A/N: One thing real quick: Sunny's real name in this universe is actually Sunny, and Tiffany's real name is Tiffany. That's all for now, enjoy~

Taeyeon knew that the day was out to mess her up. A lot more than she already was, even. She had thought that somewhere along the lines of meeting the new girls, who weren’t at all as scary as she had thought, the day was starting to pick up, but no. It was just a big, bad joke, played on her by the universe and god and the powers that be, because now, the day was turning out to be even worse than the morning’s fear.

Though she tried not to think about it too much, Taeyeon had become very good at pretending she wasn’t gay. And well, considering the amount of time she spent on trying to convince herself she wasn’t, she really had to be good at it.

So today, she had been introduced to the first lesbian couple she had ever known or even seen in real life. Her heart jumped and broke simultaneously the second she first laid eyes on them. She knew girls were usually affectionate with their friends, but with Jessica and Yuri, there was no doubt about what kind of relationship the two shared. They didn’t need to say it. Nothing needed to be explained. They loved each other, and anyone could see it.

That meeting in itself was enough to make her head spin, but that wasn’t enough, no. Seeing a pretty girl used to scare her a lot when she first became aware of her emotions, but with time she had learned to push those feelings down as far as possible. All she needed to do was close her eyes, focus, and possibly escape from the prettiness in question. Really, it wasn’t hard.

But Tiffany was different. With her, it wasn’t as if Taeyeon needed to take a closer look and think to herself, “oh, she’s pretty”. No, her beauty was painfully obvious, twinkling, shining, eye blinding, and no matter what she did, Taeyeon found herself physically incapable of looking away.

She was vaguely aware someone was talking when she sat in the assembly hall with Sooyoung beside her, staring at Tiffany, who was sitting in the row in front of her. She observed how Tiffany’s long, black hair flowed over the back of the chair she was sitting on, wavy and thick, locks tangling and untangling themselves more beautifully every time Taeyeon blinked. She couldn’t help but stare as Tiffany turned her head towards Seohyun beside her and smiled warmly before laughing, her eyes narrowing happily in the shape of little half-moons. The two girls seemed to have taken an instant liking towards each other, and Taeyeon was glad. Mostly. It meant she could question the youngest about Tiffany’s favorite food, flowers, color, music, movies, favorite everything, and Seohyun, being the sweet person she was, would probably be too innocent to suspect a thing. It was perfect.

Though, Taeyeon couldn’t deny the aching feeling of jealousy in the pit of her stomach.

She suddenly became aware that Sooyoung was staring at her from her right, so she tried to straighten her expression as much as she could before meeting her friend’s gaze.

“Are you alright?” Sooyoung whispered. “You look really dazed.”

Taeyeon struggled to look unaffected. “I’m fine. Just not growing any fonder of this whole ‘people everywhere’ thing.”

Sooyoung didn’t reply, but just threw an arm over Taeyeon’s shoulders. Taeyeon closed her eyes, soaking in her friend’s comfort and trying to take as much of it as she could. She was thankful for the break in her creepy obsessing – oh yes, she was aware of how creepy it was – but as soon as Sooyoung turned her attention back to the principal speaking on the stage, the intense need to trace Tiffany’s every feature with her eyes came back with an overwhelming strength.

She was still praying for the feeling to go away when she opened her eyes again.

Tiffany was totally immersed in a whispered conversation with Seohyun, swaying back and forth as she giggled at something the other girl said. She reached out and rested her hand on Seohyun’s shoulder, trying to stifle her laughter and showing off white teeth in the most wonderful smile Taeyeon had ever seen.

She looked around in the room a bit. Wasn’t anybody else noticing this? How could they possibly focus on some old man speaking of unimportant things when this was going on in the same room?

She turned her focus back on Tiffany and her heart did a triple backflip and finished with a Biellmann spin: the other girl was staring back at her. Her eyes were wide and her expression was blank, wondering, looking at Taeyeon like she was trying to figure something out. When she noticed Taeyeon looking back at her, she broke out into an awkward smile.

