An uneventful school week passed, during which most of the girls thought of the upcoming beach night with mixed emotions. For some of them - Seohyun, Yoona, Tiffany and Taeyeon - it was pure longing. A night with your best friends at the beach; life really couldn't get better. On the other hand, for Hyoyeon, Sooyoung, Sunny and Jessica, the idea brought anxiety and nervousness in different shapes and forms.

When the Saturday came, Hyoyeon had been actively and successfully ignoring Sooyoung for five days straight. Not that Sooyoung had done much to win her back over; she was honestly a little afraid to try. She wasn't even clear on why Hyoyeon was ignoring her like she did, and she spent most of her time trying to think of the reason. It was clear to her, in any case, that Hyoyeon wanted nothing to do with her since she found out. She could only pray she would change her mind soon, because she really didn't know what to do.

Her heart ached at the memory of the bruise on her arm, and even more at the question "how many more of those did Hyoyeon carry". Every now and then she tried to comfort herself with thoughts of how easily and quickly she had fallen out love with all her previous crushes, and blindly praying that the same would happen with Hyoyeon, and soon. The visions of the other girl in various situations that could have given her the bruise were too much for Sooyoung to take. But to her great horror, as the days passed she noticed that her feelings for Hyoyeon weren’t going away. No, and the feelings of temporary infatuation were gradually being replaced with a need to protect, to fix, to heal her. Despite what her head said, running away was the last thing her heart wanted.

Sunny and Jessica also spent the week in silence, even though most of the time they were in the same company. They never spoke directly to each other, only glanced at each other by mistake and immediately fell silent if they noticed the other was laughing at the same joke as they were.

Sunny had never been more puzzled about another person's behavior through all of her life. She thought she'd been confused when Jessica went off yelling at her during the first week of school, but that was nothing compared to this. Nothing. And it pissed her off beyond apprehension.

Did Jessica not realize how much it had taken out of Sunny to come out to her? Did she not understand that when someone tells you something so personal, so heavily guarded and close to your heart, you should show some kind of reaction? Sunny thought angrily that even if Jessica's reaction would have been a homophobic outburst - which didn't seem so likely, considering her current civil status - it would have been better than not saying anything at all, like she had.

And yet, Sunny didn't know what she had been expecting. Why had she even told Jessica to begin with? She wanted to think that it wasn't like they even knew each other, but again, a voice inside her kept reminding her that yes, they did know each other. Jessica now knew more about her than all of her friends, barred maybe Seohyun, and Sunny knew what pissed Jessica off. Supposedly that tells you a lot about the person in question, she thought. Maybe she didn't quite understand yet why Jessica reacted in the ways she did, but Sunny was sure she would in time.

If the other girl ever talked to her again, that was. All she really wanted was to understand. What Jessica was thinking, why she reacted in the way she did. At one point, she realized she was spending most of her waken time thinking about her, and she wanted to bring it down to the fact that Jessica had offended her. Completely, utterly offended her by with a wave of her hand disregarding Sunny's feelings and just walking out the door the moment Sunny needed to be comforted.

But what Jessica's shiny, blond hair and smooth skin had anything to do with her offense, and why Sunny kept thinking about it, she didn't want to speculate about.




The Saturday was a beautiful day; the sun was shining, and there was only a hint of wind in the air. They all suspected it would be the last really warm day before autumn took the town over completely.

The girls all gathered at Tiffany's house on the afternoon before leaving for the beach. Taeyeon asked Seohyun why when they were walking there together again, and Seohyun answered her that it was because Tiffany was the only one among them who had a car or even a driver's license. Taeyeon swooned.

Due to their high headcount, Tiffany had to drive there twice. She took off with Seohyun, Yoona, Hyoyeon and Taeyeon first, leaving the rest standing outside on Tiffany's yard. Taeyeon didn't know anything about cars, but she thought she might have to get into it a little bit just so she could think to herself "Tiffany drives this model".

It was a red car with a beige interior, which smelled like mint and fuel; nothing had ever smelled so good to Taeyeon's nose. Tiffany kept gum in her car door, and she immediately passed the little silvery bag around as soon as they got into the car. She put her sunglasses on before speeding off carefully. Taeyeon swooned harder than she had in her entire life.

Sooyoung stood with Sunny on the grass, while Jessica sat with a sour look on the steps to Tiffany's front door. Not having a clue of what was going on between the other two girls, Sooyoung tried to start conversations with them, but they all died out within a few seconds of her attempt, so she settled for throwing awkward glances in their directions every now and then. They waited for Tiffany to return in silence.

Their ride there wasn't any better, even though Tiffany's presence made the atmosphere warmer. Jessica rode in the front, leaning her head against the glass and silently staring out the window, while Sunny did the same in the back.

"What's the matter with you guys?" Tiffany asked after a few minutes, alternating between giving them suspicious looks in the mirror and keeping her eyes on the road.

Nobody replied for a moment. Sooyoung, for once, didn't know what to say. "I miss Yuri," Jessica whined after a moment, still staring out the window. Sunny glared at her, unreasonably annoyed.


 

Tiffany's beach of choice wasn't big, lying just by the side of the road, with a fireplace in one end with four worn-down benches around it. On the other side was a dressing room in a cabin with two doors, one for the ladies and one for the men. It was rickety, red since a paint job that must have taken place tens of years ago. It gave the impression that it would fall apart if anyone as much as blew on it.

