The entire house erupted with loud laughter all coming from one room in the house but echoing and everyone within a miles radius could hear them. Everyone in the entire neighbourhood knew what this meant; Hye Sun and Yuhan were having a girly night.

No one else was at home; Yuhan's parents were out on business trips and even Luhan was at his friends' houses. Though it proved to be a little difficult to make Hye Sun's parents agree to the sleepover with less then a day's notice -Yuhan had called her over about 20 minutes ago- the Chinese girl had a way with sweet talking parents.

And here they were, in Yuhan's room just like old times, the extra mattress laid across the floor next to the properly framed bed, both girls lying on their respective beds, rolling around and laughing their heads off in their pyjamas.

“Yah, Hye Sun, I know your secret,” a hushed voice said, slightly ruining the light atmosphere as her friend froze.

'Has she found out about me and Luhan?'

Hye Sun and the said boy had promised not to tell anyone about their date -that was scheduled for tomorrow- especially his sister. But then how would she even have found out? It's not like Luhan wouldn't have said anything, and she herself wasn't planning on telling anyone until after the date actually happened.

“I know...you still like Sehun,” as soon as those words left the Chinese girl's mouth, her best friend seemed to choke on her own saliva. She wasn't sure whether the reason for her red face was because of the coughing fit she'd just had or because she was blushing.

“Wh-what are you talking about, Yuhan?” her eyes were as wide as saucers, but the other girl had her back turned to her, rummaging through her drawers.

When the girl finally turned back to her confused best friend, she pushed 2 cards closer to her. With a roll of her eyes, Hye Sun examined the two cards, undoubtably from the tarot deck she'd gotten for Yuhan last year.

“I did a reading for you, because I was bored,” she explained to her friend, who was busy taking in the simple picture on the card, which could hold so a deeper meaning than you'd expect. “This is how I know you're still in love with Sehun.”

Hye Sun glared at her from over the card, “don't bull.”

“Don't swear,” she warned her friend, who always seemed to lose her temper over the smallest things. The thing that strengthened Yuhan's suspicions was the swearing. Hye Sun got angry easily, but she usually only swears when she's being serious or really annoyed. If she was getting annoyed because Yuhan had 'found out her secret' then she'd swear just as she did then.

Taking the two cards out of Hye Sun's hands, Yuhan laid them out in front of her and concentrated on the pictures.

“So, this is the emperor. It symbolises and older, Aries guy who will come into your life,” a ghost of a smile appeared on Hye Sun's face, “you'll probably marry him and live an amazing life of stability and love.”

'Luhan's older...Aries...heheh...damn, stop it Hye Sun!'

Yuhan rolled her eyes, it was practically written on her friend's face who she was thinking of. She just forgot, that this was about her still being in love with Sehun not Luhan. Without another word, she moved onto interpreting the next card.

“The 6 of cups usually mean something about the past, like maybe you're thinking too much about the past and you need to move on,” she explained, “or maybe there's someone who keeps repeating his mistakes?”

Though Yuhan knew the answer, she still phrased it as a question to try and get Hye Sun to think about it herself. Yuhan could tell her lies but if Hye Sun didn't believe them then what was the point in trying?

The person who came into her mind was most definitely Sehun. He always made her feel like . He never apologized for any of his wrongdoings either and he certainly didn't make it obvious when he felt guilty or sorry. He'd move on like nothing happened, without even settling their fights or talking out their problems and thus what was once a sweet friendship built on pure happiness turned into a dull relationship where they are only dealing with each other, like they have to. Hye Sun hated it, she wanted to feel special, she wanted to know if she was even important to the blonde poker faced person. She wanted to know everything about him, even though people already thought she did. He seemed to have started relying on her less and their roles became unbalanced as, at the moment, Hye Sun was on the giving side and Sehun was only receiving, which also seemed to lack a little appreciation.

“Do you see the man who's offering her flowers?”

“Yeah,” was her soft reply.

“Think of the flowers as his apology,” Hye Sun felt her heart skip a beat, “he's apologising, but your hands are by your sides, wondering whether it's ok to forgive him or not.”

“Obviously she should,” the girl muttered, though in her thoughts, she was contradicting herself.

Hye Sun knew she was stupid and even Yuhan liked to point out that she was a fool for sticking with Sehun all this time, but she couldn't change how she felt. They'd been through too much together, if she suddenly abandoned their relationship then it would be time gone to waste. And even if she wanted to, she couldn't. Whenever the thought of cutting off all ties with Sehun seems like a good idea, she remembers a good memory. Even a second of happiness with him can erase the past 6 years of bitter heartbreak. Which is why, even though she complains about how he never apologises, she prefers it if he didn't say anything about his errors. If he did every come and ask for forgiveness, even for the smallest thing, she knew she'd forgive every bad thing he'd ever done. She didn't want that, if such a thing happened then she'd only get hurt all over again; thinking he could've changed back into the sweet, funny guy he once was.

“And here, in the distance is another man, waiting for you. It's just down to a choice of whether or not you bring the other guy back into your life or not.”

Hye Sun's sombre gaze met with Yuhan's, who already knew what she was thinking.

“Yuhan, you know about me and Luhan, don't you?”

The said girl gave a small nod, forcing a smile, “It's why I did the reading."