The entire room started applauding (wait a minute – am I dreaming? Taeyeon thought for a short second before remembering they were actually in public) and she did the same, while feeling her upper lip pull up and reveal her teeth in the most brutally uncomfortable smile she had ever felt on her face. Tiffany held their eye contact for a few seconds longer, before the entire room started getting up from their chairs and rushing to the exit. The principal had finished his speech. Taeyeon realized she had barely caught five words of it.

She deliberately stalled Sooyoung’s attempts to quickly leave the crowded room, and waited until Tiffany and Seohyun had gotten up from their chairs. Following closely behind the two, she dimly wondered how she would ever be able to focus on anything else in school again.

She really, really hoped Tiffany wasn’t a senior. Her grades would definitely be screwed.



“Well, that was a thrilling hour,” Jessica deadpanned as the eight girls gathered again outside the assembly hall. She sat down heavily on a bench and pulled Yuri down with her.

“Unbearably fascinating,” Sooyoung agreed, standing beside Jessica and motioning for the other girls to form a circle with them. They stood in silence for a while, watching the mass of people exiting the hall and hurrying down the corridor. Sooyoung’s head felt muddled and tired, and frankly, she was a little worried about Taeyeon, who seemed even more dazed than usual. She knew the shorter girl had problems with crowds and new people, but she never used to cling onto Sooyoung’s arm in the panicked manner she was doing right then – not that Sooyoung was complaining. She was happy if she could provide any kind of comfort for her friend, but she would be lying if she said it didn’t worry her a little.

“Well, great,” Taeyeon said suddenly, releasing her hold on Sooyoung and clapping her hands together with an awkwardly loud sound. “What now? What’s next?” Sooyoung frowned at the excitement in the girl’s voice.

“You didn’t listen to the principal?” she asked, eyeing the girl carefully. “Our first class is on Monday. It’s this whole ‘get a load of information, go home for the weekend and try to process it and come back on Monday’ thing.”

“Really?” Taeyeon said, eyes wide. The 7 other girls who had heard the principal say that very thing countless of times over the past hour stared at her in disbelief.

Sunny, who had been standing on Taeyeon’s other side, gave her a light slap on the back of her head. Taeyeon winced.

“Sorry,” she mumbled. “I must have been more spaced out than I realized.” Sooyoung missed how her gaze flickered towards Tiffany for a short second. “B-but so,” she stuttered, “we’re going home now?”

Sooyoung sighed. “Yes, Tae. And I think we’d better get going,” she said and grabbed Yoona’s arm, who had been standing between Sunny and Tiffany. “If anyone needs help to find the bus station, I will gladly be your guide.”

Taeyeon and Sunny, the two most socially awkward of the group, waited back again until everyone else had started walking.

“You’re being really weird,” Sunny told the older as they started making their way towards the entrance again. Taeyeon was about to defend herself when Tiffany, who was walking in front of them with Seohyun by her side, turned around to face them.

“Taeyeon, was it?” she asked with a warm smile. “It’s alright. I couldn’t be bothered to listen much either.” Her eyes formed little half-moons again.

Taeyeon drew a much too harsh breath, and protested by sending her into a violent coughing fit.

Sunny patted her back absently and watched as she struggled to regain her breath, her face growing increasingly redder and more pained.

Taeyeon finally managed to regain her composure and took a deep breath, looking up to blurt out the first reply she could think of that would make her look cool or funny or anything besides awkward and sick, but when she readjusted her gaze and blinked tears out of her eyes, she found that Tiffany had disappeared into the crowd ahead. She groaned and buried her face in her hands.

“Really, really weird,” Sunny repeated pointedly. Taeyeon sighed and as always, threw her arm over Sunny’s shoulders.

“Don’t I know it.”



The shove Sooyoung received when Tiffany practically flew by, chasing after somebody in the corridor, was almost enough to wake Sooyoung's muddled brain up. She stumbled, holding on tightly to Yoona's arm, and looked up to see who it was that made Tiffany chase them at the speed of light, and just in time she saw long, blond, hair, tousled over shoulders covered in a black jacket, before the person in question disappeared into the crowd.

