The weekend came, and the presence of autumn hung in the air all around the people in the little town. Heavily, for some: like Taeyeon. The day's rain made nothing easier for her mood.

It was a normal Saturday morning for her, and she stood staring at herself in the mirror in her tidy room. She was a very tidy and organized person, and she took great pride in it. While she wanted to think that it was just the kind of person she was, she sometimes worried that it came from other, subconscious things. Maybe, if she could keep her surroundings neat, she herself would become sorted out in the process.

Maybe.

It was a naive thought, bordering on stupid, even, but she really couldn't help it.

And that Saturday, she stood clutching a tiny note in her hand while trying to pretend it didn't exist. The reason for everything she wanted to clean out of herself, the reason why tears welled up and dried down on their own accord in her eyes as she stood staring at her reflection.

On the note was the phone number to Line 49. She remembered her last call with absolute disgust and shame; she hadn't even been able to let the operator ask her a question about liking girls before she snapped and hung up. The memory hit her like a hammer in the stomach and she covered her eyes with her free hand. God, why wasn't there a way to make yourself forget things? With how far technology had come at that point, there should really have been some way to live happily oblivious about your mistakes. It didn't really even matter to her if The Junsu Person remembered their short and very uncomfortable conversation - she was sure he'd had to sit through a lot worse - just as long as she didn't have to. That was all she asked.

She crumpled and uncrumpled the note in her hand, something she'd done a hundred times by then. Maybe she was almost hoping that the note would become unreadable and her dilemma would eliminate itself, but she also knew that wasn't really what she wanted.

Sunny had slipped her the note one day in school without saying a word. Just pushing the note into Taeyeon's hand. Taeyeon had looked down at the piece of paper and read the words

Line 49
for homo- and biual youngsters

and she had been unable to look up at her friend. Sunny hadn't even been facing her, she didn't look like she was expecting any form of reply or reaction, so Taeyeon didn't say anything. She just took the note, wondering what the other girl knew, or thought she knew, and how she knew it. Denying or confirming anything seemed too hard, so they hadn't spoken of it since then.

Even though the action made her scared, hell, irrationally terrified, she couldn't deny that she was a little thankful for it. It meant if she ever came to terms with her gayness - which wasn't likely - at least there'd be one person less she needed to come out to.

And, on the other hand, if she somehow outgrew it or managed to cure herself, she wouldn't need to clarify anything to her friend, since she never confirmed anything to begin with.

Yes, that was definitely the best space to be in.

But when her first call to Line 49 was such a pain for her, why was she standing there with the note in her hand, contemplating whether or not to put herself through it again? Because however much she tried to convince herself that it wasn't, it was there. What made her different from most other people. She was unchangeably, unequivocally gay. She had finally admitted it to herself. It didn't feel like a big step, but it changed everything.

She wasn't like Sooyoung, whose ual orientation seemed to have no limits, just like her self-confidence. The taller girl didn't seem to have any form of fear of being judged, and just went after whoever she liked without a second thought - and boy, did she like a lot of people. Taeyeon wasn't sure if Sooyoung knew herself how absolutely people-crazy she seemed, and even though Taeyeon assumed Sooyoung's intentions were always innocent, she ended up looking like some kind of player. She would never tell her that last part, of course.

She wasn't at all like Sooyoung, and even though it should, it didn't help her confidence at all to have another potentially gay or biual person around. Not at all. Sooyoung might be happy with the way she was, but Taeyeon couldn't understand, and she would never be able to ask the other girl how she was thinking. Ever. It wasn't right.

Which, again, was a thought she would never voice out loud.

Her cellphone rang loudly from its spot on the carpet beside her feet, and Taeyeon jerked back in surprise. The happy, energetic pop song she had set to her ringtone didn't reflect her emotional state what so ever, and she hurriedly threw herself at the phone to make it stop.

Bunny

the caller ID stated. She happily picked up, relieved to be distracted from her crazy thoughts of calling 49 again.

"Hello?" she said, and Sunny's happy voice greeted her on the line.

"Taeyeon! Whatcha up to?"

Taeyeon stared at her wide-eyed reflection in the mirror. "Nothing much, I'm at home," she said, "why?" Please want to do something with me, please save me from my insane ideas she begged mentally.

"I'm at Tiffany's," Sunny replied, "and we'd like you to come over."

Taeyeon's heart stopped. "Mgrluf," she said, perfectly illustrating her thoughts, "where did you say you were?"

"At Tiffany's," the other girl repeated. Taeyeon shook her head at her reflection. Go over to Tiffany's? Had she been into a teen drama? Was she going to go over to become completely humiliated? Or...

"A...ha," she said, not sure how to proceed.

"Jessica, Yoona, Hyoyeon and Sooyoung are coming over too," Sunny continued, saving her from her inability to speak. "Yuri was busy though, and we haven't called Seohyun yet, but we're thinking of having a movie night. We wanted to go to the beach before it gets too late, but because of the rain we decided to do this instead..." Taeyeon zoned out. So they'd all be there, barred Yuri and possibly Seohyun. Well, that made it both better and worse. Any thought of pulling her head out of her awkward vacuum and impressing Tiffany vanished into thin air, but the thought both disappointed and comforted her. The gang would be there, so that meant there would definitely not be any awkward silences. That was always a big, huge plus.

"So, what do you say? Can you come over?" Sunny asked, her voice peppy and sugar-rushy as always.

Taeyeon let her eyes trace the dark brown mirror frame. "Uh, I don't know..." she mumbled, floored by the collision of her wish to be close to Tiffany and stay as far away from her temptation as possible.

"What's she saying?" came a voice in the background, and Taeyeon almost choked. Tiffany asked what she was saying, holy god.

"She's saying she doesn't know," Sunny replied lowly. There was some rustling, and then Tiffany's voice came at her clear as day.

"Hi, Taeyeon," she said brightly, and Taeyeon reached out a hand to steady herself but almost fell into the mirror.

"Hi," she answered weakly, steadying herself against the wall.

"Look, we've already lost Yuri, and it's no fun if we're not all here," Tiffany said, and Taeyeon felt inclined to agree with whatever she said. "You have to come! Please?"

Taeyeon saw with her inner eye how Tiffany's eyes narrowed into little half-moons, and how she pouted when she was writing energetically but had to stop when the lead of her pencil broke in class. Her heart pounded wildly. "Okay," she said, without a second thought.

