The moment Amber got into the little space inside Kris' deep blue car, it was like being pulled into the ocean of the emotion she had refrained during the talk. Keeping breathing even and eyes wide open, she looking out of the window to prevent the tears in the verge of falling down. This wasn't the place, Kris was still here. This wasn't even right and reasonable. But she was angry, really angry. Neither with Sky Diamond nor Kwon Min Jae. But with her parents. And herself. Despite a long time has passed,it was still tough to mention the details of her parents' accident.

Eventually, everybody would die somehow, but Pa and Ma should have died old, in peace, after experiencing enough of happiness in this world. Of all the endings they could choose, this was the worst. It wasn’t inevitable, it wasn't for her sake like people said either.

Kris peeked a glance at the girl sitting next to him. Then again the ridiculous feeling of somewhat peace and rush came to him at the same time. Just the two of them in the car and despite of being with her for half of the day, his heart still raced a bit faster. He felt awkward. Two months and several days and still awkward. An ex-girlfriend, a two year former relationship and still awkward.

Beginning with the safety she unknowingly gave, little by little, he got greedier. Now that he wanted her with all her hope and fear, sorrow and happiness, it made him depress. How much did a half of Luhan's eloquence cost? Or how much for half of the time Sehun spent with her? Tell Kris, he would pay at hand so that he could use them to know her, to get closer. Luhan would easily ask her everything without being rude and Sehun was her sidekick. They rose and fell together for so long and enjoyed being together. Only in a short time with this girl, he used the amount of jealousy equal with his past 27 years cumulatively. In reality, these said things were not for sale and Kris was frustrated.

Being conflicted with her bright mood in the morning, Amber her silent mode again, lips pursed and dark eyebrows knitted in her deep thinking. He had guessed earlier she would be pleased with the way out for her issue but things didn't turn out to meet his expectation. Her face told the opposite. They remained silent for quite a long time, for Kris to collect enough courage to begin a conversation and for Amber to rearrange her overflowing emotions.

“I hope you will feel better after today. Don't worry, just leave it to us."

“Thank you! It doesn't sound like I can do anything about it though."

Amber signed. There was an ugly truth that she couldn't solve her family issue on her own and she was useless. Pa and Ma should have raised her to be a lawyer like Donghae.

"Hey, don't say that. It’s business and my promise to return your help. I appreciate what you've done for us and we also have legal issue with Sky Diamond, you know. I won’t let them fool me again and again."

Kris clarified, trying to make clear his point. He didn't like Amber to be humble about herself. Softening his voice, he continued, in the innocent hope that somehow magic happened and only with that, she would know that she was special for him.

"And even though you couldn't help me, I would try everything in my ability to do something for you about it,as a ... friend."

The last word floated between them uncomfortably. Kris didn't mean it wholeheartedly. He never wanted to be just another friend of her, but what else could he describe their connection? And as for Amber, his word pulled a trigger on her choking anger. Usually as an easy-going person she didn't mind those kinds of things but currently she was in bad mood, she hadn't slept for hours and her brain was like hanging on a string. That poured up her holding emotion. Friend? Did he ever see her as a friend? The unreplied messages, the denied dinners, the evaded smiles, the time when he looked so faint in his sleep, falling on her lap during their trip to Incheon, her legs hurt like hell for his weight just to receive his curt nod at the destination. Everything came back like a flood and herself-esteem hurt.

"Friend?" – Amber smirked- "Are you serious? I doubted it Kris."

She said in a mocking tone and Kris was taken aback, realizing it was his fault again.He was very nice at first, then turned out to be an ill manner collage. And this time carelessly he got on hernerve by playing innocent game. Seeming like it was a little too late to regain his poor reputation.

"Amber... I..."

"Because it’s just me seeing you as a friend. Even if between us was just absolute business, at least when I text you should reply. Isn’t it basic manner? And don't be so nice with me just to ignore me tomorrow at the office. "

Amber hissed, widened her eyesat Kris, where he found a chain of unnamed emotions before they formed into tears and the girl turned her face away. His heart slid out of its position, replaced by guilt, terrify and bewilderedness. She cried and her shivering sobs filled up the small space contended them. What had he done? What next to do? And he just didn't know what he was doing. It just hurt very bad to see her biting the bottom lip hard until it turned pale to keep the sobs within.

