The sunrise caught me still holding the letter from Chanyeol in my hands, unable to fully understand what I had just read and what really happened in my life for the past two years. It felt like I had completely lost control of it and that everything went speeding down, ending up in some sort of a crazy mess after crashing into the first obstacle that appeared in front of it. My life had been carefully and subtly manipulated the way others wanted. And I haven’t been aware of it.

To be completely sincere, the way Chaelin and Chanyeol’s deeds led my life resembled a lot with how my old life was before starting anew with Chaelin by my side. The way I had been conceived in a test tube so that I’d be nothing but perfect, the way I was raised away from toys that could hurt me or bring me any pleasure so that I didn’t develop any type of attachment, the way my playing hours were counted, the way I knew only my older sister as sibling until the age of five when Siwon was finally brought inside the room I had never left and introduced as my brother that I shouldn’t bother with, the way I was taught to react only to my older sister’s needs. But that I had escaped from, the war of wills between me and my mother had been won and I left the house, no longer being the donor kid she raised me as. I took charge of my life, choosing to ignore the purpose for which I was born: to keep my sister alive by slowly killing myself. I ran away together with Chaelin. And she ruined everything for me…

“Seon Yul?” I was shaken back to reality by a very worried Siwon. “Are you alright?”

Looking at his bare face and his eyes overflowing with worry I couldn’t stop but notice the marks our family had left on him, the early wrinkles dug at the corners of his eyes and on his forehead, the way he was always thinking about the worse things first. We were both scarred for life. And it hurt like hell to know that!

“Read this,” I handed him the letter, deciding that there was no more room for lies in my life, “I’m going for bath.”

I needed time and space to clear my head. That and I didn’t want to witness Siwon’s rage and ultimate sadness. For I knew he was going to blame himself. But how could he have known when even I had been blind?

Sitting in Chaelin’s bathtub, I realized that it hadn’t been just me the one those two hurt. Others were involved. Jongin and that sweet kid of his, Byul must have suffered as well. And now there was only me to mend their and put us back together.

‘You don’t have to do it,’ Chaelin appeared in front of me, across the bathtub as if she had read my mind. ‘I tried to push you back in Jongin’s life, hoping this wouldn’t be needed. But now that everything’s out, you don’t have to do it.’

“And what should I do then?” I asked softly, suddenly absorbed by the drops of water on my shoulder. “Should I just hide my head in sand? Should I just carry on like nothing happened? Should I run away then?”

‘Seon Yul…’