"No," Key lazily murmured as he kept poking his food with folk, "The prettiest thing about Jonghyun is definitely eyes."

      Shut up Kibum, scream echoed in my mind, shut the hell up, please.
-"Minho? What about him?"
-"He is, you know, tall. Like, very tall. Also strong I guess?"
-"Onew?"
-"He's way too warm hearted, it sometimes hurts."
-"Taemin?"
-"Hm, cute? Psh, until you see his whole body. Then it gets M rated."

             It wasn't being fair,  having all pair of their eyes on me. Like I'm a ing , perhabs, maybe I might be.

     Also Key should literally stop my leg with his own, it was, though, unfair as well.  Especially when he has his head pressed on Jonghyun's shoulder blade.
I swallowed down on the air,  was all I had. He payed, the night was manager's treat.
Key hugged Jinki from behind on the way to dorm, and he just laughed.
I didn't know anything at all but Kibum was becoming a . A real one.
Means he definitely has something in his mind.

                                                                                                   _____________________

-"Guys, I have some ice cold water in my hand and please be sure that I won't hesitate on using it if you two won't wake up in a few seconds, also I really don't give a about how soaked the couch will be."

       Whoever beside me, with his eyes -half- opened, probably waiting for me to awaken, wiggled and stood up.
-"Finally, Taem."

       Maybe plan B as defencing myself to Key was succeeding, who knows? Now it's Minho I'm using though, but everyone and all control was slipping out of my hand and I had totally no idea what to do with it. Spending last night with Minho watching Spider Lilies and burning out some popcorn (but let's not talk about it?) had went very good actually, falling asleep on a pair of thick and bony shoulders was off limits but who cares in this deal anyways. And if we talk about the alarming red gaze Key sent me on the opposite couch, it worked pretty much, so I really don't mind.
-"Goodmorning, Tae."

      He walked to help a confused -as usual- Jonghyun do his hair. The typical diva he is, sighs.
To be honest everything was going upside down (or maybe only down, in a basical straight line), Minho poked my lung to make me face him.
-"Wanna have breakfast here or should we eat out?"
-"Weather seems good? Nice day to get rid of coats.''
-"I'm taking it as a yes."
-"You better."

                                                                                       __________________________

           Who knows what would the manager say for finding myself (on a pretty much date) at Starbucks at 11 am, especially since with waffle and pancakes which we aren't allowed to eat on our diet, but I kept praying for not to get caught.
I straightened my back and he left the folk on the ceramic plate. Wish it was not, this scene was familiar.
Now I really, really had to decide on something.
I was able to see how Key lost his way on declaring war and apperantly gained interest in Jonghyun, and Jinki was highly right, he smiled brighter with him.
Wasn't love already wanting the happiness of the one you love, though?
What about me, then, what was I supposed to do? Could Minho really put up with me? Could I be happy with him? But what if I choose Key?
-"Taem, you are blanking out again?"
-"Ah, just thinking about the new concept, do you think it will fit us?"
-"Rock must be heavy but Shinee can deal with it, right?"
-"I hope so."
-"Taemin, I don't think that's what messing up your mind."
-"Sorry, hyung."
-"Spit it out."
-"I'm just confused."
-"I think I know why, maybe? Um, listen up, Taem. I can't force you onto anything, no matter how much effort and love I put on you. Only you, are supposed to make the best choice, you know that? But if you try even a tiny bit to love me, I promise on my life that I will try my hardest to make you happy."
Inhale, exhale. You are going to survive this . Possibly. Not sure.
-"I think I just need some time."
-"I can wait. Like, forever."
From the very begining, I always knew it wasn't going to end up nice, and hell, it was happening.
Breakfast was Minho's treat.

                                                                                                    __

        One again, I had my head on the wall, ing 3 at night, of the dirty red roof, trying to stay alive and maybe make a choice.

Choi Minho.

Kim Kibum.

   If I surrender to what people call love, and say Key, what would happen to a very fragile Minho? Would he ever be able to pull himself together? Or if I say Minho for the warmth he makes me feel,  would I able to stay alive when Key gets together with Jonghyun, and remove him from my life?
I cursed at myself for not crushing over someone that's not in us 5, it was cold as .
And I was an idiot.
An idiot whose ambition for leaving the group got rejected and had gotten hit on the head with some folder and some deep curses that also contains my mother.
That night I prayed to God with my highest will to take me. (I mean, for s sake. Please.) Also not to let anyone see me like that, I haven't cried in front of anyone yet and I didn't want to experience it, especially then, I wasn't ready for another 'I'm here for you' cliché.
Was Jinki really right? Was Key going to be happier with Jonghyun or not?
If it is, mustn't I let them? 
But what about my own happiness with him? Or Minho with me?
It's the best, I thought. For everyone's good.
Mostly and only his, to be honest. I had no care about myself, since numb people can't feel anything, it doesn't matter for me anyways, just for him, everything has always been for him.
Maybe everyone would be happy. Maybe, I repeat.
I stood up, determined, let's do it this time.