Kris made a turn on the boulevard and drove the card to another lane, finding a place to park. He was not in the right mind to drive but the moment the car stopped, he found himself regretful. Perhaps keep driving was better because now that he didn't drive, he didn't know what to do or say. When BoA was crying, even because of him, he just had to hold her hand, or hug her, or wipe her tears and she would stop. But BoA loved him and this was Amber, who didn't to begin with. The puzzle was much more difficult to solve.

“I’m sorry... For what I've done making you upset, I didn't meant it ... Just, don't cry...Amber."

Kris muffled helplessly but she didn't answer. His heart sank deeper with every single tear she shed. He haft consciously reached his hand to wipe the tear staining her face but it stopped haft-way and dropped on her shoulder. Fortunately, she didn't shove off and just left his hand there to squeeze her trembling before the uneasy emotions poured out with tears. It took a perceptive while between the two. She still couldn't fully stop crying but found herself more composed. Embarrassment invaded upon her realization that she made exaggerated response to Kris, that she was too sensitive, that she was crying with a person she had denied being friend with lately and he didn't have to sorry for a thing he didn't do, making her cry.

"It's not your fault, Kris. You're just unlucky to be here with me." She sniffed, taking his hand off her shoulder. "It's just me. I'm not in good condition today." And she put it on the wheel.

Kris didn't understand anything, her, the reason she cried and why he found him disappointed to know he was not the reason. He should have felt relief instead, but it didn't come. Logical thinking and the orders of his life had stopped functioning right since the day she came. Yet, it was still very painful to see her struggle, even more painful to know her sorrow was something out of his knowledge. In a second, when she laid her hand in his, he felt warmth, he thought he was making a step forward. But she stepped back and she took her hand away. If it wasn't for him then what happen to Amber? Did he miss something along the day?

"Are you okay? ... Oh, sorry. I must be crazy, of course you are not. ... But what's wrong Amber, if it isn't my fault, why do you cry? Did you get bad news from Donghae huyng? Did I push you too much at the project? Or...did you fight with Sehun?"

He asked, picking some of the possibilities lining up inside his mind. And the last one was quite bitter.

"I'm just tired. Thank you but nothing happened."

Amber took the tissue Kris giving and cleaned the trace of her tears. She must be a mess and it was somehow resemble to their first encounter. She also cried very badly then, and she used to though Kris was very kind then. She still saw him very kind, but he was not the same anymore. It seemed to be a little wrong to call him a friend but a little rash to tell him not. Amber just found it hard to behave right. Since when she didn't know, but things was hard to define between them.

"I was irritating, I was blunt and stupid. But one day you will understand that I wasn't on purpose to say or do anything to make you upset." Kris flustered, eyes glued on the wheel where she put his hand on. “I just want to let you know that if something happens to you, I was always here to be your listener. There is a space next to me saving for you, please don't push me away like you did earlier."

He turned his sigh back to Amber, anticipating. Kris knew he was apparent about his affection but he didn't want to pretend any more. Thinking about it, there was not much time left to be wasted, she would leave this country in several months when the job was finished. In spite of the brave declaration with Sehun, he didn't know how to play in this game, how to let her know that she was meaningful without her being hurt, how to think for her and putting her first, how to create a stronger bond than what Sehun had with the girl. The guidelines was clear, but he was a inexperience player. Despite of everything, even if she didn't return his feeling, at least he wanted her to know his.

Amber hadn't replied yet. Looking into his eyes, she searched. She was not a teenage girl anymore to be clueless about the hint Kris was giving. Or perhaps in the case she was over thinking, it was still better to have Kris this way, more honest, less distant and easier to be with. At last, she nodded and a smile tugged on her lips.

