January 2009

            Jong In steps onto the elevator box. The doors are still open, but no one else on the floor is left besides from him. His finger lingers on the number 24 – which was the floor Hana was on. Hana. Jong In hadn’t seen her for weeks. On the mornings he would wake up early, she was already leaving. He had caught glimpses of her when she left. Her face was a whole lot paler and slimmer. Her eye bags were darker and more prominent.

            Jong In never stopped wondering what he had done that made Hana act up. Did he say something wrong? Or was Hana regretful of something? Whatever the case, Jong In decided that he had to speak with her and clear up the misunderstandings. Pressing the button, Jong In descended down a floor.

            The elevator door’s dinged open. Jong In stepped out and spotted Hana from afar. Her hands were shaking as she turned off her computer. Approaching her desk slowly, Jong In dared to address her.

            “Hana,” he called out.

* * * *

            Sehun had decided to wait for me in his office, changing his mind at the last minute. It seemed as if he was afraid that I would run away and not eat dinner with him. As much as I denied this – I may have considered it – he was stubborn and refused to meet me at the lobby.

            I turned off my computer and was prepared to call Sehun out when a voice called out my name. “Hana.” Pivoting my head to face the owner of the voice, I spotted Jong In. Instantly, I began throwing my purse over my shoulder and walked the other way. But Jong In continued following me.

            Fatigue caught up to me as I slowed down my pace. Jong In managed to catch up to me, as he latched onto my wrist. I tugged my wrist away, only to have Jong In tighten his grip.

            “Hana, we need to talk.” I turned away, refusing to meet his eyes. “We don’t need to talk, Jong In-ssi.” Hearing this, Jong In stepped in front of me, lifting my chin to meet his eyes.

            “Jong In-ssi?! Hana, you, what’s wrong with you?” Jong In seemed aghast by how I addressed him formally.

            “What’s wrong with me?” I scoffed. “Next time you kiss a girl, I suggest you calling her by her proper name. Not Eun Hye.” Jong In froze in his spot, taken back. But still, his grip never loosened.

            “Hana,” he regained his composure, “tell me what happened.”

            “I guess you were too drunk to know what was going on,” I laughed spitefully. Mind as well tell him everything and get it off my chest; then I can move out after borrowing money from Sehun. Sehun. Then I recalled that the said man was still in his office waiting for me. I looked at Jong In, knowing I had to get this business over with first.

            “I think you should go find Eun Hye first and have a gooood talk with her, before you go kissing other girls.” I didn’t hold back my venom. I spit it all out in Jong In’s face. “I suffered because of you! I don’t even know why I bother doing this,” I said, taking deep breaths. The lack of nutrients was slowly catching up to me. Fortunately, I was quite the actress and could mask my pain well.

            “Why…why are you avoiding me?” Jong In decided to play the oblivion card. So in order to win over him, I decided to throw out the bluntness card.

            “Because I love you. God damnit, Jong In! I love you. I’ve loved you ever since you’ve saved me that day when I wanted to die. You gave me a reason to live! But when you kiss me, you say a different girl’s name. Eun Hye, huh? She’s your first love, isn’t she?”

            Jong In was silent at this. But finally he muttered, “Eun Hye isn’t your business, Hana.”

            “Well f.uck that,” I said, “I’ve suffered because of you. But I can’t do this anymore. I just can’t.” My voice began shaking as I felt the aspirins start to work its magic. But even then, my energy tank was depleted. “I’m going to move out, Kim Jong In. I’m going to stop thinking about you, because f.uck, love hurts. Why should I bother trying?”

            Lips pale, I tore my wrist away from Jong In. Just as I marched past my desk, Sehun’s door opened. Then I realized Sehun and I had to get dinner still. But I wasn’t in the mood to eat, especially not after such a big episode. “Sorry Sehun. I don’t think I feel like getting dinner today,” I said, pulling on a façade. With much effort, I strained a smile.

            I moved past his door, but my knees had already given out by then.

            Blackness enveloped me like a blanket.

            A voice whispered in the back of my head, “Finally.”

* * * *

January 2014

            Things resumed back to normal. Or at least we pretended everything was perfectly fine. I was extra careful around both Jong In and Sehun. They were like storms embodied in them – unpredictable upon releasing their fury.

            Every so often, Sehun would leave for lunch and return a few hours later. I could only assume that he was with Eun Hye. Somehow, that thought brought me anger. When articles of the two were released from media outlets, I would refuse to read it. I was denying the engagement.

            But the day came for me to accept Sehun and Eun Hye’s relationship. Jong In was suffering alongside me, no doubt. After all, he had a valid reason – Eun Hye was his first love. Yet, I didn’t know why I was furious about the engagement. Sehun was simply someone I could count on. There was nothing else to it.

            “Sehun wants us to attend the gala event that Kim Sunggyu is hosting. Apparently, Sunggyu has invited the employees of all his company allies,” Jong In hands me a flyer. “It’s tomorrow night.”  

            “Oh…I don’t have a dress,” I say, “I should go after work today to look for one.”