I found myself waking up, as if I’d just woken from a deep sleep. I looked all around me and realized I was a good distance from Kris’s home—I could barely smell their markings here—and somewhere near the mountains in the north. Shivering, I belatedly realized I was back in my human form and shifted so I could curl up to retain heat.

I was more than surprised to find myself, well, myself. I had given up control to my wolf and fully intended to never worry about it again. Just . . . fade away. Exhausted, I rested my head against my raised knees.

Why did you let me come back?

I never intended to erase you.

There was a certain kind of affection in her voice and I almost laughed at the absurdity of it. I just sat there and let my mind wander. And without much prompting, I found myself thinking about the whole encounter that had led me to be out here, about Kris. It terrified me how well he knew me for the short of time we had spent together. Going back over his words, I was still pissed beyond reason with him. Bastard.

Though his words weren’t entirely true, they also had me evaluating myself, my actions. He had hit the nail on the head in one aspect—they still controlled me. I had denied until this very moment—I had thought that every action until now was showing them, proving to my tormentors that what they did hadn’t affected me. But that was all a lie. I shouldn’t be thinking about them at all, shouldn’t be so cautious and angry at strangers. I just shouldn’t be so angry. No wonder Suho kept me away from humans.

I smelled him a mile away and heard him before he got too close. He didn’t say anything as he draped a coat around me and sat to my side, not saying anything. I lifted my head, resting my chin on my knees as I stared straight ahead. “You’re a bastard.”

“I’m . . . I’m sorry. For what I said,” Kris said sincerely. “You were right. I don’t know you and it wasn’t my place to say—”

“Sometimes,” I cut in, “When I take showers, I rub my skin so hard I bleed.”

“What?”

“Sometimes I think about it and feel so . . . dirty. But no matter how hard I scrub, I just can’t get clean.” Anger swelled inside my chest. I couldn’t believe I was telling him this, but for some reason, I couldn’t stop. “I have nightmares, too. They’re always the same thing. Me running and them catching up, throwing me down and . . . I can still feel them, you know? Whenever someone touches me, all I can feel is them.”

“Hyorim—”

“Do you know what it’s like?” I demanded, anger boiling over and coating my words in venom. I suddenly felt trapped but reminded myself I was safe. “Do you know how it feels to be helpless as someone takes your body? Once you experience that, all you can feel is fear as you remember those monsters and know what they did to you, what they can do to you. They scarred me in every way possible, and in ways I’m just now discovering.”

My fingers tightened their grasp on my arms, turning white and I could smell the blood as my fingernails bit into my flesh. “Every touch, every glance given to me will always remind me of them and what they did to me and I will never be free of that. And do you know how much that hurts?” I laughed in bitterness. “Even if I wanted to move on with my life, I couldn’t. They’ve ruined love for me, they’ve ruined my body. No one wants someone as damaged as me. I can’t ever love and I will never be loved. Do you know how lonely that knowledge is?” I demanded, my voice rising. “Do you know how hopeless life is, knowing that? And you, you , you just said whatever the hell you wanted.”

We sat in silence a long time. We were so quiet and so still that a couple of deer ventured close to us before scenting us a foot away and sprinting off.

“Hyorim . . . I don’t know how to help you.” Kris said quietly. “And I’m not good at this feely stuff. That’s Lay’s area.” He sighed and shifted but I didn’t look at him. “I basically tell people to man up and move on.” He sighed. “Basically what I said to you earlier.”

I turned my head and looked at him. He looked frustrated and confused, like he didn’t like the fact that he didn’t know what to do. His expression was a bit . . . cute. It made me a bit uncomfortable to think, but it was true none the less. He looked at me. “What?”

“I appreciate your honesty.” It shows you trust me to handle what I hear.

He seemed a bit surprised. Then he said warily, “My honesty is what got me in trouble with you.”

I gave a soft snort. “No, your speculation did, but . . . it helped me to think. Kris . . . how do I make it stop? I want my life back. How do I do that?”

He shifted uncomfortably. “Don’t look at me like that. I don’t know. But . . . if I can help, if you’ll let me help,” He shook his head. “I want to help you, Hyorim. If I can, I will.”

I stared at him, at his sincerity, and my heart lurched. For what reason, I had no idea. “I think . . . I’d like that.”

Suddenly a smile broke across Kris’s face. “I think we just agreed to a truce.”

I gave a crooked smile back. “I think so.”