But then again, some things were easier said than done, and going on your first date as a very closeted lesbian was one of them. The knowledge that she was going to an actual restaurant, with a real life human being who would probably expect her to behave like a normal person lay somewhere in the back of her mind during the uneventful Thursday, and when Friday night arrived, it blew up in her head like a timed bomb.

Sooyoung went out of her way to about her nervousness, but Taeyeon suspected she only did it to take some of the seriousness away from the thought. A good initiative, but for Taeyeon, it didn't work at all. She went over to Sooyoung's apartment hours before she'd have to leave for the date, and the taller girl readily picked out a black, semi casual dress for her to wear. No matter how ill-placed the tight but stretchy material felt around her body, she couldn't deny that she also did feel a bit y. But whoo, the thought that maybe she was indeed attractive, and her date might find her y, did nothing to ease her mind.

"Maybe I should I have told her you're completely closeted and totally prude," Sooyoung said as she eyed her best friend up and down. "You know, some people find it uncomfortable to date closeted people. It's largely frowned upon in the gay community."

"What? Jesus, Sooyoung, don't tell her that!" Taeyeon said exasperatedly.

"I'm joking, Taeyeon," the other girl sighed. "You know, whenever you're nervous about something..."

"... I completely lose my sense of humor and sarcasm, thanks, you've told me before," Taeyeon finished for her. She pursed her lips worriedly as she stared at herself in the mirror. "Do I really look okay? I don't look like a sausage in a cat suit?"

"Shut up, you look gorgeous, okay?" Sooyoung said from where she was sprawled out on her bed. "You'll be swimming in her drool." Taeyeon whined, nervously chewing on her finger. "That's actually a good thing, Tae."

Taeyeon left the mirror for the first time in twenty minutes and sank down at the edge of Sooyoung's bed. "What's she like?"

Sooyoung rolled her eyes and sighed again. "Like I've told you a million times, she's amazing. She's funny, smart, and not to be distasteful... but she's... very easy on the eyes."

"But this is bad!" Taeyeon cried, and Sooyoung jerked back in surprise. "This is horrible! Those kinds of people shouldn't go on dates with freaks like me!"

"Look, Taeyeon," Sooyoung said calmly, "I know you. You're only a freak when you're around me or Sunny. Just be who you normally are. You're a lot more likeable than you think."

Taeyeon kept chewing on her fingernail, but nodded quietly. "What's the time?"

Sooyoung stared down at her cellphone, as usual firmly placed in her hand. "Seven fifteen."

"So I should go," Taeyeon said, got up and walked back over to the mirror. "Last chance. Do I look horribly stupid in this?"

Sooyoung's head hit the pillow with a thud. "Will I have to chase you out of here with a baseball bat? You're gonna be late, woman!"

"Yes, please do knock me out," Taeyeon mumbled, straightening out a wrinkle on her dress for the millionth time. "Okay. Now what do you say if my mother calls?" She turned around and stared down at her best friend.

"I tell her you're taking a shower," Sooyoung said, repeating what Taeyeon had told her too many times during the day. "Then I call you, and we figure something out."

"Good. Okay. It'll be fine, you're a great liar," Taeyeon stated absent-mindedly, comforting herself more than Sooyoung. "Okay. I'm going. Okay." She walked slowly towards the door, glancing hesitantly at her best friend. "Will you tell my mom that I want a small funeral, close family and friends only?" Sooyoung scoffed. "And remind her that the music is very important?"

"You'll be fine," Sooyoung reassured her. "It'll feel better once you're there, I promise. So just go. Also, if you don’t call me tonight, I’m going to assume you got laid."

Since Taeyeon barely ever went out to eat, she'd left it up to her date to pick the restaurant. Thankfully the girl had picked one that Taeyeon knew well from the outside, a seemingly perfectly normal Chinese place and not anything completely crazy or horrible. Like sushi. Taeyeon thought there were very few things that could make her state of mind worse right then, and sushi was one of them. So she was happy for the small things.

She arrived ten minutes early, ten minutes that seemed endless. The Chinese waiter who welcomed her to the restaurant tried to lead her to a table for two right by the window, but Taeyeon naturally panicked and asked for something a little more discreet. The waiter eyed her in confusion, but complied, and led her into the back to a table slightly apart from the rest. He then left her a menu and disappeared back towards the counter.

The restaurant was packed; most tables were occupied, except for the odd ones with black and gold signs that said 'reserved'. Most people seemed to be at least more than thirty years old, which comforted Taeyeon slightly - it meant no one from school was around, and that was essential. She was sure that if anyone saw her one a date with a girl, rumors would fly around town in the blink of an eye, and soon it would reach Tiffany. And even worse, maybe her mother.

Her back was turned against the door, but she couldn't help but look over her shoulder every three seconds to see if anyone had arrived. She tried to focus and read through the menu in front of her, but the thought of food alone seemed ridiculous. Would her stomach even be able to take it? Sweat was breaking out all over her skin, and she felt horribly exposed in her dress.

Her heart skipped a beat as a young woman stepped through the door right when Taeyeon was starting to hope she would get stood up. Dressed in a white blouse, black pants and vest, and her light brown hair in a firm pony tail, she ridded Taeyeon's mind of all thoughts for a second. She was gorgeous - not at Tiffany's level, of course, but who could be - and she seemed confident and strong. Taeyeon shook her head and stared down into her menu again, because there was no way that girl was going on a date with her. Nuh-uh, not ever.

"Excuse me," said the girl, carefully placing a hand on Taeyeon's bare shoulder. Taeyeon almost leapt out of her skin at the touch. "Are you Taeyeon?"

