Novo Amor

Author : Choops

Genre : Angst

Status : On-going

Title ( 9/10 )

Props. Just, props to that beautifully thought-out title. I love the fact that you made it sound so sophisticated and beautiful and just… wow. I would definitely read this fanfic! The reason I cut off one mark was only because I didn’t understand what Nova Amor is, and maybe putting in an English translation of it somewhere would be good LMAO

Description&Foreword ( 8/10 )

I really really love the foreword. I LOVE that you use John Green’s book as your inspiration because oh my god John’s Green my inspiration. Your foreword is beautifully written, and so is your description. BUT I have problems with people writing down the character’s ‘description’, or whatever you want to call it. I feel like it’s giving off too much of what the story is going to be!

Grammar&Language ( 14/20)

I think your grammar was very consistent, a few mistakes here and there, but to really admit, nobody’s ever perfect with grammar! However there are some very awkward expression errors that are not faulty, don’t get me wrong, but can be changed a little:

Original: Mina missed all of that- she missed walking to class and making random stops at the convenience store. She missed having ‘patbingsu’ and peach tea with her friends.

Correction: Mina missed all of that- missed walking to class and making random stops at the convenience store, missed having ‘patbingsu’ and peach tea with her friends.

Original: It landed on her like a ton of bricks- she didn’t know how to react, and she definitely did not know what will be her life after this.

Correction: It landed on her like a ton of bricks- she didn’t know how to react, and she definitely did not know what her life would be after this (what will be her life after this is an awkward terminology).

Original: Chanyeol didn’t have the time to finish his words when his arms automatically wrapped around her abdomen and pulled her away from the ledge, landing them both painfully on his back.

Correction: Chanyeol didn’t have the time to finish his words and automatically wrapped his arms around her abdomen before pulling her away from the ledge, with him landing painfully on his back. (both of them didn’t land on his back. Make sure to see which pronoun you’re talking about!)

Original: Even though she lived with cancer and that she was dying,

Correction: Even though she lived with cancer was dying, (that she is very awkward)

Original: “Well, thanks for nothing,” Mina retorted sharply as she snatched her hand away, attempting to walk away if it weren’t for the painful scratch in .

Correction: “Well, thanks for nothing,” Mina retorted sharply as she snatched her hand away, attempting to walk away, but the painful scratch in prevented her from going far. (by using the term ‘if’, you’re giving a hypothetical situation, but Mina really did start coughing, so you can’t use if in this situation :))

I know I pointed them out in the first chapter, but I just wanted you to know the gist of what I’m talking about. Just read it through again and fix any errors you think sound awkward as an expression or just don’t sound right :)

Character ( 18/20)

Can I tell you how I loved seeing Chanyeol and Mina grow as two people separately. They had their fun moments together, but oh gosh Mina, Mina is just perfect. She’s a ‘gives no crap’ cancer patient who is strong, sharp and sassy af. I love that I can relate to her (not in terms of cancer) and her positivity, despite her knowledge of her dying soon. I hated her before, how she thought ‘death’ was that easy and painless, but as the story moved forward I was like ‘this girl deserves an award’.

Chanyeol is very, very lovable. He’s motivational, straight to the point, helpful, amazing, everything. The reason for his volunteering job, and how Hana affected him matured him into a strong person in general. What I like is that you elaborated on why Chanyeol became like this and how. LOVE.

As for both together, Chanyeol is like the sun on her rainy day. When she feels like dying, he comes to the rescue. That’s like the perfect combi omg.

Jongdae and Baekhyun are just two peas in a pod. They’re the humourous characters in this story, and believe me, I love angst, but with humor, they’re just so exuberant.

I would love to know more about Minseok and Luhan, or just Jongdae and Baekhyun in general. There might not be any space, but elaborating on these four characters and their impact on Chanyeol/Mina’s life would be perfect!

Originality&Storyline ( 16/20)

Although everything I’ve read so far was great, I still thought that it was cliche. I know what’s going to happen, I know the flow of this story, I know most of what is written because it’s almost based on John Green’s novel! What I suggest is that you use the novel as an ‘inspiration’ of your writing, but not based on it. The part when Chanyeol called Mina about the movie, is almost comparable to when Augustus called Hazel about that book. There are very many scenes that I could possibly take out and fit in to the book, ‘The Fault in Our Stars’, that I can really see just how it would move forward as.

What I suggest, since you haven’t finished writing your story yet, is that you make it unique in of itself. Your writing is already a tad ‘special’, but if you twist your storyline and make it a little more based on what you think and not what John Green would, it would be amazing.

Every writer has their different styles, and for me, because I felt you kind of imitated John Green’s, I couldn’t see your full potential.

Overall ( 65/80)

I would love to help you and correct your mistakes if you would let me! I never use italics in my reviews, and even if I did, I wouldn’t use it excessively but your story made me all giddy and excited in general. I love it, and keep up the good work! :)

-Vivian