Sooyoung was immediately sure that sometime during the day, she had fallen asleep, and was now dreaming. Unrealistically. She had thought she might not ever see who she thought was the owner of that long beautiful hair again, as she didn't know how to contact her. Damn, she was going to be disappointed when she woke up.

She told Yoona a quick "I'll be right back," before setting off and leaving her alone with Seohyun, awkward Sunny and awkward Taeyeon. Having lost sight of the blond girl, she focused on Tiffany's bouncing black locks and sprinted forwards, diving in between people shooting her confused or frightened looks as she stumbled by them.

Then, suddenly, a few meters ahead of her she saw Tiffany finally catch up to the escapee, grabbing her by the shoulders and forcing her to a stop among the stream of people moving towards the exit. Sooyoung stopped in her tracks, not really daring to approach the two, afraid that maybe it was her mind playing tricks on her. But why would it, why now, after all this time?

She held her breath as the blond girl turned around to face her pursuer. Would it really be who she thought?

Her heart beat uncontrollably in when the girl's face was revealed and an expression of surprise took it over.

"Tiffany?" Sooyoung could hear the girl say in awe.

"Hyoyeon!" Tiffany replied, holding out her arms to the other girl.

"Oh, god, of course," Hyoyeon groaned. She grabbed Tiffany's upper arm with one of her hands while covering her face with her other. "I had totally forgotten you go here!" She let her hand fall from her face.

Tiffany's back was turned against Sooyoung, and taller girl could barely make out the sound of her laughter. "I had no idea you were gonna go here too," she said happily. "I would have kept in touch if I knew!"

Hyoyeon smiled brightly. "It's so good to see you again," she said before embracing the other girl warmly, letting her hands meet behind Tiffany's back and squeezing tightly. Some by passers stared, and Sooyoung's head spun.

"It really is," Tiffany agreed. "How come you were in such a hurry before?" she asked, nodding back towards the corridor they came from. "Who were you running from?"

"Oh," Hyoyeon mumbled, looking down to the floor with an embarrassed expression. "I was looking for a teacher. I actually overslept, I missed all the information." Her eyes widened as she looked back into Tiffany's eyes. "I can't believe I missed everything, I am so going to die in here!"

"No, it's okay," Tiffany tried, "we have an insider to help us with everything." She looked over her shoulder, but past Sooyoung, and the latter assumed that was her cue to enter. She took a deep breath, old forgotten feelings swirling up to the surface, and finally approached the two.

"There she is," Tiffany said as she noticed Sooyoung coming towards them. "Hyoyeon, this is..."

"Sooyoung," Hyoyeon finished for her. Sooyoung's insides did an uncomfortable dance over the fact that the other girl remembered her name. She nodded and tried to smile.

"Oh," Tiffany said, her gaze wandering between Hyoyeon and Sooyoung. She raised her eyebrows. "You two know each other?" she asked.

Hyoyeon tore her eyes away from Sooyoung. "Yes, we also met through Leeteuk," she explained, and Sooyoung assumed that was how Tiffany and Hyoyeon knew each other as well.

Yes, Sooyoung had met Hyoyeon quite a few times in Leeteuk's and others' company, but never alone. Sooyoung had found out very quickly that once Hyoyeon was in the mood, there was no one as funny or charming as Hyoyeon. Leeteuk, who had always been a social butterfly and had more connections and friendships than Sooyoung could imagine, had eventually met the love of his life and let most other connections fall. At least that was what she had heard.

So, Sooyoung and Hyoyeon had lost contact before Sooyoung had had a chance to ask for the other girl's phone number, but she had never forgotten the fun the two had had together.

Or the way her heart would speed up sometimes when Hyoyeon was around.

Hyoyeon's gaze shifted back to Sooyoung again, and the taller of the two inhaled deeply as she met the stable look in her eyes.

"It's really nice to see you," Sooyoung managed to get out.

Hyoyeon nodded. "You too," she said with a small smile. Sooyoung wished she had the courage to hug her like Tiffany had, but something was holding her back.

"Sooyoung and her friends are helping us find our way around here," Tiffany said, and Sooyoung realized she had almost forgotten she was there. She quickly nodded, swallowing.

"Really?" Hyoyeon said.

