January 2009

            Jong In seemed to have forgotten about last night’s events. After drinking some aspirin pills to soothe his headache, Jong In greeted me cheerfully. He set down a plate of pancakes in front of my face.

            “Dig in!” Unknowingly, my eyes darted to his lips. Those plump lips had touched my own last night…I reached up to touch my lips before freezing. Jong In had called for Eun Hye, not Hana or Hana Park. I removed my hand and looked steadily at the pancakes.

            “Are you okay, Hana?” Jong In frowned as he took notice of my strange behavior. “You’re acting a little weird. Did you get a fever or something?” He brought his hand from the table and stretched his arm to touch my forehead. Upon doing so, I involuntarily shifted back.

            “I just remembered I had to go to work early – eat without me,” I quickly excused myself and ignored my hammering heart. If Jong In still had feelings for his first love – which I’m quite certain he did – I wouldn’t want to let my feelings ruin our friendship. Even if I didn’t have a chance with Jong In, I still wanted to remain friends. At least I would still have him close by my side, even if he couldn’t look at me the same way.

            I headed out the door and took the bus to work. It was a lie that I had to go to work early, but at least it was a valid excuse that wouldn’t leave Jong In questioning my actions. Until I had my feelings all sorted out, I could not be near Jong In – even if it meant I had to wake up early and go home late.

* * * *

            Oddly enough, as this new schedule of mine was implemented, Sehun appeared to be getting work earlier and going home later. It was as if he read my mind and was staying by my side. But I pushed my suspicions aside because it was impossible to have Sehun liking me.

            Stuffing my mouth with grapes, I looked over contracts from other companies. Since I began avoiding Jong In, fruits and vegetables made up my diet. Usually, Jong In would buy sandwiches for lunch and he would cook up an amazing dinner for the both of us, but since I tried staying away from him, I didn’t have enough nutrients in my body.

            But I had to admit – this change had done me some good. Not only did I get more work done, but I also began losing weight and losing my cheek fat. Plus, I did a pretty good job avoiding someone, who I lived with and worked with. It’s not like I’ve never seen Jong In for the past weeks. Instead, everytime he woke up and I was preparing to leave, he would look at me through his half-closed eyelids. By the time he managed to speak, I quickly left before he began asking me questions.

            Though I felt that this change made me more independent, I think my doctors would beg to differ. I was sleep deprived – only getting five hours of sleep per night. Insomnia was a problem I had since I was a teenager, and with the lack of nutrients in my body, I was barely surviving. People would call me stupid for torturing myself. But trust me. Seeing Jong In tortures my heart even more.

            It’s safe to say that Golden Flame slowly became my second home – if not, my new home. The apartment I shared with Jong In remained forgotten for a whole month. The thought of moving out had crossed my mind, but I didn’t have enough money saved in my bank account.

            ”Perhaps I should borrow the money from someone,” I muttered quietly. Just as I spoke, Sehun passed by my desk, picking up the words said.

            “You can borrow money from me,” he offered. I looked up; displeasure was