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designer's note: It's an wesome story, but with a little work it could be perfect!
 

flamzfox 

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Humanity's COde

 
 

 

 

Title: 5/5

There's not really much to say about the title. It's short, simple, and relates to the story. Three key components that I believe make up a good title.

Aesthetic Appeal: 10/10

I'll consider this a bit of a free score, considering there wasn't really anything in the story that would cause me to deduct points. Everything was formatted well, no unnecessary bright or huge fonts, or giant walls of text. The poster was fairly well made as well, although I don't actually take the poster into account when scoring this. (It'd be great if you could drop the name of the designer when you pick up your review, just saying.)

Description and Foreword: 7/10

Despite the description being rather short, it was successfully able to pull me into wanting to read the story. As for the foreword, it did help to peak my interest more, though I did take off a few points due to some minor things. A sentence or two didn't flow very well, and there was a few missing punctuation marks. Like I said, just simple minor things.

Characterization/Details: 15/20

Although I thought that the characters were very well portrayed, you didn't necessarily go into as much depth as you could have. I felt that you only briefly touched on the emotions that they were feeling, especially with the flashbacks. Also, your overall descriptions were a bit lacking. They didn't contain enough information for me to completely visualize what was happening in the story.

Plot: 17/20

I loved the concept of the plot because it was something that I've never really came across in a fanfic before. The thing is though, I do believe that it could have been executed better. With this type of plot, it needs time to develop to reach its full potential. In short, the story did feel rather rushed.

Flow: 6/10

There was an excessive use of the characters' names, for some could have been easily replaced with another sufficient pronoun. There was also a lot of run-on sentences and fragments, as well as many punctuation and grammatical errors that had been overlooked. The overall wording of a majority of the sentences could have been more thought out too. Also, in chapter five, you referred to Yixing as "Lay" in one of the paragraphs.

Originality: 9/10

Like I said before, I absolutely loved the concept of this story. The idea of having a government implemented system that forces people to gamble their life away on a mere bet is pretty creative. It is also very cruel, but that's a bit besides the point. Anyway, I overall thought the plot was very original in regards to fanfiction.

Etc: 10/15

Though it did take me awhile to get into, I did enjoy the story somewhat. I liked the fact that you gave it a bittersweet ending, which is something that not many people do as of lately. The concept of this story really does have so much potential, and I believe that it if you do revisit it some time in the future, it would turn out absolutely amazing a second time.

79/100

~Casely

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