"I'm sorry, Kris, for saying harshly. But honestly talking, although I knew your circumstances, it was still very unpleasant to see you making a distance with me and Sehun... or just with me, I don't know. But because you said so, I won't think further. And I just want you to know that there's me, Luhan and Sehun when you're trouble. Don't bear with your problems alone, it's worrying to see."

She said, gazing sincerely on his eyes and the invisible weight was taken off his shoulders. In this vacant world he was living in, beside Amber was the refuge. She was the most gentle thing happening. And her voice, her words, her see through eyes, her hidden caring... She was everything he was looking for and even more.

"Do you have any plan today? There's a place I want to take you to."

He asked, with a recent intention. He couldn’t let the day with Amber end this way. She looked so jaded, like her strength was fully withdrawn. The shining and vigorous Amber when newly arrived was replaced with the faded girl. She wasn't getting less beautiful, it was just her grin was not as radiant and effortless as it used to be. Of all the things he thought of, overworking was on top of the problems, he knew very well, looking at how she never left the sketchbook. Asides from it, sadly, he knew nothing more. Kris just made an attempt. If there was something she needed, may be some opening air, and so did him. He hadn't been there for a long time, long enough to almost forget how tranquil the secret place was. He wished it could create the same effect to Amber like it did to him.

"I'm available. Sehun doesn't come today."

The younger guy promised to take her out for a gallery today but his mom demanded him to have some time with the family as they had a small party. Sehun hadn't spent much time with his parents since he came home for the project. Sometimes, it was very odd to see him coming to her place the whole weekend and never came home before late night. He never took her home either. Beside the stories about Luhan, he didn't want to talk much about the other member of his family. Many times Amber was about to ask but she saw it better to be heard from him someday when he was ready to tell.

"I see, Luhan told me Aunt wanted to have a meal with the maknae."

Kris said matter- of - factly as he started the engine. He was familiar with the uneasy feeling when Sehun suddenly jumped into the middle of their conversations. He was always there, between Kris and Amber, and the giant guy was getting used to the unavoidable fact.

"Is Yiyun your original name? It sounded more like Chinese than Korean." Kris changed the topic, couldn't let Sehun wandering around here anymore.

"Yeah, Ma was Taiwanese and she named me in Chinese. The name sounds like Korean. Not many people realized it was Chinese, how do you know?"

"My family was from China, too. Mom and Dad moved to Korean after the wedding and I was born here. I also have a Chinese name, Yifan, Wu Yifan."

Kris secretly smiled. Discovering a common thing with Amber was quite amusing. Even Luhan could share the same hobby, solving cubic, with her and he felt competitive. Speaking about the devil, she was now taking out from her bag an item which he knew very well, the complex structure cubic which the surface was inlaid with crystal and was personally ordered by Luhan himself. The thing Kris was never allowed to touch was now given to Amber.

"When did he give you that cubic?” Kris frowned. He didn't want to have another rival in the game.

"Last week, when we called you out for drinking but you didn't have time. Luhan oppa gave it to me as a gift when I won him in the solving game.

Still rotating the cube in a speedy pace in the hope that she could focus her mind on the game other than the heavy matters, Amber recalled the night out with the brothers. Luhan then said something about he was going to score a point for his maknae which she didn't understand. It was just very enjoyable to talk to the older guy and seeing them bickering.

"He kept it like a treasure map." He couldn't help but laughing. A life time playing cubic, never being defeated and constantly whining about how people underrated the "art" of cubic, now freaking Luhan lost to the younger girl, it was very painful to see.

"Really? Then I shouldn't keep it. It looked expensive and I didn't want to take but Sehun told me it's okay. Luhan oppa is very rich and he will buy another one, more luxury."

"Never mind, just take it and think you won it from him. Luhan never found an enemy before." Kris smirked, looking forward to the next time when he met Luhan. He didn't intend to let the best friend's wounding heart alone and forget about the day he lost to Amber.

