WARNING: CHEESINESS TO LIGHTEN UP THE MOOD BEFORE GOES DOWN

Hushed voices and the soft pattering of feet could be heard during the otherwise quiet night. The two people's smiles were brief and words just above a whisper, like they didn't want anyone else to know of their secret conversations besides themselves.

“Luhan ssi-”

“Call me oppa,” the doe eyed male said, staring sweetly down at the blushing girl.

“Ok, oppa,” Hye Sun giggled, “I had a lot of fun tonight.”

It was no lie. The past few hours had been the best in her whole life. She had smiled and laughed so much her cheeks still hurt and all through the night her heart rate had accelerated to speeds she didn't even know were possible. Her eyes travelled down sheepishly to their entwined hands, causing her cheeks to heat up again, before resting her gaze on her front door. She didn't want to say goodbye.

“Well, then we can do this again some time,” he offered, taking her completely by surprise.

“Y-you mean...” 'another date?'

If she had been Luhan at that moment in time, she would have seen her eyes light up with excitement, which was then the reason for his soft chuckle.

“Actually,” his smile faded and he looked at her with more serious eyes, knowing he had to get straight to the point seeing as they were already at the porch. “I...I know this may seem a little sudden, but I really do like you, Hye Sun.”

Yes, it was sudden. Yes, she wasn't expecting this. No, she didn't care. She was too busy squealing on the inside.

“I would really like it,” he takes her hand, a little embarrassed because he was being so old-fashioned, “if you would be my...girlfriend.”

Cue the flurry of butterflies and the skipping of a heartbeat.

“Uh...I...”

'Why aren't you speaking, Hye Sun?!' she scolded herself. Her heart -or maybe her overly dominant head- was screaming at herself to say yes. But the words were foreign to her tongue, which was ever so desperately trying to form that simple syllable. 'Yes.'

“Y-you don't have to answer now,” Luhan blurted out, suddenly realising that this was only their first date and even though he'd seen her a lot around school and Yuhan talked about her constantly, they were still practically strangers. “I-I'm sorry-”

“No!” Hye Sun blurted, going crazy because of the flustered older male. If he doesn't remain calm, how on earth could he expect her to? Her hands had reached out and grabbed onto his arm as quick as lightning. “It's just...you caught me off guard,” she mumbled, unable to make eye contact with him. Noticing the blush growing on her cheeks, Luhan loosened up and smiled down at her.

“It's ok, just answer me later,” his smile made her heart stop. Before either of them could say anything else, he'd bent down slightly and planted a soft kiss on her forehead, his lips curving into a smile against her soft skin when he felt her tense under his -ever so chaste- touch.

Maybe it was because she'd felt like time had stopped or because she really couldn't concentrate on anything besides the loud pounding of her heart but when she'd looked up, she was right by her door and Luhan was bidding her goodnight before hopping in his car and driving off. She had no idea how long she'd stood on the porch for just watching him.

With a smile playing on her lips due to the small remains of tingling where Luhan's lips had met her forehead, she turned around sharply. Too sharply. 

The next thing she saw were a pair of familiar cold eyes looking down at her, making her jump at the sudden proximity. A little too close for comfort. He seemed like he'd just sprung from the middle of nowhere, or even dropped from the sky, but no matter where he came from, the surprise didn't last very long as she got used to his presence and suddenly felt so relaxed, just by looking at him.

“Sehun,” she muttered, her breath hitting his chin, her eyes hovering everywhere, searching for an explanation as to why he was there. The sudden shine in his eyes was the last thing she saw before time mercilessly skipped forward and the next thing she knew, there was a soft, warm substance pressed against her lips. She prayed it was just another thing like maybe his fingers or toes, but even she knew that would be weird.

It was most definitely his lips.

His scent surrounded her, intoxicating all of her sinuses. So strong, so close, so warm. Her knees felt weak. Hye Sun couldn't even stop herself from closing her eyes, giving into the sensations she felt as Sehun moulded his lips against her. Every inch of her body tingled with electricity. Her head began to feel light and her heart pounded furiously against her chest.

'No. You...have to hate him.' But those words meant nothing. They might as well have been in a different language. For even though her thoughts were yelling at her to not give into him, her actions contradicted them. She kissed him back. Letting go of all the thoughts of Luhan that were battling to sta in her mind and bathing in the memories of her and Sehun. The taste of his lips upon hers reflected their entire, twisted, heart-wrenching story; it was bittersweet.

