May 2009

            Sehun became more attentive to me as my boyfriend. When we were out of Golden Flame’s vicinity, he would always sneak his hand up to my side and grasp onto mine. The moments I spent alone with Sehun were blissful. The way he carried himself around  me made me understand how it felt to be loved.

            But surprisingly, I began to see Jong In less and less. Nobody aside from Sehun and I was aware of the relationship. Yet, it seemed as if Jong In knew about the relationship. Call me selfish for the lack of the better word, but I missed seeing him. I hoped that just because the relationship with Sehun had changed, the relationship between us three wouldn’t change. But it did, unknowingly.

            “We should invite Jong In to dinner,” I said with my head on Sehun’s shoulder. We were watching re-runs of old dramas on the couch. It was small things like this that made me happy. Every moment with Sehun mattered.

            “Should we?” Sehun wrapped his arm around my waist.

            “Yeah, I keep mentioning it yet we never see him.”

            “…don’t you think it’s time he sees somebody else though?”

            I quickly faced Sehun, my face in disbelief. “But we’re his best friends, Sehun!”

            “I don’t think he would want to third-wheel all the time, though,” Sehun replied with a calm face.

            “…I think we should tell him about our relationship. Jong In will be understanding.” I pulled myself from Sehun’s grasp and headed towards my purse, which was sitting on the coffee table. Fishing out my phone, I padded in Jong In’s number. After the first ring, Jong In picked up.

            “Hello?”

            “Jong In, do you want to get dinner with us tomorrow?” I asked with my back facing Sehun. I was still in shock that Sehun could suggest Jong In seeing somebody else.

            “…are you sure that’s okay with Sehun?”

            “Of course!” I replied with a smile even though Jong In couldn’t see my face at the moment. “Meet us at the usual place! See you tomorrow.” I didn’t allow Jong In to say no – I just hung up after I finished saying what I intended to.

* * * *

            “I know you guys were dating,” Jong In said after hearing me explain the relationship between Sehun and I. “Sehun told me.” He cut his steak quietly before popping a piece into his mouth. “I don’t want to come between you two – it’s not fun third wheeling.”

            For some reason, I became angry at Sehun after hearing Jong In’s comment. What right did he have to tell Jong In first? Most importantly, why did it even matter?

* * * *

January 2014

            “Does life always have to be this hard?” Jong In says in the car ride back. I could see the tear streaks on his face still, but I make no attempt to mention it. Instead, I ignore it and focus my eyes on the road in front.

            “As cliché as this may sound, life is not perfect. Yet, everybody thinks it is because they’re so fortunate. But really, people are constantly burdened by obstacles they think they can’t overcome. As bad as this may sound, in order to acknowledge that your life is fine the way it is, you have to look at other people with less fortunate lives. You’ll realize that there’s worse lives out there.”

            “…what about love?”

            I gulp, not wanting to go down the topic of love. It’s been – and will always be – a touchy topic for me. “Love is something as fragile as glass. If someone breaks your heart, the glass is broken. The person who wants to pursue you next has the task of piecing together the glass together. In the process, the person gets hurt too. So I guess everybody gets hurt in the end.”

            “…did Sehun get hurt when I broke your heart?” I tear my eyes away from the road, realizing that Jong In knew more than I had originally thought he did. A mixture of feelings erupt in my chest, but I swallow it all down. Just then, a stench of alcohol wafts towards me. Jong In’s been drinking.

            I figured that if I spoke again, Jong In would not recall our conversation in the car. “Everyone gets hurt in the end, like how I got hurt when Eun Hye broke your heart.”

            “Eun Hye and you are two very different people,” Jong In says with a stern voice. He slams the car to a stop, as he pulls over the car to the curb. He turns to face me with beady eyes. “Just because you found Sehun to fix your heart, doesn’t mean you fixed mine. I don’t love you, Hana like the way you love me.”

            That was when I realized that Jong In drank a few shots, but he could still process a lot of things in his mind. I instantly regretted what I had said, but at the same time, it was what I had in my mind. “Unlike you, Kim Jong In, I’m willing to love. You’re stubborn and you don’t accept change. Change is inevitable. You have to learn to adapt to it. You have to change your heart in order for it to stop hurting.” I was not willing to back down now, especially not when all of my pride was out on the table for grabs.

            “What do you know about love?” Jong In laughs spitefully. “You know nothing.”

            Anger bubbled through my veins – this was no longer the same man that saved me years ago. This was a man who was stubborn; this was the true Kim Jong In. “I know why Eun Hye left you. Because you don’t accept change. You’re stubborn and don’t like to take no for an answer. Well you know what, Jong In? You shouldn’t have saved me that day. I regret meeting you and falling in love with you. You made my life a mess.” I didn’t need Jong In to order me out of the car – I got out myself and slammed the car door. It didn’t matter if Jong In and I could no longer be the way we used to be. I discovered too late what kind of