The first light of the day broke through the pale colored curtain and Sehun was wide awake. Lazily he opened his eyes in the killing sober headache. The comfy familiarity instantly soothed him. The space, the air and smell, the warmth. Little light weight on his left arm turned out to be Amber, burying her face into his chest, steady breathing and loosely holding on to his shirt, the white one she took from him months ago in London. He inched out a little to trace her face. His eyes stopped a little longer at the still shadows of her long eyelashes and her curving lip corner. It was quite a time since the last time he saw Amber sleeping soundly like this. Kissing her feather like hair, he rested his face on top of her head and carefully took a tighter grip on the girl.

His memory came back to the last night when alone in a bar, he drank like a fish and of all the places in the large city, old habit and instinct led him to the right place, her side. Not his room at home, not a hotel or any other places. It was a fortunate, Sehun thought to himself. Although from the start, he didn't intend to let her see this side of him, somehow being here with her at time was so right.

The two year gap between him and Amber was not easy for Sehun to swallow. Hence, with years of living apart from her family and rough things raining down on her life, Amber's maturity came much earlier than her age. Sehun expressed himself tougher than he actually be to avoid being either a weak or whining boy in her eyes. Though, Amber never acted like she was wiser which was a part of her sensitiveness. And originally being an in-depth young guy, with a little more effort to understand things from her perspective, things always went easily between them, from coworkers, to friends and buddies. Only until they started their dating phase did he apprehend the barriers splitting them apart.

Sehun sensed it, her hesitation in receiving his love, her calculation on her own emotion, her carefulness not to hurt his ego. Sehun knew very well, that they were walking on thin ice when both of them decided to enhance their relationship. Theoretically saying, it was a good signal to see her taking him seriously, but in another hand, his patience was eroded. He had walked on the sideline long enough for her. When the time was right, he stepped in and still had to wait for Amber. Just a little more and a little more, like he always convinced himself. Here came Kris huyng in the race and despite of the distance he left Kris behind, he got rushed and he felt uncertainty. If she was meant to be his, should she be earlier? Why was it so difficult for her? Might it be better for them to be in different towns, miles apart and take time to think about each other? In spite of the zero physical distance and fulltime being together, Amber was getting strange and he couldn't understand her anymore. It hurt him. Sehun really got lost in their relationship and he also lost the ability to figure his next moves. In the vague fear that she was a dream and she would be gone, he closed his embraced on Amber.

The sudden tension woke her up from the long sleep she couldn't have for days and Amber tilted her head to find his yearning gaze. The livid circle under his eyes grew further south after the night. She reached out her hand. Slender fingers mapped the sharp outline of his face and her thumb brushed his cheekbone which never appeared so high when he was in London. Sehun looked even thinner when he dyed his hair back to dark brown before going back to Seoul. Yet, it completed the primer appearance on the young man.

"Is your head hurt? I have a dose of painkiller left. Or should we make some soup for you?" Still his face, she looked at him dearly. Sehun rarely over-drank and the liquid he had vomited previous basically was all alcohol. "And how's your stomach? At least you have to eat something before drinking."

"I'll take the dose. Just stay with me a little longer."

Sehun sniffed and broke the gaze with her to press his lips on her forehead. That was how Amber cared. She left him a private space and was there to clean him up, like a caring friend.

"Who did you drink with? You were so drunk last night."

"With nobody. I just have some fun for myself."

Sehun lifted the corner of his eyebrows up obediently upon answering the girl. These days, his desire ridiculously develop to the point that he would rather having her cornering him to the dead end of the wall with a chain of uneasy questions than just sole caring like her being now. He tried to produce a provocative explanation in the hope that she would be more of an irritating girlfriend and less of a best friend. And Sehun promised to himself that he would go to church more often because Amber furrowed her eyes on him, her face written anxiety when God granted his little wish.

"Why do you have to drink alone? Where's Luhan oppa? Since when did you start to drink behind my back? You said there's a party at home an you was supposed to be with your family. Finally you end up at my door, intoxicatedly and don't want to tell me the reason. You're not normal last night, Sehun. What happened?"

Last night, thinking carefully, she recognized how the years they spent was all about her. Barely did she know further about Sehun. There was only thing she could see that just like her; it was also a long day for him, too. Occasionally Sehun might ask her out for a drink at pub, or a night out party or a dinner. The common troubles were he was bored, he lost his inspiration, his designs came out the market unpopular or an ex-girlfriend got married, Sehun would need Amber to disguise as his pretty girlfriend at the wedding and helped to protect his former fame of a lady killer among his collage's friends.