"Okay?" Tiffany repeated happily. "Really?"

"Really," Taeyeon confirmed, trying to not sound too dead.

Tiffany squealed. "Yay! This night is gonna be so awesome," she said. More rustling, and then Sunny came back on the phone.

"You're coming over?" she asked.

"Yeah... but I don't know where I'm going." Taeyeon sighed in relief of getting her speaking abilities back. "Where does she live?" She held her breath, barely believing her luck. She would never have imagined this when she woke up that morning, but now she was about to get direction to Tiffany's home. Tiffany.

"Call Seohyun, will you?" Sunny said instead of the glorious directions Taeyeon was expecting. "Invite her and tell her I said she doesn't have a choice but to come. She knows the way. It isn't far from your place, within walking distance at least."

Taeyeon frowned at her reflection. "Seohyun knows the way?"

"Yeah, she's been at Tiffany's place before," Sunny said without interest. "Call her, cause we have to fix things up in here and prepare for the night. I'll see you later!"

"Yeah, see you soon," Taeyeon stuttered out and hung up the phone. Seohyun had been at Tiffany's place before? And the little brat hadn't told her?

She ignored the part of her that suggested there was no reason at all for the youngest to tell her such things, and punched in Seohyun's number on her phone without hesitating. She had a lot of questions to answer.

"What's her parents like? Are they home a lot? You've met them right? Are they scary? They're scary, aren't they? They have to be..."

"Taeyeon, please calm down, your bursting my eardrums, and could you please not squeeze my arm so tightly?"

Taeyeon let go of her hold on Seohyun's arm and tried to stop the words from flowing out of . She didn't try to calm down, though, because she knew there was no use. "Sorry."

"And to answer your questions, no, I don't know what her parents are like, cause she lives on her own, like Sunny." Seohyun stuffed her hands deep down the pockets of her jacket. "What makes you say her parents would be scary, anyway?"

They were walking along an almost deserted road; deserted in the sense that there was close to no traffic. Houses lined the sides of the road, crowdedly poking in on their neighbors’ yards. Each house seemed to have a small but well-grown garden, with apple trees and flowers, and garden gnomes being the closest thing to a real life human they saw.

Taeyeon had never been in this part of town before, despite having lived in it all her life, and hearing that Tiffany lived alone in a place like this made her a little confused. She didn't see any apartment buildings anywhere close; if Tiffany lived alone, it needed to be in a very cheap and small space, right?

"No reason," she mumbled. "Where does she live? It's an apartment, right?"

Seohyun shook her head. "No, it's a house. A pretty big one as well, with two floors."

"How can she afford a house if she lives alone?" Taeyeon questioned, raising her eyebrows.

"Mmmm..." Seohyun said, looking thoughtful. "I don't know."

"You didn't ask?"

"No, I didn't even think of it until now."

"But, so..." Taeyeon tried, knowing she could ask pretty much anything without Seohyun becoming suspicious of her motives. "Where do her parents live?"

Seohyun thought for a moment. "I don't know."

"Why doesn't she live with them?" They made their way past the 1100th apple tree, and Seohyun shook her head.

"I don't know."

Sighing, Taeyeon turned to her friend with a very tired expression on her face. "What did you two even talk about when you went to her place?"

"Oh, we talked about a lot of things," Seohyun nodded to herself. "Mostly her charity work."

Taeyeon's heart stopped for a second time that day. "Tiffany does charity work?" she managed to get out before closed up from love.

"Yeah, and a lot of it, too," Seohyun nodded again. "She doesn't really have many interests, but she loves to help people, so that's what she does almost every day." Taeyeon forced herself to keep her expression and body parts in check. "But she did tell me not to talk about it so much, so I can't really tell you about it. Here we are now!" Seohyun beamed and skipped into a yard with a big, red house in it.

"O-okay," Taeyeon said, her mind still trying to process the fact that Tiffany did charity work. Why did God have to send such a perfect person into her life?!

She followed Seohyun towards the black front door of the house, loving the sound of gravel beneath her feet. They walked up the two steps to the door, and came to a halt. Seohyun raised her hand to knock on the door, and Taeyeon wanted to yell wait! I need to cry over these news for a day or two before I can recover and have a normal conversation with anybody again! But she closed her eyes for a moment, listening to Seohyun's firm taps.

The door swung open after only a few seconds to reveal a warmly smiling Tiffany. Taeyeon was close to just lying down on the ground to scream and cry and flop her feet.

"Tiffany!" Seohyun squealed and bounced into the older girl's waiting embrace.

"Seohyunnie," Tiffany replied with matching enthusiasm, and Taeyeon wondered dimly when the two of them had had time to become so close. "I'm so glad you could come!"

"Me too," the youngest agreed, pulling back from their hug to look into the house. "Sunny!" she then squealed in the same fashion as with Tiffany, and ran into one of the other rooms.

Out on the street, Taeyeon had barely been able to wait to see how Tiffany lived, to investigate every single detail of her daily life - in a completely sneaky and discreet way, of course. But now, standing just outside her front door, looking in, all she was interested in was Tiffany herself. The shimmer of her long, black hair, that was always so much more beautiful in real life than in Taeyeon's dreams, and her eye smile, god her beautiful eye smile, those eyes that were... staring straight back into Taeyeon's with a worried look.

"Taeyeon," she said lowly, smiling insecurely and motioning for Taeyeon to come inside.

Taeyeon woke painfully from her daze, and did like she was told. "Hi, Tiffany," she said, and her tongue made a knot of itself as she stepped inside the house.

"Hi," Tiffany said, a lot calmer than the way she greeted Seohyun, but still warm and welcoming. "It's good to see you," she continued, and before Taeyeon knew it, she had stepped right into Tiffany's embrace.

Her hands found the other girl's back per automatic, and she stopped breathing completely. Now, this definitely had to be a dream. This just couldn't be real.

She forced herself to pull back after a quick second and compensated her lack of breath by panting silently. She prayed it wasn't visible to the other girl.

"Would you like me to show you around?" Tiffany asked, and Taeyeon thought it was probably only to get rid of the tension between the two. Yes, she liked to call it 'tension' as opposed to 'awkwardness', because she really wasn't prepared to admit that her relationship with Tiffany was awkward.