The riding didn't take too long before they reached to the neighborhood lying in the West border of the city. Driving pass the old house, he took a glance to the closing master doors. The place was left unoccupied when he moved to the apartment after the funeral. Although it never came to his mind that he would sell the house, it was too empty to live alone in. He was driving very slow, taking a little time to look back at the nearby small park where Mom used to walk him to, the convenient store at the end of the street where he used to buy ice creams in summer afternoons and enjoy the joy of them alone on the bench under the giant old tree, the way he used to go to school, with a backpack full of snacks and apples instead of books and with Luhan riding a bicycle beside, the road he went with Mom in her last journey, holding the blue porcelain pot containing her ashes when he was ten. It was sad, and it was happy to draw again how his life went. He wanted to share with Amber. As much as he wished to know her, he wished her to know him as well.

"Can you believe that Luhan was used to ten centimeters higher than me?"

Kris made a sneakily triumphant face. Back then, both of them was fifteen and Luhan failed to predict that he would stop getting higher when he entered high school. It was an amazing experience to memorize his face the day he realized Kris reached his height, and a month later, when he was five centimeters shorter than Kris.

"Oh my Gosh! Daebak!"

Much to his tiny pleasure, Amber was really surprised at the pieces of fact. He showed her his former school, the crossroad leading to the Oh's house, the playground where he and Luhan taught Sehun to play baseball before the car made it way to a reed field. Along the narrow alley leading through the field, Kris drove to the hidden place behind. A small lake where he discovered in an early morning riding bicycle around and lost in the field. The wide land alone was a beautiful place to watch under the November pale sunshine and with the playful wind wandering on top of the white reed flowers, the lake was even more. And now when they reached the place, looking at the transparent surface of the early winter lake, he realized how much it resembled her eyes. Large, twinkle, serene and very deep. These brown eyes were the most gorgeous feature he ever saw. Even dying inside of them was a no regret death.

The place hadn't changed since the last time he came here on the way to the airport, departing to New york several years ago. Everytime being here, Kris felt like the whole world was taking a sleep and only he was awakening. It watched him growing up with the interpretation of everything happening. It restored his sorrow, pains, and small glories which he only wanted to share with Amber. And he would love to see her eyes glowing upon walking out of the car. She took the time collecting the scenery within her vision before finally uttering.

"How can you find this place? It's so beautiful."

"I know you will love it." He carefully wrapped the thin blanket he kept in his car around her shoulders. Amber only wore a long pale blue trend coat with jeans and white T shirt, properly was not something fuzzy enough. "Keep it, it's colder here."

The sudden caring startled Amber. It was daily with Sehun, but receiving it from Kris was a strange feeling. While Sehun tended to be playful and naturally clever, like it was a part of which he was born with; Kris, in the opposite was serious and unskillful. Seeing the giant guy with knitting bold eyebrows and pouting lips just to wrap the warm fabric around her like making a rolled cake was very clumsy and... lovely, which was inappropriate for his image. Unknowingly, Amber was smiling.

"What are you smiling at? Are you mocking me?"

Kris felt his face getting hot and even hotter when she covered and giggled.

"No, I'm just wondering why you take me here." She made up a reason, enough of embarrassment for the both of them today. Additionally, it was what she wanted to know. Seeming like coming here was out of his plan.

"Because you're tired."

He answered simply and left the blanket to watch the scenery. Of course she would never know that it by chance was an excuse to prolong the time being with her.

"Is this your favorite place when you're tired?"

"Not really, I came here very often before entering university, to think, to read, or just to sleep. This place with me is... so peaceful."

Also with him, it was as peaceful as Amber. They exchanged the comfy silence while settling on the bank of the lake. Amber was laying down, gazed at the late sun walking its way to horizon and Kris lazily threw some small piece of rock into the lake, watching the water blooming with various size circles.

"What made you so tired, Amber? Do you want to tell me?"

He asked, right when she was sending her thinking to the cloud and let her caution at its lowest. Amber lifted her limp up. Folding her legs, she laid her head on the knees. His question brought her to the reality of her life. What if she could forget everything, it was a savior.

"Tired is just tired, Kris. Sometimes, girls get tired and cry for nonsense. It's not a big deal."