Sooyoung got out of Tiffany's car in a rush, happy to escape the unspeakable tension and uncontrollably missing Taeyeon. She skipped over the small portion of grass that separated the beach from the road, leaving the other three behind and stretching her neck to get a look at her friends.

Her breath caught in when she realized she'd been in this place before. Not with Taeyeon or Sunny, no, not with any of the girls. With Leeteuk. Leeteuk, and his pack of friends.

Including Hyoyeon. She'd met Hyoyeon for the first time right on that very beach, and though they'd spent most of the night not saying one word to each other, Sooyoung remembered it clear as day. It had taken them another month to start talking and get to know each other.

She kicked off her shoes and brought them with her as she walked down the beach, seeing Taeyeon and Hyoyeon sitting by the fire-to-be, while Yoona and Seohyun were walking barefoot along the shoreline, talking quietly and bursting into small screams when the cold water washed up over their feet. Sunny ran past Sooyoung, tearing her shoes and socks off her feet as she stumbled down to the water to join the youngest. "Are you going in?" Sooyoung heard her ask excitedly and wondered calmly if she was insane.

Tiffany and Jessica walked slowly towards the volleyball antennas and stood by them, staring at the crumpled net lying in between them. They both had a pair of sunglasses resting on the top of their heads, and as they stretched in the sunlight, Tiffany looked a thousand times happier to be there than Jessica did.

It didn't escape Sooyoung's attention that Hyoyeon was the only one who wasn't wearing shorts. The blond had folded her pants up just a few centimeters to keep them from dragging around in the sand, but it really didn't help a lot. Sooyoung stood watching her sit with Taeyeon on the bench, wishing so much to go over to the two, but knowing that it wouldn't be very welcome. Of course she wanted Hyoyeon to talk to her again, but she already knew it wasn't gonna happen for a while. Most of all she wanted to make things easier on the other girl, and let her come back to Sooyoung when she was ready. She knew Hyoyeon was staying over at Tiffany's that night, and Tiffany herself had asked Sooyoung to join, but she had politely declined for Hyoyeon's sake.

The waiting had only been a few days, but it was already driving her insane. Especially when she couldn't be sure that Hyoyeon would ever really talk to her again.

She walked over to the fireplace, all the while staring at Hyoyeon's back which was turned against her. Taeyeon eventually caught her gaze and waved her over, and Hyoyeon looked over her shoulder to see Sooyoung coming closer. Immediately excusing herself, she hopped off the bench and ran over to Jessica and Tiffany, who were getting busy trying to put up the volleyball net, swearing and laughing at its uncooperativeness. Sooyoung sank down heavily beside Taeyeon, watching the three girls in their seemingly impossible mission.

"How's life?" Taeyeon asked her when she sat down, putting an arm over her back. "You look really down."

Sooyoung returned her worried gaze and tried her best to look happy. "What, me?" she said, shaking her head. "No, no. We're at the beach! How could I be sad?"

Taeyeon let the question rest, but Sooyoung was pretty sure she wasn't fooled. They'd known each other for too many years for that to work. They watched their friends fight with the net for a moment, absently listening to Seohyun, Yoona and Sunny's cries of shock and laughter from the water. The three seemed to be debating whether they should get in or not, all standing with water up to their knees and holding on to each other's hands.

"So how's it going with... you know?" Taeyeon asked quietly, nodding towards Hyoyeon. The blond seemed a lot more lost than the other two, but at least she was laughing for the moment. It warmed Sooyoung to see it, that she still had the laughter left.

Sooyoung sighed, already feeling tears dangerously close in . She hadn't spoken to anybody about Hyoyeon since Sunny and Taeyeon interrogated her at the movie night, and there was a reason for it. She just couldn't handle it. "Not so good, I think," she said honestly, half laughing and half coughing to get that horrible ball of saltiness out of .

Taeyeon nodded, but looked curious. "You've seemed really down this past week," she then said, "is it because of her?"

Sooyoung hesitated for a moment before nodding, but didn't want to say anything. Both because she wasn't sure exactly what to say, and because she was afraid of breaking apart if she did.

"Did you find out anything?" Taeyeon asked, tearing her eyes off the net being stretched between the antennas, and looked at Sooyoung seriously.

Sooyoung shrugged. "About what?" she asked, mainly to stall for some time. She hated lying to her best friend, but at the same time she really didn't want to spill Hyoyeon's secret to anybody. Even though it might be the best thing to do. Maybe they could all help her together?

"You know... If she likes you, or... what it is that makes her so sad. Why Tiffany said she doesn't need any more pain in her life."

Leaning forward to escape her friend's intense eye contact, Sooyoung pushed her fingers through the sand between the bench and the stones that outlined the fireplace. "I don't know if she likes me," she said sternly. "But I did find out something... I'm not sure if I can tell you." She sat back up again, brushing her foot over the warm sand she had disrupted so it looked untouched again. Taeyeon looked disappointed, but understanding. "She's been ignoring me for a week," Sooyoung continued, and the hurt felt stronger as she voiced it out loud, like it became more real. "She won't talk to me, because she didn't mean for me to find out."