Taeyeon stumbled up to greet the girl, who was almost the exact same height as her, but undoubtedly, as Sooyoung had said, a few years older. "Yes," she nodded, suddenly feeling cold. "Are you Boa?"

The girl smiled brightly and nodded. "That's me." She held out her hand, and Taeyeon shook it - right, handshake, basic social skills, dear god why is my hand so sweaty?

"Hi, Boa," she said, giving a stiff smile.

"Hello, Taeyeon," Boa laughed. Taeyeon gestured towards the other side of the table, and the other girl walked over to sit down, dropping her handbag at the side of her chair. Taeyeon wondered numbly if she should have pulled out the chair for her. "So," Boa said, picking up her menu, "have you been here before?"

"Uh... no," Taeyeon replied, instantly feeling awkward when she had nothing else to add.

"Really?" Boa said, quickly flipping through the pages, "I come here all the time. I can really recommend their chicken curry."

Taeyeon stared down into her open menu, but the words seemed to all be in Chinese now. "That... sounds good," she said. "I think I'll go for that, I couldn't really find anything..." she mumbled, closing the menu.

Boa looked from her hands to Taeyeon's face. "I didn't keep you waiting for long, did I?"

"No," Taeyeon hurried. "Just a few minutes."

"That's good." She smiled at her again, before going back to searching through the pages. Taeyeon kept silent for a moment, letting her search in peace – well, more trying desperately to think of something to say, but Boa didn't need to know that.

"I think I'll go for the chicken curry too," Boa said at last without looking up at Taeyeon, who nodded anyway. "So," she continued, closing the menu and putting it down and straightening out her clothes, "this is awkward, isn't it?"

"Uh..." Taeyeon said, smiling as she didn't know what else to do. Seeing the glint in Boa's eyes, though, she nodded with an awkward laugh. "Pretty much."

"I take it you don't do this a lot," Boa stated.

Taeyeon shook her head. "Not so much. I mean... not at all, actually."

"I don't either, since dates I go on turn disastrous. But you looked cute in the picture Sooyoung sent me, so I just thought..." Boa said honestly, shrugging. "It could be worth it."

Taeyeon paled. "Sooyoung sent you a picture?"

"Yeah," Boa replied, fiddling with the tablecloth. "Didn't she show you one?"

"No," Taeyeon said, fanning herself. During the time they'd been best friends, god knew there'd been many unflattering pictures taken of each other. If Sooyoung...

"Don't be so scared," Boa said with a laugh. "It was a good one. It made me decide to see you, didn't it?"

Taeyeon laughed in relief, but looked away as she felt her face become warm. "Thank you."

Boa leaned over the table slightly, staring Taeyeon down with a playful expression in her eyes. "And let me tell you... I'm very glad I came."

Taeyeon's heartbeat sped up as she forced herself not to look away from the older girl's gaze. Something seemed to spring loose in her chest, an adrenaline she was unfamiliar with seemed to spread through her body as a big, goofy smile broke out on her face. She knew, still, what she had always been, and still was, afraid of, but right then and there it didn't seem to matter as much. "So am I," she choked out, and the intensity in Boa's eyes seemed to die down as she smiled.

Somehow, it seemed like winning that battle against herself, not looking away at the thought of liking somebody, made her a slight bit more confident, even though her hands were still shaking and her body still sweating as the waiter came over to take their order.






Yoona felt like another person when Seohyun was around. Not only was she happier and laughed more, but she magically became funnier every time Seohyun laughed at one of her jokes, and more intelligent as soon as the younger looked up at her with moon-eyes in the middle of a conversation. So Seohyun had magic powers, she thought. Oh, how she should have known.

It worked for her surroundings as well. On the Friday, the night of their date, when Seohyun walked through the front door of Yoona's house (after Yoona's parents had long since left, of course) and strolled through the hallway into the kitchen with big, glassy eyes, every room became cleaner, brighter and cozier. When she walked along the rows of kitchen cabinets, looking thoroughly impressed, Yoona felt more at home in her own kitchen than ever before. So her logics told her that Seohyun should always be around, because when she was, the world became a better place.

After a short and half-hearted tour around the house by Yoona, a slight awkwardness hung tentatively in the air. Yoona was left not knowing what to do, and the knowledge that this was actually a date - an actual date with Seohyun - was a heavy fog in her head. Seohyun's smile spoke nothing of the sort, though; instead she let Yoona lead her back into the kitchen, observing the house with interest.

Yoona glanced at the clock on the wall, and she realized she'd better get started on their food, to not keep the lady waiting for too long. Who knew how long that would take?

"I guess I'd better cracking on our dinner," she said with a tilted smile, her heart pounding. Even though she had decided on it herself, making edible food for the two of them seemed like her first challenge: was she worthy of Seohyun's love? Find out after dinner.

"What are we having?" Seohyun asked, sinking down in a chair by the kitchen table.

Yoona crossed her fingers and hoped for the best. "I thought I'd make spaghetti Bolognese," she said carefully. "The easy kind. Nothing too fancy. Do you like it? Otherwise we could just order a pizza."

"Ugh," Seohyun said at the mention of pizza, to Yoona's surprise. "Spaghetti sounds amazing!" She jumped up from her chair and almost bounced over to where Yoona was standing. "Should we get started?"

Yoona raised an eyebrow. "We?"

"I will help you," Seohyun replied, finger sneaking out to straighten out Yoona's black blouse.

"I don't think so," Yoona said, not sure if she actually meant it or just wanted an excuse to stay right there, with Seohyun's careful fingers near her stomach. "You are sitting down and being served."