She smiled faintly. Was it possible to explain?

"You told me not to fight alone but look at you. You're always doing the opposite thing. And I'm not a kid to not have known that no one crying for nonsense is as troubled as you. Why do you have to be like this, Amber?"

Kris shook his head in subtle anger and swallowed hard his impatience. This girl's stubbornness was abnormal.

"It's not like I don't trust you or I don't want to get rid of it. But for me, the darkest place is inside of our thought. It's dark here inside of me, and maybe even darker at your side."

She squeezed her eyes shut and recalling of how many times she wanted to poured it up and set her free but failed. It was how she had been living for years; it was part of her nature. Many times, she was about to change, to live more openly, too see things and people more positive and less complicated but it was not as simple as it seemed.

"To some extent, if you really care, my heaviness will darken your mood. It was my very own and it's too heavy to make anyone suffer it with me. I know, it's not easy to have friend like Donghae oppa and Victoria unnie, like Sehun, like you... And I've already seen how my weakness burdens them. I see how oppa was restless when he can't get over my parents' case. I see how unnie was tired looking at my battle and oppa's restlessness. It's selfish of me to keep letting them doing things they’re not responsible for. There’s a limit and one day, if they're too tired, they'll leave me. That why I chose to leave first and make space for them to live freely their life, without me pulling them back. Kris, I promised, if there's something we can fix , I'll tell you. But this is not. This is what I have to confront, in solitude.”

Her living theory was not irrational. Kris absorbed her words and he saw a different side of her. A woman in her mid-twentieth with solid independence yet was very insecure and had a tendency to keep everything to herself. It was also true that she couldn't stand it forever which was why she tired, she didn't lie. Hesitatingly, he reached to her hand and held it firmly which earned a jolt from her. He also saw it, that she didn't know how much he liked her, how much he wanted to take her out of the room she locked herself in.

"Amber, selfishness is human nature. You're allowed to be selfish sometimes, that's how people live. Let's just pretend that you don't need to know whether I cared for you or not, whether I am affected by your stories or not. You'll never know where the darkest place is if you keep your door shut. And maybe it's not as heavy as you think. Letting it out of your system is a forward move. It's easy, Amber. Just give a little try."

Amber was thinking hard, between the things she should and shouldn't say, the things Kris might understand and might not. Maybe calculation and too much thinking were old and burdensome, maybe like he said, just gave a little faith and try. Inhaled a breath full of dry breeze, then she let it out and let loose.

"Kris, how does it feel to wear an oversize shirt? Is it really comfy then?"

"Better than wearing a tight one. But why don't just wear one your size?"

Kris couldn't get what part of her questions related to what he convinced her to tell. Until clearly she demonstrated the answer and it came out in daylight.

"This was exactly the question I asked and asked a thousand times, Kris. Why don't just wear a shirt our size? It was how I and my parents lived. To wear oversize shirt coolly, sometimes you have to convince that it fits and it's suit you well. In fact, it's not made for us. Pa and Ma sacrificed way too much for the corporation. Pa gave up his career of an architect. Ma suffered a miscarriage for working pressure. She used to have a handmade jewelry shop and since the day it got popular and they decided to broaden the business, I missed them even when we lived under the same roof. I only could see them on the morning before they sent me to school and rarely when they took me home early from Donghae's oppa house before I slept. Ma used to wake up really early, came to my bed and hugged me long before calling me up. It was a mess when they decided to send me to US for high school. I struggled to stay and cried, Pa constantly convinced it was a must for my better future, and Ma was just crying silently. It was really troubled to be separated but we had to. I don't know which part is better. It's just so challenging for a little girl like me to grow up alone in the foreign land. Pa called me countless times a week and Ma took flights to see me whenever she could. Sometimes in just one or two days and back. If they couldn't be assure, why did they have to send me this far in anxiety? And even if the corporation is their lifetime achievement, but knowing Sky Diamond was an undefeated enemy, why did they still choose to fight? They just had to sell all those damn stocks, take the money and still alive. I've already told them, that I don't need them to spread petals and silk along my path, that I just need them spend time with me like a normal family. Why did they not understand?"