"Yes, please," she said and mentally high fived herself for having been able to say all of four words to the other girl without choking or falling.

Oh, the night would be interesting, she thought as she followed Tiffany into the living room.



The grand tour turned out to not stretch very far. Tiffany took Taeyeon into the kitchen, pointed out the bathroom for her, but stopped in front of the stairs without showing her the upper floor, all while speaking very quickly. Taeyeon was a little disappointed that she didn't get to see her bedroom, but she definitely didn't have the courage to ask for such a thing. No, she'd have to be crazy to.

She followed behind Tiffany wherever she led her, not even daring to walk beside her. Instead, she watched her long hair bounce with her every step, how proudly she moved when showing where she lived.

Coming out of the daze of Tiffany so close, she had to admit, her home was really impressive. Her house was big, clean and very cozy, not at all like what she thought students' homes would be like after having visited Sunny close to a thousand times.

Tiffany soon ended the tour, and they walked together into the living room. It wasn't as big as the kitchen, but very appropriately sized. A big window took up about half of the wall that stood between them and the main road outside, and a TV was placed in front of it. It wasn't humongous, but it definitely wasn't small either. There was a black coffee table placed between the TV and the couch, and the space between the table and the TV was currently occupied by mattresses and a million blankets and pillows. The couch itself stretched from one side of the room to the other, with a chaise longue in the end near the door.

Hyoyeon was sitting in the chaise longue, with Yoona beside her, next to Jessica, next to Sunny, with Seohyun who was hugging Sunny's arm with her head on her shoulder and her eyes closed. Two enthusiastic conversations were going on between Hyoyeon and Yoona, and Sunny and Jessica, and every few seconds the air was decorated with laughter.

The sound of the rain hitting the window and warmth filling up the house quickly made Taeyeon comfortably drowsy. She could feel how her adrenaline-filled, tired mind started to relax little by little, and she walked over to her friends and flopped down onto the couch next to Seohyun. She wasn't surprised to find that it was offensively comfortable. Tiffany followed and sat down on Taeyeon's other side, much to the latter's happiness.

"Isn't Sooyoung coming?" Taeyeon asked whoever was closest and not Tiffany. Sooyoung's absence was very obvious to her, and part of her decision to come along was based on knowing that her best friend would be there.

"I don't know," Seohyun replied without opening her eyes. The eldest frowned at her, never been so annoyed at a repeated phrase before.

"Oh, she's in the bathroom, she arrived a while ago," Tiffany replied in Seohyun's place. Taeyeon swallowed a little too loudly and nodded stiffly. She breathed in sharply when Tiffany leaned closer, almost stretching over her, to talk to Seohyun. "So, did you think any more about what we talked about?" she asked, and Seohyun quickly sat up.

"I have," she nodded happily. "Thank you so much for talking to me about it, it was really helpful."

"Anytime," Tiffany laughed, and her long hair tickled the outside of Taeyeon's jeans. Taeyeon squirmed a little in her seat and tried to lean back without Tiffany noticing - she wasn't sure why.

Sooyoung appeared half-running into the room, and Taeyeon breathed a sigh of relief. "Tiffany, I just have to say, your place is fantastic," Sooyoung said, staring wide-eyed at the various pictures and lamps that were hung around the walls.

Tiffany smiled and got up from the couch. Taeyeon's body turned into a confused pile of goo. "Thanks, but I can't really take the credit for how things look here," she said, looking a little embarrassed. "My dad's been coming by every once in a while, and whenever he does he just wants to put up new curtains, new paintings, new everything." She paused and gave a little laugh. Taeyeon noticed that Hyoyeon, Sunny, Jessica and Yoona had all stopped talking and were listening now as well. She suspected they were all, just like herself, waiting and hoping for an explanation as to how Tiffany could be living alone in a place like this. She didn't think, though, that any of the other girls felt the same frustration as her when Tiffany didn't explain anything, and disappeared from the room with the words "I'm gonna go make some popcorn."

Sooyoung scanned the couch for free spots, and soon sunk down beside Taeyeon. "You don't happen to know how this is possible?" she mumbled, and Taeyeon shook her head.

"If you mean the living conditions, I have no idea."

Sooyoung looked thoughtful for a second, and then she leaned over Taeyeon just like Tiffany had done. The effect wasn't at all as interesting. "Hey, Sica!" she wheezed, and Jessica looked up at her. "What's the story here?"

Jessica looked out into the hallway, but the only thing that greeted her was the slamming of kitchen cabinets. "What exactly do you want to know?" she mumbled back, and the girls all huddled closer to each other to be able to hear.

Shrugging, Sooyoung looked around. "Well, how did she get money for this place to being with?"

Jessica inched even closer to Sunny, and the rest of the girls did the same. "She moved here when she was 15," she started, shooting a nervous glance at Yoona, who nodded encouragingly. "After her mother died."

"Died?" Sunny said. Jessica looked at her with sad eyes, nodding. Taeyeon listened to the muted sound of her own heart breaking and falling down to her stomach.

"Yes. She used most of the money she inherited from her mother, and got some from her father - their family isn't exactly poor - to come live here." The words were all breathed out, and everyone listened intently.

"Oh," Sunny dead-panned. Taeyeon looked around at the girls in the room and saw mixed reactions: Hyoyeon was staring straight at Jessica with a very harsh look on her face, Sooyoung was absently staring out the window, and Seohyun looked down with a very sad expression. Taeyeon realized she had probably already known. "Is that why she's always looking out for everyone?" Sunny wondered. "Is that why she's so... mother-like?"

Jessica pursed her lips and shrugged. "I've only known her since she moved here, so I wouldn't know," she said.

"It does sound reasonable though," said Seohyun, sinking further down in the couch and putting her head on Sunny's shoulder again. "You know, wanting to protect others when you have gone through something horrible yourself."

The room fell silent, contemplating the youngest's words. Sooyoung gave her a confused look. "When did you become all insightful?" she questioned, and Yoona laughed silently.

"Oh, I don't know, since around... birth?" Seohyun replied, looking very crossly at the older girl. Sooyoung leaned back, out of Seohyun's sight, and looked very surprised. Taeyeon could only stare at her, amused.