"I am not," Seohyun argued, laughing. "I am helping you!"

"My dear lady, I must insist," Yoona said, mockingly deepening her voice. "Take a seat."

Seohyun laughed harder, and her hands found both sides of Yoona's waist, the careful touch tickling her sides. She strained herself not to laugh and flinch away. "I am not going to sit here and let you serve me like I am some sort of princess," Seohyun continued. "Don't try to be a gentleman, we're both girls."

"Well, I agree," Yoona said, smiling deviously. "We're both girls. And you're no princess. You're the queen." The younger snorted and her hold on Yoona's waist tightened. "So now I shall serve thee."

"Hey! I want to serve you, too!" she whined, her hands wandering up and down Yoona's sides.

"You can," Yoona nodded, "for our second date at your place. Next weekend."

Her words did exactly what she had hoped they would, and Seohyun beamed at the mention of a second date. "Please..." she then said, puffed her cheeks and gazed pleadingly into Yoona's eyes.

Yoona jerked back, covering her eyes with her hands to stop from completely freaking out at the sight of Seohyun's cuteness – because, oh, god, that was going to be hard to resist in the future. "If you don't stop being so cute, I will die before either of us will have cooked at all," she mustered, and Seohyun laughed.

"Please, Yoong," she said again, grabbing Yoona's hands and prying them away from her face. "Pleeaaase."

Yoona dared to sneak a look at her puppy eyes, but immediately squeezed her eyes shut again, holding back a squeal. Her heart burned and her eyes almost watered; her body seemed physically unable to handle the cuteness of the other girl. How was it possible for one person to be so ridiculously attractive?

She sighed heavily. "You're only doing this because you're afraid I'm gonna mess it up, aren't you?"

"Little bit, yes," Seohyun said, pouting. Yoona's eyes found the younger girl's lips, and in an instant, she wasn't sure if she could stop herself from kissing them right there. She couldn't help but imagine what they must feel like against her own, so soft, wet, and oh Jesus, she should kiss her. But then again, maybe that was moving too fast. They'd barely even begun their first date, no matter how head over heels Yoona was falling.

"Fine, fine, you win," she groaned, tearing her eyes away from those lips. "You can help. I value my life too much to let you kill me with your cute."

"Yay!" Seohyun squealed, breaking out into a little dance of victory. Letting her win just to see that happiness was definitely worth it, Yoona decided. 
 

"Can I ask you something?" Taeyeon said as they were halfway through their meal.

Boa laughed, bringing her wine glass to her lips. "Look at you, you're so cute, asking for permission," she said, and Taeyeon fought down an impending blush. "Go ahead, honey."

"How do you know Sooyoung?" she asked, and mentally high fived herself when she managed to get all five words out without choking.

"Ah," Boa said, "I used to moonlight as a dance teacher, and she came along to dance practice with a friend once."

"O-oh," Taeyeon stuttered. This was Seohyun's old dance teacher? If so, it was very likely that they'd met before, and why then hadn't Taeyeon remembered her? It seemed to her that if she'd seen Boa even as much as on the street, she would have remembered her.

"Somehow we became friends. Charming girl. She really talks a lot, doesn't she?"

"Yeah," Taeyeon laughed, suddenly feeling awkward again. Real life had reminded her of its existence, and suddenly she started thinking of what would happen at the end of the date. Boa was nice, funny and very normal, which felt like a good change, so what would she say if Boa asked to see her again? And more importantly, what if she didn't? Should Taeyeon make the request? Did she want to go out with her again?

"Since you were so nice as to ask for permission, I should do the same, shouldn't I?" Boa said, and Taeyeon stared at her in confusion. "Can I ask you something too?" she clarified.

"Oh," Taeyeon said, "of course."

"You can tell me to go to hell if it's too personal," she began, fighting to cut a particularly obstinate piece of chicken, "but how long have you known that you were... well, lesbian, biual or whatever you are?" Taeyeon swallowed, and Boa kept on eating as if the question was the most normal thing in the world - something Taeyeon strongly disagreed with.

"W-why?" she asked. Suddenly she remembered the things Sooyoung had said to her before she left, about people not wanting to date closeted people. Though it was meant as a joke, it rang very true to Taeyeon; how much fun would it be to be in a relationship with someone who was ashamed of you?

"Just curious," Boa said with another shrug, as if she was just asking about the weather. Nothing of importance.

Taeyeon stared down into her plate of delicious curry and forced herself to take another bite, even though her hunger seemed far away. "Well, I..." she tried, "about three years, I guess."

"Okay," Boa nodded. "And have you ever been in a relationship?"

Taeyeon glared at her while she was too busy with her food to notice. "No," she said, trying to mask her bitterness.

"But you think you're ready for one?"

Taeyeon's hands shook again and her knife tried to cut into the plate with a loud, slicing noise that made both Taeyeon and Boa wince. "What do you mean?" Taeyeon asked, stalling for time to think.

"If I asked you out again, would you be able to go home to your mother and your friends and tell them that you have a date with a girl next week?" Boa continued. The way she asked the question so calmly made Taeyeon think she already knew what the answer would be, like she could see right through her and her lack of confidence, and it made her unreasonably angry. Telling the truth immediately seemed out of the question.

"Well, I mean..." Taeyeon tried. "I think that... I mean... no, definitely not," she managed eventually. Boa stared blankly at her. "Look, I'm sorry that I made you come here like this when..."

"Look, Taeyeon, no matter what you say, it's okay," Boa interrupted with a small laugh. "I just want to know what to expect here. It's a first date, not a marriage. We don't even know each other yet, so just take it easy."

