A/N: Updating early because I love every single one of you that comment. So much. I love reading your thoughts on what's going to happen/how much you hate Sunny & Jessica, haha. So yeah, this is me trying to show my appreciation... and I hope you enjoy.

Sunny arrived a few minutes too late to school the next day. She hurried up to Tiffany, who was quietly searching for something in her locker with a very stern expression on her face.

"Hey," Sunny said, leaning against the closed lockers beside Tiffany's. "Sorry I'm late. Did you do the physics assignment? I thought it was really hard, so I—"

Tiffany turned towards her. The look in her eyes was enough to make Sunny fall silent immediately. "When I first met you," she began, calmly but coldly, "I thought you seemed nice. Sweet." She gave her a glare. "I thought you'd be a nice addition to our family. That you'd never do anything to hurt us. But now I know better." She turned back to her locker and pulled out her notebook. "Now I know that you're a selfish, disloyal liar, who wouldn't hesitate to tear my family apart."

She made to close her locker, but Sunny held out her hand, blocking the door. Her stomach felt like it was filled with ice. "Who told you?" she breathed, knowing that the best idea would probably be to pretend like she didn't know what Tiffany was talking about, to stick by her supposed innocence, but the words wouldn't come out.

Tiffany stared her down again, ignoring her question. "I can pretend like you and I don't have a problem, for Yuri and Jessica," she bit out. "But don't fool yourself that things are alright between us, because they're not. They never will be. And you," she said, pushing Sunny's arm away from her locker door, "need to figure out where you stand. Understand?"

Sunny stood there, looking up into Tiffany's furious eyes, and felt her entire existence shrinking in front of her. "Please," she begged, "don't tell anyone."

Tiffany clenched her jaw. "I will do whatever it takes for my friends to be happy," she said simply, and then she slammed her locker shut, turned around and started walking down the corridor. And Sunny stood there, at a loss for what to do, terrified out of her mind of what might happen, so confused about how things could have turned out this way—

And then it registered in her mind. The picture on the inside of Tiffany's locker door. A name in dark letters above two dates, two dates in between which the entire life of a person who left the world too soon was caught and cut short. A name that read "Stephanie Hwang".

It rained that day after school. It rained like Taeyeon couldn't remember seeing in a very long time, and she decided it then, to grab the bull by the horns without dragging it out the way she always had. To be strong for once, maybe just to test her legs and see if they'd hold to stand up for herself.

She grabbed Tiffany's arm as they walked towards the exit. The younger girl, who had seemed gloomy all day, looked at her through surprised, round eyes. "I want to go," Taeyeon said. Tiffany didn't react. "I want to go home and get my stuff."

Tiffany hooked their arms together. "Whenever you're ready, sweetie. You know I'm here for you."

"Now," Taeyeon said. felt dry. "I want to go now."

They stopped right by the door, hesitating before going out into the rain they both knew would drench them in two seconds. Tiffany stared at her, searching, looking both amazed and worried, and Taeyeon prayed she wouldn't ask if she was sure. If Tiffany doubted her, Taeyeon would too, and there was no doubt about it.

But instead, Tiffany took a hold of her hand, pushed the door open, and said: "Let's go."

And they sprinted through the rain to Tiffany's car.

"You'll have to give me directions," Tiffany said as she started the engine of her car. Her hair was dripping wet, her bangs lay flat against her forehead, and she was probably the most beautiful Taeyeon had ever seen her.

"Start by going to Sooyoung's place," Taeyeon panted from the seat beside her. "Then we'll take it from there." The windows of Tiffany's car were already starting to fog up, and truth to be told, Taeyeon felt high. And on what, she wasn't quite sure. Adrenaline, maybe? Was it possible to be high on fear?

They drove in silence for a while, slowly, since the rain was hammering madly on the windshield. Taeyeon stared out the window and could barely make out people running for shelter on the sides of the streets, and some cars stopping to wait for more peaceful weather.

"It's supposed to blow past quickly," Tiffany said, a little absent-mindedly. "It's going to be even worse when it moves on south."