"There's something I've been wondering," Sunny interrupted before the two could get into a full-fledged fight. "Both you and Tiffany live so close to our school, but you still chose to go to one that's much further away," she began, facing Jessica. She paused for a moment, and Jessica looked back at her blankly. "...What happened there?" Sunny finished with a small laugh when her unspoken question wasn't answered.

"Well, see, that's the difference between Tiffany and me," Jessica said with a joyless smirk. "Tiffany chose our old school because that's her mom's old high school. I chose it because my parents told me I should go to your school."

Taeyeon looked down with a smile. She understood Jessica's position, but with every little thing she found out about Tiffany, she fell deeper. "That's cool of her," she mumbled without even realizing she was speaking out loud.

"She is cool," Jessica agreed instantly. "Very cool."

"She isn't deaf, though!" came Tiffany's voice from the other room, and Taeyeon instinctively slapped a hand over her own mouth. Neither of them had noticed how the volume of their conversation had risen, and they all looked towards the wall through which Tiffany's call had reached them.

"Sorry," Jessica squeaked. "We were just... talking." They all stared at Jessica with raised eyebrows at her lousy explanation/apology skills.

"No, I noticed that," Tiffany called back with a laugh. Well, at least there was a laugh, Taeyeon thought, and that should mean she wasn't mad. Right?

"Sica!" Yoona chastised in a whisper, placing a light slap on said girl's thigh, "she totally heard!"

"Ah, thanks for clearing that up," Jessica grumbled, rubbing her stinging leg.

Hyoyeon, who so far hadn't said a word, got up from her seat and walked slowly, almost unnoticeably, out of the room. Taeyeon wouldn't have been surprised if Jessica and Yoona didn't notice at all, now totally immersed in their bickering. She followed Hyoyeon with her eyes and figured she was probably just going to the bathroom.

She still didn't think about it so much when she saw her walk right past the bathroom door, nor did she wonder when she heard the steps of the staircase creak.

But she did become a little curious when she saw Sooyoung follow.

Sooyoung willed her heart not to beat too hard as she walked up the stairs to Tiffany's second floor. The sound of the other girls' conversation in the living room grew increasingly distant, and the sound of heavy rain started to take over.

But there was something else as well. Something eerie, something that wasn't loud enough for Sooyoung to really be able to say what it was. She walked carefully up the last few steps, for some reason extremely bothered by the creaks coming from under her feet, almost as if there was something or someone up there who shouldn't be notified of her arrival. Someone or something which more than anything just needed to be left alone.

She reached the top, and the hallway lay dark and open in front of her. The only source of light was two windows beside a door that Sooyoung assumed led out to a balcony, but the sky was so fogged up by clouds that those two windows didn't allow much light in. She shivered.

She walked into the middle of the room, wondering where the feeling came from. Was it just how dark it was mixed with the somehow creepy sound of the rain, or was it something else entirely? She tried to focus on friendly things, and looked around in the room.

Apart from the balcony door, there were two more doors on each side of the room. One was white, with a lock that suggested what lay behind it was another bathroom. Beside it hung a painting in black and white, with many halves of faces split by lines spread out all over it. Sooyoung turned away, and walked towards the opposite door.

It was wooden, with a golden door handle. Even though the unidentified sound seemed to come from in there, it still seemed like the friendliest choice at the moment, so Sooyoung grabbed the handle, and pushed the door open.

The volume of noise increased, but it still wasn't very loud.

It was music.

Slow, haunting, dark, with something eerily squeaky in the mix.

Sooyoung's eyes soon adjusted. The room was smaller than the hallway, but it was brighter, too. No lights were on, but there was a big window straight ahead of her. The rain pounded on it madly.

Beneath the window was a white desk, and upon it stood a stereo, softly whispering out the music that had frightened Sooyoung so much. A grey, wooden chair, which looked very old and out of place, stood in front of the desk.

A bed was placed in the opposite side of the room under angled roof. It was well made, with white sheets and a few teddy bears sitting on top, facing each other as if deep in conversation. Sooyoung felt relieved at the mere sight of them.

Hyoyeon stood beside the chair, staring at the stereo with a look of intense focus on her face. A male voice was added to the music, and though he was singing in English, Sooyoung suddenly realized she knew the song well.

Shoving the door closed, she walked up to Hyoyeon, pushing the chair out of the way, and said girl jerked violently to the side, ready to escape, and inhaled deeply in fear. Sooyoung gave her an apologetic smile and held up her hands on each side of her face, to show that it was just her and not a psychotic killer. Moreover, it was just her, and not her with a knife or a drill.

"," Hyoyeon breathed, her hand on her heart. "You scared me."

"I'm sorry," Sooyoung said sincerely. "It was sort of inevitable up here."

"Yeah," Hyoyeon agreed, still not in anything more than a breath, and turned towards the window again.

Sooyoung watched her for a moment. "What are you doing up here?"

Not replying for a moment, Hyoyeon let her finger trace the edge of the desk. "I just wanted to see her room. I saw that and I just wanted to know what kind of music she listens to..." she mumbled, pointing at the stereo.

"Okay," Sooyoung nodded, not really accepting her explanation, but not wanting to pry. Not just yet. "I love this song."

"You do?" the blond asked, looking surprised. "Can you even understand what he's singing about?"

Sooyoung laughed. "More or less."

Hyoyeon didn't reply. She kept staring at the stereo, and the pale green clock that was ticking away the song, the seconds passing by in rhythm with the beats, then out of rhythm, and into rhythm again. It was hard to tell in the weak light of the window, but Sooyoung could have sworn she saw tears in her eyes.

"Are you okay?" she asked eventually. Hyoyeon's eyes twitched.

A few beats passed, and then she smiled. A joyless, hopeless smile. "Sometimes," she said, sounding almost amused. Sooyoung was instantly sure there was a secret in the room that she was not let in on. "Right now, I am. Right now, I'm great. In a couple of hours, maybe I won't be."

Sooyoung stopped her search of traces of tears, and looked out on the rain instead. There it came again; the feeling that something was wrong, a disaster was waiting, and it was coming soon. Her breathing sped up.

"You know you can always talk to me, right?" she said, hating how forced the words sounded in her voice, when she had probably never meant anything as much in her entire life.

Hyoyeon looked down, and that hopeless smile turned into something warmer. "That means a lot to me," she said, and Sooyoung believed her. "But... there's so much that you don't know about me."