Taeyeon stared at her as she went back to her food, at a loss for words. "I... okay," she said. "Thank you." Not able to let go of the feeling of guilt and a sliver of humiliation, she still felt a need to explain herself and make Boa like her. "It's just... someone said to me I could... accept myself easier if I met other people who..."

"Ah," Boa said, nodding with full of rice. "So I'm your little guinea pig?"

Taeyeon laughed, not knowing if she meant it as a joke or not. "I wouldn't exactly say that..."

"It's okay," the older girl interrupted her, "I don't mind being your guinea pig. Feel free to experiment all you want on me." She gave Taeyeon an effortless wink, which to Taeyeon felt like a punch in the stomach. A very exciting and half pleasant punch, but a punch nonetheless.

The blush she'd been fighting all night crept up on her face and she hurried to stuff some rice into . Boa laughed heartily, taking another sip of wine. "You're too cute," she said. Taeyeon smiled at her with a grain of rice on her chin. "Seriously though," Boa continued, "most of us have gone through what you're going through. I know I have," she said, but with a half-smile that seemed to say her time of insecurity wasn't half as confusing as for Taeyeon. "I would have loved to have someone confident and sure of their uality, well, their homouality, in my life back then. So no matter what happens, I'd like to be here for you."

Taeyeon swallowed her rice and could do nothing but smile at the girl sitting opposite her. Whatever had she done to deserve meeting someone as seemingly selfless and supportive as Boa? "That means a lot to me," she said, feeling warm and touched, but slightly confused about what exactly she felt towards the woman in front of her.

"You're so beautiful and I don't know, but you seem like a good person. I think you deserve all the happiness you can get, and I'm very eager to put this theory to the test."

Maybe Taeyeon had done something really amazing in a past life, she thought.







Yoona and Seohyun seemed to get a good start to cooking their dinner, but the pride Yoona took in that vanished completely after Seohyun came back from a visit to the bathroom.

"It is... supposed to smell like this?" the youngest asked, wincing.

"Uh..." Yoona said, looking down into the half-done sauce. "I don't know."

"You don't know?" Seohyun repeated. "Have you never made this before?"

"Well, no," Yoona replied, trying to sound nonchalant. "I don't really cook."

"You don't? Isn't this sort of a heavy start, if so?" Seohyun said with a small laugh, standing beside Yoona and looking down into the pan.

"It's not like I haven't ever cooked... Does it smell bad?"

"Mostly it smells like a slaughterhouse," Seohyun stated, staring suspiciously at the sauce. "It's up to you to decide whether that's good or bad."

"Oh, god," Yoona groaned.

"Try some more tomato juice," Seohyun said patiently, reaching over for the can. "That should do it."

Yoona looked up at her with a frown. "How do you know?"

Seohyun laughed. "I just do. Try it." She handed Yoona the can, who did what she was told, if only with a slight hesitance. It seemed to do the trick, and Yoona didn't know why she was surprised.

"I should have known you were a cooking genius as well," Yoona laughed. "This is embarrassing."

"Why embarrassing?" Seohyun giggled. "It's back to normal now. The sauce."

Yoona nodded, somewhat relieved. "Yeah. Could you put the water on the stove? I've got this under control now."

Seohyun didn't move, but just remained by Yoona's side. The older looked up at her, and found her staring at her with one eyebrow raised. "What?" Yoona asked, but again Seohyun just shook her head, smiling ambiguously. Ah, Yoona thought - "You don't trust me with the sauce, do you?"

Seohyun shook her head with a playful smile on her face. "Not at all."

"Ah," Yoona said, letting go of the ladle she was holding and placing her hand over her eyes. "My poor feelings. They are hurting."

"Hey," Seohyun said, laughing and giving her a nudge in the side.

"Right, right," Yoona said, putting her hands in the air and walking over to the sink. "I'll get the pasta. And maybe see if I can find the pieces of my shattered pride over here somewhere..."

"Shut up," Seohyun laughed. "I'm sure you'll make a kickass pasta."

"Naturally," Yoona said, deepening her voice again. "Only the best for you, my queen."

Yoona put the water on the stove and waited for it to start boiling. She watched Seohyun do her work in silence, going through the kitchen cabinets like she already knew them, and she wondered for a moment how it was possible for a single human being to be so good at so many things. Whatever Seohyun would work with in the future, Yoona was sure she'd love to watch her while she was at it. And she realized, more amused by the absurdity than anything else, that she was already thinking of a life with Seohyun would be like, even before they'd even woken up next to each other.

Next thing she knew, she realized Seohyun was about to ruin their sauce, so she ran over to where she was standing and held onto her wrists.

"What are you doing?" she asked, stopping Seohyun from making a big mistake.

"I'm adding the carrots," the younger replied, confused. "Or I thought I was."

"Why are you adding carrots?" Yoona asked. Seohyun gave her a look that even made Yoona herself question her sanity.

"Because it says so in your recipe," she said, nodding towards the piece of paper Yoona had printed out on her computer the night before.

"It does not," Yoona laughed.

"It does!" Seohyun said in disbelief. "It's your recipe, didn't you read it through?" Yoona shook her head with a grin, and Seohyun put the carrots down on the counter before walking over to the recipe. "Look here," she said, "carrots."

Yoona followed and stood behind her, looking down at the paper over Seohyun's shoulder. "Where?" she said, seeing the words clearly, but longing to stay close to the other girl for just a moment longer.

"Here," Seohyun said firmly, holding up the recipe for Yoona to see. She turned around with the paper in hand, facing Yoona and looking into her eyes.

