Hyperventilating. It was the ugliest thing that could happen to me at that point in time. People tend to misunderstand the term and find it quite funny to laugh about it. There is nothing fun about laughing with this kind of pain. No. Nothing. I had reached rock bottom. This was the end for me. Nothing could save my mental state at this moment in my life. I wanted to scream. I wanted to hurt someone. I wanted to... do horrible things. But in the end, I was a coward. A weak idiot whose life had no meaning at all. I was a target. Someone who was really easy to make fun of. I was nothing more than a stupid little ant the world kept stepping on to make me remember my true nature.

I fell onto my knees and grabbed for my chest. The sounds I made at the moment were also truly pathetic. I was at the bottom of a ladder. Below the dirt- below anything that was every considered disgusting. Hyperventilating. It's not being out of breath. It's not like that at all. Hyperventilating is like someone pushing your head under water and you're fighting, struggling for your life to get out of there. You're drowning. Your lungs are filling themselves up with dirty water and when you finally want to give in- the water turns into ice and you just think that burning at this point would be less painful. This was me right now. All alone. No one around me to help.

When I thought it couldn't get any worse- it did. I puked everything out of my system and felt my back arch in pain. I got rid of everything and then the bile started burning my pharynx. Tears, spit and sweat were covering my face and as I hid my eyes from this horrible world, the cold, wet feeling making me sick again- I threw up one last time and lost my consciousness. The stress had gotten to me and it had broken me down brick by brick. This was the end. I never wanted to wake up again.

It all started today after I got down from the rooftop and met Kai after class for a quick snack. We decided to skip class. Why? I did not know. Maybe I wanted to run away from my problems for a bit and I had promised Kai to listen to his story. "Wait, I still have some cold soup in my locker," I said and ran towards it. I had expected a corpse or maybe something worse waiting for me on the inside, but there was nothing there. Only a note from NYF. This was the first time it was not underneath my desk but inside my locker. Apart from the time...it was in my room after he had brought back all my clothes.

BRICK BY BRICK.

NYF.

"Ready to head out?" Kai joined me and looked at my soup. I quickly put the note inside my pocket and tried to straighten out my face. He didn't need to see this look. Not now. I wanted to relax. "Looks good," Kai smiled. "I still have my lunch because I wasn't that hungry before. Let's sit by the tree next to the playground. Teachers don't usually come there and since Jaejoong's gone- he won't get to bother us either." Kai walked in front of me and tucked his uniform. He looked back and waited for me to shroud next to him; trying to get out of school as fast as possible.  

When we got to the tree, I simply let gravity take over and dropped next to Kai on the grass. It wasn't too cold outside. Just about right. "Hey," he simply started and took a bite from his sandwich. "I'm sorry I was acting like an idiot about the new kid. Yixing is his name, right? I should be ashamed of myself. I think he heard me. He was laughing." Kai went through his hair and gave me an awkward stare. "It's just... He makes me feel stupid. You've been alone all this time and then this guy shows up and treats you how..." he exhaled deeply and closed his eyes. "He treated you the way I never did. And it's a confrontation. You're a nice person, Luhan. I wouldn't even agreed on the request to make that assignment. You're awesome."