Seoul, Hwang Bora’s gallery, 2014

“Chardonnay everyone…” I come upstairs to the big empty room which always become the number one spot for every visitors here to take couple of photo and enjoy the gallery. There I find Kiko and Jiyong oppa are standing in front of a small painting, painted with a really small paintbrush.

                After put a bottle of Chardonnay wines on the circle table at the corner, I walk into them. “Interested at the painting?” I ask. Kiko turns back and smilling. “I think this one is really pretty…”

                “I prefer dauntless rather than pretty to describe it...” I say.

                Suddenly Yulia joins us with her idea, “I understand. The dauntless shown by the brushstroke which is painted in a really small scale. Such a brave master piece.” I smile at her. That’s why I like Yulia, not just about the party, fashion, and connection. Beyond, she is awesome at giving meaning to every art.

                “You’re really good at finding arts, Chaerin..” Yulia continues. I just again and again smilling at her. We both indeed have the same taste in arts. Or at least we can decide which is good and not in a same type and benchmarks.

                “Ouh…” Kiko’s voice is heard – I don’t know is it just me or she sounds like a bit cranky – “I don’t know that you are taking fine arts as well besides music as you major, Chaerin..” wait a minute. Is it a sarcasm?

                I try to control myself and not bad-thinking her. “Actually I am so into something beautiful and fascinating like paints, designs, music, everything.” I reply calmly. She gives me smiles, but I know it’s a different one. What’s happening here?

                Jiyong oppa is in silence eversince the start. Kiko, Yulia and I were talking in japanese all over the time and I guess he feels a bit behind. He always being the latest to catch up in japanese compere conversation like now. I have told him to learn Japanese since his girlfriend now is talking in Japanese but he always reply with kind of mid-your-own-business sight, so I give up.

                “Jiyong, would you mind to take me to the hotel?” Kiko is now talking in english to him.

                Oh…. I guess this is the ‘I will not be beside you tonight’ thing he said before. He is still here but I feel so hurted all of a sudden. Jiyong oppa sees me first as if he is asking for my permission but I fastly move my sight into another direction.

                “I don’t bring car, I went here with you and Yulia, remember? Just go home with Yulia and we will meet tomorrow. I still have many things to do in the studio,” Jiyong oppa gives a such an unpredictable reply to Kiko.

                Kiko sees me. I see her back. I don’t want to leave a wrong impression to her. I don’t prevent Jiyong oppa to accompany her. I don’t even try to ruin their relationship and I have no intention to do that. I see her because I want her know that I am not involved in Jiyong’s oppa decision not to take her to the hotel.

                “Well, it’s okay. I hope we can meet tomorrow before my appointment with Nylon at 11. Can we?”

                “Let’s see tomorrow, I will do my best to accompany you..” he promises. But I think Kiko also think the same thing with me. Jiyong oppa’s promise sounds so empty. It’s like he hasn’t got any intention to fullfil it. She looks so upset but quickly change her expression. A man with a big ego featuring a woman with a big ego, they make a really hard couple.

                Kiko pecks Jiyong oppa’s cheek. “I will wait for a good news from you tomorrow…” she then walking downstairs. Yulia follows her and asking me to join her go downstairs. I follow her. “Jiyong and Kiko situation right now isn’t that good,” she whispers, “I call it as cold-soon-to-be-freezed zone. Yeah I know they’ve been in a cold relationship from the start but this is even worse…”

                “Maybe someone is tired for become the second choice?” I have no idea what I’m talking about.

                “No..” Yulia replies, “Maybe someone has found the truth and another happiness?”

                Another happiness?

                “Don’t overthink it, Chae…”

                “You are the one who invite me to overthink it with you..” I protest. She laughs. Yeah.. as her laughs fly high to the sky and walk with the night-wind, I keep on overthinking everything. What I see, what I hear, what I feel.

                Yulia comes inside her car but Kiko hasn’t joined her yet. She hugs me, and I hear she whispers from my back, “Chaerin, we are friend, right? You know what I did to Jiyong, I know it’s unfair because I have an affair behind him… but I don’t want him to do that to me. I hope you understand.” She releases our hug and smiling to me until I can’t imagine how she looks like when saying those message to me.

                Then everything passed by so quickly. The last thing I know is I’m still outside the gallery, cold, and keep overthinking everything. Jiyong oppa is not here? Oh gosh! I have just realized it. He didn’t go downstairs to follow his girlfriend. What’s happening here?

                “It’s cold, Chae. Let’s go home…”

                He is here?

                “Yeah, I am here. Go take your purse, I will wait for you near your car..”

                What does that mean?

***

Itaewon, Seoul, 2016

I look at the room in front of me. The wall is covered by polka dots sky pattern wallpapers, blue skies and white cloud is painted in the ceiling along with a glow in the dark stars that will become lights in the dark night. Basically I love this.

                Jammie and I are working this room for my children in two days. Thank to her ability as a well known interior designer, I can have a really good room for my beloved children. They will arrive in Korea today at 12. It’s about 10-ish and I can’t wait any longer to meet them.

                Two years ago my heart was broken into pieces. I thought I have no reason to live again, but then they were coming to my life and change everything. They are my angels and I won’t let anyone rack them. Joeun.. Naeun… I really miss you both.

                Okay… what to do now? Take a bath? Oh yes yes. I should. Ah… don’t forget to bring Naeun’s favorite spongebob and Joeun’s favorite gun-toy. I bought new ones for them and I have prepared the special one to be given today directly after I meet them.

                Oh I am so excited. Mama miss you darlings.