Taeyeon widened her eyes in surprise before it turned into a frown. "You didn't do anything bad, did you? Like stalking her or breaking into her home to find out or..."

"No, no," Sooyoung hurried, and Taeyeon laughed. "I didn't even mean to find out, it was an accident." Taeyeon nodded and turned her gaze back to the net, which was now starting to hang kind of straight. "Actually, sometimes I wish I didn't find out either."

"It's hard for me to understand what you mean when I don't know what it's about..." Taeyeon said slowly. "But don't you feel better knowing than having to wonder what's weighing her down so badly?"

Sooyoung shrugged. "Maybe if she talked to me, I would. But now I can't help her even though I know what's wrong." Her voice broke and her eyes filled with tears. Taeyeon immediately picked up on it, and turned all of her attention back to her best friend, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"Maybe you should talk to her first," she said, squeezing Sooyoung's shoulder as the latter fought not to cry. "Have you tried?" Sooyoung shook her head almost shamefully, wanting to be strong enough to confront Hyoyeon head on. "Okay. Maybe part of the reason why she won't talk to you now is because she feels like you don't care," Taeyeon reasoned. Sooyoung looked at her, still trying to blink away the tears. She hadn't considered that risk yet.

"Maybe," she agreed, turning her head up to face the cloud-free sky. "I guess I shouldn't be a coward and wait for her to tell me she's forgiven me."

"Right," Taeyeon said, letting her hand fall back to her side. "Because maybe she's wondering why she should forgive you if you don't seem to want to be forgiven."

Sooyoung closed her eyes, hearing the truth of Taeyeon's words. She had known it all along, but hearing it out loud made a big difference to her, like it validated the sense in them. She looked over to Hyoyeon, Tiffany and Jessica, who had finished their task completely by now and were walking around high fiving each other. Hyoyeon's black stretch pants had unfolded themselves and the ends were being dragged around in the sand with every step Hyoyeon took. The wish to walk over to her and help her fold them back up made Sooyoung's fingers twitch.

"Thank you," she mumbled to Taeyeon, "I'll try to talk to her when I get the chance. And, you know, when I dare." Taeyeon laughed a little, and Sooyoung laid her head down on the elder's shoulder, but stopped immediately when the pain in her neck told her it was too far down. "Now, if you could just grow a few more inches so I could use you as a pillow, you'd be the greatest friend ever!" She grinned and didn't even care about shielding herself from Taeyeon's possible anger. If there was someone she knew would never hurt her, it was Taeyeon.

"Tsk, you know you love me," Taeyeon said simply.

"Yeah, I do."




When the two youngest and Sunny managed to tear themselves away from the beauty of the ocean, realizing that they would probably never go in, they all played volleyball until every part of their bodies ached. Hyoyeon suggested, much to Sooyoung's dismay, that they'd divide the teams the way they were split when they rode in Tiffany's car, with Hyoyeon, Taeyeon, Yoona and Seohyun in one team and Tiffany, Jessica, Sunny and Sooyoung in the other. Only to be free of the risk of getting into the same team as Sooyoung, no doubt, but most of the girls approved - aside from Sooyoung, Sunny and Jessica, who couldn't voice any reason why the teams shouldn't be divided that way - so they tried to pull themselves together and seem happy and united. Against all odds, they ended up winning most of the games - mostly thanks to Sooyoung's height and Sunny's boundless energy - and in some of those instances, Jessica would pat Sunny's back and tell her she did a good job; times that would make Sunny's heart skip several beats.

To the outside, and everyone who wasn't Sooyoung, it seemed like things were fine between the two of them.

They waited - unfortunately - until darkness started to fall before they tried to light a fire. Despite Jessica, Tiffany and Yoona's recurrent beach visits, it seemed like neither of them were very experienced in making fires. As the air grew colder and colder, they all sat in a circle around the fireplace and took turns in trying to get a flame to rise. They rearranged the fire wood around pages of newspapers and dry, yellowed grass, but the tiny flame always died down after a few minutes. It wasn't until after a few mental breakdowns from Taeyeon, Yoona and Jessica that the fire rose, at which point darkness had fallen completely around them.

Yoona fell on her back on the sand and closed her eyes in relief while Seohyun stood above her, laughing and trying to bring her back to life while pulling at her hands. She didn't seem to wake up until Seohyun attacked her stomach with tickles.

They sat in a circle around the fire, talking, laughing, heating up marshmallows on sticks above the fire. Tiffany told them she was so happy she was close to tears, and most of them agreed, silently nodding. Sunny looked around the circle to see how everyone reacted: Seohyun nodded brightly, staring into the fire with a face that showed longing. She then turned to Yoona, and the two giggled together, though the older girl seemed less sure of why she was laughing. Neither Hyoyeon nor Taeyeon did or said anything, but just listened in silence, while Sooyoung nodded, though with a hint of confusion. Lastly, Jessica seemed to agree but like Sooyoung she looked unsure, as if the happiness in question was there, but overshadowed by something unknown. Sunny didn't know why, but she wanted to be the cause of that in Jessica. Not the unhappiness, but the change. The thing that made her think over her life.

As they kept talking, one phrase that Seohyun said made them all - except for Jessica - burst into song together, singing loudly and badly, not caring about what anybody would think if they heard them. Sooyoung and Taeyeon engaged in a halfhearted sitting dance, which had most of the other girls holding their stomachs from laughing too hard.

