❤ Calling myunghyun4ever ❤
♛ The K-POP Tea Shop ♛ {HIATUS}
Title: 4/5
- Honestly, it’s not the most original title, but it pertains to the story. It gives the reader a small idea of what the story is about, without revealing everything. I appreciate that, because titles that don’t fit the story are quite annoying. So, good job!
Aesthetic Appeal: 3/10
- I don’t judge on how your poster looks, because you only have so much control over that. However, I do like your poster, it’s adorable. You do have some problems as far as aesthetic appeal goes. I cannot stress this enough, please make sure that your text sizes are the same. It looks really messy when you have all different font sizes. Right off the bat I noticed that your 1st chapter, which is the most important chapter, had major issues. Your writing was in blue in the first part, and black for the rest. It was different sizes, randomly bolded in some parts. It looked terrible, no offense. I recommend sticking to black as a font color, and only bold when emphasizing something. Also, make sure your font sizes are the same! I noticed that you only had this problem in the first chapter. But the first chapter is the most important chapter, many people will stop reading if the 1 st chapter is bad. So it’s very important that you fix that. I recommend that you indent each paragraph, it’s proper and even though it is more work, it’s worth it in the long run.
Description and Foreword: 7/10
- I love your description and foreword, it’s probably one of the best I’ve ever read. So kudos to you on that one. I’ve never seen people take parts of their story, poems, song lyrics, etc. But never have I seen someone use a letter. And having the letter in your description is incredibly original. It gives you character information, background information and it’s just plain awesome. Beyond that, I loved the phrases you put before the letter. The repetition is awesome, I also like how you did a past and present thing. And how you bolded certain letters gave the words/phrases more effect/meaning. However, your description and foreword are lacking something very important. The characters! In my opinion, it’s very important that you introduce the characters so the reader gets a clear idea of who is in the story. From your poster, I know that there is a female OC, Taemin and Kai. But that’s really not enough information. What if you didn’t have that poster? Then I would be lost.
Characterization/Details: 7/20
- As far as I can tell, you’ve made your character out to be quite the Mary Sue. She’s rich, pretty, smart, nice, etc. Oh, and she happens to be the sibling of Lee Chi Hoon and the cousin of Kwangmin and Youngmin. Personally, I’m not a fan of those kinds of characters. They’re not realistic. There is such a small chance that she could be all of those things, it would be more believable if she was average or even below average and then transformed into this amazing idol. You often talk about someone is handsome, but you never give details. Why is he handsome? Characterization is extremely important and people often neglect it. You never really describe the main character either. Sure, she’s pretty, but again, why is she pretty? Does she have silky hair or milky skin? It’d be nice if you could say that. I think you give an adequate amount of details as well. I was really looking forward to a description of Taemin and Jongin, but they never came. Of course, I know what the two of them look like. But it’s nice to see what the character thinks they look like. The lack of characterisation is a serious fault and it’s really upsetting. I hope you can improve on that in the future!
Plot: 10/20
- It’s the classic story of a girl who was once a fan that strikes gold and becomes an idol. It’s a cliche, but it can turn out to be a very good story depending on how many twists and surprises you throw in there. In this case, you threw together two different cliches into one. The fan who becomes an idol and the girl who’s a childhood friend of an idol. Clever, clever. At first I was kind of confused as to why she no longer talk with the guy from her childhood, and then I found out that she lost her memory/forgot her childhood. That’s a common thing in fics, for some reason people always lose their memory and then...Nevermind. Anyways, I find that the plot was kind of ruined for me since your character was so much of a Mary Sue. Everything about her was perfect, to the point where it got annoying and ridiculous. Of course, there is the whole part about Kai being a cold and mean jerk and the fact that Taemin is all nice. I think the plot is good, but it needs to be tweaked. The whole thing about not liking Mary Sue characters is just my opinion, some people really like those characters.
Flow: 9/10
- I don’t see any problems with your flow. However, some people might think your story goes too slow, so you might want to improve upon that. But I thought the pace was fine.
Originality: 7/10
- Your story isn’t that original. However, it’s original in it’s own respect. It combines a bunch of un-original plots, making it original in it’s own. Personally, I like cliches, I always have, and I like when people combine some of the best cliches together. So, nice job! But it’s nice for some things to be original, which your story lacks.
ETC: 7/15
- I think your story has a lot of potential, and it’s just a matter of unlocking that potential, which you have yet to do. I understand that your story has a lot of subscribers and a lot of views, and I did enjoy your story, I just think it has room for improvement. Some of your sentences weren’t fluent and in turn, they were a bit awkward. You don’t have to acknowledge my comments, however, I suggest that you do. I look forward to reading the rest of your story. ^^
54/100
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