Taeyeon started shivering. "It's amazing."

Tiffany threw her a quick look. "Why now, Taeyeon?"

"What?"

The younger gave a smile that was empty of happiness. "Why do you so suddenly want to go and see her?"

"I don't want to see her," Taeyeon clarified. "But I want my life back. I guess, since I'm 18, she doesn't legally have to take care of me, but she doesn't have the right to take everything I own."

Tiffany fell silent again. The wetness on her face had started to dry up, and Taeyeon got lost in the way her pale skin gleamed. About five minutes later, the sound of the engine died on the parking lot outside Taeyeon's old home.

Every step felt like death to Taeyeon's mind. She didn't know why she was scared. Her mother had already thrown her out, had already cut her out of her life, so what else did she have left to lose? Honestly? She assumed it was natural and more or less healthy to be scared of getting hurt, but the damage was done. So why did she feel like she was about to drop dead?

"Do you want me to wait outside?" Tiffany asked when they stepped out of the elevator on the right floor. "So you can talk to her alone?"

"Please, God, no," Taeyeon pleaded. Tiffany gave half a laugh. "I'm gonna need you to save me in case she decides a homicide attempt is the way to go."

Tiffany's hand found her back. "She wouldn't, right?" she said, and for a moment Taeyeon thought she was joking. But then she turned her head and saw how her eyes were wide with worry, and she swallowed the sarcastic response she had planned. "I don't know," she said instead, and it was true. She shrugged, and Tiffany didn't seem any calmer by her reply. "I'm pretty sure I could take her if it came to it, though," she continued, smiling up at the other girl to try to calm her nerves.

When there was no reply, Taeyeon turned towards the door in front of her. The urge to run away, to give up and forget about this idiotic plan, was overwhelming. Maybe she could send Sooyoung instead, or maybe Tiffany could go alone, and that'd be – such an awful thing to ask of anybody else.

No. This was her mess, and she was the one who needed to fix it. Plus, she knew now that she wasn't the one who was wrong. It was her mother. And that thought gave her some strength.

She lifted her hand to ring the doorbell, but hesitated. "I'm right behind you," Tiffany said, and her hand was warm on Taeyeon's back.

"Maybe I shouldn't ring the bell, though," Taeyeon mumbled. "She wouldn't let me in. Maybe I should just make a run for it."

Tiffany her back. "It's up to you," she said carefully.

Without giving herself any more time to think, she pulled the door open quickly and stumbled into the hallway, feeling Tiffany follow closely behind her though she gave off a small yelp in surprise and the warmth of her hand disappeared.

She looked around. Her mother was nowhere in sight. Without wasting time, she started skipping off towards her bedroom – if it still was her bedroom after the past few weeks; who knew what her mother might have done with her things?

"Hello?" came a voice from the kitchen. The voice made Taeyeon almost trip over herself and fall; she had forgotten exactly how it had felt to hear that familiar voice tell her to get out, to get out and never come back. "Hello? Who is it?" And then her mother appeared in the doorway to the kitchen, and she looked from Taeyeon to Tiffany, shifted her gaze between them like she couldn't believe what she was seeing. "No," she said then. "I told you –"

"Relax," Taeyeon said, holding up her hands. Her voice shook, and she hated it. "I'm just here for my things. This is the last time you'll see me, I swear."

Her mother wasn't looking at her, but keeping her gaze fixed at Tiffany. Taeyeon suddenly found it very hard to breathe. "Who is that?" her mother mumbled, almost growled, and Taeyeon looked at Tiffany, seeing her narrowed eyes and careful posture. Taeyeon wondered if it was possible to truly hate your own mother.

"I'm the person who's been giving your daughter a place to stay where you failed to do your duties as a mother," Tiffany spat then, and Taeyeon stared at her in surprise.

"Excuse me?" her mother said.

Taeyeon started walking towards her bedroom again, ignoring her mother's furious eyes watching her. "Come on, Tiffany," she said, motioning for the younger girl to follow. "We don't need to say anything."

