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designer's note: A great story, but as usual, there's always room for improvement! 
 

rainynoon 

story link

destined

 
 

 

 

Title: 3/5

- Honestly, I cannot find a steady link from the title to the story itself. I can’t really judge this that well as of now since the story is still progressing.

Aesthetic Appeal: 5/5

- I really enjoyed how you maintained the same look and format for each of the chapters. Since I actually printed out your entire story for reading, the correct sizing and font of the words really helped a lot. Thumbs up for that! And also, your poster is really really good, but remember it's not exotics (lol).

Description/Foreword: 8/10

- The first few words of the description entices and intrigues readers to read on, but that all ends in the third part when you said "What will happen in one fateful night for them?". It made me think of a cliché plot, which might actually result in some viewers just clicking the back button and throwing the idea of reading your story to the back of their minds.

Thankfully, you have sentences after that which make up for that error. It’s good that you quoted some of the beliefs of the characters in the story, and I enjoy how you put in effort to make your description look more professional, like a synopsis.

Characterization/Details: 16/20

- Although your description of the settings, and even little things, are really good, I could not really get to know more about some of the main characters. e.x. You mentioned a few times that Yoora was stubborn, but in a few instances I really doubted that, like how Haerin kept trying to get Yoora to go to the Jeju trip. This made me feel that Yoora was quite a push-over instead of a stubborn person.

I would like it if you mentioned more and described more about Sehun and his feelings too, then he wouldn’t seem as cold.

Plot: 19/20

- Nice plot! Extremely unique unlike what I usually read. It does seem like you put quite a lot of effort into planning before writing. I docked one mark from your total for plot since I actually expected the tiny snippet of your conversation between Yoora and Kai to be the of the entire story (expecting more drama though). Ah, and I liked how you put in that Sehun had the heart problem, but you could actually specify it medically.

Flow: 7/10

- Overall, the flow of the story is good. Although the pace is quite slow, but not snail slow, it allows the readers to better get a grasp of the situation. Despite the fact that English is not your mother tongue, I have to dock a few marks since grammar and spelling affects the general idea of the information, affecting the flow quite a bit.

Originality: 10/10

- I really like the intense drama you added into an actually quite classic story, making a creation from your innovation. This makes your story extremely atypical and unique, such that readers would not be able to actually fully predict the entire plot, and would raise more anticipation.

ETC: 9/15

- Okay, the story is great, it is generally quite well-written, but reading this story tires me out quite a lot.

1. Your chapters are extremely long. I start getting quite confused after a while. Maybe trying to prevent yourself from beating around the bush too much will do?

2. ENGLISH. I cannot help but emphasize on this. Whenever I see a grammatical error, I tend to reread the entire sentence and correct the sentence in my mind. You know that little voice in your mind? Yeah that voice has to correct it for me in order to let me get the information in the correct context. Sentence structure needs reviewing by yourself too. I kind of suggest that you get a beta reader. :3

And also, do not add too many exclamation marks. Okay I'm sorry if I'm too harsh ;_;

82/100

~sonwolforlife

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