnim said that I could use my latest pre-record music that I left years ago after those sudden-leave to France.

                It’s not that I don’t want to feel the excitement on the stage again. I am not ready to restart everything again. All of the shadows which haunted me for so long is like a film roled in my mind. I can’t imagine I have to sing and rap my old songs that I made when I was madly in love meanwhile I was no longer in those feelings.

                “What’s wrong, Chae-ah?”

                “Jammie…” my best friend forever, Jammie Kim followed me come back to Seoul from Paris after I told her that I might stay longer here since I have to do things for comeback related.

                “You’ve been daydreaming eversince the morning. I don’t like seeing you become like this again, Chae. Let’s just making something for lunch, shall we?”

                “I need some inspiration, and preparation. I think I would go to my old apartment rather than staying here in my father’s home with halmeoni. After all Hwang ahjumma will stay here with her. I like this house but it’s too far from Apgujeong…”

                “I know. You haven’t sold your apartment, have you?”

                I shake my head.

                “Good. I will accompany you looking for some new bed cover and wall paper. We can redesign your apartment for today. We can also try to design rooms for your twins, right? Your father say they will move here soon..”

                “Yeah. I think I will stay longer in Korea and I don’t want to be separated so long with them…”

                I smile remembering about my children. They are just like my spirits whenever I go down. They are my power to live a life. Haven’t I say before… maybe I’m so lucky to have them as my children.

***

“Don’t you think this one is pretty for Naeun’s bedroom, Chaerin?” Jammie shows me a cute polka dots wallpaper with the background of blue skies. The colour is so soft and cute for both boys and girls room. This is the best thing about shopping with Jammie, since we grew up together, we have  such a same taste and style.

                “That’s so cute. I am about to make a design like polka dots or soft colour lines in Naeun’s soon to be room..." I reply.

                “Jinjja? It’s good then. Take this one for Naeun’s room, okay?”

                I nod. We continue looking for some posters and toys to be put inside Joeun’s room. Appa said before that he couldn’t bring Joeun’s toys because it would be so heavy. I think about buy him some new toys so that he won’t miss French that much.

                Someone suddenly call my name when I am still busy with cars and swords – of course the toys not the real cars and swords – and I realize it isn’t Jammie’s voice. She called me, “Chaerin?” as if she isn’t really sure that it was me. I turn back to see her.

                HOLLYGOD.

                The latest person I want to meet right now in Seoul.

                “Dam..dami eonni?” I push myself to give her a smile. Though it’s hard and maybe it will look awkward. Oh ! Why are she here? Does she have a new kid? Oh GODH! How can be this world become smaller and smaller by sudden.

                “It’s really good to meet you here, Chaerin..” she says in happy. Oh yeah like it’s your lucky day but my worst day ever. What curse happen to me today?

                “Ah.. nice to meet you too, unnie. Are you looking for something here?” I ask more about her and hope that she will answer it and not asking much about me. I don’t know how to answer her if she questioned something about my sudden leave to French.

                “Yeah.. I am looking for some new baby stuffs for my new born baby…”

                Ah.. so she has a new baby. Good then. At least it’s not Jiyong’s baby with that woman. OH GOD. HOW CAN I BACK INTO THOSE ISSUE AGAIN?!?

                “So you’re already back to Seoul.. Jiyong must be happy to hear it. He will be back from army in two weeks. Ah.. what a coincidence with your comeback. Have you told him?” NO! HE IS THE LATEST PERSON SHOULD KNOW THAT I HAVE ALREADY HERE. OH NO PLEASE DON’T TELL HIM.

                “Actually I’m not staying that long here. I was just going back here to prepare something about my contract with YG..” I give her my shortest explanation and she just nods her head. I am not really sure whether she really understand or not.

                “Chae, have you done?” JAMMIE! THANK YOU! OH FINALLY. Thank to Jammie who called me behind and so I have reason to leave Dami unnie.

                “Dami unnie, so happy to see you but I should leave now. Let’s have some talk again next day? I would be so happy…”

                “And so do I. I will contact you later. Just give me your number, my number and email are still the same. Okay?”

                I nod and smile and with all my happiness I leave her. NO! I will not talk to you again unnie. Not because of you aren’t good but you’re Jiyong oppa’s sister and everything related to Jiyong oppa.. I will remove it one by one. Mianhae, unnie.

***

Seoul , 2014

I wake up in the morning and feel like a hand surrounding my hips and tummy. Ah.. Jiyong oppa slept here again. I almost forget about that fact and turn into shocks. Slowly I bed out his hands from me, I don’t want to wake him up. Last night we both having a hard time with recording. He helped me a lot with arranging and recording my song.