Before his arms could come up and engulf her petite figure, a sudden loud, crashing sound came from behind them.

It was like being slapped in the face with reality.

As quick as they'd made contact, he pulled away and jumped back, averting his eyes and staring at the ground, letting silence engulf them. The only sound that could be heard was Hye Sun's shallow breathing and the awkward scuffling of feet.

“What was that about?” Hye Sun asked, finally breaking the silence. Though she tried to act nonchalant, Sehun could always see through her act. He, however, was always hard to decipher thanks to his expressionless poker face. The only give away sign of his hidden feelings was the light blush gowing on his cheeks. But it was too dark for Hye Sun to notice. 

“I know you like me.”

“Wait, what?”

“You heard me,” her glassy eyes widened at his harsh words, “I know you like me, so I kissed you because I wanted to make you feel happy.”

His words felt like a dagger in her chest, she wanted to erase his heartbreaking words from her mind, imagine like this never happened...but she couldn't. This was by far the worst thing he'd ever done. And the fact that he acted so indifferent to the situation was what provoked tears to sting her eyes. But not before her palm met with with his cheek. Hard.

"Is that meant to be my thank you?" he asked, pretending like he wasn't hurt at all. But ther both knew she could pack quite a hit.

“You're such a jerk! I'm losing my ing mind because of you, do you have any idea how much you've hurt me?” She let out the words she'd held back for such a long time, "and what even more is that you didn't notice!"

His next gesture made her heart sink to the ground, losing the last bit of hope she had that maybe Sehun was a good guy. He rolled his eyes.

“If I'd hurt you why not just tell me instead of running around like a little damsel in distress? How would I ever know you're hurt? You obviously didn't care enough about it to sort it out,” his eyes narrowed, “you're just blowing things out of proportion again.”

“No!” she exclaimed, shaking her head so fast that tears fell quicker and sobbed harder, “If I didn't care I wouldn't have stuck around this long. But you're just not worth it anymore.”

And with those final words, she spun around and stormed into her house, not caring about the weird looks she received from her parents, too busy running to her bedroom.

-

'Well, this is just the best night ever,' Hye Sun thought. Even the voice in her head dripped with heavy sarcasm.

She hated what Sehun had just done. But she hated even more that he took over every nook and cranny of her mind, leaving no room for Luhan.

Feeling stupid for only thinking about her feelings for Sehun in an unimaginable situation like this, she sniffed and wiped away her tears.

'I'm pretty sure I've already promised myself to stop crying over him,' her voice was filled with anger. Not at Sehun. She was angry at herself. 'Nothing lasts very long for me...'

Hye Sun shook her head to clear her thoughts, but it seemed to do no good. She could still the tingling sensation on her lips because of Sehun. The feeling had lasted longer than what Luhan caused her to feel.

'Sehun is the only thing that lasts.'

No longer left with a choice, the tear stained girl crawled over to her bedside table, pulling out a red, leather writing book and a red pen. The diary that Sehun himself had gifted for her.

With a sad curl of lips -a pathetic excuse for a smile- she flipped through all the pages. Pages and pages filled up with her writing, all about one topic; Sehun. Gripping her pen tightly, she flung herself on her bed and opened a fresh page. So characteristically writing down her feelings in her diary.

The words she could never say. For if she did, she'd only expect him to roll his eyes again.

'I'm mad at myself, not you. I'm mad for always being nice, for getting attached, for making you my life, depending on you, wasting my time on you, thinking about you, forgiving you, wishing for you, dreaming of you. But most of all, for not hating you, which I know I should. But I just can't.'

"Should you really be doing this, Hye Sun?” a soft voice asked. Unexpectedly, the said girl didn't jump in surprise; this scenario had happened one too many times. The bed went down slightly due to the added weight of a particular Chinese girl, indicating a new visitor on her bed, but Hye Sun didn't turn around.

“You saw?”

“I was the one that stopped it.”

Hye Sun only nodded, she could have guessed easily that Yuhan was the disturbance that interrupted the kiss. Though she hated to admit it, she kind of wished they hadn't stopped.

"I thought maybe he would come to talk to you, so I stopped by to intervane, just in caseyou get into a fight, or something...I never expected...that." Despite the obvious concern in her friend's voice, Hye Sun didn't move a muscle, nor did she say anything.