"Yes. I'm sure she wouldn't mind taking you along as well," Tiffany continued a little hesitantly, looking questioningly at Sooyoung.

"No, I mean of course," Sooyoung answered instantly. "Unless you have somewhere else to be, it would be my pleasure." Attempting a smile, she tried to pull herself together.

"No, that would be great," Hyoyeon replied. She smiled at a beaming Tiffany who was radiating happiness, before looking back at Sooyoung again. The taller did her best not to look away and blush, and Hyoyeon held their eye contact for a few exhilarating seconds.

When she looked back at Tiffany and laughed, Sooyoung found herself needing to fight for a breath. She was relieved when Yuri and Jessica caught up to them with the rest of the group lagging behind, so she could disappear into the crowd and observe Hyoyeon from a distance for a while. Recharge. She didn't want to turn into a blabbering idiot in front of the other, and with the way things were going, that's exactly what was going to happen.

She still wasn't really sure she was awake.



The nine girls eventually decided to call it a day, with promises that they would all see each other on Monday. They all walked out of the school with the sense that something had changed, something big, something that was most likely wonderful, but neither of them could imagine the turn all their lives were about to take, and the roles they were going to play in each other's lives.

Looking back, that was probably a good thing.




 

Sunny clutched the receiver tightly in her hand as she sank down on the brown sheets of her bed. She wasn't sure what ached in her the most; the need to talk to somebody, or the need to be left alone.

She glanced at her cellphone which lay on the bed beside her. The display shone and she could see she had two unopened texts from Taeyeon. She ignored it.

No, she needed somebody else at that moment. Somebody who didn't know her the way that Taeyeon did, and could take her flaws into account. She wanted honesty.

She opened the drawer in her bedside table and pulled out an old, crumpled note. Trying half-heartedly to straighten it out, she laughed at her poor attempt to stall for some time. She had dialed the number so many times, she didn't need any reminders. The numbers were practically printed on the back of her eyelids.

Looking up at the ceiling with a heavy sigh, she let her hands press the buttons on her old-fashioned phone while she pretended and almost wished she was somebody else.

"Line 49 for homo- and biual youngsters, this is Yesung," a male voice replied after one short signal.

Sunny shifted awkwardly. "Hi, is Jinjeong available to talk?" she asked weakly.

"One moment."

She sighed in relief. There had been many times when Jinjeong, who was something like her contact at 49, hadn't been available - already in a call, not working and so on. Sunny couldn't bring herself to talk to anyone else there, not after she had gotten to know Jinjeong so well.

"Line 49, this is Jinjeong."

"Jinjeong, hi, it's... It's Sunkyu." Well, she didn't know her well enough to actually give out her real name.

"Sunkyu," Jinjeong said happily, the professional tone quickly melting away at the sound of Sunny's voice. "It's been a while since you called!"

"I know," Sunny nodded to herself and immediately felt stupid. "I guess with the last few weeks of holidays, I wanted to have a vacation from everything. Including serious thoughts."

"I see," Jinjeong said, and Sunny could practically hear the smile on her voice. She let out a breath and felt herself start to relax, the voice that had guided her so many times immediately having a calming effect on her. "So are you back in school now?" the other asked.

"Yeah, starting today actually."

"Aha," Jinjeong said knowingly. "And how does that feel?"

Sunny shrugged, and immediately straightened herself out while trying to make herself remember that Jinjeong couldn't actually see her. "It's alright, I guess," she said. "Well, I mean, it's good. Now I don't need to be home so much anymore." She gave a quick glance to her beloved yet hated, small but nice apartment. "And I met a whole bunch of new people." She dodged the question almost unknowingly.

Sunny showed that side of herself often enough for Jinjeong to have picked up on it by now. "Okay," she tried, "and how are you?"

Sunny smiled bitterly, staring down at her nails. "I'm fine," she said, using her hand to trace the cable connecting to receiver to the phone. It was old; her family had had it as long as she could remember. She hadn't been able to afford a new, wireless one when she moved out of her parents' house, and since then she hadn't gotten to buying a new one.