"Oh," Yoona said, not bothering to even pretend like she was looking at the recipe. Seohyun stared back at her, and her tongue shot out to wet her lips for a short moment. Yoona followed it with her eyes, knowing that what she was thinking was visible on her face, but not caring. Those lips were too inviting for her to look away.

She pondered the consequences of trying to kiss Seohyun: if the younger girl thought it was too fast, she'd get shot down and probably feel awkward for the rest of the evening. Maybe even ruin the date entirely. Then again, if Seohyun didn't have a problem with it, she'd get to kiss her, and then she'd die, without a doubt. Of course, she thought, that would happen whether she kissed her that night or the day after or any day at any time, so that was irrelevant. Her body didn't seem to be connected to her mind when she felt herself leaning in, staring not into Seohyun's eyes but at her lips, not daring to look up and see the potential look of dread on the other girl's face...

A loud hissing sound to her left broke into her thoughts, but neither of them looked away.

"The pasta is boiling over," Seohyun stated quietly.

"I know," Yoona mumbled. "I'll fix it." But again her eyes found Seohyun's lips, and she found herself unable to move.

Seohyun laughed nervously. "No kick- pasta is going to come from that pot if you don't save it."

Yoona heard the suddenly irrelevant truth in her words, and she forced herself to pull away and save the water that was pouring out of the pot on the stove. She tried not to think about the way Seohyun remained where Yoona had left here for almost an entire minute before she resumed preparing the sauce, almost as an invitation for Yoona to come back and join her, kiss her for real. It was frightening how powerful Seohyun's pull was on Yoona, but she didn't feel scared. No, she felt taken over, almost controlled, but in the best way imaginable.

If she could only get to feel those lips against hers soon...

Yoona left the decision of what movie they should watch completely up to Seohyun - she was the queen, after all - and she tried to keep her distance as much as possible as they sat down together on the living room couch. Not that she particularly wanted to, but she felt like she had to; she felt as if though her self-control was starting to slip away. Seohyun's lips lingered in her mind, even when she kept her eyes locked at the TV screen.

Needless to say, she didn't follow the plot of the movie that well. It was a sad story, she's understood that much. Somebody was killing either themselves or someone else. But the pain of the handsome actor who played the main character seemed pretty meaningless and unimportant when Seohyun was so close, and even more so when Yoona dared to snake an arm around her and the younger girl leaned against her so that their bodies were touching from knees to shoulders. Even if it made Yoona want to explode or perhaps just vomit, it was an amazing feeling.

And judging by Seohyun's actions, she wasn't put off by Yoona's slip-up in the kitchen, and that was definitely a good sign.

Yoona's cellphone beeped on the side table about halfway through the movie, at which point she had pretty much forgotten its existence entirely. She glanced over at Seohyun, and their eyes met for a short moment. Yoona leaned over towards the table to pick her phone up, refusing to remove her arm from around Seohyun's shoulders, so the other girl leaned with her, giggling.

Recipient: Yoona
Sender: Sungmin
what are you doing? can we talk?

Something twisted uncomfortably in Yoona's stomach, and for some reason she felt like throwing up. She hadn't told Sungmin she was going on a date, in fact, she hadn't spoken to him since she visited him with their mothers, and she definitely didn't want to talk to him right then. The weekend was supposed to be about Seohyun, not her messed up friendship with Sungmin. It would probably cause a storm of discontentment from him, but she could deal with that later.

She placed her phone on the couch beside her without replying to the message, and Seohyun looked at her curiously. "Who was it?" she asked. "I mean, if you want to tell me..."

Yoona shifted in her seat. "It was Sungmin," she replied, trying to sound casual and not let on just how troubled she felt.

"Oh. Is everything okay?" Seohyun asked, sitting up straight and scrutinizing Yoona with worry. Yoona didn't know if she should feel happy or horrified that the other girl could read her so well, and mourned the loss of her body heat as her arm fell back down into her lap.

"Yeah, sure," she said, but hearing with her own ears how anxious she sounded. Solving it by not facing Seohyun's gaze, she turned her attention back to the TV, picking and pulling at her jeans.

"Really?" Seohyun pried. "You don’t seem okay."

Yoona finally looked her in the eyes and gave her a dejected smile. Lie to someone on your first date? Yeah, people probably did that a lot. But to someone who you really don't want to mess things up with, someone who you wish would be your girlfriend? Different story.

"It's just... Things are a little... difficult with Sungmin right now," Yoona said with a shrug, trying not to make it sound too serious but not straight out lying. "It really is fine, though. I'll just talk to him whenever I have time."

"I have noticed that he has been stealing a lot of your time lately," the younger said, laughing slightly to show it didn't bother her. Which, Yoona suspected, it did.

"Yeah," she sighed. "I'm sorry about that. It's just that he... needs someone right now, and, well... I don't have much choice."

Seohyun frowned. "You mean you don't want to be with him?"

"Uh," Yoona hesitated. "Well, I mean, sure I want to, but I want to be with you and the girls as well, and, yeah." She noticed that Seohyun was still frowning, so she hurried on: "I'm making this sound all wrong. Sungmin really needs somebody, and I'm all he has. That's why I don't really have a choice, but of course I'm glad to help him. It's all very complicated, so let's just watch the movie for now," she finished, waving her own words away dismissively and turned back to the TV.

"No, let's not," Seohyun said, sitting up on her knees and looking at Yoona seriously. "I don't really understand."

"I don't think anyone does, especially not me," Yoona replied with a slight laugh.