'Damn it...'

Hye Sun wasn't a complete idiot, she knew how to read between the lines and add one and one. Yuhan had done the reading for her because she wanted to know if there was any feelings left for Sehun. If there were it wouldn't be a good idea for her and Luhan to date.

Sure, when they were younger -and when Sehun was the old Sehun- Hye Sun had developed feelings for him, it's kind of impossible not to when you have a best friend of the opposite who treats you like a princess.

“Ok,” she said with a sigh, rolling over to lie on her back so she could look up at Yuhan without craning her neck, “maybe there are a few lingering feelings.” The expression that had stretched across her best friend's face showed disapproval.

“Hye Sun ah, this isn't a good idea. At least get over Sehun fully before bringing another guy into the picture.”

“I've tried, Yuhan,” she stressed, her eyebrows furrowing together as she spoke, “I was so sure I didn't harbour anymore feeling like that for him.”

“But you do.”

“Yes, I guess I do. But this is the most stupid thing on earth!” she yelled, grabbing her pillow and burying her face into it, “I really like Luhan,” her muffled voice said.

“And Sehun?”

Did she love him? No. Well, at least she thought so. Her heart didn't skip a beat whenever she looked at him nor did it accelerate. No butterflies invaded her stomach like a hurricane and neither did she blush uncontrollably because of him. The only things he made her think were extreme anger and extreme happiness; she was easily influenced by him, and she knew it. Sehun occupied her mind most of the time, whether it was because of good things or bad: in a large crowd her eyes would automatically search for him, if he wasn't in a class she wouldn't be able to focus because she'd wonder where he was and she wouldn't be able to concentrate even if he was in class, he'd distract her constantly, always making her laugh and smile with little jokes behind the teachers back; the whole school knew it was a bad idea to have then next to near each other in the same class in the same school.

If this was what everyone described as love, then how come her heart doesn't race or her breath doesn't get taken away because of him?

'Maybe this is the right time to distance myself from him? I've tried before though...and it's never worked.'

Btz Btz

As if on cue, Hye Sun's phone flashed with the caller ID 'New Boy' and a picture of them both posing cutely at the camera, looking like a perfect couple.

With a groan, she reached for it but didn't pick it. Instead she hung up, switched the device off and dropped it back onto the mattress next to her.

"Why do you still call him that?” Yuhan asked curiously, “New Boy...he obviously isn't anymore.”

*flashback*

“Idiot. You can't even run one metre!”

“Shut up, Hun!”

“No!”

“I hate you!”

“Why do you hang out with me then, Hye Sun?”

“Well, I'm not going to anymore!

“Fine!”

- 5 minutes later -

“Haha! Kyungsoo, you're so funny!”

“Hye Sun, look it's a duck!”

“Huh? Who are you?”

“What? It's me; Sehun!”

“Sehun? I don't know a Sehun.”

“B-But-”

“You must be new. I'm Park Hye Sun.”

“What...Um..OK? I'm Oh Sehun.”

“Nice to meet you new boy!"

*end*

'Dammit!'

Hye Sun groaned again, not sure what to do anymore. A few minutes ago she was seriously considering distancing herself from Sehun, but after the short flashback she started to wonder how she would live without him in her life.

The actual reason as to how the conversation came about and how it had happened was long since forgotten, the only thing she remembered and cared about was the memory of how they'd decided to start again everytime something bad happened. If she'd still done childish things like that, then they'd have had to met 'for the first time' at least 1000 times.

The previous scenario reminded her of how it used to be Sehun who would forgive and give in easily while she kept her head held high and stayed mad for as long as she could, despite also wanting to be friends too she would let her pride get in the way and Sehun would always take the first step in fixing their fights, though apologising was never involved. That was about 6 years ago and she had no idea how things had managed to change so drastically. Maybe all these years dealing with Sehun broke her stubborn nature. Maybe it was his fault she was like this because it certainly was now that tears were stinging her eyes. He'd move on as if it was nothing, Hye Sun later classified this as 'his way of apologising' and perhaps that's what she'd adapted to. The reasons she could no longer stay mad anymore was because of Sehun. Everything was because for Sehun.

“Hye Sun ah?” Yuhan's voice sounded softer as she noticed the tears slowly escaping her friend's eyes. “I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything. You can still be friends with Sehun, I know how hard it is for you-”

“No. I just have no will power,” clearly the reason why her diets last about 2 days as well as her grudges, “I'll...forget him. I will.”

She sniffed once more and wiped away the last tear she'd let fall because of him. Starting from now, she'd completely exclude him from her life. 

----

Dear Diary

I don't want him to apologize. I want to be selfish and stay mad at him, I want to push him away from me but he always manages to squeeze himself back into my life, even by going through the thinest, tinniest cracks in my heart and only makes them bigger. You know how hard it is for me to stay mad at people, it's not in my nature to hold grudges. If he ever apologized to me then...I'm worried I might forget everything and fall head over heels for him again. One little happy memory can make me forget a million hurtful and sad ones, imagine what an apology could do! I don't want to go through the pain again.

- Park Hye Sun (age 14)

a/n- sorry I haven't updated in a while...I actually thought that I'd already updated it but it was on the 'hide chapter' setting