49 Days To Find Love

Author : ButterCookies_ | Fluffyclouds- | Snowcandyy29

Genre : Romance | Supernatural | Mystery

Status : On-going

Title ( 8/10 )

I think that your title is cool and it gives out the main mystery vibe. Most readers would be attracted by the title thinking, "Why 49 days?" "Why must she or he find love?" these thoughts would lead them to checking your story out so I think you guys did a pretty good job on deciding the title.

Description & Foreword ( 7/10 )

Your foreword's layout is perfect although I could say that 'Hypnotize' isn't really a word that matches the most. Hypnotize is like brainwashing people to believe in something they don't or to literally take over their mind and to influence them. So I don't think that the book really hypnotized Suzy, it's just that it made her sleep and then brought into the future. However, you should split the description and put something in your foreword besides the copyright statement.

Grammar & Language ( 16/20 )

The grammar isn't really bad but however I did spot some mistakes and unfortunately, it was the first line or the first chapter. " You opened your eyes and for once, you saw the beautiful cherry blossom trees beside you. " If you want to write a sentence in past tense, do it all the way. Since you wrote 'saw', you should've wrote 'opened' instead of 'open'. And " AHHH! She's...She's...fading away!! She's gone!! " Please do not use the word 'see through' as it is usually used to describe objects or clothes. I think that's all, but you do have some other mistakes, make sure you proofread your story before updating it.

Character ( 5/20 )

This is one of the factors which was really bad. First things first, what dimension was the past time? Ancient monarchy? Olden days? You mixed them up so i'm confused. Since you used the term 'guards' in your story, I assume that the past time dimension is ancient monarchy where there are Kings and Queens and castles and stuff.

I shall not talk about the plot here. But character, Suzy is TOO childish to be an 18 year old. Even though her body is 24 but her mindset is 18, she's still too childish and naive. Would you have trusted some random stranger if you were her? I don't think so. And I know too little of Soohyun. Does he go to high school or something? He's 18 too right? But he doesn't seem to go to school?

Please elaborate more on the characters and follow the specifications which you have set for your characters. Don't state that the character is 18 when you made her sound like a 12 year old.

Originality & Storyline ( 5/20 )

I give you 5 points for the unique plot but I find it waste how it isn't properly used. So, Suzy stares at the pattern, falls into a deep slumber and disappears, next thing she knows, she was somewhere else in the future. First, isn't it funny how Suzy's reaction to the change of the enviroment is so...blunt? Even if she were to be in the exact same place where she disappeared from the past, there ought to be changes. And how did she knew that she was in the future? The note that the lady left her only told her to think about the future.

Normal responses would have been "Where am I?" or "Why does it look so different?" And is the castle suppose to be a museum or something? Why was Soohyun there? If it was a museum, there ought to be changes and alterations for the place and if it was a museum, there would be alot of people there.

And like I stated in the character section, why was Suzy so naive? Completely trusting a complete stranger that looks so foreign to her. She was literally exposing herself to danger by revealing every information to a complete stranger. Would you have done the same? And Soohyun, who on Earth would celebrate a stranger's birthday? So if a complete stranger tells you that its her birthday, would you celebrate it with her? Remember to try to put yourselves in the shoes of your character and think whether it is possible.

Soohyun must proof that he's trustworthy and some sort and humans take time to trust another human. Trust isn't earned that easily you know. And then chapter 2, the same thing about the breakfast and such. And shopping? Wasn't she from the ancient monarchy where they wore huge gowns instead? How will she know what is shopping? She is a princess, she's suppose to be in the castle the whole day while tailors come and show her the finest silk on Earth and then make the clothing in front of her. Princesses in ancient monarchy doesn't go shopping. I will only point errors up to chapter 3...okay...an arcade?! Shopping isn't that bad but an arcade?! How does Suzy even know about the arcade?

Ancient monarchy doesn't even have phones! They deliver messages by foot or by a pigeon. Please correct this. Petty readers would be utterly confused on what you are trying to prove. Suzy is a princess. Suzy lives in a castle. Suzy has guards. All these points totally cannot relate to shopping and arcades so please correct this.

Overall ( 41/80 )

Overall I found this story quite strange because you mixed modern and ancient times but I like your plot. Your plot is original but please do apply it properly. Usually I would browse the net so that the things I state in my stories aren't wrong and I guess you should too. Remember to credit this shop in your description/foreword with a link that can lead back to this shop so I can cancel your name in the request list, once again, thank you for requesting at KMS & HMH Review Shop. Have a pleasant day.