"You go ahead," Tiffany said, not taking her eyes off Taeyeon's mother. "I have some things I want to say."

Taeyeon remained for another second, wondering if it was the best idea to let Tiffany continue to spew out her anger, but she knew there was no way to make the situation worse, so she walked into her bedroom, and right before she closed the door, she heard Tiffany say: "Answer me this, how can a mother cut ties with her own daughter?"

Her room looked exactly the way she had left it. Bed unmade. Otherwise neat and organized, only now the things on her shelves had a layer of dust on them. She walked over to her closet, found a few bags stashed at the bottom, and started packing as much clothes as she could fit. Then she walked throughout the room, picking out certain things that meant a lot to her or things she would need; letters, CDs, drawings from her childhood, her cellphone charger, and all the while she felt the tears press behind her eyes.

She chastised herself. She had hated this life, and she wouldn't miss it. This was good. A clean break from all the anxiety that she had inherited from her mother, an escape from all the fear she had never been good at dealing with.

She stood by the door for a few seconds before leaving. She'd grown up in this room. For as long as she could remember, this had been her haven, and she loved it for it, but it hadn't been enough. Knowing that it wouldn't get any easier than this, she opened the door again, and found Tiffany and her mother screaming at each other.

"She is smart, she is funny, she is loyal, and no matter what, she will always be your daughter," Tiffany yelled. "And a few years down the line, when you've gotten over yourself, you'll look back and you'll miss her! You'll wish you wouldn't have abandoned her when she needed you!"

"I didn't choose this!" her mother yelled back. Then she turned to Taeyeon. "This was your choice, Taeyeon, not mine!"

Taeyeon shook her head, because she knew what her mother meant. She thought ual orientation was a choice, and no matter what Taeyeon said, she would never be able to change her opinion. And she especially didn't want to try while Tiffany was standing right beside her. "It wasn't my choice, mom," she said, and the word felt misplaced in .

"No matter what happened between the two of you, aren't you supposed to be the adult here?" Tiffany asked Taeyeon's mother. "How can you put the blame on your own child?"

"Who are you, really?" Mrs. Kim said, taking a threatening step closer. Taeyeon backed towards the door, but Tiffany remained where she was standing. "Who are you to say these things? Are you... the girl? Are you the one who planted this whole lunacy in her head?"

Tiffany just shook her head in confusion. "I'm her real family," she said. Taeyeon felt warm from too many emotions at once. "I'm the one who understands how much she's truly worth."

"Get out," her mother said, and the déjà-vu was enough to make Taeyeon feel nauseous. "Get out, the both of you. I never want to see you again."

"You got it," Taeyeon mumbled, opening the door to the stairway, but Tiffany seemed to want to stay. She pulled on the younger girls sleeve a few times. "Come on, Tiffany. We're done."

A few more seconds passed in which Tiffany and Mrs. Kim stood staring each other down, and then Tiffany turned around, following Taeyeon out the door. "You'll regret this. Trust me," Tiffany said before the door fell closed.

It had stopped raining. Taeyeon's clothes felt dirty and cold as the water was starting to dry up in them. The rest of her body felt empty, sore, like all the fireworks she had had inside her had all gone off at the same time, and now the show was over. Nothing left to see but some burned out pieces of plastic. She leaned her head against the window as Tiffany drove them both home.

Because it felt official now, Taeyeon thought; Tiffany's home was her home. She had no connection to this place anymore, now that blood and family bonds had been rendered meaningless.

Tiffany slowed down, turned to the side of the road and stopped the engine completely. The two of them sat there then in the silence, Taeyeon staring at Tiffany, unable to summon the energy to feel curious about what the other girl was doing.

Tiffany turned towards her. "Taeyeon, did your mother kick you out because you're gay?"

Taeyeon looked away instantly. The panic she was supposed to be feeling was left somewhere far beneath everything else she felt, that it just couldn't seem to fight its way up to the surface. She waited. Tried to remember that loss doesn't render life unlivable. Pain doesn't equal death. And then she nodded. "Mm."