                Without making any sound, I wake up and walk into the kitchen. A good thing about having him sleeping in my apartment is the morning after. I always love to make breakfast. When I was still live in dorm with my members, I always make breakfast for them. It’s like a habbit.

                I open the refrigerator to see what I have to be cooked. After preparing all the ingredients, I start cooking. I make a full France breakfast for him. A cup of café au lait – coffee with milk – , croissant, brioche, and a bifteck or steak. When everything is finished, I put my apron and ready to wake Jiyong oppa up.

                But… I am so shock to find him already sit properly in dinning room which has no any partition with the kitchen so it has full access from there to see what’s inside the kitchen. “So you’re already there and ready for your breakfast, Oppa?”

                He smiles and look even more handsome.

                “You are always successful waking me up by those foods which smells so good..”

                We both laugh.

                We eat together without any talk. But suddenly he breaks the silence.  “I miss you cook. I find no one can cook as good as you while I was in Japan..”

                “Why don’t you ask Kiko to have a cooking class. It’s something that everyone can learn.. actually…”

                And I know I have been talking wrong when he sees me in a weird way. He says with his cold frightening voice, “I adore you and you bring Kiko’s name. What’s going on?”

                “……”

                “You should know that I have a one side love with her. She just needs my name, and I need her existence as my girlfriend. That’s all, Chae….”

                “I am not asking that, and you’ve already told me those thing about thousand times, oppa..”

                “Oh yeah?” he is now stop eating. “Are you mind with that? Are you jealous so you always bring her up everytime we talk about Japan?”

                THAT’S ENOUGH.

                “Why should I be so jealous, oppa? Do you think everygirl want to be with you? What’s so special about being G-Dragon’s girlfriend, huh?”

                He laughs now. “Of course you’re jealous. Because you only can have a friend with benefits relationship with G-Dragon… “

                THAT’S REALLY ENOUGH NOW.

                I leave the dinning room. I am so enough with all of this. He thinks our relationship is just about benefits? ? Goddamnit! I think he knows that everytime we are with each other, we fix each other like no one could. It’s so tiring now. And even more hurt when I realize he doesn’t even try to stop me.

***

Today after the big fight in the morning, Jiyong oppa hasn’t texted me yet. I try to ignore it, but I can’t. And I was upset to myself by the fact that I have been staring at my phone the whole day waiting for his call or text or email. Oh dumb.

                Instead, I got a message from Yulia. She told me that she’s in Seoul for work now and asking if I can meet her tonight in Hwang ahjumma’s gallery. I check on my schedule and find nothing to do beside finishing my song in studio so I say yes to Yulia’s offers.

                When it’s the time for me to meet Yulia and Jiyong oppa hasn’t texted me yet, I give up. I don’t care if he’s mad or what but I am the one who supposed to be angry with him. I don’t want to be ended as the one who apologize. Huft.

                I walk out from my car into Hwang ahjumma’s gallery.

                I open the door, “Annyeong hasse….” My words was cut. There in the couch near the stairs, I see Jiyong oppa with…. Kiko. Oh GOD! Not now Chaerin. Don’t cry now.

                “Annyeong hasseyo.. good evening Yulia… and … Kiko… so glad you both here and have a visit to Hwang ahjumma’s gallery…” I walk into Yulia’s spot in front of the abstract painting. She is smilling. We hug each other.

                “You look gorgeous as always, Chaerin..” say Yulia.

                “Thankyou…”

                Kiko and Jiyong oppa walk into me and Yulia. Kiko is smilling and bring me into her hugs. “Good evening beautiful lady. I heard about your new collaboration with Kesh. Congratulations..”

                Ah. I don’t remember have told anyone about my collaboration in designing with Kesh. “Wow.. Who do you know it from?”

                “Nathalie, assistant in Vouge Japan told me about that yesterday…”

                I nod. Okay….

                “Why don’t we go upstairs and enjoy the beautiful night sky view there?” and with that I bring them upstairs. I go to the office room to take a bottle of wine.

                “Hello jealousy lady…” OH GOSH! Jiyong oppa should stop shocking me everytime I’m alone and daydreaming like now.

                “Don’t miss me tonight because I will not be with you. I hope you understand and don’t be so jealous about it… okay?” he says in husky and then leave me alone to join Yulia and Kiko upstairs. OH HOLLY COW I feel a break… inside my heart. What does it mean?

                I am not falling in love and broken hearted in a same time, aren’t I?

***

ps : start from now i might be writting some bad side of other girl, sorry for the inconvenience. this is just a fanfiction and I have no any harmful feels toward other party. thankyou.