Chapter 36 - Again?

DARA`S POV

“C’mon Jiyong… You have to eat something…” I said for the nth time as I place his food in front of him.

We’re currently in the dining section of the Funeral Home and it’s the second day of Halmeoni’s wake already but still he’s rejecting any food I give him. I’m getting worried since he’s just drinking the coffee they serve here since yesterday.

“I’m not hungry Dara…” he muttered as he continue to stare far away.

“Please?” I insist as I try to spoon feed him.

“Stop it Dara. I’m going back inside.” He blankly said as he stood up from his seat and started walking towards the door.

I sighed heavily as I turn to face the retreating back of Jiyong.

Mianhe Jiyong…

“Thank you for being with him Dara…” I heard someone said from my side.

It’s Jiyong’s Mother.

“U—Umma Kwon…” I greeted with a bowed as I continue to stare on the ground.

“I’m getting worried for him though… He’s still blaming himself for what happened.” She sadly said.

“M—mianhe Umma Kwon… I’m really sorry…”

“Dara-ah… We’ve talked about this already. You don’t have to apologize, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“But—”

“Hush my child… Stop blaming yourself. Nobody wants this to happened, it wasn’t anyone’s fault arasso?” she said as she hug me tightly. “If there’s anyone to blame. It would be me—”

“No… No, don’t say that. If it wasn’t for us—”

“Sssh… It’s okay Dara-aah… Mother is already in paradise…” she said when she let go of our hug. “Where she doesn’t feel any pain or hurt. She’s in good hands now… And I know she won’t be happy if she sees us like this.”

~*~

“Jiyong… You should eat something… It’s already the third day and you haven’t eaten anything since. It won’t do you any good if you starve yourself—”

“I don’t want anything Dara. I’m not hungry…”

I sighed heavily as I stare at him in disbelief.

I’m getting exhausted with the way he’s acting for the past couple of days.

Don’t get me wrong, I completely understand that he’s going through something now but how can he neglect his health? Does he think it will do any help if he’ll starve to death?

“Jiyong… Please stop acting like this.” I said softly as I approached him.

We’re currently in the parking lot of the Funeral Home, since the personnel inside told us that they’re doing the cleaning rounds at this time.

It was 2 in the morning and I’m really tired.

I’m dead tired I tell you.

Jiyong was excused in his classes while I still attend mine. I thought about skipping my classes, but I’m worried that it will cause us bad-shot to my Umma and to his mom. I know, I’m crazy – heck at this point in time I’m still thinking on impressing her mom and mine.

I must really love this guy.

“Jiyong…” I called again while the latter just continue to stare at nowhere. “Jiyong… C’mon inside. You might catch a cold if we continue to stay here—”

“Then just leave.” He snapped.

“I just can’t leave you here. Look, we can just stay inside the dining hall and grab something to eat while waiting for the room to get cleaned—”

“I told you I don’t want to eat anything!!” he yelled as he glared at me.

I was startled for a moment.

I know, it wasn’t the first time that he shouted at me but heck, why is he shouting at me? I’m just worried for him.

AISH!

Calm down Dara.

Calm down.

He’s not thinking straight.

He’s just getting carried away with what’s happening.

“Look Jiyong…” I said softly – trying my best to calm my nerves. “It won’t do you any good if you starve yourself. You’re just getting yourself sick—”

“Then might as well get myself sick! Or better yet, just starve myself to death. I should have die instead—”

*SLAP*

It happened so fast that I suddenly felt the sting on my right hand as I stare at the redness of his left cheek.

“Y—you… How could you speak like that?...” I stammered. I could already feel my insides boil with what he just said.

Should have die?

How can he think of that?

How can he even say that? How can he say that in front of me?

“I… I know what happened is really hard for you Jiyong… But you can’t stay like this forever. Stop blaming yourself for what happened… Nobody wants it to happened.”

Should have die?

Doesn’t he care at all of what we will feel?

What I will feel?

“Do you think Halmeoni will be happy seeing us like this? Seeing you like this?!” I said – trying my best not to choke with my words. “I know you’re hurting Jiyong… WE ARE TOO! EVERYONE IS! Do you think it will help the situation if you continue acting like this?!”

I’m sorry, just let me… let these all out.

I’ve been holding it for too long already.

I already have too much inside…

Guilt, Exhaustion, Hurt, Worry, Pain

Everything.

“If you’re in pain Jiyong… WE ARE TOO! Have you thought of what your Umma might feel by just seeing you like this?! Seeing you like this is ten times the pain you’re feeling Jiyong! TEN TIMES!!!!”

“DO YOU HONESTLY THINK THAT YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE WHO’S SUFFERING