It had been one year since she left. 1 year after being allegedly kicked out from the group. 1 year of covering her parts, 1 year of readjusting of formations, 1 year of missing her.

That one year, no one knew how she had gone through. People had thought she would be affected the least because she was the latest to join the team. People had thought that she would be fine because they did not seem as close as with other members. People had simply assumed so, but no one had ever asked if she was fine. No one understood the pain she had gone through, the heartbreak she had felt, the lingering memories that plagued her mind. No one, not even her members.

However, to say that her members did not notice was an understatement. How could they not after being together almost twenty-four seven? The lack of smiles, the lack of energy and most importantly, the lack of ageyo. Even Seohyun, whom she had believed was the most affected and chose to hide behind the soft encouraging smiles, often looked at her with concern and worry.

"Unnie." The youngest started as hesitation clouded her face. She could almost see the words flying through her mind as the former chose her words carefully.

"What?" The tone came out harsher than she expected, sending the youngest reeling back in surprise. However, in no way was she going to apologize. Why should she when the others were looking at her like that? It was not as if she was made of glass and she was not going to break down. Heck, even if she was, it was because of all that concern and worry that the other girls were giving her. She needed none of that pity.

"Sorry." Seohyun seemed to have composed herself. She waited for the girl to continue speaking, but the latter seemed to have yet picked her words.

"What is it?" Her voice grew softer, almost weary. All she wanted was to be locked up in her room and not interact with anybody for the next one month, but no, she had to stay at the dorm having people around her twenty-four seven.

"Nothing. I was just..." The sentence trailed off as Seohyun became unsure once again, but she knew what the former was going to say. It was basically the 'it' sentence everyone she met would ask.

"I'm fine." Seohyun looked at her uncertainly, observing her carefully. "I'm fine, really."

She tried to twitch the corners of her lips into a smile, but it seemed to have an opposite effect when Seohyun narrowed her eyes skeptically. It took a moment of observation before the youngest relented.

Unnie. You know we understand, even if we are still smiling.

---

14th February, Valentine's Day. Her favorite younger sister had dumped her boyfriend and came over.

Yoona had stopped by with the intent of guesting on her radio show, a bright smile plastering on her face. She brightened up considerably, hiding her weariness and pain behind her crescent-shaped eyes. How could she not, seeing how her most adorable younger sister came by despite her busy schedule. In fact, she enjoyed her companion a lot.

Throughout the broadcast, they had played games, held questions and answers, fulfilling the wishes of the listeners as they gave out presents. It was all fun and laughter until one listener sent a text that dampened the mood.

"My boyfriend had dumped me just two days before Valentine, and my friends are out with their partners, so today, I am alone at home listening to your broadcast. I know I shouldn't be clingy but I wish that my friends would be here with me even if it were for a minute. You must be happy seeing how Yoona is there with you, right?"

There was nothing wrong with the message except that it evoked a past memory that she had tried so hard to bury.

"Yah! It's Valentine tomorrow. Are you really going to just hang around at home?"

"Why not? You guys are staying in too."

"No way! it's Valentines. I'm going to the club to meet guys."

"You can't!"

"Why not?! I don't want to stay single forever."

"Because I said so. You and the girls will have to cancel all your schedules and stay home."

"But why? I want to get married."

"Even if you get married, you still have to stay with me."

"Stop being so clingy."

"I'm going to cling onto you forever. So don't even think of escaping."

Needless to say, all the girls had stayed home at the command. She scoffed at the memory, her tears threatening to escape when a palm engulfed hers. She turned to her ageyo partner-in-crime, catching a warm smile as the latter muttered.

"Unnie, you are not alone."

---

Sooyoung was weak. She knew that since the first day she had seen the girl cry. The girl could cry literally anywhere, in concerts, during fan meets, in movies and even while talking to her pet dogs. She had been always surprised at how much Sooyoung cried and wondered if it was possible for her tears to dry up.

Fortunately for her, miracles do happen. Ever since she left, she had never since the girl cry, not even a drop of tears. Boy, her friend could really be heartless, but it was not in her business to prod. It was not as if she could just walk up to the girl to ask why she was not crying. It would have lead to flood all over the house, so she kept a watch-out from afar.

Her stakeouts paid off. On a rare time, she had found her friend curled into a ball with her knees close to her chest and her arms circled around it. In that position, Sooyoung often had her eyes close, her body rocking forward and backwards as she muttered incoherently. As much as she wanted to know what the girl was mumbling about, she never did interrupt.

"It is a distraction and disruptive." Sooyoung would always say. "You are distracting my connection with God."

So she simply observed, how the girl would put pressure on her fingers, how she would bit on her lower lip, how her body would tense up, how her breath would quicken. The micro habits that Sooyoung used to do when she was upset or anxious appeared. For minutes, the girl would stay in the same place, just keeping her eyes shut and mumbled. However, when she finally finished, she would open her eyes and smile before continuing her daily activities.

She stared on, not knowing that she had been caught. A squeal escaped from her lips when a pair of long arms circled around her waist, pulling her into a tight back hug. Her friend snuggled deep into her neck, finding a comfortable spot before mumbling softly.

"Pray for strength and happiness."

---

Among them all, Yuri had seemed the most normal. Apart from the occasional talking to herself and the sudden huge interest in exercising, the girl seemed to be coping fine, or so she had thought until she counted nine bottles of lemon water, nine tonics, nine fruits the girl had prepared. The stylist had jokingly thanked Yuri for the last set of healthy food, to which the girl had nodded with a smile, but she had caught sight of the sadness that flashed in her friend's eyes, masked quickly with a turn of her head.