Sehun never unwrapped deeper about his sorrow and never did she saw him more wrecked and damaged than last night, when after all the improper walking, the miserable rolling up and down in bed, the throwing up, he wrapped the night up with tears silently falling on the crook of her neck, burying his face on her upper chest and cried himself to sleep. Sehun was not a talkative drinker. He kept his mouth shut and the only sound he let out was his sobs while he gripped on her like a safeguard. His voiceless alarm signal suffocated Amber, and each of his vibration stabbed a sharp knife to her heart. She hugged Sehun, kissed away his tears and rambled all over her brain for the possible reason of his vulnerability tonight but failed. Bitterly she realized, she never cared and knew Sehun enough; and unexpectedly she realized how much Sehun affected her.

Sehun gave her a long gaze, being indecisive about telling her his family background, about the reason he wanted to be alone the previous night and figure his life accordingly. Wouldn't it make him weaker in her lens? As if the no-way-out love affair was not enough for him to suffer, he got into a fierce verbal fight with his dad the day before about the same issue since the day he chose a different career path than his dad's expectation. It might be more like the revolution of a teenager than the story of a young adult, but the old man never seriously evaluated his achievement at its exact value. Again, he asked Sehun if he played around enough because the old man had another line of business expansion for Sehun to take over.

Sehun saw disrespect on his father's accent and disconnection between him and the rest of family. Mom's silence could be counted as a positive vote for his dad. His determination back when he was eighteen forced his parents to let him go after his career, but as a traditional woman his mom was, she never saw his job as a stable one, especially when he was born into a wealthy family. They believed it was his little rebellion that any boy could have once in a while and eventually in one way or another, he would certainly fail and come back under their wings. Luhan knew Sehun's points of view very well, how far Sehun had walked and would walk from here. Yet he was incapable of figuring these things out to dad. Somewhere inside, Sehun understood it was simply Luhan couldn't help. His effort was easily misunderstood that Luhan was a greedy oldest son who wanted to steal the whole glorious legacy from the younger one. This revolution was the lonely one that he had to carry out by himself. Last night, when he left the dinner halfway with a brain full of heat, Sehun even thought to the possibility of giving up his legal right of inheritance so that his dad could understand his center of gravity would never swirl back to the family's business, that he had another road for himself. Did he really have to push things to that level?

Sehun grabbed a long breath before telling Amber the quarrel with his dad which was a deep rooted one. Even before this ordeal, basically the father and son had hardly found themselves raising the same voice in a dimension of life. Dad was a money basic businessman; never saw Sehun's achievement as a valuable thing. Sehun wondered if he was shame of family because at least if he couldn't show up himself to be the potential heir like Luhan huyng, should he be introduced to be the second son of the family? He never cared much before but the fact that his dad never brought him up to public was now not at ease to think about.

Sehun had seen further to the day he would make to hold Amber's hand and take her home. Whether they would appreciate her or insult her mercilessly because she was also a designer, a wealth-less daughter of a fallen family, the girl who was once turned down on getting married with the son of another family was also a hurtful vision to Sehun. He got angry at the way his circle of society functioned, at the way people would look at Amber if they dug up further about her private past.

"You don't like this place either, do you? We don't belong here, both of us. Let's just run away from this place when the project wrapping up. "

Picking her hand which was placing on his chest, he interlaced long fingers with hers. Amber hand was soft and cold. He kissed the tips of her small fingers before pressing the back of her palm on his face to warm it up and gazed deep to read the motion of thought reflected inside her glassy eyes where he found an affectionate ray before they half shut and Sehun was captivated in a mesmerizing kiss. He closed his eyes and felt her moist lips moved slowly before he pulled her closer until the early morning coldness couldn't touch them where their bodies met. Her kiss sent him to the imaginary endless field where flowers, sunshine and butterflies were gloriously blooming and flying. And it was even more perfect when it came to his mind that it was their first kiss, the first one she gave him.

Amber was still surprised at herself to be the first one stepping first out of their friend zone but actually she did. She would never let Sehun abandon his family for her own sake but Sehun's offer was the most romantic one she had ever offered, even more than Henry's propose, and the way he thought for the imperfect her touched Amber deeply. She pulled first and she pressed her forehead on his, panting and whispering.

"Whenever you are tired, you have me. And if you want to cry, cry with me, although your tears last night..." she kissed his closing eyes."...hurt me very, very bad. You don't know how much I love you?"

"Now I know."