Seohyun bit her lip, an action that was supposedly out of thoughtfulness, but to Yoona's eyes looked like nothing other than teasing. "Well, I'd like to understand why I never get to see you in school. Because I miss you... a lot, when you're not around."

Somewhere among the radioactive butterflies in her stomach, a voice commonly known as the "DUH"-voice spoke up and informed Yoona that Seohyun deserved to know the truth. She nodded absent-mindedly in agreement. "I always miss you too," she mumbled. "I'll try to explain it, then. You know how people aren't very nice to Sungmin in the corridors and all..." Seohyun nodded quickly, and Yoona took a deep breath. "Well, it's a lot worse than anyone other than him and I seem to understand. God, he'd kill me if he knew I was telling you this."

"Hey," Seohyun said softly, inching closer to Yoona and putting a cool hand on her cheek. "We're dating now, right?" she smiled, pulling her hand back. "People who date shouldn't have secrets from one another."

Yoona looked at her with an eyebrow raised. "That's married people. People who date are the masters of secret keeping."

"Ah," Seohyun said, laughing. "So I'll have to marry you before you finish telling me this story?"

Yoona tried her best not to blush as images of Seohyun in a wedding dress flooded her mind. "No, I think we'll waive that clause just this once."

Seohyun laughed again, taking one of Yoona's hands in hers. "So go on. Tell me."

Yoona had to fight to remember what they had been talking about for a moment, and forced the images of their potential wedding out of her head. "Right... well... Being Sungmin's only friend is... hard even on the good days," she said, feeling depressed at once, but trying to keep her emotions at bay.

"People don't... they don't do anything to you, do they?" Seohyun asked, her eyes widening.

"No," Yoona shook her head, "they don't lay a finger on me. That's the weird part. Whenever I'm around, they leave him alone."

"Thank God for that," Seohyun mumbled, holding Yoona's hand in one of hers and caressing the skin of her palm with her other. The effect was sedating, and goosebumps rose on her neck.

"Yeah," she nodded. "But the thing is I can't always be there for him, no matter how hard I try... and it seems that during those short moments, the bullies always find him," she continued, memories of the countless bruises and black eyes she'd seen on his face replaying in her mind. Her heart ached, and the guilt of not being able to help him came crashing back.

"It can't be your sole responsibility to keep him safe, can it?" Seohyun said, tightening her hold on Yoona's hand. "You can't blame yourself for it, Yoong. If the idiot boys of our school could just keep their mouths shut..."

Yoona widened her eyes in surprise at hearing the younger call someone an idiot, and Seohyun just rolled her eyes at her. "Ooh, such language," she teased.

"Yes, contrary to popular belief I actually do know words like that," Seohyun said with a laugh. "I meant what I said, though. Don't blame yourself."

No matter how she tried to repress them, traces of tears started welling up in her eyes. Oh, how badly she didn't want to cry on her first date of Seohyun... any tears that weren't out of happiness. She nodded a thanks. "I keep trying to get him to make other friends," she continued, "I introduced him to Taemin and Minho, and I keep trying to make him give the eight of you a chance, but... He keeps saying he doesn't work well with people. As if the bullies in his year somehow cover the entire human race." She paused to take a deep breath and collect herself as the rage seemed to grow again. "He's impossible to talk to about it. He just refuses."

Seohyun nodded sympathetically, still tracing the skin of Yoona's hand with her nails. "No, I noticed he wasn't very fond of me that time I tried to talk to him."

Yoona grabbed Seohyun's hands firmly, stopping her caressing actions. "You didn't take it personally, right?" she asked. "He's like that with everyone."

The younger looked down with a smile that seemed awfully unlike her. "I try not to," she said quietly, "but I tend to... do that. Take things personally." Yoona squeezed her hand tighter, and Seohyun looked up at her again. "But this is beside the point. Go on."

Your well-being is the most important point Yoona wanted to say, but the words lodged in , and she tried to remember what she was talking about. "It's okay. I don't really have any more to say about him."

Seohyun scoffed. "I don't think that's true." Yoona looked up at her carefully. No, it was true; she could probably go on about Sungmin and how he was behaving for hours if it came to that, and not much of it would be nice things to hear, say or even think. Telling Seohyun just how furious his way of thinking made her would take her all night. The tears in her eyes reminded her of their presence again, and Seohyun intertwined their fingers. "You can tell me. I'm not going to judge you," she said carefully, and Yoona knew it was true.

"It just... it makes me so angry how he forces me to help him and then refuses to accept my help," Yoona managed to get out, biting the inside of her lower lip to stop her voice from quivering. "He won't let me solve his problems."

"It's not your responsibility," Seohyun repeated, and Yoona shook her head sadly. "It sounds like he's making you unhappy."

Yoona shook her head again, not wanting to acknowledge the thought. "No, he's my friend, after all. He could never make me unhappy."

"Yoong," Seohyun sad almost pleadingly, and Yoona loved the nickname more every time she spoke it. "I know he's your friend, and I think it's sweet how you don't want to say anything bad about him..." she brought her free hand up to Yoona's cheek, moving some of her hair out of the way. Her skin felt cool against Yoona's own, which was becoming hotter by the second. "But this is serious. Sometimes our friends do things we don't agree with, and since this is causing you pain, something needs to change."

Yoona closed her eyes, taking in the other girl's words. She wasn't sure which was overpowering her more, the feeling of Seohyun's hand against her cheek or her sadness and rage. The mixture was driving her mad. "I guess you're right," she said weakly, "but I can't do anything about it. I don't want to do anything against Sungmin's will."

Seohyun withdrew her hand. "You don't have any obligations to him just because you used to be friends, Yoong."