"It's never too late to find out," Sooyoung replied. The conversation was scaring her, but she didn't want it to end. She wanted Hyoyeon to tell her what was happening, what she was doing to her.

Hyoyeon's smile changed again, all the joy vanished from it, to the point where it looked almost evil. Sooyoung shivered again. "Maybe it'd be better if you didn't," she said. "If you didn't find out."

"But I want to." Sooyoung couldn't remember ever having felt so as right then. She wanted nothing more than for Hyoyeon to know just how much she thought of her, but she didn't want all the possible side effects. The distance that would come if Hyoyeon didn't feel the same, and the distrust that could lead to.

Facing Sooyoung, the smile stayed on Hyoyeon's face, only now it turned sad. Not hopeless, joyless, but sincerely sorrowful and apologetic. The music flowed on in the background. "Maybe now you do," she said, "but after you've found out, maybe you won't. That's the problem, Sooyoung."

"What's going on, Hyo?" Sooyoung questioned, the fear sneaking up on her and slowly her spine. "Did something happen?"

But Hyoyeon turned away again, staring down at the desk, tears now obvious in her eyes. But they didn't fall. "I've made a lot of mistakes," she said slowly, and Sooyoung's patience thinned at great speed. "Trusting and distrusting people for no reason at all. Do you really know this song?"

Sooyoung couldn't process her question at first, the sudden randomness throwing her completely off. She felt dizzy, like the house they were in was suddenly being pulled somewhere, towards something; or maybe flying. Spinning. "Yeah," she said tiredly, "I used to listen to it a lot, but I had almost forgotten about it now. I'm glad you made me rediscover it, though, cause now I can relate to it in a way that I've never could before." She paused, listening intently to the lyrics, the soft yet desperate voice of the man singing. Taking a deep breath, she tried to sort out all the feelings that were collecting at the bottom of . Hyoyeon's eyes were still filled with tears.

Sooyoung sunk down on the wooden chair; it was about as comfortable as it had looked beforehand. Not at all. "What mistakes have you made, Hyo?" she asked, no longer caring about the boundaries she had set up for herself, not caring about how quickly she might fall out of love with Hyoyeon if she managed to get through to the other girl. She forgot about everything, and couldn't stop the question from coming flying out.

Hyoyeon's smile got new life, and not until then did Sooyoung realize that that smile was her defense. Her way of masking her true feelings up. "Holding grudges," she said plainly, "towards people who might have been able to save me." She faced Sooyoung again, and the rain must be on the way to let up, because the room was getting brighter. Sooyoung stared back into her eyes, trying not to look away, even though the need to avert her gaze from those sad eyes, those unshed tears, was overwhelming. "And I think I'm doing it again. Holding on to grudges towards people who can save me, because I think that maybe I'm not... They won't..."

She looked down and Sooyoung shivered. "They won't what?"

The door opened, and yellow light flooded the room, like drops of blood in a bowl of water. Hyoyeon blinked her eyes and all the tears disappeared without a trace. She turned around to face the door, and they saw Sunny standing there, leaning in. The light was on now in the hallway; Sunny apparently knew of a light switch that hadn't been obvious to Sooyoung.

"We're gonna start watching a movie," she said, not looking the least apologetic for torturing their eyes with light. "So come down if you'd like." She disappeared from the door again, and now that it was open, they could hear the sounds of the other girls downstairs, along with Sunny's quick bouncing down the stairs. Sooyoung had almost forgotten they were all there.

She looked up at Hyoyeon, waiting for her to lead the way or stay where she was. Hyoyeon stared back at her, looking a little relieved. "I'll be down in a minute, you go on down," she said.

"Are you sure?" Sooyoung asked, not liking the thought of leaving the other girl up there in the state she was in.

Hyoyeon nodded. "Yeah, I, just, I just need a moment. I promise you I'll be down soon." Sooyoung remained where she was sitting, looking up at Hyoyeon sadly and questioningly. Hyoyeon laughed, and a weight was lifted off Sooyoung's heart. "It's okay, Soo," Hyoyeon said, "it will literally just be a minute, I swear."

Sooyoung stood up. The song was starting to come towards its end, and it made her a little sad. "Okay," she said, slowly walking over to the door and bracing herself for the bright light outside of it. "Promise not to die or disappear or something."

Giving her another smile, one that looked real this time, Hyoyeon nodded. "I'll do my best."

Sooyoung set off down the stairs, and Hyoyeon leaned over to the stereo. She squinted in the dark, trying to find the button that would replay the song. Pushing it, she sunk down on the chair Sooyoung had been sitting on, and she remained there, listening to the lyrics of the song and trying to understand it, with tears threatening to well up in her eyes again while every emotion she was capable of collided in her.

Strange
I barely know you
but yet I feel
deeply connected to you
Crave
I never had you
but yet I feel
so lonely without you
Beautiful stranger

Safe
I barely know you
But yet I feel
secure when I’m with you
Strange
I don't even know you
but yet I feel so strong, and bold when I'm with you
My beautiful stranger

I know it sounds a little strange
but it will never be the same
It's like being locked up in a cage
It will never be the same
Nothing's lost, but I feel shamed
and there ain't no one here to blame
Well, do you even know my name?
I was right there when you came

It will never be the same
It will never be the same
It will never be the same
It will never be the same
It will never be the same
It will never be the same
It will never be the same
It will never be the same

It will never be the same.
(Nell – Beautiful Stranger
Lyrics: Kim Jongwan)




Hyoyeon came down the stairs a few minutes later to find the rain letting up slightly, and the living room in a moderately controlled chaos. The girls were spread around the room, all talking all over each other.

"Are we not watching a movie?" she asked hesitantly, stopping in the doorway. The girls all looked up at her at the same time, not having noticed her entering the room.

"We will, once everyone's understood what a good movie is," Sooyoung replied irritably from one of the mattresses on the floor. Sunny and Tiffany both squirmed in their seats on the couch, both looking mildly offended.

Hyoyeon made her way into the room, kneeling down by the edge of the mattress that Sooyoung was sitting on. "Aha, and what is a good movie?" she asked, honestly anticipating the answer.

"The romantic comedy, always go for the romantic comedy," Tiffany groaned before Sooyoung could reply. The tallest gave her a look over her shoulder that silently asked which planet she was from.