Pain does not equal death. Pain does not equal death. Pain does not equal death. The thought went spinning around her brain as she continued to tell herself that no matter what happened, she'd get by. No matter what. But then how come it felt like her heart would stop beating if Tiffany abandoned her now?

Tiffany moved to the edge of her seat, wrapped both her arms around Taeyeon's waist, pulled her in close and said in a tearful voice: "I'm so proud of you, Taeng."

And they remained like that for almost ten minutes, while they both cried (Tiffany even more so than Taeyeon), wetting each other's hair again.

Recipient: Sica
Sender: Tiffany
Do you have time to go for a walk?

Recipient: Fany
Sender: Jessica
uh... sure, but I'm not really fond of walks

Recipient: Sica
Sender: Tiffany
I think it's time we talked

Recipient: Fany
Sender: Jessica
about what?

Recipient: Sica
Sender: Fany
I'll be at your place in ten. Let's talk

When Tiffany opened the door and stepped out of her car she was greeted by a very nervous-looking Jessica, standing outside the door to her apartment. By the look on her face, she could already tell Jessica knew exactly what was coming, and the realization enraged her further. "Hi," she said, trying to keep the resentment out of her tone.

"What's up?" Jessica asked, not wasting any time. Tiffany took a deep breath.

"Let's go for a walk."

The day's rain had passed, and it left behind a cold that made Tiffany want to go back home and curl up under several blankets while the sun set. But in truth, it didn't bother her too much, because all she could feel while walking along the road next to Jessica without a real destination, was anger. Disappointment. Emptiness. And that was far more distracting than she wished it'd be. This is your best friend, she reminded herself as they walked. This is your best friend who took care of you when you needed her. It didn't help. Jessica's betrayal of Yuri felt personal, as if she'd caught her own parents cheating on each other, and helplessness burned in her stomach.

"So..." she said, fighting to keep her voice in check. "The reason you were breaking up with Yuri was Sunny, huh?"

Jessica gave her a sharp, shocked glare. Seemingly considering what to reply, she bit her lip. Something in Tiffany's stomach seemed to turn to stone. As if that thoughtful look finally confirmed what she already knew.

"How did you find out?" Jessica asked, surprisingly calmly. "Did she tell you?"

Tiffany shook her head. "So it's true?"

Another few seconds passed as they walked together in silence, and this time Tiffany couldn't make herself look at her friend. "Yeah, it's true."

Jessica's tone was dull, careless, void of emotion, and Tiffany wanted to stop her, shake her, ask her what the hell she was thinking, and fear of the answer made her skin feel cold. "How could you?" she asked simply. A cold autumn wind sailed between them. Goosebumps rose on her neck. "How could you, after everything?" They stopped on the road, and Tiffany wasn't sure if she was the one who stopped first.

Jessica shrugged, eyes glued to the ground. "I don't know."

"That's not good enough," Tiffany pleaded for an answer. "She doesn't know, does she?" Jessica shook her head. "She loves you. She trusts you more than anyone."

"I've ended it," Jessica mumbled. "With Sunny. I'm not seeing her anymore."

"Don't lie to me," Tiffany spat. "You haven't said a word to her."

Jessica finally looked up to meet her eyes. "What do you know?" she asked, and Tiffany could tell she was fighting to hold her anger back. "You have no idea what happened between us."

"I don't need to," Tiffany replied. "All I need to know is that you cheated on the one person who protected you for four years. No matter how it happened, that's wrong. You must know that." Jessica looked away again, defensive, sickened, guilty. "Jesus, what were you thinking, Jessica?" Tiffany said in exasperation. "How could you do that to Yuri?"

"It wasn't... It wasn't about Yuri," Jessica said. "It was about Sunny."

"Not about Yuri?" Tiffany repeated. "You've made a commitment to be Yuri's girlfriend. No matter what, it should be about Yuri. Whenever you as much as think about kissing someone, loving someone, it should always be about Yuri."

"I fell in love with her, okay?" Jessica snapped. Tiffany stared at her in surprise. "It's not like I risked everything with Yuri just for some fun."