Then after, she had seen her friend sitting in a chair, clutching the lemon bottle in her hand and staring blankly into space. An iPad sat on her lap, its screensaver popping up. She had curiously taken a peek and the pictures stabbed deep into her heart. Pictures of Yuri and her displayed on the iPad, most showing sweet happy moments taken by the fans. She knew those were the memories that the girl cherished the most. Considering how the duo went way back into their younger days, they had formed a friendship through a bunch of pranks, tears and hard work. All of it had came crashing down despite their promises to forever.

Unable to stand the sorrow and pain in the girl's eyes, she made her way towards the former. Silently, she placed a palm on her friend's shoulder, breaking the spell that the latter was in. Yuri had looked up straight into the mirror, making eye contact with her eyes. A small comforted smile curved on the girl's lips as a hand reached up to grab hers. At that moment, she knew and understood.

We will learn to accept and let go, no matter how difficult it may be.

---

Hyoyeon had always been the happy-go-lucky one in the group. She always had a positive smile and optimistic attitude that would irritate her at times, but she had learnt to live with it. In fact, she was thankful that there was one such member in the group, so it did not feel like all hope is lost and that the sun would always shine after the storm.

She sat quietly by the side, watching silently as the girl danced in front of the mirror with energy. Just by looking, she could feel the strength draining in her and had always wondered how the battery in that dancing machine does not run out.

"Don't be lazy! We got to practice!" The energetic girl bounced towards her, concluding her warm-up. "We've got choreographs to master."

She scoffed bitterly. Of course they had to fix the dances. In fact, every dance that had taken sleepless nights to master had to be re-mastered. The missing gap in their dances would be a sore reminder of how she used to occupy the space, but now they were trying to fill the gap as though it was simply an accidental hole. Her chest tightened, as she felt suffocated. Every dance would remind her of her. In fact, even the practice room where they had slept, ate, played, laughed, cried reminded of her.

She turned to her left, seeing how the usual smile was replaced by a frown. Her friend was suffering too. She could sense that and wanted to comfort the girl, but no, she was in no position to comfort her friend. Unlike the flawless re-mastered dances they had performed, there was no way to fill up the missing gap in her heart flawlessly.

She will always be part of us.

---

Tiffany was another optimistic person that she knew she could trust with all her life. The girl was so bubbly and bright that sometimes it blinded her. Wearing sunglasses was not an option because the rays emitting from the girl could penetrate straight into her eyes. Sometimes she wondered if there was anything that could possibly bring her down.

After seven years together, she finally caught it, she knew what the girl's weakness was. However, when she thought she could finally "rejoice" in seeing Tiffany break down, the girl just had to hold them in. She knew her friend was hurting, but Tiffany was also one of the strongest person she had ever met. Tiffany had never crumbled; in fact the girl thrived on setbacks. Her friend would stomped on these obstacles, crushed them into pieces before picking up and eating them as though they were nothing. Her friend would then put on a beautiful smile, her eyes twinkling so much that one would not even notice how scary of a monster she was. Just how strong could one person probably be to be able to mask everything perfectly behind a smile? It made her believe that the world only consisted of roses.

Unfortunately not. The world was not a bed of roses. Her dream had shattered the moment she caught her friend staring blankly at her phone in the balcony. She was curious and curiosity killed the cat.

Tiffany was flicking through the thousand over pictures she had saved in her phone. Each picture causing a flood of tears to emerge from the girl's eyes. She had to admit, her friend looked ugly. Tears, snots, saliva were all mixed together as though the fluids in her friend's body had decided to play battlefield on her face. Gone was the flawless makeup, the charming smile and the perfect eye-smile.

However, the moment a sound interrupted their peace, Tiffany had quickly wiped off all traces of her tears, leaving only the tell-tale puffed eyes and red nose as her friend put on a smile she was familiar with.

"Hey." Tiffany had caught sight of her. "It's late, you should be sleeping. You have schedules tomorrow."

"So do you."

"Yeah. I'm going to bed now."

Her friend produced another smile. This time, the smile was not perfect, neither was it blinding, in fact, it looked... More human. She stood up, walking over to where her friend was and engulfed her into a tight hug.

It's okay to not be strong.

---

Taeyeon was the most affected of them all. She had watched how their leader sunk into silence, lost all her appetite and locked in her room only to emerge with puffy eyes. She had seen how her short friend lost her smile while scrolling through the news, stared dazedly at random corners of the room and wallowed in depressing music.

Time and again, she had watched the other members trying to pull the girl out from the slump and she was tempted to try it too. But no, she shrunk back the last minute, deciding that she herself was in no position to pull anyone out of anything. So she left her friend alone, still keeping a watchful eye to make sure nothing drastic happened.

From the sidelines, she had observed how the leader seemed to spiral downwards into depression before locking herself in the room for the whole week. When her friend finally emerged from the room, the girl seemed to be in a better mood. The girl would talk and laugh with the members, her appetite came back and her face no longer looked puffy and red. What her friend did in there, she had no idea, and neither was she intending to pry. After all, everyone was entitled her own little secret.

Taeyeon had come to look for her after she came back from her radio show in the dormitory. It was a surprise, as she did not expect to see their leader walking into her room with a smile on the face. Puzzled, she watched as the girl made herself comfortable on the bed right beside her. Silence draped over the duo as they waited for the other to speak. Suddenly, with a quick pull, she found her body embraced by her equally short friend as the leader whispered into her ear.

"We do understand even if we are always smiling so remember that you are not alone. As we pray for strength and happiness, we will learn to accept and let go. It's okay to not be strong sometimes, but always remember, we will emerge stronger than before, Sunny."

She knew she could finally let go. Baby steps, but at least she would never be alone.

-End-