"Never... the romantic comedy," she stated, turning back to Hyoyeon. She leaned over to a pile of DVDs beside the television. "Look at this." She held up the top one for the room to see. "There's a woman on the cover," she said, pointing as she spoke, "and there's a man. I can tell you how this is going to end before we even put it in. One or both of them is going to be depressed, they're going to meet unexpectedly, there'll be laughter, perhaps some cheating and a few very uncomfortable adult scenes, and then they'll end up together." Hyoyeon covered her face with her hand as she laughed. "How is that even remotely interesting?"

"How is it not?" Tiffany asked back. Taeyeon nodded silently from beside her. "At least if we watch that one, we won't be hiding under the couch the rest of the night like we will if we watch your suggestion." Taeyeon nodded again, more enthusiastically before, and Tiffany gave her a look of gratitude.

"What is your suggestion?" Hyoyeon asked. Sooyoung smiled at once, and picked up another one of the DVDs. It was obvious after just a quick glance that it fell under the genre 'horror'.

"Listen to this," Sooyoung said and began reading off the back. "'A ski vacation turns horrific for a group of medical students, as they find themselves confronted by an unimaginable menace: Nazi zombies.' I mean guys. Guys."

The room was filled with calls of disapproval, and Hyoyeon couldn't help but laugh again. "What?!"

"Yeah," Sooyoung said happily, "and it's in Norwegian too, how cool is that?"

"Not very," Jessica sighed, leaning back on the couch and putting a pillow in her lap.

"Yeah," Sunny agreed, "why can't we just watch some good old action movie?"

Yoona patted Sunny's shoulder from beside her. "I'm with Sunny," she said, and Sunny smiled happily at her.

"What, guns and bullets flying about for ninety minutes straight?" Tiffany asked, looking pained.

Jessica sighed. "You always know the good guys will win in the end."

Seohyun, who was sitting on the mattress between Sooyoung and the wall, lifted her head which had been leaning on the coffee table. "Isn't that the case in most movies either way? The good guys always win?"

"You never know with horror movies," Sooyoung said pointedly and shook the DVD cover towards the youngest. Seohyun took one look at it and frowned immediately. "More often than not, the bad guys win. The good guys only survive if the main girl is hot enough."

Seohyun pushed the DVD back towards Sooyoung. "No, thank you," she said in disgust. "I think the romantic comedy is always good and nice, but I agree with the predictability. Why can't we watch something a little deeper, with some thought in it? Those are almost never predictable, and if they are, it's for a reason."

"There's a lot of thought in this," Sooyoung argued, sticking by her choice. "It's about Nazi zombies. Would you have ever thought of that?"

"I think none of us ever have or even want to think of that, Sooyoung," Jessica said tiredly. Yoona nodded absently. Sooyoung gave the pair of them a glare, but kept silent.

"How about we vote?" Tiffany asked. "Between my choice, Sooyoung's, Sunny's and Seohyun's?"

"Sounds fair," Yoona said, inching closer to the edge of the couch. "All those in favor of Tiffany's choice?"

Tiffany's and Taeyeon's hands shot up quickly. Tiffany looked around the room disapprovingly, but gave Taeyeon a warm smile.

"Sunny's action movie?" Yoona continued, and raised her own hand along with Sunny. Everyone else glared at them silently. "Alright," Yoona said, defeated, "and Seohyun's?" Jessica and Seohyun raised their hands, staring at each other in silent surprise. Yoona sighed and looked over to Sooyoung and Hyoyeon. "And lastly, Sooyoung's choice?" she said. Sooyoung raised her hand alone, while Hyoyeon sat beside her looking confused.

"Okay, so not the zombies," Jessica said in relief.

"What do you think, Hyoyeon?" Tiffany asked the younger girl.

Hyoyeon winced and leaned back a little. "Oh, I don't know..." she mumbled, shrinking under the group's eyes.

Sooyoung held up the zombie move under her chin. "Vote zombies... vote zombies," she whispered, causing the other girl to giggle.

"I would," she said, "but if I do, the vote will be a draw. I'm sorry, Soo."

Sooyoung pouted and threw the DVD back onto the pile, which collapsed. "Fine," she mumbled, "I'll just watch it on my own sometime."

Hyoyeon smiled apologetically and put a hand on her leg. "I think I'm gonna have to go with... Tiffany's choice." Tiffany and Taeyeon both erupted in screams of joy while Jessica rolled her eyes.

"Thank you, Hyoyeonnie," Tiffany squealed, got up from the couch and ran over to the blond to give her a hug. Sooyoung watched possessively from the side, unaware of the other girl in the room doing the same. "Taeyeon, would you mind starting the movie up while I go get the last of the popcorn?" Tiffany said then, getting up from the floor and beaming at the eldest.

"Uh..." Taeyeon said, instantly panicking. "I mean... yeah, if I can... I mean, your TV looks... fancy and I... wouldn't want to turn it over or anything..."

Tiffany just laughed. "Oh, I have faith in you," she said happily and started walking out into the hallway.

"Two bowls of popcorn isn't enough?" Sooyoung questioned, still feeling a little sore from her Nazi zombie defeat.

"Not for us, I don't think," Tiffany said with a crooked smile and left the room.

Taeyeon soon dropped down beside Sooyoung on the mattress, staring at the big TV. "Help please?" she begged her best friend, holding the movie in her hands and pointing to the DVD.

When Tiffany came back into the room, the TV was showing the DVD menu and Taeyeon was standing proudly beside it. "You made it," Tiffany teased, putting down the popcorn bowl on the table. Sooyoung sat beside them in silence.

They let the movie play, and those who weren't already on it rushed towards the couch. Sooyoung threw herself on the chaise longue and stretched herself all over it, feeling comfortably tired and loving the smell of popcorn that filled the room. Sunny and Jessica moved down to the mattress on the floor, while Yoona, Seohyun, Taeyeon and Tiffany lay down on the couch with piles of pillows between them. The opening credits started fading in and out on the screen, but Hyoyeon remained by the edge of the mattress.

"Is there any room for me anywhere?" she asked, and watched in amusement as the girls watched her with varying kinds of innocent expressions, all unwilling to give up space.

Sooyoung coughed a little. "There's room here," she said, moving to the edge of the couch and patting the empty space beside her.

"Are you sure?" Hyoyeon asked, looking very unsure. "It looks kinda narrow." Despite her words she still walked up to where Sooyoung was lying.