"It doesn't change anything," Tiffany said. "It won't make Yuri hurt any less."

Jessica's eyes widened. "You're not going to tell her, are you?"

"I should," she said without hesitation. "She doesn't deserve this. Do you know how much she was hurting when she thought you were leaving her? I've never seen her like that before." The words were hurtful, and Tiffany knew hat. But they were necessary.

"Like I said," Jessica began with forced composure, "I'm not seeing Sunny anymore. I understand that I did wrong and I feel horrible, like you can't even imagine. I've learned my lesson, okay?" Tears gleamed in her eyes, and Tiffany felt her own sting. "I will never do this to her again. And I will make it up to her. If you tell her what I did..." clogged up, and the first tear fell. Jessica wiped it away at once, her hand cold and numb in the autumn air.

But Tiffany still wasn't convinced. "Do you love her?"

Jessica looked at her through questioning, red eyes. "Who?"

Tiffany rolled her eyes. "The fact that you even have to ask that question..." she mumbled. "Yuri. Do you really love her?"

"Of course," Jessica said, more tears welling up.

Tiffany could do nothing but stare. "I don't understand how you can do that to someone you claim to love..."

"I told you," Jessica cried, "I fell in love with Sunny. I don't want to hurt either of them."

Turning away, Tiffany willed the tears out of her eyes. There was a little voice in the back of her head telling her that maybe, maybe if she kept an open mind, Jessica's actions were understandable. Love can't be controlled. But she closed her ears on the voice, wishing it would check up on its morals and go the hell away. She didn't want Jessica's actions to seem fair.

She turned back to Jessica just as a car sped past them, and she stared into her friend's eyes as it disappeared in the distance. "Do you want to know what I think?"

Jessica nodded. "Yes."

"You lied to me," Tiffany replied, voice unstable. "I asked you directly what was going on, I gave you the opportunity to tell me the truth, but you didn't."

Jessica shook her head. "What was I supposed to say?"

"The truth?"

"That I'm a horrible person?" Jessica said, voice getting louder and louder as anger slipped through. Tiffany knew better than to take it personally. "That I cheated on my girlfriend?"

Tiffany shrugged. "You did!"

Jessica glared at her then, jaws clenching and hands finding her pockets. "Look, maybe I thought it was none of your goddamn business!"

But Tiffany shook her head. "Don't try to protect yourself," she said. "I know you. And you know you did wrong."

"For Christ’s sake..." Jessica hissed, turning away, head leaned back, face against the sky. Tiffany watched as her back tensed, almost to the breaking point, and then as the wall of anger, denial and repressed guilt she had built up for herself crumbled and fell off her shoulders. She waited. It was always like this with Jessica. Anger, intense and sometimes terrifying, but always short-lived. And soon enough, Jessica turned back around to face her again, tears wetting her cheeks. "I'm sorry, Fany. Okay? I don't know what I'm doing anymore."

Tiffany shook her head again. She only felt increasingly empty. "I'm not going to tell her," she said slowly. "But for her sake, not for yours. Understand?" Jessica nodded quickly. "And I'm not going to protect you. If she were to find out, I'm not going to lie for your sake. Then I'll tell her the truth."

"Fair enough," Jessica said, wiping more tears.

"And you... You need to break things off with Sunny. For real. Talk to her, tell her clearly that you've chosen Yuri, or this will never end. Alright?"

Jessica hesitated. "I—"

"If you can't," Tiffany interrupted, "if you need something that Yuri can't give you that Sunny can... Then maybe you should do the opposite." She stumbled over the words, stuttered, felt a previously unknown pain creep up towards her heart. "B-because that's what's best for all three of you."

"I chose Yuri," Jessica breathed.

"Then stick to that choice," Tiffany said. "All the way."

Jessica nodded. The cold was starting to seep through Tiffany's clothes, but she felt relieved that Jessica seemed to have come to her senses. She placed her hands on Jessica's warm shoulders. "I love you," she said, "and this won't change that. I just never thought you'd do something like this."

