I can’t believe this. Chaerin will leave Korea? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?  I don’t remember her saying about this stuffs last night when we both texting like crazy until midnight. Minji who just stared blankly at her phone also can’t believe the fact that Chaerin wrote goodbye message on 2NE1 katalk group chats. Seriously, that girl acts like an as$.

                “Oppa, can you drive me to Incheon? I want to meet Chaerin unnie..” Minji finally breaks the silence in the studio room. I was just stop by and talking with her when she got Chaerin’s message. I nod as answer for Minji’s question and after that walk fastly like an idiots with her. CHAERIN.. I WILL NOT FORGIVE YOU IF YOU LEAVE ME LIKE THIS. 

                We have a very frightening ride along to Incheon airport. I drive the car as if we are running away from a Tsunami. I predict we have no enough time to chase Chaerin. But I share the same feeling with Minji. I don’t want to be abandoned like this. She leaves me right here right now without any words, explanation, nor farewell. I WILL NOT ALLOW HER TO DO THAT.  Walk over my death body.

                “Oppa.. U-Turn…”

                “WHAT?” Did Minji just told me to make a u-turn? I see her slightly and she nods. “What’s going on?” Please GOD.. I know I have so many sins but this time I just want Chaerin doesn’t go far away from me. I am not ready yet.

                “Bom unnie told me to do so. There’s no hope. Chaerin unnie and her plane have flown…”

                CHAERIN AND HER !NG PLANE HAVE FLOWN. DAMN IT! I punch the steering wheel and swear like crazy. I know it’s not good to swear and do stupid things like this in front of Minji, my junior, but I can’t help myself. Chaerin… How dare you!!!!

                “Oppa, are you okay?”

                NO I AM NOT! YOUR LEADER HAS DONE THIS TO ME AFTER ALL THE THINGS I HAVE GIVEN TO HER. YOUR LEADER SCREW THINGS UP WITH ME! SHE BROKES ME AND I AM NOT OKAY.

                If only I could say something jerk like that to Minji, but I just tell her, “I am okay. I’m just… feeling not okay..”

                YAH JIYONG! YOU ARE SO STUPID.

***

As soon as Minji and I are back to YG building, I rush into Yang hyung’s room. My mind process it clearly when I push myself to think harder and focus. First thing I knew then, Chaerin would not just left Korea without any permission from Hyunsuk hyung in her hand. Second thing I realized, Hyunsuk hyung had given his permission or even force her to left. Third is the only question left…

                “Why?” I say it as I come into Hyunsuk hyung’s office.

                He looks at me blankly. Unlike him. He always know everything he wants to do, how to react over some movement from his employee – in this case including me.

                “What did you say, Jiyong?”

                “Why hyung?” I repeat my question and now we are standing face to face. “Why you let Chaerin go like this? What happened?”

                “Chaerin needs a break, her mother needs her..” uncertain answer. I hate it. DAMN!

                “Why are you lying even now?”

                “AND WHY DO YOU SCREW THINGS UP JIYONG?” unpredictable! He screams at me? Right in front of my face? I can’t believe this. “GET OUT OF MY FACE! TAKE CARE OF YOU GIRL THAT YOU HAVE PROPOSED TO BE YOUR WIFE!” he knows? Seriously? He knew I proposed Kiko?? I know my face turns pale now. I can feel it. It sounds wrong, and I am placed in a red-handed spot.

                I look at Hyunsuk hyung. He realizes something from me. Maybe he considers my shock as the sign of my guilty. I don’t know why.. I just feel sorry. For proposing Kiko? Am I out of my mind? I rolled the time when I propsed to Kiko this morning. Actually, I didn’t plan to do it. I just want her to know that I am serious with her. I have ever experienced some loses and to lose her in the future.. I can’t imagine it. So, I think she is the right girl I want to be in my life.

                Is that wrong? Actually yeah.. I felt so wrong. Not too long, right a second after I said the propose words to her. Glad that she didn’t give me any exact answer.