She stopped to grab breaths. Unconsciously, in the over flowing memories, Amber gripped his hand hard like holding an anchor for her dear life. Her fingers left pale marks on his skin which turned to a shade of pink when she realized and slightly glided it out of his hold.

"I image us in another life, in an ordinary household. I would have one or two siblings who were disobedient and noisy but childishly caring and foolishly proud of their oldest sister. Ma went home from work or just stayed home, cooking meals and occasionally scolding that she didn't raise us to be this lazy, that how come Pa's salary stopped increasing this year. I were sixteen, maybe sure or unsure about what to do five years onward but slowly I would figure it out. We should have lived like this, and we would have been happy. Maybe I took Pa and Ma for granted; maybe I was wrong and spoiled but look at me and what they left for me now. Nothing but the responsibility to take back the justice for them, which is, yet again, another oversize shirt I have to wear. It hurt, and it's angry to see their whole lifetime efforts were all in vain, even the way they left this world. It's also lost and scary. Kris, is it scary for you then, when after all, there no place for you to step back?"

Her shoulders slumped and she embraced herself with all the remaining strength. She kept it within for long and saying it out made her reality sounded more shameful than every joke and crueler than every lies. And for Kris, it sounded like the haunting sorrow. It kept echoing in every word she said.  He saw himself in her fear. Although the relationship between father and son was not so strong in his family, it was still frightening to lose the navigation of his life.

Now that she told him everything, he couldn't think of what to say to make her feel better. The mission he was over confident about turned out to be too difficult. 

“Take time and everything will be over. Even today your world crumbles; there will properly be a day in future when you look back at it and smile, as long as you have somebody to trust. Take me as an example, just like you, I was scared. But I got Luhan and then I got Sehun, and I believe they're there when I step back. I also wish to see you there, and we can lean on each other to live."

He tugged the blanket more properly on her torso and hugged the line of her shoulders tight. He might look tough but just like Amber, losing a family was not something easy to get over and he was still learning to live with it. 

"And about your Pa and Ma, when you said it was heavy, I didn't know it's this heavy. But I had to say, I envy you. Not any family can have strong connection like yours, even when you have to live apart. It's also a kind of happiness."

He said as lightly patted her hair and she nodded. She knew it, but hearing from Kris brought a comforting and fortunate emotion.

"You don't need to think too much about it. Only your listening and understanding are enough. I felt better, thank to you."

A grin plastered on her face. Having someone willing to listen was a comforting feeling. 

"But how come you keep it so long Amber? Is it truth that you never told anybody about it? Even Sehunie? "

The smile dropped out of her face and she turned away from Kris. Sehun was so bright for her and the fact that he still put up with her unstableness until today was a grace.

"Sehun knows enough. He doesn't need to know this bitter side of me. As I told you, if being with me is too tired, he will leave me... But you don't have to be worry. You won't be stuck with me for so long... Let's go home, it's getting dark."

Kris didn't know how to think different about her answer. She was afraid to lose Sehun. And up today, her life plan was still absent of him. It was sour, but it was never be more visible that Sehun was three years leading ahead in this game.

They reached home after the brief dinner. It was an extraordinary day for both of them. Kris’ mind was still somewhere between her, how far she had gone from her past, him and Sehun. He was quite sure that it would be a long night to put his spirit at its right place.

Amber found it was strange that Sehun didn’t called today and made a mental note to call him when she got home. Though, she wore out physically and just wanted to have a proper sleep. But right when she bad her farewell to Kris and walked out of the elevator, she knew she couldn’t. Her blood went dry upon finding Sehun collapsed at her doorstep, drunken.

A/N: This's a heavy chapter to write and properly heavy to read, too T^T.  Thanks you all for reading and I miss you so much :* 

Advertising space, check out Burning Love, my Krisber fic. It's short and will be completed in one or two more chapters,  hope you guys will like it <3  

http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/587349/burning-love-amber-kris-krisber

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