"Really," Jinjeong said in disbelief. "I think you've never called here when you were fine, Sunkyu."

Sunny pulled up her feet from the floor and let her legs curl up under her. "Well, I..." she began, wondering how to word her emotions. "There was this... Really, I'm fine, but I guess I called because..." She stopped again and took a deep breath. "There was this couple, today, in school, that I met."

"Aha."

Frowning, Sunny wished Jinjeong would just jump to the conclusion and spare her having to tell her exactly what she felt. But, she guessed, it never really worked like that. "And... watching them... it made me sad, I guess."

"Because you want to have someone?" Jinjeong asked.

"Well, not really," Sunny denied, staring up at the ceiling again as she considered it. "I'm fine being alone."

"Being single doesn't equal alone, Sunkyu."

"I know that," she said quickly. "It's just that... When I'm actually alone, which, considering I live alone, is pretty often, I feel..." She held out her hand in front of her, trying to find the ending to her sentence. "I feel like there's something I'm missing."

"How do you mean?" Jinjeong asked, her voice turning softer the longer Sunny spoke.

"I mean that..." Sunny sighed. She wasn't sure whether she really wanted to talk about it all, but she couldn't stand keeping it inside and thinking about it so much anymore. "People talk about love like that's all that really matters in life. There's family, friendship, and above all things, love."

"I guess that's true," the other girl agreed, and Sunny felt slightly disappointed. She had half hoped the other girl would tell her she was wrong, even though she knew she wasn't.

"And... here I am, I'm 18 years old and I've never even had a crush on anybody," she continued, something thick that she didn't want to acknowledge pressing against the inside of . "What kind of person has never even had a crush at the age of 18?"

Silence fell as Jinjeong appeared to consider her words. Sunny covered her eyes with her free hand. She hated talking about her problems with other people; it always made her feel so guilty. Like she was forcing someone else to figure out her issues.

"Well," Jinjeong began after a few short seconds, "have you considered that maybe you aren't gay? Maybe you are aual?"

Sunny frowned as she listened. "No," she laughed slightly, "I definitely don't think that's the problem." She thought of seeing Yuri and Jessica together earlier that day, and the feelings that got stirred up inside her from just seeing the two hold hands made her blush slightly.

"Okay, well, no one can know but you," Jinjeong told her. "But, Sunkyu, I think you have this the wrong way around. You're only eighteen, you have your whole life ahead of you. More than enough time to find somebody to love."

Sunny stared out of the window above her dinner table on the other side of the room. "Yeah, but, see," she agreed reluctantly, "it's hard to think that way when you see... For example, there's this friend of mine," Sooyoung's face appeared clearly in her mind, "and she gets crushes on every living thing all the time. I'm pretty sure she's had a crush on me at some point."

Jinjeong gave a short laugh. "We're all different," she said.

"Yes, but I can't... I can't see what she sees in all those people. I can't understand how she can think about them every day, from the moment she wakes up to when she goes to bed, or how she can convince herself for a few short minutes that maybe she's in love with them," Sunny tried to explain. "I can't... It's almost like I have no feelings." She could hear Jinjeong take a deep breath.

"You know that's not true," she said, and there was genuine sympathy in her voice.

"Yeah, but," Sunny began, not really knowing how to continue. "Have you ever been in love?" She wondered for a second how old Jinjeong was. It was hard to tell from her somewhat high pitched voice.

A few moments passed before the other girl answered. "Yes," she said eventually, and Sunny knew she was unwilling to talk about herself. It wasn't what they were there for, she always said when Sunny tried to ask anything about her.

"Is it amazing?" Sunny asked carefully. "Is it what everyone says it is?"

Again, silence fell for a few seconds, and Sunny felt she was very close to crossing some kind of line.

"Yes, it is," Jinjeong said.

They fell silent again, this time because Sunny didn't know what to say. Something burned below her ribs, something that felt more like curiosity than anything else. Curiosity and anxiety.

"It's not so much that I need to have somebody," she said at last. "It's more like... I want to know what everyone's talking about. I want to fall in love, I want to have my first kiss— no, actually, I want to want to have my first kiss." She nodded at her own new discovery about herself. "I want to meet someone who I want to kiss and be kissed by. I want to understand what everyone is talking about." She felt slightly embarrassed about her own words when she waited for Jinjeong to reply.