***

Incheon, 2016

“Eomma……..” I can hear Joeun’s high note voice from a far. Oh he can shout that loud now? I’m totally missed so many growth in them. There they are. My appa,eomma,  Joeun and Naeun. Appa looks so tired, eomma too. But Joeun and Naeun looks so excited. Just like me.

                They run into me. I hug both of them in ones. “Eomma miss you all. Do you miss Eomma?”

                “Naeun miss eomma…” Naeun says with her little voice. I laugh.

                “How about you, Joeun? Do you miss eomma?”

                Joeun looks at me in a naughty sight. He then says, “I miss you this big…” and his hands are hindered so wide. I laugh. Naeun laughs too and shout, “Oppa no.. Naeun miss eomma bigger… bigger…” Oh God.. I’m so happy to have them here again.

                “Chae-ah..” eomma calls me. I stand up and hug her. After that I hug Appa. They both doesn’t seem good to see me.

                “Is there something wrong?” I ask Appa. He keeps on silence, instead just looking at eomma’s side. I turn into eomma, “What’s that, eomma?”

                “Chaerin-ah.. I have a news from the hospital. I hope we can see the best doctor here soon after. Eomma have brought the covering letter from Dr. Mallard in France. He recommended Dr. Goo Hyung Shik at Incheon International Hospital..”

                NO.. NOT THIS AGAIN. I can not hear what eomma’s speaking next.

***

Itaewon, Seoul, 2016

“Okay Naeun, can you help Eomma. Standing here with Joeun oppa and don’t go anywhere okay?” I put Naeun down from my embrace. After make sure Naeun will not go anywhere and Joeun will stand still there look after her as well, I put my concentration to the door handle. I swipe my code card access and then type my access code combination number on it.

                “Good job, now come into your new house ladies and gentleman…” I lead Joeun and Naeun to come inside the apartment. They run so fast and circling the house. “Naeun do not run like that. You might be fallen down..” Joeun shouts. He is so responsible towards his twin sister.

                “Naeun, listen to your oppa. Don’t run inside the house like that. Come here! Eomma will show you all your bedroom. You must be so happy to see it!”

                “Naeun want to see.. want to see…” she jumps around and Joeun keeps an eye on her. I love seeing both of them taking each other like this. “Come here to Eomma. Let’s go..” I grab her hand as well as Joeun’s. We walk into their room, and they shout together as I opened the door.

                “EOMMA THIS IS SO GOOD..” Naeun says.

                “EOMMA I LIKE THE CEILING, AND THE SKY. CAN I PUT MY AIRPLANE THERE?”

                “EOMMA….. IT’S SO BEAUTIFUL…BEAUTIFUL LIKE ME.. YOU ALWAYS SAID?” Naeun jumps around the room. I laugh to see her like that. I always say everything is beautiful like her and to hear she says it into my face I can’t help but laugh.

                “Okay… okay… eomma will cook for you now. Go play with all your new toys but remember…”

                “Do not play anything dangerous. Do not play with electricity. Do not play with fire.” They continue my sentence.

                “Smart twins…” I say and walk into the kitchen.

                I realized something is placed unproperly. Okay.. who has been coming into my apartment. The pillow on the couch shouldn’t be there. I have never let any pillow out of the bedroom. It’s only…

                “Jiyong oppa?” there he is. OH GOSH.. AM I DAYDREAMING AGAIN? IS IT JUST MY DELUSIONAL MIND? PLEASE SAY YES. YES . YES . I AM NOT SO READY TO MEET HIM. NO.

                “Anyeonghasseyo, Chaerin-ah. Long time no see…”

                “How.. when… no.. what… oh.. .. how can you be here?” I lost my mind.

                “First, I still have your copy of code card and you didn’t change the password as well. I am about to visit you today and ask you out for lunch but you’re not home. So I decided to wait for you inside…”

                “That’s a felony…”

                HAHA… Jiyong oppa turns into laugh. “You said felony? Now tell me what felony is, Chae! Leaving without any farewell, without any reason, without any hesitation, without any mercy? You tell me what felony is, Chae…” I swear I am about to cry now.

                “I remember Dami unnie said that you will release from army in two weeks. Why are you here? Kka! Go back to your obligation!”

                “I speed up my released. Not a big deal. But you.. you are such a big deal, Chae...”

                “Eomma…” OH GOSH JOEUN. “Who’s that man?”

                “Joeun… go back…”

                “Hello boy!” Jiyong oppa cut my words before I finish it. “I am Jiyong ahjussi.. and you?”

                “OH! Annyeonghasseyo Jiyong ahjussi, I am Lee Joeun, it’s a pleasure to meet you..” he bows to Jiyong oppa and Jiyong oppa seems so impressed by his good manner.

                ENOUGH.

                “Joeun.. listen to eomma.. go back to your room. Okay?” I have to keep my children away from Jiyong. I MUST! Joeun was born to be a tractable kid and so he leave the living room and go back to his room.

                “Oppa.. please leave now. I don’t want to meet you. At least now..”

                “No Chaerin. No before you tell me who they are. Are they your children? My children?”

                DOUBLE COMBO . This guilty... come all over again. 

***

p/s : on the previous chapter i forget to tell about Jammie Kim. It's actually a character I brought from here.  CL has ever posted a photo with her called her as BFF. I wanted to name her Jung-Ah here but then I find something interesting that a fan wrote on naver cafe that her name is 김잼미 , which I wrote as 'Jammie Kim' ^^ thankyou for reading *^^* xxx