Paparazzi Next Door

Author : Forgottensnow68

Genre : Romance | Humor | Drama

Status : On-going

Title ( 5/10 )

Honestly the title didn’t pull me off better than expected. If I was a passer-by and saw this story, I wouldn’t even open the story. However, there is a slight intriguing feeling to it, and sometimes some people do want to know more and would be attracted to those kind of titles :) If you could make it slightly more unique, and use a few words that people have never seen before, I’m sure your story would have tons of views! (not that you have little right now tbh :D)

Description&Foreword ( 7/10 )

Your description lacks attractiveness, and it made the story sound cliche the first time I read it :( Really, if you had pulled the description off perfectly, any story would have sounded fantastic! Maybe add in a few hints of what the story would look like, a few dialogues from the characters (but of course not like an obvious one), or you could always change up the synopsis and make it… unique. Always take time to create your description and foreword! There’s no wrong to making it perfect :) What I like about it is that they’re very neat and very organized. I hate it when description and forewords are a whole bundle of mess, and it irks me so much, so props to you! :D

Grammar&Language ( 16/20 )

Your writing style wasn’t really bad. I like that you didn’t make it somehow in a dialogue form, and although your writing style is unique, it is a little different, and it doesn’t, once again, attract the readers to continue on--

"Calling all passengers, we advise you fasten your seatbelts as we make our descend."

“Calling all passengers, we advise you to fasten your seatbelts as we descend.”

It's a really long story how I got a flight to the North and how I got this one back to Seoul.

It’s a really long story on how I got on a flight to the North, and back to Seoul.

However, in terms of your grammatical errors, there isn’t quite a lot, but what I saw was that chapter 1 was in present tense:

I look around and see some boys // I hiss in annoyance and he seems to hear me

But in chapter 2:

If I wanted to hear endless criticism then I would just run to SM's building.

So I wasn’t quite sure if you wanted it to be in the present or past, but the change made me confused, and it made my head hurt a lot. For me, because I’m a total grammar freak, it’s important that these are fixed and, try making it all in past or present, because I would not continue ‘cause I wouldn’t be able to stand it.

There weren’t any obvious mistakes, to be honest, and if the readers are nonchalant (unlike me) they wouldn’t have minded those minor errors that could be changed :)

Character ( 17/20 )

I like like how the character is independent, strong, and a kind-spirited woman. She’s not the typical ‘Save me oh my love’ type of protagonist and I just UGH I LOVE THEM. I think that you did a great job portraying her! However I do have the affinity in feeling uncomfortable with 2 or more POVs, but that’s based entirely on my biasness, so it’s not counted in the grade, don’t worry!

The rest, I think there is a consistent slope of the characters getting to know each other, but what I would want to see if a hint of Eunhye’s past, or maybe Naerim’s too. After 7 chapters I’m still a little confused on their characters, and their job in this… story.

I like the appearance of Baekhyun, Suho, and Luhan, and they were just my cup of tea. It felt nice even.

Originality&Storyline ( 13/20 )

Frankly, it was cliche, and that was most of the reason why a lot of marks are deducted. I crave for plot twists and original fics, but this is really cliche. Girl meets boy--eh, he’s famous. It’s kind of… something I wouldn’t want to continue reading tbh. I’m sorry if I’m harsh, but I wouldn’t want to sugarcoat my words and tell you that I love it >< Hopefully after the 7 chapters, the plot will start to build up and maybe I would be interested in re-reading it :D

Overall ( 58/80 )

I’m so, so sorry if I’m super strict in this. You don’t have to take it too seriously and to heart, and if you ever want to talk to me don’t hesitate to do so! Thank you for requesting and we hope to see you again :)

-Vivian