"I know that, of course," Yoona hurried. "But that's not why I'm doing it. I still love him... as a friend. Of course I do." She looked away, wishing Seohyun would touch her again. It was strange, she thought, how much easier it had seemed to get the words out once she could feel the other girl beside her. Without the touch, she felt alone.

"Do you?" Seohyun questioned, the tone of her voice less careful now, and all of Yoona's insides screamed in guilt over the fact that Seohyun could even ask that question. What was she doing? How was she talking about Sungmin, who was her friend, and who was going through a hard time? A horrible, life-changing time of suffering? God knew how Yoona herself would change if she had to go through the same.

Seeing the struggle in her eyes, Seohyun let her arm rest on Yoona's arm, massaging it softly. The words that had been fighting to come out and confirm Seohyun's question died down in . Did she love Sungmin like she used to? Was he someone she wanted to see every day, and talk to like she did with her friends?

"I would if the bullying stopped," she said, and the truth formed almost as she spoke the words. "I would if he felt better. I would if his insecurities didn't... ruin my days." A tear slipped down her cheek as she spoke the words; she felt like a truly horrible person. Sungmin deserved someone so much better, someone who returned his calls, replied to his texts, someone who didn't try to push him into things and accepted him for who he was. Someone who wasn't as selfish as her. She reached up to wipe the tear away, angry at herself and feeling even guiltier for crying on their first date, but Seohyun beat her to it. She held onto Yoona's hand with her own, and carefully used her slim middle finger to wipe the one, lone tear away.

"You two couldn't possibly do this on your own," she said, letting her hand slide down to Yoona's arm again. "Why don't you speak to one of the teachers?"

Yoona laughed a little, her body filled with a strange tingling sensation. "Sungmin would kill me. He says the teachers are more stupid than the students."

"Oh, Yoong," Seohyun said, tilting her head. "When Sooyoung came back to school after her visit to Hyoyeon's father, what was the first thing she said to us?"

Yoona frowned, surprised at the question. "Uhm..." she thought back, what had Sooyoung's reaction been? "She ran up to us and... Blamed Fany for not having helped Hyo in time," she said, and realized with a start what Seohyun was referring to.

Seohyun nodded, as if she could read Yoona's thoughts. "Help him before it's too late. Even if it might mean the end of your friendship."

Of course. After all the drama involving Sooyoung, Hyoyeon and Tiffany had unfolded right in front of her eyes, had she learned nothing? Sooyoung and Tiffany both mourned the fact that they had succumbed to Hyoyeon's wishes and kept her secret safe, and in the end, Sooyoung had had to call the police to inform them that Hyoyeon had gone missing. It couldn't come to that. Yoona would never forgive herself if anything happened to Sungmin; what if one of the bullies went too far one day? It wasn't impossible. It had happened a million times before, to a million other people.

"You're right," she mumbled in a daze. "You're so right."

Seohyun smiled at her again. "So do it. Talk to one of the teachers. Mr. Kim, the English teacher, is a good person. He would listen to you, I promise."

The knot in Yoona's stomach seemed to tighten and release at the same time. "But what if Sungmin refuses to let them help him?" she said. "He'll never forgive me if I tell somebody, and then he'll be left with no one at all."

"So tell them that," Seohyun replied. "Tell them the whole truth, and tell them that Sungmin will reject their help. It's their liability to help him."

It made sense to Yoona's ears, but it still worried her. "I guess."

"They'll understand," the younger insisted, fingers squeezing reassuringly around Yoona's arm again. "I'm sure they've had cases like this before."

"Maybe you're right."

Seohyun leaned back and raised an eyebrow at her. "Yoong, please. The queen is never wrong."

Yoona threw her head back and laughed, and realized with a start that this was how her life was supposed to be. She was on a date with Seohyun, the most beautiful, intelligent and funny girl she had ever met. Why should she waste time on sitting around worrying about Sungmin?

Her phone vibrated on the seat beside her, and she threw it an anxious glance. Another text message, and who would it be from, if not Sungmin? "You know what?" she said, pushing her phone away. "I'm tired of this stealing away so much of my time with you. Just for now, let's ignore our phones, and we can explain ourselves on Sunday. Sound good?"

Seohyun beamed at her, nodding enthusiastically. "That sounds fantastic."

Yoona smiled back, caressing Seohyun's thumb with her own. "I'm sorry I ruined the mood."

"Don't apologize to me," Seohyun said with a firm shake of her head. "Life is not always easy."

Yoona looked down at their intertwined hands and thought no, it's not always easy, but sometimes it really is. She looked back up at that beautiful smile and couldn't stop the contented sigh that slipped out. "I'm... I'm glad that you're here," she said softly, embarrassed by the words, but too aware that Seohyun needed to know. "I'm glad you agreed to go on this date with me."

Seohyun gave a small giggle. "No, it was - and I mean this stronger than I ever have before - completely and fully my pleasure."

Seohyun pulled her in for a hug, the kind that last a little too long for it to be a hundred percent friendly. The smell of Seohyun's shampoo invaded Yoona's nose and made her intoxicated; she was sure she would never get enough of the smell.

"You give the greatest advice ever," she said as they pulled apart again, mostly to stop herself from jumping the other girl and kissing her senseless - the only option that seemed inviting at that moment. "You should become a therapist."

"I have considered it," Seohyun replied, thoughtfully looking up at the ceiling. "But I think I will save my advice for people who I know... truly deserve happiness."

