❤ Calling Katakatica ❤
♛ The K-POP Tea Shop ♛ {HIATUS}
Title: 3/5
Your title is quite...plain. It's eye-catching, but typical. What I like about it is that it leaves a question in the reader's mind...what mistake? I give you credit for that.
Aesthetic Appeal: 10/10
I LOVE your background and the poster, they're both gorgeous. It honestly makes the story seem real...which doesn't happen too often. ^~^ I have no complaints here.
Description and Foreword: 9/10
The description is fantastic. Considering I sometimes introduce my stories like that, I believe that it causes suspense and makes the reader want to read further without taking a break. I feel as though the foreword itself drags on a bit, but that's personal preference. Personally, I'd shorten it to about a paragraph or two, but not super lengthy paragraphs. It's not too bad considering this is a chaptered story.
Characterization/Details: 16/20
I think you should introduce Luhan in more detail in the first chapter, and maybe some more description of his new master as well. Without the descriptive detail that adds tang to the surrounding words, it seems kind of dry. I think that you should put some more description of them at the end of the first chapter when Luhan is getting beaten and his new master comes. I hope that made sense. ;c
Plot: 18/20
I LOVE your plot so much, it's beautiful really. I don't see plots like this that much, and if I do, it's usually poorly written. Yours is very well written, honestly. And your voice (writing voice) is perfect for this kind of storyline. The only thing that I'd advise is to make the beatings less subtle, right now they seem less painful than they should be. Use more descriptive words and a wider range of ideas to help the plot be as creative as it can be. You can do it!
Flow: 10/10
The story flows perfectly, every transition is smooth and clean. Also, the way you transition from chapter to chapter is flawless, no fixations needed here. c:
Originality: 9/10
I've seen the "Master-Slave" plot used quite often, but the twist you put on it was refreshing. Instead of a "Master-Slave" love relationship, the slave and the master's brother had the love relationship. Although there were typical scenes, and some of the beatings seemed repetetive, I think your story is very original.
Spelling/Grammar: 8/10
Incorrect: "His back due to the beating he got the day before, his chest because of the kicks he had received to his ribs."
Correction: "His back ached due to the beating he got the day before and his chest hurt because of the kicks he had recieved to his ribs."
Incorrect: "He heard, the voice of his new master dark, laced with hate."
Correction: "He heard, the voice of his new master dark and laced with hate."
Incorrect: "Luhan made no move to follow his master, knowing well that it would lead to even worse means of punishment he could receive. The door"
Correction: "Luhan made no move to follow his master, knowing well that it would lead to even worse means of punishment that he could receive."
Overall Enjoyment: 5/5
Overall, I really liked your story! It was a good, refreshing read. I love , so this was a good story for me to review. It got a bit long and drifting at some points, but I still enjoyed your story all in all. Keep up the good work! ♥
Total Score: 88/100
~CloudUnknown
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