"That was nice," Seohyun said as the laughter died down and the song came to an end. "I really like singing with you guys. We should do it more often!"

"Agreed," Sooyoung said, untangling her arms from Taeyeon. "I wish I would have brought my guitar." For a short moment, Hyoyeon's eyes met hers from the other side of the fire, before Hyoyeon looked away. The memory of asking Hyoyeon to write a song together came back to Sooyoung's mind, that day when she walked her to the bus station and showed her Sooyoung's home. The day when she first suspected something was wrong.

"But why didn't you sing along, Jessica?" Tiffany asked from said girl's side, nudging her a little. "You sing so well!"

Jessica tightened her coat around her and pushed her hands down in her pockets. "I can't stand that song," she said almost apologetically, "my parents used to play it all the time when I lived with them."

"Oh," Tiffany said. When nobody else knew what to say, Jessica continued:

"Ah, they can both forget me for all I care."

A moment passed, and Seohyun cleared . "One should be thankful for one's parents," she said, though not daring to look directly at Jessica.

The blond shrugged. "Mine aren't anything to be thankful for."

Sunny suddenly felt very uncomfortable with Jessica's words. She glanced at Tiffany, who had lost her mother at a young age. What must her words sound like to Tiffany?

"I'm tired of trying not to sound ungrateful," Jessica continued. "My parents are nothing like, for example, your mother sounds to have been like," she said, turned to Tiffany. "She sounds wonderful, and I'm sure she was. But mine just aren't, so I don't understand why I should be thankful for them."

"It's okay," Tiffany said quickly. "I get it. But I think you're being too hard on them. All relationships are based on compromise, including the parent/child bond." Sunny would have thought Jessica would have been angry with the response, but she looked thoughtful of Tiffany's words. Taeyeon swooned silently from beside her.

"I guess that's true," Jessica continued. "But I don't understand this rule that just because they're my parents I have to like them as people."

"If you were to say something to them now," Sunny dared, across from Jessica, staring at her over the fire, "what would that be?"

Jessica looked taken aback for a moment, and looked away from Sunny as soon as she had finished asking the question. Instead, she looked out into the darkness behind her. "I would say that things are good the way they are right now," she said slowly. "That they don't need to put anymore thought into our relationship than they do now. Not that I think they want to, but..." Sunny wasn't sure she believed the other girl, but she kept silent.

"Well, as long as you're happy, I am too," Tiffany said, squeezing Jessica's arm slightly. There were unisonous mumbles of agreement from the entire circle, but Sunny thought that from Tiffany's expression, there were other things she'd like to say, but gave it up because Jessica was her friend.

Sooyoung didn't miss how Hyoyeon's expression hardened during the conversation about parents, and how furious she seemed at Jessica for disregarding her parents without any obvious reason. Despite the smoke and fire between them, she hadn't missed the look of longing in the other girl's eyes as Tiffany spoke of her mother, or the sadness that took them over when Yoona joined in to tell them how proud she was to be her parents' daughter.

Judging from her expression from that moment on, Hyoyeon was about to explode. Break down. She had kept her gaze locked at her hands and the sand beneath the fire, not once joining in the conversation or giving as much as a smile. And it seemed to Sooyoung that nobody else in the circle seemed to notice how hurt she was. Hyoyeon didn't need to say it; it was already obvious to Sooyoung, but it seemed invisible to the rest of the group.

She thought back of something Hyoyeon said weeks ago. I think I chose to stay with my dad only to get back at my mom for separating our family. Worst decision I ever made, to be honest. Sooyoung hadn't had a clue what it meant back then, and she hadn't wanted to pry, but now she thought she understood. That quote paired with her reaction whenever the subject of parents was brought up and the bruise on her arm she hated Sooyoung for seeing, all made it very clear to Sooyoung, that the person who was hurting Hyoyeon was her father.

So when Yoona, Seohyun and Tiffany wanted to engage in a game of volleyball in the dark, and Hyoyeon almost unnoticeably swept away into the darkness while Taeyeon and Sunny went to look for more sticks to grill marshmallows on, Sooyoung naturally followed her.

Hyoyeon didn't go far, just into one of the changing rooms in the little red cottage, seemingly not caring about going into the right one. Sooyoung wondered if she was already crying.
 

The door creaked loudly and Sooyoung winced as she pulled it open, only about half a minute after she'd seen Hyoyeon disappear through it. She stepped inside, immediately feeling scared when the room was absolutely pitch-black. Hyoyeon must not be afraid of the dark, she thought to herself and waited for her eyes to adjust.

"Who is it?" came Hyoyeon's hoarse voice from one of the corners. Sooyoung jumped at the sound and blinked hysterically while the outlines of the room gradually became clearer and clearer to her. There were benches lining all of the walls, and hangers a few meters above the bench, going all around the room. Due to the darkness, Sooyoung was unable to tell if it was clean or not, but it had a musty smell that was very cellar-like.

"It's me," she said, trying to get her eyes to focus on the corner where she could see the outlining of Hyoyeon sitting on the bench with her feet pulled up and her knees right under her chin. "Sooyoung."

"What do you want?" Hyoyeon said instantly, putting her legs down on the wooden floor.