Yoona looked at her, warmth filling her body at the words, and the way Seohyun faced her gaze made her feel weak in the knees. Her eyes were determined, bold, almost challenging - but maybe that last part was Yoona's infatuated mind fooling her. The sound of the television still playing their forgotten movie seemed to fade out, and all Yoona could do was stare at the younger girl's innocent lips and the smile that was dying on them. She seemed innocent, sure, but Yoona suspected there were still a lot of surprises to come from the other girl. She took one last look up at Seohyun's eyes, and they weren't turning away. The breathing behind her lips had slowed, and she seemed to be waiting for Yoona to make a move, so she did the only thing that seemed sensible - something she wouldn't have been able to stop herself from doing anyway - and leaned in, pressing their lips together in their first kiss.

For a second her mind went blank, and then it flashed back to earlier that same evening, when she caught herself staring at those lips and imagining what it would be like to kiss them. The fantasy faded in an instant next to feeling the lips softly pressed against her own; love and lust and blissful ignorance seemed to send shocks through her blood with a comfortable throbbing that only left her wanting more. She was careful, afraid of scaring the other girl away, and she opened her eyes only to see Seohyun's closed eyelids, and then the younger of the two started moving her lips against hers. It hit Yoona that maybe this wasn't her first kiss - she had somehow only taken it for granted - and the thought made her unbearably curious.

She closed her eyes again breathing in shakily through her nose and moving her lips to meet Seohyun's hesitant rhythm, and the rest of the world faded away along with the sounds. It wasn't Yoona's first kiss, but it wasn't like anything she had ever experienced before, and oh god, how could something she had done many times before feel so new and make her feel so high? Her limbs all seemed to soften like spaghetti, and one of her hands found Seohyun's back, while Seohyun's own hands came to rest on the sides of Yoona's face.

Yoona felt Seohyun's tongue against her bottom lip and she decided instantly that no, no way, this was not Seohyun's first kiss, so she'd better work on making it the best she'd ever had. She met the other girl's tongue with her own, and the first touch sent a shock of lust through her entire system. Biting back a moan, she pulled Seohyun closer to her, her other hand starting out at Seohyun's hips and working its way up to the back of her neck, pushing their lips harsher against each other. Seohyun gave a soft, contented moan into Yoona's mouth, and Yoona's hands seemed to act on their own accord, scratching at Seohyun's back and pulling at her shirt. The younger then grabbed Yoona's shoulders and pushed herself up from the couch until she was seated on Yoona's lap, straddling her.

They broke apart for air, and the world came rushing back to Yoona's head. The television was playing loud, dramatic violin music as the main character seemed to be running to catch somebody. Yoona looked up into Seohyun's eyes, eyes that were gleaming with a playful glint, and something warmer.

"I thought you wanted to watch this movie," Yoona breathed, holding on tightly to the hem of Seohyun's shirt.

Seohyun laughed breathlessly. "We will rewatch it some other time."

Her lips found their way back to Yoona's, and they sunk slowly down on the couch, forgetting about the rest of the world for the night.

The warmth in Taeyeon’s stomach remained almost all night, as they worked their way through dinner and bickered about which one of them that would get to pay for dinner. Another thing that made lesbian relationships more interesting than regular ones, Taeyeon thought, and looked over her shoulder just in time to see Minho and Taemin enter the restaurant.

For a moment she felt nothing but confusion, as if worlds had collided and a character from her favorite movie suddenly crossed over into her favorite TV-show, but then she remembered. The school, her friends, her mother, every single insult and mockery of gay people she'd ever heard.

She stood up, kept her voice as steady as she could and excused herself before hurrying off to the bathroom, the only sensible place to go, the only place where the boys couldn't see her.

Inside she stood staring in the mirror, like so many times before. Thoughts chased each other through her mind until she couldn't make out anything sensible apart from I have to leave, I have to get out.

Why? Why? Why did Minho and Taemin have to come to that restaurant, why right then, why at that day? Their town wasn't the biggest, but there definitely wasn't a lack of places to eat, that was for sure, so why?

When she stormed back out of the bathroom, threw an unknown amount of money on the table and whispered a hurried "I have to go, I'm sorry" to a perplexed Boa, and hurried out into the darkness to find her way back to the bus stop, the only thought present in her mind, and the most important lesson she thought she'd learned during the night, was that nothing was ever what it seemed.

She wasn't sure if the boys had seen her when she ran through the door, but it didn't matter. As long as they hadn't seen her together with Boa, it was fine. She might as well have been there alone. All that mattered was that no one knew.

"You're home early," her mother asked in surprise from the TV sofa as Taeyeon stumbled into the apartment. "Why are you all dressed up?"

"We were just trying on dresses," Taeyeon said dismissively, hoping her mother wouldn't press the issue. "I'm going to bed."

"Now? It's nine thirty."

"Yeah, well, I'm tired. Sooyoung was really upset tonight, I think it rubbed off on me, so... I'll see you in the morning."

"Alright. Well, sleep well, then."

She didn't know exactly why the tears poured as she threw herself on the bed, her face pressed into her pillow. Guilt and shame for running out on Boa and then lying to her mother? Fear of the possibility that Taemin and Minho actually did see her at the restaurant and half the school already knowing? Wishing so badly that she could talk to somebody, Sooyoung, Sunny, Stephanie, but feeling too pathetic and scared to even call Line 49?

She didn't care. She let herself cry without thoughts, just feeling the sting of the disappointment and feeling like she had taken one step forward and fifty steps back. She was scared, a coward, she had always been, and meeting all the people in the world wouldn't change that. It had been a stupid idea, and Taeyeon had been even more stupid for thinking it had actually worked for a short moment.

Sleep came mercifully quick where she was lying, with pouring tears and the uncomfortably tight dress.