I dreamed about Taejoon. About who he used to be. I dreamed about the first time we ever talked to each other.

“Why are you still here?”

“Taejoon? I was just studying.”

“Are you kidding me? School ended four hours ago!”

“So? I want to keep my place as number one. To do that, I—”

“But that’s so boring! Live a little, Hyorim!”

“How do you—H-Hey! Don’t grab me!”

“Come on! Let’s go have fun.”

And he flashed me with that dazzling, carefree smile. A smile he gave everyone, but for some reason, it made my heart step up a beat. I remembered all the little moments, like that one time he gave me an umbrella and before I could protest, ran out into the rain with his jacket as his only cover. I remembered looking out the window and seeing him get in trouble with a teacher, kneeling in the courtyard until their legs were numb.

I dreamed about the time he brought me along with him and his friends to a noraebang and we sang until we couldn’t anymore. I dreamed about how he slipped me notes in class and somehow got a hold of my phone number and would text me silly little things like, “Are you awake yet?”

“How’s your day?”

“At the end of hardships is happiness!”

“Even monkeys fall out of trees!”

 “Good night!”

We became best friends, which baffled most everyone at the school. I was the top student and he was, at best, an average one, a troublemaker who was bound to bring me down. But he didn’t. He allowed me to breath and remember that grades weren’t everything. It wasn’t hard for me to fall for him. It was quick and easy but it took me forever to fess up to it. And when I got the guts to . . .

Screaming and moving shadows filled my head.

And then Taejoon’s face. He wasn’t smiling, wasn’t carefree. His eyes were hard, but I saw what they were hiding. I used to see it every day in the mirror. He was hurting. He was scared.

I woke up long before Kris. I remembered my dream vividly and I couldn’t shake it. Carefully, I got out of bed and put on my clothing. I left Kris to his own dreams and headed outside, desperate for a breath of fresh air. It was chilly outside, but I didn’t care. It was a few hours before daybreak, so I was a bit surprised to find someone sitting maybe a hundred yards away from the tree line.

Cautiously, I approached the figure, but I quickly recognized him. Kai. He was staring intently at the tree line.

“Are you going to run?”

Kai turned to look at me, then turned away from me. “Thinking about it.”

I sat down next to him. He was much calmer now, but not in a good way. It was like . . . he had let go. “Are you . . . okay?”

“And you care why?”

I forced down my angry retort. “Because I do. Even if I’m not longer with you guys, I still consider you my family.”

He looked at me, his mouth quirking into a derisive smirk. “Us? Family?”

I shrugged. “I use it loosely.”

“Hmph.”

We sat in silence a little longer. “So? Why do you want to run?” He didn’t answer. “Is it because of Sumi?” Kai tensed and I knew I hit the nail on the head. “Do you want to talk?”

“Do I look like I want to talk?” He snapped. He dug in his pocket and he brought out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

“Since when do you smoke?”

“Since when are you so curious about me?”

“Stop answering my questions with questions!”

He stuck a cig in his mouth and lit it. Enough. I snatched it from his mouth and he growled at me. Before he could grab another one, I stole the pack too and crushed it very efficiently in my hand.

“You owe me a new pack.” He snarled.

“What is it with you? It’s like you’re wanting to start a fight, or trying to do everything that you can for attention.”

I noticed he was starting to shake. Because he was angry? Frustrated? Cold? I didn’t know. “What would you know?”

“I know that you love Sumi. I know you’d do anything for her. The way you’re acting, she’s going to start to hate you.”

“Yeah!? Maybe that’s what I want!”

The silence sat between us, thick and uncomfortable. “You want her to hate you?”

Kai’s mouth went into a tight line. “That’s right. I want her to hate me, her and Suho and the rest of the pack.”

“But why? That makes no sense.”

“You just don’t get it. And you never will. You don’t understand how loving someone like this and knowing she will never be yours can affect you!”

He was visibly shaking now.

“And what will making her hate you accomplish?”

He tore his gaze away from me. “If she hates me . . . I can finally stop loving her. I can leave her and Suho alone so they can lead a happy life.”

“You think Sumi would be happy that way?”

He sighed. “I don’t know. I don’t have much choice, do I?”

“I think you have plenty of choices. And right now, you’re taking the cowardly way out.”

“And what would you suggest I do?” he snapped.

I shrugged. “I’m new to all this love stuff. But . . . I’d do what I thought was best.”

“That’s what I—”

“No, it’s not.” I cut in. “If it was, you would have run already.”

Again, we sat in silence, listening to the night life in the forest.

“What are you doing out so late anyway?” Kai huffed. “Did Kris get tired of you already?”

I glared at him. “Careful,” I warned. “I just wanted fresh air.”

Kai paused, then said, “I heard . . . you know, that this maniac we’re going after is someone you know. . .”

I nodded.

“How do you know him?”

“He was my first love.”

Kai gaped at me. “Wait . . . you mean . . . before? One of your friends survived?” I didn’t say anything. “But how the hell did he . . .? I mean, why would he . . .? Damn.”

Again, the dream washed over me until all I saw was Taejoon’s face. In that split second, I made a decision. And once again, I was going to break my promise with Kris.

And this time, I knew that Kris wouldn’t forgive me.