                “Jiyong. I swear I don’t want to see your face in front of me right now. Go get your face and your body out of my office. Immediately!”

                Hyunsuk hyung is really mad at me. What did I do wrong???? DAMN!

***

I walk to my car which I parked in front of the building area. I was in a hurry so I couldn’t think straightly to even take the back-side road to YG building or even parked my car in the basement. Blame Chaerin for everything now I have to let my pale face been shoted by all the fans who have waited in front of the building.

                “Oppa.. oppa..” they are yelling, calling out my name. They are so noisy holly mother of God!

                “SH!T.. WHY ARE YOU ALL YELLING???” I scream out and suddenly the silence comes. OH GREAT! Look at this Chaerin! You make me can’t control myself. I yelled at my fans! YELLED AT MY FANS!!!!!! DANG! I need someone to punch me right in my face.

                I can’t say sorry to them it will even make things worse. So, the only thing I can do is keep walking and get inside my car. Woosh! I have to run away from all of this mess. Chaerin, I give you everything and you give me nothing in returns? Oh-yeah! I will never ever forgive you. Never.. ever….

***

I met her for the first time in 2006. She was so young back then. Also.. so cheerful. She entered the training room which have been prepared for an occasion that I had no idea. Hyunsuk hyung brought her and introduce her as the demo-type girl. Everybody there then asking who that girl was. Me either.

                She bowed at us and started introducing herself. “Hello, I am Lee Chaerin. It’s nice to see you all, I hope for some help, thankyou..” her little voice is heard. I have to admit her voice is as beautiful as her smile. She can give a smile whose long is from her right eye into her lef eye.

                And then.. I was enchanted. She was so dazzling with her voice, her rap, her style, her dance, her ballet, her jumps. Everything in her. She stole my attentions. She was officialy become my number one favorite junior and trainee. When she stopped singing everyone still stayed in silence. Hyunsuk hyung was smiling as if he found his new golden star. He asked we all to leave him with Chaerin alone. I didn’t know what was it but I felt like so hard to leave that little girl. I knew just by staring at Hyunsuk hyung that he won’t showering Chaerin with his famous scolding. Chaerin is too talented to get that kind of word. But… I wish I could see her more … in the future.

                My wish came true. She became trainee in the company. We spent many time together. I extended my hand for her and she took it. I acted as her trainer, training companion, and helpful senior. I enjoyed every second we spent together. She knew me the best. I shared to her about my dating problem with Jia –my girlfriend back then – as well as my one side love to Hyerum noona, my parent’s conflict, even my silly war with Dami noona.

                Chaerin had never told me about her feelings to other men, neither her love story. She just told me that she wanted to focus on her career. She loves her family more than her career, but she loves her career more than her romatic story. Ah.. boys would never got her heart, and so do I. So I took another role. Later after her coming of age celebration, we reached the next step in our relationship.. being friends with benefits. I couldn’t ask more than this. She doesn’t love me. She is just happy being with me, inside me. That’s it.

                If only she knew I gave her more than just my body. In every inch my touch in her smooth skin, I give her my loves. Long long gone, I have hurted by just realizing after our special nights that she just comfort with it but she didn’t want to make it as her future. I am not listed in her future. Maybe yes – as a labelmate – but not as her life partner. In fact I want it.

                I want her. SONUVA! How dare she left me like this!

                “Jiyong.. what do you think you’re doing?” I can hear a voice behind my back, ruining my flashback. OH.. EVEN THE NATURE CONSPIRING TO TAKE AWAY MY ONLY WAY TO REMEMBER CHAERIN AND OUR MEMORIES! DANG!

                “Jiyong.. can you hear me??”

                I can see clearly. Is it Youngbae who stands besides me now?

                “How many shots have you drunk, Jiyong? What’s it? Is it martini??”

                Oh yeah.. did I drink martini? Am I drunk right now? Youngbae-ah…

                “Jiyong, how can you do this to your body? I don’t think your body can tolerate any of this drink more.. Gosh.. you have drunk a lot.. a lot of martini..”