“What are you thinking of?” Yuhan's voice echoed around the otherwise silent room when she didn't get an answer, “don't tell me you still-”

“I forced myself to hate him,” the words she dreaded to hear the most left Hye Sun's mouth. Now she knew why she couldn't look at her. “All this time...I've only been covering up my-”

“Please don't say 'feelings'!” Yuhan had never felt so annoyed with her friend. She had always been patient, with her friend's desire to hold onto the memories; but even she had a limit. “How much more pain do you have to go through before it's OK to move on?”

With a roll of her eyes, Hye Sun pushed herself up onto her elbows and turned to face her. 

Yuhan had finished her sentence for her. The previous kiss, no matter how heartbreaking and bittersweet it was, had just proved everything to her. The reason of why he did it had been completely forgotten and pushed into the back of her mind. And for that, she hated herself.

“The truth of the matter is, I still have feelings for him. And no matter how many times I tell myself that I'm better off without him, a part of me just won't let go,” she explained as calmly as she could. She knew Yuhan meant well, but she wasn't in the mood to be submissive to everything right now. “It's like you and Jongin.”

“Yah, don't bring him into this-”

“He was gay but you still liked him no matter what.”

“That's different!”

“How? Because Sehun isn't gay?”

“Jongin did anything but hurt me.”

Judging by Hye Sun's sudden silence, Yuhan quckly decided she had won the upper hand in this conversation and smirked.

“And even if Jongin had hurt me, I would forgive him once, not continuously. If he didn't realise how hurt I was the first time and did it again, I wouldn't have hesitated to kick him out of my life.” Her eyes softened when the other girl lowered her head down, fiddling with her fingers. “Jongin and I were friends since we were younger too, Hye Sun ah. I know what it's like to be holding onto memories,” she took her hand gently, “but believe me when I say thing; living in the past will only you up.”

As soon as those words processed themselves through Hye Sun's mind she felt fresh tears prick her eyes and stream down her cheeks all over again. Sehun had completely ed up her life.

But she wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

Though Yuhan's words were aimed at making her forget about the who had made her cry so many times, it only made her do the opposite. She realised now.

Even though it was her date with Luhan, and the game was about making Luhan look better than Sehun, she had still thought about the latter every single minute during the date.

Luhan could never replace Sehun. He had a place in her heart no one could take. It was only now, after the date, after the kiss, after the fight and during the many tears that were rolling down as she struggled to calm her breathing, that she noticed her 'game' wasn't just a light hearted thing. It was way more than that. She was comparing them to convince herself that Luhan was the one she should waste all her time on, laughing with, thinking of and falling for.

Not Sehun.

Luhan's amazing at so many things, he's a gentleman, he cares about her, he's sweet and funny. But no one could ever be Sehun.

Luhan 5 – Sehun 1

Sehun understood her more than she did for her own self. Though he doesn't show it, he also cares for her much more than she knew.

Luhan 5 – Sehun 2

And all those amazing qualities that he has over Luhan is what anchors her to him; her rock. The world could be ending and she could be crying hysterically, but Sehun would always be strong for her and calm her down.

Luhan 5 – Sehun 3

She wants to let him go. She wants to move on. But something always pulls her back to him.

Luhan may be a perfect gentleman with the most handsome face Hye Sun's ever set eyes on, but he's no Sehun. Sehun is the one who can change her mood in a split second; with just a few words. He has control over her, he influences her. If anyone else tried to say the insulting things he'd once said to her, she would have punched them.

If anyone else her head to calm her down it would never feel right.

Luhan 5 – Sehun 4

If someone besides Sehun had made continuous mistakes, she would never have forgiven them.

Luhan 5 – Sehun 5

But she did forgive him. And it did feel right whenever he her head. And she never punched Sehun -well apart from that one time.

He was a part of her she wished she didn't need.

But she does need him. Because he's Oh Sehun. If there was no Oh Sehun then the Park Hye Sun everyone knows and loves now wouldn't have existed. And she realised it was pointless to compare the two boys because even if it is Luhan 100 – Sehun 0, against all odds she still chooses him in the end. 

Simply because he was Oh Sehun.

Luhan 5 – Sehun 6

A/N- I realised how bi-polar this story is lol anyways, sorry if this is a little rushed and sudden but the next chapter will explain everything. BTW does that kind of asking out even happen anymore, or is it too cheesy? Eh, who cares?

^

does anyone ever read this?

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