"I assure you, Sunkyu," the girl at the other end of the line began, "that when you do find this person, whoever it may be, it will be worth it. It will be worth all of the wait, and all of these doubts." Sunny could only sigh. "I understand that it's hard to hang on to and believe in something that you've never seen and never experienced, but please, try to trust me. Love is not a concept that you decide whether to buy or not. Love is not a theory, and when it happens, it can't be denied. And you, Sunkyu, are smart, funny, and I don't know about your looks but you have a pretty voice," Jinjeong continued. Sunny laughed. "What's more is, you're emotionally intelligent, you seem to have a good understanding of your own emotions. So when the person you want appears in your life, you will have no difficulties ensnaring them. I guarantee you that."

Sunny unconsciously put her free hand over her heart. She felt warm with gratitude towards her unknown friend. No matter whether or not it was just something she said to make her feel better, it definitely worked. And that was all she was looking for that night. Relief.

"Thank you, Jinjeong," she mumbled, letting her hand find its way up to her cheek, afraid she was starting to blush.

"It was my pleasure."

"I... you... I mean..." Sunny stuttered. "Wow, you made me completely lose my train of thought there."

Jinjeong laughed again. "Those were my intentions."

Sunny smiled to herself before reaching out for her cellphone to check the time. "Well, it's getting kind of late, I should probably..." She said, shuffling around on the bed. Getting so heavily complimented made her happy, but at the same time very uncomfortable.

"Alright," Jinjeong said. "I hope you'll call back soon, Sunkyu."

"I will." She ignored the side of her that wished all her reasons for calling would just fade away. "Bye for now, Jinjeong."

"Goodnight. And Sunkyu..."

"Yeah?"

"Don't worry so much."

Sunny smiled unhappily. That seemed like something of a lost cause, even though Jinjeong had eased her mind for the moment. "I'll try." She leaned over to her bedside table and hung up the phone.

As soon as she was sure the phone was properly hung up, she sank down on her bed, her head hitting the pillow and her gaze immediately being drawn up to the ceiling.

It still seemed near impossible to her, that maybe there was somebody in this universe, somebody somewhere, that she could love.

But there was always that maybe.



 

It was strange how familiar it all felt, Hyoyeon had time to register before the pain crept through her wrist, arm, up her shoulder and into her brain. She didn't scream.

Her hand that rested on a doorknob to one of the cabinets squeezed and tightened its hold before immediately letting go. It wasn’t worth it. Whatever it was about, it was never worth the fight. So, she let go, but her arm had already been caught by someone she wished she could have forgotten by then.

"Let go," she said, making sure to put the exact right amount of hostility in her voice for her words to make an impact. She'd learned this by now.

"Or what, you'll hit me? You are not the one to make demands. Don't make me laugh."

She tried to jerk her arm back, the familiarity of the situation making her slightly weak in the knees, yet there was always that same fear what if something happens this time - as if something hadn't happened already. The hold on her arm hardened further. In two seconds she made the choice to let the whine that wanted to slip out pass her lips, even though even as little as that was too much of a satisfaction for the owner of the hand whose nails were digging into her wrist.

"Please, let go," she repeated, "I just wanted to..." Her defense fell from her lips as her taunter laughed. She leaned against the cabinet to stop her knees from giving out under her. The hand let go of her wrist and she sighed in relief, but it travelled up her arm and took a new hold right beneath her shoulder and she leaned her head against the cabinet door.

She was not afraid.

"I won't do it again. Just let me go."

A few seconds passed and then she was finally free again, the hand withdrew and she immediately stumbled too many steps back. Her hips hit the dinner table. It burned.

"That's right, you won't."

She never looked back at the owner of that voice, that deep, disgusting voice and those dark, demanding eyes. She never did. She wouldn't mourn for a second if they just disappeared.

It felt like yet another victory as she returns to her safe place, her haven. The sounds of him searching through the cabinet could be heard as she carefully hid behind a wall.

She locked the door.

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