Sooyoung smiled sadly, even though Hyoyeon couldn't see it. "I just want to talk to you."

"Well, I don't want to talk to you," Hyoyeon replied, standing up from the bench but not walking out. Assuming it was because she didn't want to get closer to her, Sooyoung didn't feel very comforted by it.

"This is the place we first met," she said, taking a step closer to the other girl. "Do you remember?"

"No, I don't remember. So?" The way it was blurted out so quickly made Sooyoung sure it was a lie.

"Why are you pushing me away, Hyo?" she said, and she saw in the dark how Hyoyeon looked away from her figure. "It's because I saw it, right? Your bruise."

Hyoyeon backed against the bench and sat back down. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Anger swirled up in Sooyoung, her heart pumping faster and harder, adrenaline rushing in waves to her head. "Stop pushing me away!" she yelled, and Hyoyeon flinched. "Who gave you that bruise, Hyo? Is it your father?"

Hyoyeon's speedy breathing reached her ears, and she immediately felt guilty for screaming. "Why are you doing this?" Hyoyeon pleaded, and Sooyoung was horrified to hear tears in her voice. "Why do you keep coming back to me?"

"Because I want to help you," Sooyoung said, now not caring about anything other than Hyoyeon, and she took a few quick steps right up to her. The blond stood up as she approached her. "How many more of those bruises are you hiding?" Sooyoung asked, not having seen it coming but still not surprised when her voice too held traces of tears.

"How about you answer me something instead," Hyoyeon said, angrily wiping her tears with her sleeve. "Why did you ask me for help with your English course?" Sooyoung frowned at the random question. "You're a hundred times better than me. When we were at Tiffany's, you said you understood the lyrics to Beautiful Stranger, and Tiffany keeps telling me how talented you are. And yes, speaking of her, she's fluent in English, so why didn't you just ask her?"

"Because I wanted to spend time with you, okay?" Sooyoung yelled back, feeling like she should be embarrassed about being found out, but fighting it off with all her might. "That isn't the issue here, Hyo! The issue is that someone's hurting you, and you won't let me help you!" They stood still right in front of each other, both panting and with their hearts pounding violently in their chests. Hyoyeon's tears kept falling rapidly. "Just tell me this," Sooyoung continued with forced composure, "is it your father? It is, isn't it? Just tell me that."

Hyoyeon backed away from her and leaned against the wall, her head between two hangers. "Please, Sooyoung, stop this now," she pleaded, her voice contorted in pain. "Stop this before it's too late."

"Too late? What are you talking about?" Sooyoung could only cry out in frustration.

Hyoyeon just shook her head. "Don't try to help me. We'll both be worse off in the end." Sooyoung reached out a hand to put on Hyoyeon's arm, but the other girl shrugged it off. "I'm serious!" she cried. "Leave me alone, Soo."

"I can't," Sooyoung said calmly, tears pouring down her cheeks. "I have to help you."

A desperate sob escaped Hyoyeon's lips. "Why?" was all she said, shrill and high like a child's voice.

Sooyoung grabbed Hyoyeon's arms with both her hands, careful not to put any kind of force into it that could harm the other girl, and this time Hyoyeon didn't try to get away. "Don't you understand how much I think of you?" she demanded, voice breaking and cracking at every bend. "How can you not have noticed that by now?"

Hyoyeon's face contorted in pain and more tears fell down her face. She inhaled sharply, crying so violently she seemed to get no air, fighting for her speaking abilities back when –

"Guys? Are you in there?" came Yoona's voice from outside. It was heard easily through the thin wooden walls, and not until then did Sooyoung realize that there was a risk that the other girls could have heard them. "I'm sorry to disturb what I'm sure is a fabulous time; I wouldn't even have bothered you if Seohyun didn't keep insisting, but... We're opening the next bag of marshmallows before going home. Do you want any?"

"No!" Sooyoung yelled at the same time as Hyoyeon cried "yes!" The two stared at each other. "We'll be right down," Hyoyeon continued, her voice suddenly stable, the interruption from someone other than Sooyoung shocking her enough to stop her tears. She tore her arms out of Sooyoung's grip and quickly walked around her while Sooyoung remained in her place, leaning her head back and letting tears of defeat pour.

Hyoyeon stopped by the doorway to wipe away her tears and compose herself. Sooyoung heard her sniffling repeatedly. "It doesn't matter," Hyoyeon said at last with her back against Sooyoung. "Whatever you say, it doesn't matter. It isn't worth it. I can't do that to you."

"Letting me in would be a thousand times more merciful than doing this to me," Sooyoung replied, her voice now hoarse too. "I have to help you. Can't you understand that?"

Hyoyeon remained where she was standing for a moment, brushing her hair back and wiping away the last few traces of tears. She turned around to face Sooyoung, and the latter did the same, hoping for a last minute chance to turn everything around, no matter how unlikely it seemed.

"I'm sorry," Hyoyeon said, and walked out the door. No matter how hurried it sounded, it still seemed sincere - not that it mattered at all to Sooyoung. She sank down on the bench where Hyoyeon had been sitting a few minutes earlier, unable to stop the tears from streaming.

The thought of possibly falling out of love with her had never seemed further away.