                I guess so. Yeah.

                “How can you be here?”

                I don’t know, brother! I was driving.. yeah driving into Chaerin’s house in Itaewon. Stupid me! I thought I could find her there. But I couldn’t. STUPID ME! STUPID STUPID! The minute after, my body brought me here. NB, the nearest club from Chaerin’s house. OH! WHY IS IT ALWAYS ABOUT THAT AS$ GIRL!

                “Jiyong.. we’d better go home…”

                You think so, buddy. I don’t think so..

***

ARGH… MY HEAD… THIS HEADACHE KILLS ME. GAAAAAADH…

                This hangover would kill me in minutes. DAMN DAMN! How many shots I have drunk last night? Jiyong.. you are really insane. DANG! THIS HEADACHE.

                “ARGHHHHHHHHH”

                “YAH! You scream like that! Stop it! It won’t make you any better..” Youngbae sits beside me in the couch. He has just come after I called him like… fifteen minutes ago! AH COME ON! What it takes him so long?

                “I bought you this..” he gives me some aspirins, “don’t look at me like that. I am the one who have the right to stare at you like that! You have punched me right in my face. What were you thinking when you did this, Ji?”

                ARGHHHHH GOOD I CAN’T ANSWER HIM. “Perhaps you can give me the answer? I have no idea at all ARGHHHHH THIS STUPID HANGOVER!” I rolled my body just to release any other pains. “You know what, Bae? I am so sorry. Maybe I am so drunk last night…”

                “Yeah.. you were. What was it? Kiko? Hyunsuk hyung told me you proposed her..”

                “No. Actually I didn’t even plan to proposed her. It was just she was shockingly visited me when she told me she was so busy in Japan. We were making a brunch in the kitchen and I thought I needed  to assure her that I will marry her someday..”

                Youngbae laughs hard at my story. “So you got rejected..”

                I throw a death glare to him. “You know it’s not about Kiko…”

                “What was it then?” he asks me. Should I answer it? Isn’t it so rhetoric? “Chaerin?” finally he calls that name.

                “She left me, Bae. What can I do?” I look at him. Thank God my hangover doesn’t attack me as hard as before. “She plays a dangerous game with me, Bae. I have told her not to leave me until I find the right time for her to leave me. I have mentioned it clearly. Guess what? She didn’t listen to me?!”

                “Ji..” Youngbae cuts my words, “Have you ever thought she might be uncomfortable with your relationship with Kiko?”

                “AND DO YOU THINK I DON’T FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE WITH HER CONCERNS WITH  ALL MEN IN THIS ENTIRE UNIVERSE?! THE ONLY THING SHE GIVES TO ME THAT SHE DOESN’T GIVE TO OTHER MEN IS HER BODY, HER NIGHT, HER ROOM!”

                “Jiyong, you love her?”

                “WHAT DO YOU THINK?! I beg for her love, she gives me her night. She doesn’t love me, what can I do?”

                “And Kiko?” Youngbae’s question bothers me.

                And Kiko…

                “What is her to you?”

                “She… she is… a girl who appeared in the right time. When I felt like waiting for Chaerin’s love is near to impossible, Kiko overs me some truth. She gives me loves that I think enough for me. With her, I don’t feel any uncertainty. Everything goes right with her..”

                Youngbae smirks at my words. “I know, except the scandal which caused by her. She saves me from Chaerin after all.”

                “Talking about scandal… you have to read this most read news today on nate..” Youngbae gives me his phone. My hands are shaking. LORD! NOT AGAIN.

                The title kills me.

                BIGBANG’s WAR? GDragon Punched His Bandmate, Youngbae’s Face.

                A Fan Told You a Rude Story About GDragon Last Night. “SH!T.. WHY ARE YOU ALL YELLING?” GDragon Screamed at Fans.

                “Jiyong, Hyunsuk hyung wants to meet you after you suffer from your hangover…”

                Hell is summoning me, isn’t it? Chaerin.. what curse did you spell to me?

***