Jessica nodded again, releasing the breath she'd been holding. "Me neither," she said.

It was a little ironic, Tiffany thought. She spent her days giving people advice on love, but when confronted with it in her own life she was helpless, torn between options and ways of thinking, and all she could do was let it pull her along.

Taeyeon felt both numb and refreshed as she pushed Sooyoung's bedroom door open slowly, knocking softly on the door. Tiffany had dropped her off at Sooyoung's apartment before continuing over to Jessica's place, as Taeyeon hadn't wanted to be alone that afternoon. The tears had dried. They’d sat in Tiffany's car for almost forty minutes before they'd driven off again, and now all she felt was tired.  

And Sooyoung's bedroom was dark, because the blinds had been shut over the only window of the room, and all the lights were turned off. "Sooyoung?" she said carefully, squinting at a dark lump on the bed that looked like it could possibly be her best friend.

"Oh, Taeyeon," came the muffled, almost groggy reply from Sooyoung's bed.

"Were you sleeping?" Taeyeon asked, reaching for the light switch.

"Don't turn the light on," Sooyoung said quickly, "or I'll have an aneurysm. And no, I wasn't sleeping."

Her speech sounded slurred, almost a little drunk, and Taeyeon gave a small laugh. "So what are you doing?"

Sooyoung shuffled around a little bit on the bed. "Nothing important. Just... entertaining unpleasant thoughts." Taeyeon looked around a little in the room, and through the dark she could tell it was very messy. "Don't you dare clean up," Sooyoung said. And just as Taeyeon's gaze landed on the piano, she continued: "and don't touch the flowers, or I'll have to bite you."

Indeed, the white flowers Sooyoung had picked to give to Hyoyeon were still there, but they weren't exactly white anymore. Taeyeon gave a dull laugh. "Where?"

"On your hand," Sooyoung said.

Taeyeon raised her eyebrows. "Sounds ."

Sooyoung fell silent for a while, seemingly turning over on her side on the bed. "You're in a good mood for someone who's just lost half their life."

Taeyeon walked over to the bed, considering Sooyoung's words. "I'm not so sure I did," she replied. "I'm sorry I haven't been coming around that much lately."

Sooyoung shook her head, and Taeyeon could see dark circles under her eyes, her skin gleaming with dried tears. "Please. I get that your life has been messed up."

Smiling a little, Taeyeon moved Sooyoung's hair out of her face. "My mess doesn't compare to yours, though."

"Are you kidding?" Sooyoung said, swatting Taeyeon's hand away. "Your mess is the biggest mess that can ever happen to a life."

"It's not," Taeyeon replied calmly. "It could be, if I wanted it to, but it's not."

Sooyoung stared up at her. "What are you even talking about? You lost your home."

"I lost a lot of things," Taeyeon nodded. "Which leaves room for things I'd rather have."

Sooyoung raised her eyebrow, but the rest of her face didn't seem committed enough to tag along. "Where did this sudden clarity come from? Not to be an , but it isn't like you."

Taeyeon shrugged. "I don't know. I'm kind of suspecting it might be a defense mechanism, and that I'll wake up all worried again one morning." Sooyoung's features evened out again, and Taeyeon stood looking at her, feeling the pain almost palpable in the room. Suddenly she felt an enormous sense of guilt, one she suspected had been there all along, only buried beneath more pressing issues. How much pain had these walls had to see? How many nights had Sooyoung lain here now, wondering where Hyoyeon was, wondering if she was? "Sooyoung, why are you lying here as though you're dying?"

Sooyoung's eyes closed instantly, and through the dark, Taeyeon saw tears drip through their edges. And when she spoke again, it was clear to Taeyeon just how tired she must be. "I think..." she breathed. "Taeyeon, I think Hyoyeon is dead."

For a few seconds, Taeyeon felt like she couldn't speak. "But," she tried, "it hasn't been that long since we talked to Siwon."

"I know," Sooyoung said, shaking her head, still not opening her eyes. "It's not a thought, it's a feeling. I think she's dead."