When Hyoyeon left Sooyoung in the changing room and walked down to the beach, she tried with all her might to forget the conversation she'd just had. She pulled up her pant legs, burying her feet in the now cold sand as she walked, ready to smile at the world and tell them she was fine, thankful for the darkness that would hide her reddened eyes and wet cheeks. Seohyun and Tiffany was standing on each side of the volleyball net, trying to play a two-woman game, screaming and running and laughing and falling into the sand every now and then. Yoona and Taeyeon were watching them from the side, cheering them on and turning over in laughter when either of them did a particularly impressive fall. Yoona waved her over when she saw Hyoyeon coming out of the shack, and Hyoyeon skipped up to them, smiling.

"Everything okay up there?" Tiffany asked her, toying a little with the volleyball in her hands. "Where's Sooyoung?"

Hyoyeon gestured towards the shack, hating with her entire being how she still remembered how she and Sooyoung had exchanged their first words to each other outside of it. "Fine," she said, "she'll be down in a minute."

Tiffany shrugged a little before hurriedly serving the ball over to an unprepared Seohyun's side of the court. "I've got it, I've got it, wait, wait, wait!" Seohyun yelled, and Yoona and Taeyeon laughed. Seohyun threw herself at the ball and hit it with a force that sent it flying in an almost straight line right up in the air, before it landed back in the sand with a loud thud, still on her side of the net.

"Whoo!" Tiffany yelled out with her hands in the air, and Taeyeon gave her a little applause. She bowed, while Seohyun massaged her aching wrist.

"Hey," Hyoyeon said to Taeyeon while Seohyun was preparing to get her revenge. "Where's Jessica and Sunny?"

"Uhm," Taeyeon said, tearing her eyes away from Tiffany for a moment. "I don't know, I think they went for a walk or something."

"If I know Jessica right, and I think I do," Yoona chimed in from Taeyeon's side, "they'll probably be back soon. Jessica isn't much for exercise."

Jessica had had enough. It didn't bother her so much that Sunny tried to talk to her while they were in other people's company, at least not that badly. But even so, the question Sunny had asked her about her parents seemed a little too much. Even if they were in the same group of friends, she wasn't sure she wanted to share that much with Sunny at all.

She might have been able to live with that part, though, if it wasn't for how Sunny was constantly trying to talk to Jessica alone. As soon as she went somewhere, the shorter girl was always close, seemingly waiting for the perfect opportunity to get Jessica to herself. Didn't she understand that Jessica was ignoring her? Shouldn't she understand that if she did, there was always a good reason for it?

Against her better judgment, like always when it came to Jessica's temper, she felt herself flaring up, the fury burning in her and Sunny's every move annoying her beyond understanding. So she needed to get out; she needed to go home. She didn't think she could even sit through another silent car ride with her, she just couldn't be close to her at all. Her existence pissed her off beyond belief. It didn't help any, either, how she had forgotten her cellphone at home and couldn't text Yuri. Well, not that it really would have mattered, she supposed, since Yuri would still be at work and wouldn't be able to reply. But at least it would have eased her unknown feelings of guilt for being there without her.

So without saying anything to anybody - she knew she wouldn't be able to explain - she left. While everyone else were busy playing or off sticky marshmallows from their fingers, she slipped into the darkness. She heard Hyoyeon and Sooyoung's raised voices from the shack as she put on her shoes on the grass by the car, but she couldn't make out what they were saying, and thought it sparked some curiosity in her, at that moment it would have been hard for her to care less.

"Sica! Wait!"

Jessica's heart sank, and she stopped for a second, leaning her head back and closing her eyes. No. No way. Not Sunny, not now. It couldn't be.

"Where are you going?"

"Just for a walk. You should stay; I'll be back in a minute." She crouched down and tied a shoelace that she had forgotten in her haste.

"Can't I come with you? A walk sounds nice," Sunny said. She still hadn't reached the patch of grass, and Jessica was sitting by the side of the road, so there was still some distance between them. It was comforting, but Jessica felt slightly panicked by how fast Sunny was catching up to her. She finished tying her shoelace and immediately walked on without looking back.

"It's fine," she called. "I'll just be a little while. Go back to the others."

"But it's so dark," Sunny said, and by the sound of her voice she still wasn't turning back. "I don't want you to get kidnapped or killed or anything."

Jessica stopped walking with a heavy sigh. She didn't turn around. "If you really have to know," she hissed, "I'm going home."

"Going home?" Sunny said, stopping a few meters behind the other girl. "But home is really far from here, and it's dark and cold and..."

"Yeah, well, I can't stay." Jessica zipped up her jacket and started walking again, in a pointedly quick pace to discourage Sunny from following her.

"What? Why not?" Sunny called, hesitating for a moment but then chasing after her, much to Jessica's dismay.

Jessica snapped. She turned around to face her, heart pounding madly in fury. "Yes, what do you think, Sunny? Huh? What do you think?"

Sunny looked taken aback, almost frightened by Jessica's response. She took two deep breaths, seemingly at loss for words. "Look, if you have something to say, just say it," she said. "There's obviously a problem here, and we can't work it out if you won't let me in on it." Jessica shook her head, turned away and started walking again.

"No, I don't have anything to say to you."

"Okay, well, I do," Sunny said, the volume of her voice rising. She caught up completely with the other girl, grabbing her wrist and forcing her to a stop.