Again their lips locked. This time, Sehun took charge to lead the kiss, the one he had been dreaming of since day one. He wiped a fringe of hair off her face, tugged it behind her ear and placed his hand on her nape. Eyes lingered the edge of her lips alluringly, his fingers turned to traced her jawline and he lifted his upper body to get a better position. Breaking the longing eyes contact, Sehun pressed his half smile onto hers. Amber felt dizziness floating and she melt under her best friend. The way he moved his warm and wide palm down her neck to collarbone and up to her face, long fingers brushed against her cheek and shutting eyes, the sound of his heartbeats, the weight of his body, the lips devoured hers and the way he demanded when urgently nibbling her bottom lip. This was either awkward or embarrassing. It sparkled and it was harmony of different souls. It was love and being loved.

They only left each other when running out of air on their lungs. Sehun pecked the top of her nose before getting back to his pillow, still cupping her cheek and speechless. He told himself to control, because now he found the sinful sensation on her, he still had to keep this precious piece of time with pure love and adore.

Resting herself on Sehun's chest, collecting herself from the kiss, for the first time she noticed how broad his shoulders, how warm and safe she felt on his embrace. For the years being together, she defined Sehun as the sun, brightly shining, flawless and somehow untouchable, resembling their friendship. Amber used to think he was so happy, his happiness warmed the both of them but it kept her staying from a distance with Sehun. She was afraid that he wouldn't be able to stand her with all of her negativeness. The fact that now he let her peeling off his layers, she recognized Sehun was just like her, with an affected heart and bruised self-esteem. This didn't make him less reliable like he thought. It brought him closer, revealed the tough man he was to hide his fragile side from the girl he loved and Amber saw him more apprehensive and trustworthy. 

"Never think our first kiss will taste like alcohol and yet-to-teeth-brush."

She burst out a ringing giggle when thinking about how messy he was now. Sehun never failed to keep a neat appearance of a metro guy, but currently, with hair like a bird nest, and smell like a mixture of liquor and subtle cologne, Amber would never tell him how y and down to earth she saw him.

"No, it indeed tasted like strawberry."

Sehun smirked victoriously. Actually, he kissed her quite several times without Amber knowing while she was sleeping.

" Duh?"

"Your lip palms. I told you, don't sleep where I'm around."

"Not fair, Sehun!!! You're so creepy."

"I'm a healthy man, Am."

She barely knew he had been waiting her for so long. Because the strawberry lip balm was the one she stopped using even before leaving Paris to London.

Amber heated some soup for Sehun and prepared sandwich for breakfast while he was clingy hugging her from behind. It was so fuzzy and heaven-like for him to have the finally-his girl in the small kitchen on an early winter day, resting his chin on her shoulder and breathing her shampoo scent blending with the delicious smell of the food she making, how everything about her perfectly fitted his, her height, her petty waistline, her frail shoulders, her ivory arms and her cute fingers.

"Am, did you really changed the clothes for me last night? Did you see everything?"

Kissing her cheek, a naughty scene popped up in his mind the second Sehun remembered he was not wearing the outfit he got out with. What on him was the white collar shirt he gave Amber which she wore several times and the gray casual trousers he left here to change when he came to her house and stayed all day. Set aside the fact he hated wearing tight clothes, he wanted to mark her place with his stuffs. Each day he came, bringing his things and pretended to forget to take home, or tell her to let them here for his further using. The couple cups he got from a nice shop in Hongdae, his back up Macbook and color set, his fluff giant Teddy bear he carried from Paris to London and Seoul, his set of cologne, moisture cream and toner, even a blue toothbrush.  Sehun proudly looked around the small apartment full of his traces before realizing Amber stop cutting the tomato and bit her lips when her memory came back to the embarrassment she involved herself in.

"I didn't, Kris came to find you and I asked him to change for you. And call your huyng. Luhan oppa was very nervous when he couldn't get through to you."

The older brother sent Kris down to check her place for Sehun presence. Kris had a worrying look to the younger guy who was curving up like a ball in her bed and insisted in getting Sehun sleep at his flat instead. Amber assured him that she could handle and only asked Kris to change Sehun's clothes for her while she left for a quick bath. The way his face changed upon taking the costumes from her made Amber mentally face palmed herself. At that time, they had yet to be a couple but already had Sehun's shirt and pants restoring at her place. Technically it was nothing of his business but there was an unexplainable expression in Kris 's eyes made her mumble how it accidentally happened for her to have Sehun's clothes.

The smile died down on Sehun's face upon catching Kris in their very own story. However, thinking further, isn't it a winning point for him? Thus, as a friend, he hoped Kris to figure out the tightening bond between him and Amber so that he could back down safely without getting further hurt. And as a man with a newly relationship, th­e vague fear to have an ambitious rival existing behind still yet to dissovle .

A/N:  90 subcribers already ^_____^ Tks my chingus for subribing, voting and commenting : * Wish you all a happy winter!