Not knowing what to say, Taeyeon climbed over Sooyoung and lay down beside her, crawling in under the duvet. It was full of Sooyoung's warmth, the drowsy kind. The flicker of panic that had welled up at Sooyoung's words died down instantly. "So you're mourning her?" she asked.

A few silent seconds passed. "More like remembering her," the younger said hoarsely. "If it's true that she's dead, odds are I will never find out." Silent sobs were shaking her body now; her voice came out choked and strained. "Odds are I'll never know, and... I don't know how to live like that. So it's safer to just try to remember instead of mourning." Taeyeon's cold hand find Sooyoung's warmer one under the cover. "I don't want it to be true."

"Maybe it's not," Taeyeon said. "Don't give up hope."

"Disappointments only hurt if you had hope to begin with," Sooyoung choked out in reply, but Taeyeon decided to skip right past the thought. Maybe it was true.

"What do you remember?" she asked instead.

She listened to Sooyoung struggle for breath, and squeezed the hand she held in hers. "I remember..." Sooyoung hesitated, wiping tears away with the sleeve of her shirt. "I remember when I first saw her. The first time we spoke. I came on too strong, and she was so shy she could barely get the words out. She looked as though she was terrified of me."

Taeyeon laughed softly. "I can't blame her. You're pretty terrifying."

Had it been a normal day, Taeyeon knew she'd have gotten a kick in the shin, but instead she was greeted with a numb laugh. "I remember feeling this... insane need to always be close to her as we got to know each other, no matter where we were or who we were with," Sooyoung continued. The sobs had stopped, but tears still poured, and every now and again hiccups held her words back. "I felt so obsessed, and I thought obsession was all it was... Now I'm pretty sure love is just long-term obsession."

"I don't think it's like that," Taeyeon said, staring at the dark ceiling. "Maybe what other people define as obsession, you define as love."

Sooyoung laughed again. "Does that sound healthy to you?"

"No one knows but you."

It seemed like sleep was starting to seep into Taeyeon's brain. Her old life, the one where she'd lie on her own bed much like Sooyoung was doing now, suddenly seemed light-years away. "I remember holding her as we fell asleep at Tiffany's move night," Sooyoung mumbled. "And I remember feeling so happy, because she had finally started to trust me. Just a little bit. And that, as we all know, means everything is going to be okay in the end."

Sooyoung's grip on her hand tightened, and Taeyeon didn't have to ask to know about the pain the younger was going through. So she squeezed her hand back without saying anything, waiting for the waves of loss and guilt to work through her, cut her up, and ebb out. Because it always did. No matter how intense the pain, it was never permanent.

"And," Sooyoung tried, sniffling. "I remember the last time I saw her." The fact that there could at all be a 'last time' made it feel like Taeyeon's heart was about to stop. She thought of her mother. "She was so beautiful," Sooyoung continued, "and it was such a beautiful day. I was so happy. I thought it would be the turning point, but... it was the end."

"It wasn't the end," Taeyeon tried, knowing it was useless. "All stories need their waiting." When Sooyoung didn't reply, she turned over on her side, watching the tears that streamed down and wet her hair, even though she kept her eyes closed. She reached out, wiped them away, only to see new ones take their place. "Do you love her?"

"If I go by my own definition of love," Sooyoung breathed, "then yes."

"Then you love her."

Sooyoung nodded, though it looked like it pained her. "I think... If I could have talked to her once, just one more time, I could have convinced her to come home."

Taeyeon tilted her head. "Could you?"

"Yes, because I wouldn't have given up."

Smiling, Taeyeon gave up on trying to wipe Sooyoung's tears. "I don't doubt it."

They fell silent after that, Sooyoung with her eyes closed, breath slowly evening out and tears gradually slowing and drying on their own accord. Taeyeon hated that the hope and faith that Sooyoung had previously clung to so tightly seemed to be draining out of her, and at the same time, she realized that Sooyoung's words may very well be true. Hyoyeon might be dead, horrible as the thought may be, and maybe, when everything was said and done, it was better to be prepared. Maybe if the pain wasn't such a shock, it wouldn't hurt so much, either.