"So out with it," Jessica replied, involuntarily wishing for Sunny to say more things that would piss her off further so she could really scream it out. Really explode.

"First thing," Sunny said, and Jessica noted that she was panting. "What have I done to you? You said you forgave me after our fight in school, so I don't understand. What have I done?"

The sincere, sad curiosity in Sunny's eyes did nothing to calm Jessica down. "You haven't done anything. I'm not mad at you," she said with a shrug, ripping her hand out of Sunny's grip and making her way down the road again. Sunny followed immediately.

"Fine, if you don't wanna tell me, then don't." She walked hurriedly by Jessica's side, trying her best to keep up with her, and Jessica considered seriously just turning around and going back to the group. "But what about that time when I told you... about me," Sunny continued, glaring at the other girl, who didn't return her gaze at all. "How could you do that to me? How could you just walk out without saying anything? Do you realize how hard that was for me?" She started falling behind, and again grabbed Jessica's arm. The two stood facing each other on the road, both fuming.

"What did you expect, Sunny?" Jessica said with a short laugh. "What did you expect when you just dropped that bomb on me? You haven't even told your actual friends yet. We don't even know each other, and you expect me to just... what?" Sunny kept silent as they stared at each other. "I'm not an angel, and you must have known that. I can't help you with whatever it is you want from me."

"You know that's not true," Sunny breathed out into the cold night air. "We do know each other."

Jessica rolled her eyes. "No, we don't."

"Fine, tell yourself that if you want to," Sunny replied, letting go of Jessica's arm. She didn't walk away. "But you've been mad at me since I came out to you no matter if you admit it or not. Is it some kind of disturbing pride thing? You want you and Yuri to be the only lesbians in the group, the only outed girls who like girls in our school?" Jessica gave her a look that suggested she was crazy, and Sunny's anger multiplied. "Cause that's the only reason I can think of to why you'd be so mad at me for liking girls!"

"I am not mad at you!" Jessica repeated, not able to keep from screaming. "Do you want me to be? Cause we can arrange that!"

"Just explain," Sunny said calmly with her eyes closed. "I don't understand you, so just please explain. I don't want to wonder about this anymore."

"Let it go, then." Wishing that would be the last word, Jessica turned around and walked down the road again. For a moment it seemed like it worked, and that Sunny didn't have a comeback, but soon she heard the footfalls of Sunny's sneakers behind her.

The rage of not being able to get Sunny out of her life, to have her follow her wherever she went - even in thoughts when her physical form wasn't around - became too much for Jessica. She stopped and spun around, and Sunny stopped too, shock aligning her black orbs. Behind Jessica's back lay the last curve of the road that would lead them out of the small forest part of town, and get them back into civilization.

"You know what I'm wondering?" Jessica yelled. "When you came out to me, you said you had never found anyone you liked before. What did that mean? Because, you know, that sounded really funny to me." She forced a strained, high-pitched laugh.

"I – what?" Sunny said in bewilderment. She listened to Jessica's insane laughter, and she was truly scared.

"Yeah, you know, cause to some people, that before made it sound like you had fallen for someone who wasn't even your friend, and who above all already had a girlfriend," Jessica half yelled, half laughed. "Funny, right?"

To Jessica's surprise, Sunny blushed a deep shade of red. She could barely make it out in the weak light of the old lamp posts lining the road, but she saw it, and it calmed her down for a second, only to then evolve into a sense of victory.

"You're really scaring me now, Jessica," Sunny said. "And so what if I liked you? Would that really be so horrible?"

Jessica's heart started beating faster. So she was right - Sunny did like her. It was exactly what she had assumed and, of course, feared. She had been right, so... What then? "Yes," she hissed. "I have a girlfriend. You're not supposed to tell me you like me; I'm taken. Okay? I'm taken." She took a few steps back, but Sunny followed.

"So you don't care about my feelings even a little bit, is that it?" she demanded. "The fact that you have a girlfriend doesn't justify you hurting me in this way, don't you get that? Don't you understand how you're hurting me?"

"That's right, I don't care," Jessica said with force. Sunny looked like she had just been hit across the face. "And now I'm going to go home, and you're gonna go back to the people who are actually your friends, cause I'm not it, okay? Do you hear me?"

Sunny didn't say anything, but just stared numbly at the taller girl. Jessica took it as an admission to defeat, and she turned around to round that last corner before the road would be much brighter and easier to live through. An unknown ache cramped in her stomach, heart and head, but she felt strong, and slightly insane, like she wasn't even sure what she was doing.

"Sica!" Sunny shouted as she turned away, and she was just about to snap at her when bright lights overwhelmed her and she only caught a short glimpse of the car that sped towards her before she closed her eyes, and then the world became still again.


 

Silence. Darkness. Somehow it wasn't cold anymore, but warm and comfortable. She felt more complete than she had in a long time - possibly ever? That must mean she was in a place that felt more home to her than in Yuri's embrace, and that place did not exist on this earth. So, that must mean she was dead, she reasoned.

She opened her eyes, and right in front of them was Sunny's own, staring back into hers with worry, relief, tension and anxiety, probably about Jessica's next outburst, and that was when it hit her - the girl who she just told she didn't care about with as much as an inch of her being, had just saved her life.

