Sorry for the long wait! Explanation after the chapter. <3

It seemed to be an ordinary thing to come home to Myungsoo finding something new. But today was not Jangmi’s day.

As soon as she turned the doorknob, she could hear Myungsoo’s giggling – he was giggling for god’s sake – and he called out, “Oh my god, you were adorable as a kid!” which had her bolting into the living room to see him with her baby album in his lap.

She sighed as she plopped down next to him, leaning on his arm and closing her eyes. He gave her a puzzled look.

“Aren’t you going to grab it and scream something like ‘what the hell’ or ‘don’t look’ or ‘why are you creeping on my pictures’?”

She shook her head, eyes still shut. “You’ve seen at least half. What shame can I possibly have left?” He laughed and ruffled her hair.

Together, they browsed through her pictures. But about three fourths through it, the next pages were blank.

“You didn’t fill this in?”

“My mom died when I was young. She liked to take pictures.” Which probably explained the abrupt stop in the timeline of pictures. She sighed and set the book down.

As she was putting the album back in place, thunder sounded close by which had her jumping in surprise, clutching the book shelf hard.

“Hey, you okay?” Myungsoo asked from where he sat.

“Uh, yeah. Fine.” She replied a little too quickly, and her actions contradicted her words when thunder rumbled again, and lightning jagged the dark sky as she yelped in surprise.

Myungsoo stood up and walked over to the trembling girl, holding her arm. “Well, you’re obviously okay.” He said, all sarcasm.

She had time to roll her eyes before it started to pour all out and thunder and lightning continuously sounded and appeared. She grabbed the end of his shirt, clutching it very tight until a particularly loud rumble was heard and she jumped into his arms, face buried in his chest.

“Come on, a thunderstorm can’t hurt you.” He murmured, pulling her closer.

Her breathing was ragged, and she stuttered a reply. “I know. But...” And when she didn’t continue, he knew it’d be best not to question her.

Myungsoo guided her back to her room and gently set her on the bed, but she refused to let go.

“Jangmi, let go of my shirt. It’ll be alright.”

“No,” She whimpered, pulling him closer. “If I don’t hold on tight enough, you’re going to leave.” She looked up at him, tears prickling her eyes.

“You’re going to leave me! Just like he did!” She cried out, tears spilling over and soaking his shirt as she buried her face into it once more. “Please don’t leave. Promise me that you’ll stay.”

He opened his mouth to protest, but the look she gave him stopped him, words caught in his throat. He had left her once, when he was still alive, he remembered. And he wasn’t going to let her through that pain again.

“I promise.” He swore. He pulled her over to him so she was seated between his legs, leaned back so he was resting atop the pillows, with her in top of him. He gently cupped his hands over her ears.

Time seemed to have stopped for Jangmi as tears gathered in her eyes once more. She lifted both hands to rest on top of Myungsoo’s, lacing their fingers together.

He had done this for her once, she recalled, heart aching. Tears fell slowly. How she missed him.

She leaned back against Myungsoo, murmuring a raspy ‘thank you’ before drifting off into her dreams.

*

Jangmi was sitting down on the same meadow as before, holding a flower, plucking at its petals as she wept silently. He came up to her, scooting down behind her and lightly grabbing her shoulder.

He sighed.

“Hey...”

Her head snapped and looked at him, pushing her hand away in disgust.

“Go away. I don’t want to see you now.” She snapped, turning away from him.

“Look, I’m so—“

“’Sorry’,” She scoffed. “Won’t cut it. Oh, breaking the same heart you put together. Great.” She rasped, her voice hollow with no emotion.

He sighed, exasperated. “But she kissed me!”

“And what? You weren’t strong enough to push her away? Tell me,” She said, looking him straight in the eye.

“You’re still in love with her, aren’t you? You just used me to get her jealous. ‘Maybe if I can get the coldest and most quiet girl in the school to fall in love with me, she’ll realize how great I am’.” She jeered.

“No,” He said, wrapping an arm around her waist, hold tightening as she struggled. “How could you say that? You know I love you, and only you.” He murmured, pulling her against him.

“Love? Really?” Her voice was full of disdain as she went on. “Is love supposed to eat at my insides? Lower my non-existent self esteem? Keep me up at night hoping you won’t realize how worthless I am and throw me away? Tell me, is love supposed to hurt this bad?”

She started to mutter things to herself, in a barely coherent voice, all he got was ‘not deserving’, ‘worthless’, ‘who needs me?’

“I might as well let you watch me suffer.” She said finally, rummaging through her purse and pushing his arm of her roughly.

“Suffer? What do you mean—“ The words faltered as she brought out a pocket knife, partly stained with blood.

“What better way to battle emotional pain than by physical pain?” She said, pulling the blade closer to her arm. It was then that he noticed all the other scars on her arms, some fresh wounds slit into her wrists.

“No,” He breathed as the blade came in contact with her skin, penetrated through it and the blood flowed. She sighed, watching the sun set.

“You can’t keep doing this you yourself,” He said, taking the knife away from her. “I need you.” He told her as he took her in his arms again. She made no move to struggle; instead a faraway look took place in her eyes as the tears came to a slow stop.

“You need a lot of other people, too. I’m tired.”

“Then you should rest.”

“No.” She said firmly, staring at the beauty of the setting sun. “It’s not the kind of fatigue that can go away with rest.”

“Then what?”

“All my life...” She began. “I’ve been fighting for the people I love. Fighting to keep them with me, fighting to make sure they won’t leave. It’s so tiring, doing all the fighting.” She heaved a long, strained and exhausted sigh. “For once in my live, I want to be the one fought for.”

“You don’t have to keep fighting,” He said, squeezing her. “I would fight for you.”

She shook her head as she stood up and put her things away.

“Perhaps we can talk about this after you’ve sorted your priorities. I’ll see you around.”

And he was left on the rock, alone.

*

Alright, now begins the explanation~

Last last weekend, we went to the beach. We had a long weekend, no school from Saturday to Tuesday. We were at the beach from Saturday to Sunday, and I had to study for our exams on Monday and Tuesday.

Lasy weekend, we were fixing up our VISA requirements for our trip to Korea. and I slept through half of Sunday and recopied my Math and English notes for grading.

Yesterday, the advance Science/Math students had a special field trip to 7 Lakes (some place here in the Philippines). We had trekking, lake wading, mud sliding and rafting. I woke up at 3:30am that day because we had to be in school by 5am, and came home at 9pm. I was hell exhausted and although it was fun, my shoulder decided it would be 'fun' to become strained so that I couldn't get up this morning! Hurray~

Anyway, I'm fine now. 8D

Thanks for putting up with my slow, slow updates. I love you guys! <3