"Bring the popcorn," Sooyoung whispered as a woman started the opening narration. Hyoyeon did as she was told and grabbed a bowl, lying down closely beside Sooyoung and putting the bowl on her stomach. Even though Sooyoung moved out far enough to almost fall off the edge, it was very cramped. Their bodies touched from shoulders to toes – or, well, Hyoyeon's feet only reached down just below Sooyoung's knee, but still.

"Is it okay?" Sooyoung whispered, moving even closer to not fall to the floor. Yes, that was definitely the reason.

"No problem," Hyoyeon whispered back, taking her first bite of popcorn. Her other hand rested only a few centimeters beside Sooyoung's.

The rain stopped completely about halfway into the movie, but the clouds remained and the day grew darker and darker. The movie was mildly entertaining to Sooyoung, but she guessed nothing would ever appear very interesting when she was lying pressed against Hyoyeon. She paid more attention to when Hyoyeon laughed, sighed, scoffed or showed any kind of reaction to the movie - it struck Sooyoung as a hundred times more interesting.

"Here we go," Sooyoung sighed when the lead characters finally were introduced to each other. Taeyeon threw popcorn at her head.

When it ended, they decided they would watch all of the suggestions for movies - next up was Sunny and Yoona's action choice, followed by Seohyun and Jessica's, and finally ending with Sooyoung's horror one, stopping only to order a few late pizzas.

Somewhere during Seohyun's movie, the last of the daylight disappeared. Turning off all the lights, they watched Seohyun's choice in silence. It could only be described as a beautiful mind, and sure, it was good, but Sooyoung was finding it harder and harder to concentrate.

During a particularly distressing scene, she noticed that silent tears were making their way down the side of Hyoyeon's face and into her hair. She looked down to their hands, which had moved closer to each other during the last hours - their pinkies were already touching. Taking a deep breath, she grabbed Hyoyeon's hand and looked straight into her eyes. Hyoyeon immediately looked back into hers, and they were so close to each other that they almost became cross-eyed from the action.

The elder showed the younger a thankful smile before turning her attention back to the TV, and Sooyoung's heart beat wildly. For a moment she feared Hyoyeon would be able to feel her quickened heartbeat, but she soon pushed the thought out of her head. Why shouldn't she know about the effect she had on Sooyoung?

She caressed Hyoyeon's underarm carefully, and Hyoyeon listened to the dialogue with her eyes closed, tears still running and wetting her hair.

Sooyoung's movie turned out to not be horror as much as it was a comedy - and well, from the description on the back of the cover, she should really have foreseen it.

It turned out the rest of the girls - in particular Sunny and Taeyeon - enjoyed it immensely, cheering on the characters and the zombies as they died one by one.
 

Sooyoung's favorite part of the movie was how the blood-curling screams, sounds of motors and gun firing made it easy for Hyoyeon and Sooyoung to whisper things that were only meant for each other's ears.

She to her side, ending up even closer to the girl beside her. "Have you been alone?" she whispered, not caring about borders she might cross.

"Yes," Hyoyeon replied in a breath that shook Sooyoung's spine.

"You know you don't have to be anymore, right?" she asked, not caring about how the other girl interpreted it. All that mattered right then was that she could be a part of her life.

Hyoyeon turned over on her side, too, facing Sooyoung, and placing her head over Sooyoung's shoulder, her face a mere inch away from the other girl's. Sooyoung threw her free hand over Hyoyeon's back.

"Thank you," Hyoyeon whispered, and they spent the next forty minutes listening to movie accompanied by the other girls' cries of joyful disgust.



Feeling the weight of the first few weeks back in school, the girls popped in another feel-good romantic comedy after the zombies were done with their killing. They watched it for about ten minutes, after which most of them were fast asleep.

The movie played on low volume until the end. The ending credits rolled slowly, ended, and then it went back to the DVD menu. Soft classical music played over and over until Sunny sat up in badly disguised rage and turned the sound off. She was asleep again almost before she'd put the remote control down.

Hyoyeon and Sooyoung were sleeping on the chaise longue; Sooyoung on her back with Hyoyeon sprawled out all over her. Tiffany was on the couch next to them, her legs almost pulled up to her chest to give room to the other girls. Sunny lay between Tiffany and Taeyeon, her face pressed into the back of the couch. Jessica and Seohyun slept on the mattress on the floor, the two of them unknowingly and messily sharing two blankets.

Yoona lay on the far end of the couch, her arm hanging over the edge. She wasn't asleep. She thought she'd been asleep for a while during the last movie - she hadn't a clue how it had ended, so that seemed reasonable - but now she was wide awake. The room was filled with a symphony of soft snoring, and she sighed. She didn't know why she just couldn't get any rest; it was way past her usual bed time and she was tired. Really tired. But somehow she just felt so wound up, like she was breathing with and not her lungs, like there was something she should be doing.

Sunny let out a heavy snore for just a second, and Yoona giggled. Seohyun turned over on the mattress, sighing softly, and Yoona froze. "Seohyunnie?" she whispered. "Are you awake?"

"Yeah," came a whisper from the darkness after a moment. Seohyun got up on all fours and crawled over to Yoona, laying down right beneath the couch so they could whisper to each other easier. "Why are you?" she asked. Yoona shrugged.

"I don't know, I just can't sleep. You?"

"I keep thinking of Nazi zombies," she said sadly, and Yoona pressed her face into her pillow to smother the laughter that bubbled up to her lips. "It's not funny," Seohyun argued, but there was a kind of annoyed amusement in her whispered tone. "They could be outside right now, waiting to come flying through the windows and eat us all."

Yoona raised her head from her pillow, strands of hair falling down to her face in a mess. "I think we're okay," she laughed.

Seohyun sighed again. "Will you protect me if they come? I helped you with math, it's only right you should protect me from zombies as payment."

Not really sure whether or not the other girl was being serious, Yoona nodded with a smile. "Of course. I'll protect you. I don't know how much help I'd be though, I don't have much experience with, you know... zombie killings."

"Very few do," Seohyun nodded. Yoona could only stare back at her, unable to figure her out.

"I've been meaning to ask you," she whispered, changing the subject, "since that time you helped me with math. Could we like, make that a regular thing? Cause it was really helpful but I'm as lost in the other parts of math as well and..."