But what would happen if Hyoyeon really was dead, and there was no way for them to find out? If they were just going to spend the rest of their lives wondering what had happened? What then?

"I visited my mother today."

Sooyoung's eyes snapped open. "You did what?"

"I went to my mother's apartment to get my clothes and some of my things," Taeyeon explained. "I thought it was time. Before she'd have a chance to burn them, or something."

"What did she say?" Sooyoung asked, eyes wide and red.

"She accused Tiffany of being the one who corrupted me, mostly," Taeyeon said with a slight laugh.

"Tiffany was there with you?"

"Yes. Which in the end lead to me coming out to her."

Sooyoung sat up. "Wait, what? You came out to Tiffany?"

"Yeah," Taeyeon replied. "Lie down again, it got cold when you disappeared."

Sooyoung hesitated, staring at her as though she was crazy (which had happened so many times during their friendship that Taeyeon didn't even think about it anymore), before slowly lying down again. "So... your mother hasn't changed her mind?"

"Not in the slightest," Taeyeon said. "She says this was all my choice."

"And... you were forced to come out to someone because of what your mother said?"

Taeyeon nodded. "Yeah."

Sooyoung's brow furrowed. "Okay, what happened to you? You're supposed to be crying, wondering what to do, thinking your life is over and that whole thing. I know you. You're like an anxiety collector."

Taeyeon shook her head. "Thanks, Soo, that's very flattering."

"You know what I mean."

"I do, and that's the whole point," Taeyeon said, not sure how to explain herself when she wasn't all that sure of what she was feeling. "I honestly think I worried so much that I couldn't take it. I just couldn't do it anymore, it became too much. And now... I'm just done. If I keep on constantly worrying about losing, myself and everything and everyone around me, then what I'm really scared of is losing life. Of dying. And if I'm constantly trying to prevent death, I can't live life."

"Hm," Sooyoung said, turning over on her side, too, to face Taeyeon. "Who are you and what have you done to my best friend? The Taeyeon I knew was never a poet; she could barely even spell her own name, much less say it without stuttering."

Taeyeon delivered a kick to Sooyoung's shin. "Good to know that even though I change, you're still an incurable ."

Groaning, Sooyoung reached for her shin. "And here I was hoping your violent tendencies would have changed as well."

"When it comes to you, Soo, nothing changes," Taeyeon replied with a tilted smile.

"Oh, cheesiness."

"." They glared at each other, a loving and unchangeably annoyed glare, and Taeyeon felt words bubbling up to her lips that she neither could, nor wanted to hold back. "I feel like I should tell you something," she said. "I know the timing is awful, but I think it'd be better if I told you right now instead of letting you find out somewhere else and wonder why I didn't trust you."

Sooyoung scratched at her neck with a confused expression on her face. "Okay, so tell me." Taeyeon hesitated for a few seconds, and Sooyoung's face grew more worried. "Is it bad?"

Taeyeon's first instinct was to say yes, but a second thought compelled her to say no, and the thoughts collided in her head, tying her tongue into a not and poking at her brain. "I don't really know," she said. "I... I think I like Tiffany." The words felt like a betrayal, so she quickly added: "Actually, I know I like Tiffany."

Without missing a beat, Sooyoung said: "Well, congratulations on finally catching up. The rest of us have known for weeks."

Taeyeon's eyes widened. "What? Everyone knows?"

Sooyoung considered it. "Well, Yoona and Seohyun most definitely know, Sunny, Jessica and Yuri might be a little too trapped in their own worlds right now, and Tiffany... well, she most probably knows."

Paling, Taeyeon sat up. "What makes you say that?"

"The same reason the rest of us know," Sooyoung said calmly. "You pine over her."

"Jesus Christ..." Taeyeon said, falling back down on the bed with a thud.

Sooyoung wanted to say that Tiffany was pining just as much back, and that Taeyeon was an idiot to miss it, but she chose to spare her health and keep quiet.