Her arms were circled around Jessica's waist in a steady hold, and her body heat flowed through Jessica, making her feel dizzy and slightly sleepy. Most of all, she never wanted to leave that place again.

She closed her eyes and pressed her lips against Sunny's plump ones, tasting marshmallows and smelling the smoke from the earlier fire, dying to feel it more, more, more, and Sunny responded immediately, her hands wandering up from her waist to her upper back in a way that seemed to say I know you lied, I know you don't hate me, I know you want this. And it was the fact that Sunny was so right that made Jessica turn away, free herself from Sunny's protecting arms and walk down the last curve without looking back.

She managed to keep thoughts out of her head during the entire one hour and twenty minutes long walk back to her apartment, but as soon as she pushed the door to the stairwell open, she broke.

I just cheated on Yuri.

She assumed that was the one thought she had wanted to keep out of her head during her walk; the rest didn't seem even half as horrible in comparison to that one fact. She had cheated on Yuri.

The tears poured at once and she slumped down on the first step of the staircase up to her apartment. Pushing the thought of Yuri out of her head again - it was just too horrible to think of - she thought of Sunny again. Sunny, who she had found ridiculously attractive from the very first day they met; Sunny, who she had been impressed by every time they spoke and how she cared about people and how smart she was. She had wanted to get closer to her all along, but the more she did, the more frightened she got of the crush on her that was growing in her chest.

If she had been a little more self-aware, she thought, and not quite as in denial, she could have stopped this from happening. She could have dealt with it like a normal person. But no, she had bottled it all up while it grew and swelled until it exploded.

And now this had happened. There was no way for her to take it back, and now she was sure Sunny knew the reason why she had acted like she hated her. She must have known. And how would Sunny deal with it? Would she come back for more? Could Jessica stand against that? And Sunny would surely need somebody to talk about it with... would she go to Tiffany? she wondered while panic fluttered in her head. Tiffany would tell Yuri in an instant; they were best friends after all. That could not happen – but Sunny would be smarter than that, surely?

But then again, why would she not want to sabotage her relationship with Yuri? She obviously wanted to be with Jessica, and wasn't this the perfect opportunity to kill everything that they'd had?

She got up from the steps and started running up to her apartment, intent on quickly sending a text to Sunny, as little as she wanted to. Guilt overcame her when she arrived up on her floor and she realized what she was doing. She was about to convince somebody to keep a secret from her girlfriend. And was that even right? she wondered as she dug out a key from her sandy pants pocket. Shouldn't she be telling Yuri before anybody else did?

She entered her apartment and threw her jacket on the floor, and quickly kicked her shoes off. Running into her room, she quickly undressed out of her pants and cringed when she heard the small sound of sand hitting her newly cleaned floor, but decided to ignore it for now. She jumped down on her bed, snatching her phone from her nightstand and looking through her contact list for Sunny's number. She found it quickly, but that's where her head stopped her. What was she even supposed to say to the other girl? She scrolled down to Yuri's number, and started scrolling up and down between the two names, trying to decide which way to go.

How was she supposed to tell Yuri? How was she supposed to tell the girl she had been together with for four years that she had finally been unfaithful? How, when Yuri was everything she'd ever needed, everything she'd ever wanted? She loved her as much as she always had, so how could she tell her that?

She wouldn't go down that horrible road with Sunny again, of course she wouldn't, if that meant keeping Yuri by her side. And if it never happened again, did Yuri really need to find out? What was the point in hurting her so badly, if she didn't plan to keep betraying her?

Jessica crawled down under her duvet and stared at Yuri's number in her phone. She wanted so badly to somehow justify her train of thought, but she knew that no matter who she asked about it, they would all tell her she was wrong. Her head pulsated heavily and a headache signified its arrival, and she willed herself not to cry anymore. Maybe she could talk to Yoona tomorrow, since she wouldn't necessarily tell Yuri or Tiffany about it, or...

The phone vibrated in her hands, and a cold wave of fear flowed through her from the toes up. Someone knew. Tiffany knew, and she was texting to tell her what a complete she was, and...

Recipient: Sica
Sender: Tiffany
Heard you took a walk home. You're ok right?

Recipient: Fany
Sender: Jessica
No, i'm fine. i just missed yuri too much, and you know how dramatic i can be.

The relief she felt when she sent her reply made her feel even guiltier than before. She shouldn't be happy that neither Tiffany nor Yuri seemed to know; she should be ashamed.

After another twenty minutes of mental self-torture while tiredness lowered itself on her where she lay, she finally decided to text Yuri.

Recipient: Yul ♥
Sender: Jessica
are you still at work?

Recipient: Sica ♥
Sender: Yuri
Yeah. How was your night? ♥

Recipient: Yul ♥
Sender: Jessica
it was ok. i just wanted to tell you i love you

Recipient: Sica ♥
Sender: Yuri
Aww, I love you too ♥


But that was all she could muster before she put her phone down on the nightstand again. That would have to be all for now, she couldn't do anymore. And the big decision would have to wait until the morning.

She fell asleep with the worst anxiety she had ever felt burning away at her stomach, but she knew she deserved it.

A/N: I'm glad that at least the comment count is higher than the chapter count now... lol. Thank you guys! Hope you enjoyed this chapter^^