"I'd love to," the younger interrupted her ramble. "We could do it every week if you'd like. If our last appointment suited your schedule, we could make that time every Monday our weekly math time," she continued enthusiastically.

Supporting her head with her hand and leaning on her elbow, Yoona widened her eyes. "That sounds great," she said, grateful.

"I'd been meaning to talk to you about it myself, but I never see you around in school," Seohyun continued with a sigh.

Yoona lifted her head a little and looked at the younger questioningly. "You were gonna talk to me about it?" she asked, "Wow, you should really become a teacher for a living. You must really like it."

Seohyun smiled and looked down into the mattress. "It isn't really the teaching..." she mumbled. She looked back up into Yoona's expectant eyes and gave an embarrassed smile.

"What is it then?" Yoona asked carefully.

Seohyun shrugged. "I just like being around you..." she said, looking away again. "You're very nice to me, and you don't treat me like a baby."

"People do that?" Yoona asked.

Seohyun looked around the room. "Most people. Even Sunny does, at times." She immediately looked regretful of her words, but Yoona could tell she meant what she said. "I used to think that the world was split into two categories of people, but now I know it's really three."

"What are they?"

"Well, first there's the people who are mean or pay no attention what so ever to me," Seohyun explained, "then there's the people who are nice to me and take care of me, though they all see me as the slightly off and sometimes annoying little sister." She gestured around the room, still with an apologetic look on her face. "Then there are the people who see me for what I am and don't try to treat me like anything else. You're currently filling up that category all by yourself, with occasional visits from Sunny and Taeyeon."

Yoona scratched her head. "Wow," she said, "I don't really know what to say." Seohyun stared at the mattress as she sighed, and Yoona hurried to continue. "I mean, I don't think there's anything off or annoying about you at all. Actually I think you're a pretty wonderful person." She was surprised at the lack of embarrassment she felt at her words; she had thought admitting something like that would make her want to run and hide. But the look of absolute joy in Seohyun's eyes made her forget everything else - just how alone had this girl been feeling?

"Really?" Seohyun almost squealed, a shy blush creeping up her cheeks. Yoona wanted to cry at the sight of it. "I think you are, too."

Even being compared to Seohyun's innocent personality felt totally off for Yoona, so she just shook her head. She was about to argue, but seeing the sincere look in Seohyun's eyes made her change her mind. "Thank you," she said.

"So," Seohyun mumbled, fidgeting mindlessly with a strand of her own hair. "How come I never see you with the other girls in school?"

"Well, you know," Yoona replied, shrugging. "I hang around with Sungmin most of the time."

"Thought so," the younger said with a tilted smile, the closest thing to a smirk that could ever be seen on her face. "Is... is he your... boyfriend or something?"

Yoona "pff"ed, waving her hand a bit. Her mother had asked her that same question more times than she could count back when they had been friends, and it had come back at full force now that they'd been reunited. She was immoderately sick of it. "No, he's not."

"He's not?" Seohyun said in surprise. "I really thought you guys were together... Why aren't you?"

Yoona laughed. "I guess we just don't see each other in that way. We're childhood friends, you see."

"So he doesn't like you?" Seohyun asked. Yoona shook her head. "Are you sure?"

"Pretty sure," Yoona said, laughing again.

Seohyun gave her a short look that very obviously said "I'm not so sure I believe that". "Well, you should introduce us sometime. It seems unnecessary that you two should have to be so alone."

"I want to," Yoona nodded, "but Sungmin just kind of doesn't like people that much." Knowing it was a big understatement, she smiled sadly.

"I understand," Seohyun said, "I've heard the things people say to him. But people aren't all that nice to me either, so that means we have something in common. Maybe we could help each other out. Outcasts should stick together, or how is it?"

The elder of the two smiled fondly at the younger, remembering the first day of school and the punches she saw Sungmin take. "Yeah. He'd probably love you," she said, basing it more on Seohyun's wonderful nature than Sungmin's habits of liking people - which was close to inexistent. Yoona had made an attempt to introduce him to Minho and Taemin, but it had proven futile after only a few seconds. It seemed like the only person Sungmin wanted to be around was Yoona, always, without exception. He didn't like it when she talked about her other friends either, and it worried her. She didn't want him to ever be alone.

A heavy thought filled her at the thought of Sungmin, and it hung closely around her heart for the rest of the night as she lay there talking with Seohyun. It only eased during certain moments, like when the younger girl laughed or got really excited about things - and most importantly, during close eye contact. The feeling was mind-boggling, and Yoona wasn't really sure what to make of it. Time ticked by quicker than she thought possible, and Yoona's head felt heavier with every second; a relief, as it acted as an excuse to not think at all about what she was feeling. Soon the sky turned a bright yellow outside the window of Tiffany's living room. The sun was coming up. Seohyun immediately latched on to the experience and told her how much she loved to watch the sunrise, and how rarely she got the opportunity to. Yoona wondered what it was like to be a person who found joy in such small things.

"Guys," came Sooyoung's hoarse and unused voice from the opposite end of the couch. "If you don't shut up soon, Sunny might strangle you." Hyoyeon stirred beside her, and Seohyun and Yoona stared at the two in surprise. "I'm totally fine, I'm saying this for your own good."

"Agreed," said Taeyeon, turning over on the couch without opening her eyes, fixing her blanket. "I'm just waiting for her to attack you."

"Come on, guys, I would never kill the youngest," Sunny clarified from beside Taeyeon. "I'm currently just settling for making up bloody scenarios in my head."

Yoona threw a frightened glance at Seohyun, but the youngest just shook her head. I promise you she's not dangerous. "Sorry," Seohyun mumbled out, "we'll go to sleep now."

"Thank the lord," Jessica groaned, burying her face in one of her pillows. Seohyun and Yoona looked at each other and burst out laughing, their lack of sleep catching up to them.

"Oh great, they joined the giggle squad," Sooyoung said and turned over on her side so that Hyoyeon's face pressed into her neck and shoulder.

Yoona winked at Seohyun before lying down to try to get some actual sleep. But she knew that as always when she was giddy, she would definitely not be able to fall asleep. She lay on her side and looked down on the mattress, only able to see the top of Seohyun's head and her long, brown hair. The tiredness caught up to her before she had a chance to try to make sense of anything; all she knew was that she was happy. And that was definitely all she needed to know.